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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it is.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happ...

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My therapist told me I am quite self aware.

I already knew that.

To raise heart health awareness, Cardi B changes her name...

To Cardi O

I told my friend I have an acute sense of when a deep hole with water is nearby. He said thats a useless ability.

I'm well aware

I'm starting a charity to raise awareness of pyramid schemes.

Donate $100 to register as a fundraiser and you'll receive 10% of all donations you raise.

A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.

"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. How...

Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...

...detergents.

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

What do you call a wolf that's aware of its surroundings?

Awarewolf

What do you call a wolf that is woke?

Awarewolf



(credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)

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I always ask what LGBT stands for...

But i never get a straight answer.




Ps: I'm very aware of its meaning(since im very gay).

The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m...

I was on a diabetes awareness website...

It asked if I accept cookies. Definitely a trick question!

As I'm sure you're all aware, the Notre Dame Cathedral is on fire.

They don't know who did it, but they have a hunch.

3rd times someone's charm

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that her skirt was too t...

On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week.

Runs until Friday.

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My two sex partners aren't aware of each other.

The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

A collaborative study titled "Feed the World" about the awareness of wintertime rituals in developing countries has been published...

by D. Oothey, K. Nowitz, Chris Mas, T. Ime et al.

A boy asked his father "Why is my sister named Theresa?" "Because your mother loves Easter and Theresa is an anagram." "Thanks dad."

"Your welcome Alan."

I'm smart enough to be aware but not smart enough to be empowered...

Sure wish I could post this on another sub.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day as they were walking past the hospital pool, Ralph jumps into the deep end and sinks to the bottom and just stayed there..

..Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse became aware of this heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged as now she was considered to be mentally stable. She went to tell Edna the news in person. “Edna, I have good news and b...

My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness

That came out of nowhere

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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, ...

People who wonder how big any man you meet is, there is one easy way to find out without seeing them naked, and you may not have been aware of it. It WILL work 100% of time.

Just ask your mom.

Have you ever realised that when you are listening to music, somewhere in the world there is someone who is listening the same song, the same lyrics, the same syllable as you are.

Then you are aware of FM radio

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What did John say when he attended the paraplegic women's awareness dance?

"Yo this dance floor is crawling with pussy"

A German worker gets a job in Siberia, aware of how all mail will be read by the censors, he tells his friends;

"Let's establish a code, if a letter you get from me is written in ordinary blue ink; it's true, if it's written in red ink, it's false"

After a month, his friends get the first letter;

"Everything is wonderful here, the shops are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and proper...

Unlike other countries, Syria, despite all their problems, did manage to get their people to be aware of public hygiene and satefy during coronavirus.

Maybe because they already knew what Damascus.

The UK is officially changing its name in honor of mental health awareness.

The new name being "U.O.K.?"

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.



Right at the back of the farm there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn’t been dow...

I absolutely adore alliteration.

Amateurs aren't aware of it's awesomeness.

Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in." The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?" The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery." The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. "So you're telling me you were speed...

All my friends told me I have no self-awareness

Ridiculous, if I had no self-awareness I think I'd know.

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Oh and one last thing friends..! Just letting you be aware, if you get a link called 'free porn' dont opin it.

It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and fcuks up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont uatch porn so I dint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends, wanks

Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?

Not enough people really talk about England very much

Only self aware people will understand this joke.

You know who you are.

My great-grandma told me this joke as a kid and it is by far my favorite kid-friendly joke of all time (I’m also aware of just how corny it is and I don’t care)

There was a country called Raberia, and all the people there were called Rabbis. There was this one Rabbi who wanted to go mountain climbing in this other country called Trideria, and all the people there were called Trids. So he hired two Trids to take him up the mountain and away they go. After a ...

You've heard the expression 'tit for tat'?

Well I've got more than enough [tat](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/tat). Anyone know where to go to trade it in for my reward?

^Edit: ^was ^not ^aware ^'tat' ^was ^a ^British ^term, ^sorry ^America

Alright ladies, we all know it's Breastfeeding Awareness week.

There's no need to milk it.

I taught a wolf to meditate

Now he’s aware wolf

What do you call a socially aware Chewbacca?

A “Wokie”

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Rick and John

Two friends Rick and John meet after a long time in a bar.

Rick: "Last few weeks it is not too bad - I had sex around twice a week with my girlfriend."

John: "Same here - at least twice a week"

Rick: "Very good. Listen, I was not aware you had a girlfriend, you never told me ?"<...

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate after his death. Saint Peter opens the door, looks at him and says: "Welcome to live after death. What is your name?" The pope is slightly irritated and answers: "I am the pope." "Pope who?", Peter asks. "Pope Francis, you should know who I am!" the pope says, a ...

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I’m writing a script for a self aware porn parody

All of the humor is very tongue in buttcheek

I've decided to combat the Coronavirυs by raising awareness.

I spent the day canvassing the street and delivering 10-minute lectures to passerbys about the importance of social isolation, especially if you're feeling sick.

I think I'm making progress. I've already spoken to 50 people today!

I'm especially proud of today's efforts because I woke ...

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A Labrador, a Golden Retriever & a Chihuahua...

are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. They’re speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and ...

I wasnt aware that the name Niamh was pronounced Neve

Until my mate Stiamh told me

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

Today a woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

When I got face to face with the woman, I said, "Miss, are you aware that you could be cited for indecent exposure?"

"Why?" the woman asked.

"Well," I said, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."

The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby ...

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Be aware of a scam..

Guys Be careful!!

Over the last month My friend became a victim of a clever scam while at a shopping mall. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't hsppen to you.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20+ year girls come over to your car as you are loading your vehi...

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

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True story, and a disturbing one. Just want to make people aware of this.

Went to this liquor store after the gym today and the guy behind the counter asked if I wanted a free case of Guinness beer.

I said hell ya.

He said let me touch your dick for a little bit.

Fucking perverts are everywhere. You guys believe that shit.

Worst part was, t...

Three men suddenly become aware they are in the set up to a joke. The first man says something clever. The second does something stupid. The third tries to kill Batman.

I guess we know who the real joker is...

I'm programming software to raise awareness about diseases..

McCoughy Antivirus

Just so everyone is aware, dogs are not able to undergo an M.R.I.

But Catscan.

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On no account should you buy trainers when you’re fully aware they were made by children in Indonesia.

I bought a pair yesterday and the stitching’s fucking atrocious.

Before starting a family, most couples aren’t aware of the side effects.

When the baby arrives, they become apparent.

William Shakespeare came to get vaccinated.

Nurse: Which arm?

Shakespeare: As You Like It

Nurse: Was that painful?

Shakespeare: Much Ado About Nothing

Nurse: You will have to have a second jab.

Shakespeare: Measure For Measure

Nurse: So what do you think of the general awareness with regard to Covi...

Cop: Sir, are you aware that your on your phone and speeding?

Me: Well Snapchat says that I’m only going 45.

Cop: Oh sorry sir have a nice day

So apparently there is now a social awareness group that formed to protect corpses from necrophiliacs!

#MeTomb

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Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

Library

So this guy walks into a library. He approaches the librarian and says: “I’ll have a double whopper, medium fries and a diet coke, please”.

The librarian looks puzzled and responds: “Erm, sir, you are aware that this is a library...?”

The man: *whispers* sorry, so that was a double wh...

Globally, the lack of awareness for women's reproductive health is a major problem. We need to grow up and understand that menstruation is not a joke.

Period.

The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening!?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

October is Eczema awareness month.

So I'm raising money by selling scratch off lottery tickets.

I've been looking everywhere for my Leprosy awareness bracelet;

I can never find my left arm when I need it.

I phoned the Drugs Awareness helpline today.

"Can I speak to the Cocaine Councillor please" I asked. "You'll have to wait" he replied,"he's on another line."

Tomorrow is Downs Syndrome Awareness Day

You're supposed to wear crazy socks.

I'm just going to wear extra jeans.

How do we know when Artificial Intelligence has become self-aware?

It starts to think its bot is too big.

September is World Alzheimer's awareness month...

Never forget.

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This is a joke my dad always used to tell. Hope no one has heard it before

The Red Baron, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend for picnic by the river Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. The girlfriend leans over to The Red Baron and says, "Baron kiss me!" The Red Baron grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on his girlfriends Lips. "What ar...

Drivers be aware

Drivers be aware. The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A421, near the Northampton roundabout recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu...

I think it is important to be self-aware of one's appearance...

For example, my mother says that I'm very thin.

I say that I'm just regular skinny.

And my father says that I'm a complete loser.

A guy says to his friend, "Did you know that today is S.A.D., Single Awareness Day?"

His friend says, "Yeah, but I thought you had a girlfriend."

First guy says, "I do. I'm just making sure you were aware that you are single."

To make a better Internet, I compiled a list of scams and manipulation techniques in order to raise awareness in the most gullible users.

Number 27 will make you cringe

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4 nuns die and go to heaven!

4 nuns die in a car accident and arrive outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter greets them and says "I know that all of you have regularly attended confession and confessed to many sins, but as the Lord is all knowing, he is aware that there are some sins that all of you haven't yet confessed to and...

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Are you aware of the thief who stole a truck full of Viagra?

The police is still looking for the hardened crimminal.

Are you aware the the Quran specifically forbids dating Gorillas?

It turns out you're not supposed to have a Haram Bae.

I am involved with a group that supports gastrointestinal awareness.

We call ourselves the bowel movement.

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4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play. The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says

“I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing o...

Today, March 26th, is Epilepsy Awareness day.

So get on out there and seize the day!

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Saw some Little People marching for Sexual Health Awareness yesterday...

They were chanting “Stand Up for Blowjobs”.

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Three men go to hell and they’re pissed

“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”

Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with”
...

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Racism is not a joke

Hi, I've travelled around the world a little bit and I've had many wonderful experiences, although the story I'm about to share is one of the worst experiences in my life.

I went to Japan a few years ago and for the most part had a wonderful time and found the people to be amazingly friendly ...

What do you call an empty, self-aware 2-dimensional space?

Descartes Blanche

I'm well aware of my shortcomings

I aim for the chest, but only make it to the stomach

A 911 operator gets a call.

"911 what's your emergency?" the operator asks.

"I'm smoking." replied a middle-aged woman.

"Sorry, ma'am but you shouldn't be calling 911. Please contact an expert if you need help." The operator hangs up the phone.

The phone rings again.

"911, what's your emergency?" t...

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"So, Doctor van Helsing, we meet at last," said the Count.

van Helsing turned slowly. The castle library was lit in patches by the bright moonlight spilling through the windows, and otherwise only in a circle of yellow gold by the Dutchman's candle. He had never even heard the door open or a hint of a footfall; and yet there Count Dracula was, less than twe...

Vaccination awareness is rising

Last night I saw a young man vaccinate himself behind a dumpster

Im getting sick of all my self-aware friends.

You know who you are...

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

Love him or hate him at least President Trump is raising awareness of one of the greatest challenges facing America.....

....Mental Health. 'Cause either that dude is crazy or I am and my best guess is before all this is said and done we're all going to need a little therapy.

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Ouch!

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED".

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautione...

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

My friend told this to me the other day, so I apologize if this is a repost or anything like that.

A man is pulled over for speeding.

Police Officer: Sir, were you aware you were going 68 MPH on a 45?

Man: No sir.

Officer: Well, you were, and that's far too high. You'll have to be in court.

Man: Well, can you at least raise the number a bit so we can get the judge to s...

Next week is national diarrhoea awareness week

It runs to Sunday

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Why did a mathematician named his dog Cauchy?

Let me test math awareness of this sub. This was told by a professor in a class.

Answer: because it left residue at every pole!

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.

It was a herd shot round the world.

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A man is sitting at home when he gets a knock on the door from a police officer…

The officer asks the man if he is married, and the man replies “yes, I am.”

He then asks the man if he has a recent photograph of his wife. The man tells the officer to hold on one moment while he pulls out his phone to show him a picture of her.

The officer takes one look at the photo...

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I'm organising an event to help raise awareness of male sexual dysfunction, particularly a failure to climax.

If you can't come, let me know.

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again

Edit:
I’m aware it dosnt’ look right the way I wrote it ,but you get the gist

Yesterday, I saw my apartment neighbor trying to kick in his own door

I knew he was a criminal, and had served some time for theft and B&E but I wasn't aware that he was crazy.

So I cautiously asked him what he was doing.

He replied, "Working from home."

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A little boy in a quaint town was said to be the hairiest person in history.

Even in a small community, where everyone was aware of and understood his plight, living a normal life was difficult. Even though everyone was respectful, the sheer volume of hair and speed at which it grew was a constant hardship. It interfered with the boy's eating, he would overheat quickly durin...

I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert...

...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas

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If you're questioning your sexuality...

You probably aren't thinking straight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Redheaded farmer is out in his field minding his own business.

He's tidying up down by the fence next to the road.

A posh limey comes gliding up in his Tesla.

Paddy, that's the Irish farmer, didn't hear the limey roll up so the limey honks his horn, startling Paddy.

"I say," asked the limey "does this road go to the Blarney Stone my good ma...

What do you call a werewolf who doesn’t know they’re a werewolf?

A un-aware wolf

What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called?

I, Mac.

When I signed up for college they said I had to take a 'Fat Awareness' class

I said that do we need 'Fat Awareness' for? They're so easy to spot.

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