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Aware Jokes

As I'm sure you're all aware, the Notre Dame Cathedral is on fire.

They don't know who did it, but they have a hunch.

Redditors are very environmentally aware

More than half the content on the front page is recycled

On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week.

Runs until Friday.

TIL that October is Dwarfism awareness month.

This surprised me, because I'd have thought it would have been February...

October is ADHD awareness month.

Appropriately enough it is also fire prevention month, breast cancer awareness month, the first couple of weeks are part of Hispanic heritage month and and some other things that I forgot.

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Be aware of a scam..

Guys Be careful!!

Over the last month My friend became a victim of a clever scam while at a shopping mall. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't hsppen to you.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20+ year girls come over to your car as you are loading your vehi...

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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it is.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happ...

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self aware baking beings

Two muffins are baking in the oven when one turns to the other and says "man it is so hot in here today" and the other muffin says "holy shit a talking muffin!"

September is Alzheimer's Awareness Month

Never forget...

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My therapist told me I am quite self aware.

I already knew that.

I went on a diabetes awareness webiste

...and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?

The other day I learned about the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which is when increased awareness of something causes you to create the illusion of it happening more frequently

I’ve been seeing a lot more examples of it lately

Since its international Stoke awareness day

3 old ladies are sitting on a bench together and a flasher runs up to them and exposes himself, the first old lady has a look and then has a stroke, the second old lady also has a look then has a stroke, but the third old lady was too far away and it hurt to stand up so she just had a look

Drivers be aware

Drivers be aware. The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A421, near the Northampton roundabout recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu...

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Therapist: Are you aware that you have incredible difficulty verbalizing your emotions?

Man: I can’t say I’m surprised.

Therapist: Exactly.

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Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

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I asked my friend if he'd give me a four letter verb that means "to be aware of"

... but that asshole kept telling me no!

I'm aware of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

But an award specific to pun-craft rings nobel.

Only self aware people will understand this joke.

You know who you are.

A lot of people call Valentine’s Day “singles awareness day,” but that’s actually today

4/04 date not found

Did anyone else know September is deaf awareness month?

I’d never heard of it.

February is Eczema awareness month....

I am raising money by selling scratch cards.

To raise heart health awareness, Cardi B changes her name...

To Cardi O

Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?

Not enough people really talk about England very much

I wasnt aware that the name Niamh was pronounced Neve

Until my mate Stiamh told me

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My two sex partners aren't aware of each other.

The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

What do you call a socially aware Chewbacca?

A “Wokie”

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

What do you call a wolf that's aware of its surroundings?

Awarewolf

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I always ask what LGBT stands for...

But i never get a straight answer.




Ps: I'm very aware of its meaning(since im very gay).

Vaccination awareness is rising

Last night I saw a young man vaccinate himself behind a dumpster

I phoned the Drugs Awareness helpline today.

"Can I speak to the Cocaine Councillor please" I asked. "You'll have to wait" he replied,"he's on another line."

Tomorrow is Downs Syndrome Awareness Day

You're supposed to wear crazy socks.

I'm just going to wear extra jeans.

I'm smart enough to be aware but not smart enough to be empowered...

Sure wish I could post this on another sub.

Alright ladies, we all know it's Breastfeeding Awareness week.

There's no need to milk it.

I'm well aware of my shortcomings

I aim for the chest, but only make it to the stomach

All my friends told me I have no self-awareness

Ridiculous, if I had no self-awareness I think I'd know.

My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness

That came out of nowhere

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I’m writing a script for a self aware porn parody

All of the humor is very tongue in buttcheek

Today, March 26th, is Epilepsy Awareness day.

So get on out there and seize the day!

Cop: Sir, are you aware that your on your phone and speeding?

Me: Well Snapchat says that I’m only going 45.

Cop: Oh sorry sir have a nice day

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What did John say when he attended the paraplegic women's awareness dance?

"Yo this dance floor is crawling with pussy"

How do we know when Artificial Intelligence has become self-aware?

It starts to think its bot is too big.

Are you aware the the Quran specifically forbids dating Gorillas?

It turns out you're not supposed to have a Haram Bae.

I've been looking everywhere for my Leprosy awareness bracelet;

I can never find my left arm when I need it.

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If you're questioning your sexuality...

You probably aren't thinking straight.

The UK is officially changing its name in honor of mental health awareness.

The new name being "U.O.K.?"

I'm trying to spread "quotient" awareness

Please upvote for divisibility.

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A man haunted by his sins went to the church for a confession with the priest...

There's a devout Catholic man who once committed a regrettable act – he gave his best friend a blowjob while intoxicated. Filled with remorse, he decided to seek forgiveness from God and headed to the church.

Inside the church, he approached the priest and says he wants to confessed his sin, ...

Before starting a family, most couples aren’t aware of the side effects.

When the baby arrives, they become apparent.

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

Im getting sick of all my self-aware friends.

You know who you are...

Just so everyone is aware, dogs are not able to undergo an M.R.I.

But Catscan.

I am involved with a group that supports gastrointestinal awareness.

We call ourselves the bowel movement.

Does anyone else ever suddenly get all existential and acutely aware of their own self-awareness and that other people around you have their own consciousness?

Just making sure it's not just me.

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True story, and a disturbing one. Just want to make people aware of this.

Went to this liquor store after the gym today and the guy behind the counter asked if I wanted a free case of Guinness beer.

I said hell ya.

He said let me touch your dick for a little bit.

Fucking perverts are everywhere. You guys believe that shit.

Worst part was, t...

What do you call an empty, self-aware 2-dimensional space?

Descartes Blanche

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Saw some Little People marching for Sexual Health Awareness yesterday...

They were chanting “Stand Up for Blowjobs”.

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Are you aware of the thief who stole a truck full of Viagra?

The police is still looking for the hardened crimminal.

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woma...

Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...

...detergents.

Did you hear that Adelle started a campaign to raise awareness for sea life by reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone while scuba diving 60 ft under the water.

They called it "Rowling in the Deep"

So apparently there is now a social awareness group that formed to protect corpses from necrophiliacs!

#MeTomb

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This is very serious … please read and be aware:

IF YOU GET AN E-MAIL TITLED, "NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON,"

DON'T OPEN IT....
IT CONTAINS A NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON !!

A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.

"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. How...

Unlike other countries, Syria, despite all their problems, did manage to get their people to be aware of public hygiene and satefy during coronavirus.

Maybe because they already knew what Damascus.

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Oh and one last thing friends..! Just letting you be aware, if you get a link called 'free porn' dont opin it.

It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and fcuks up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont uatch porn so I dint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends, wanks

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On no account should you buy trainers when you’re fully aware they were made by children in Indonesia.

I bought a pair yesterday and the stitching’s fucking atrocious.

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An obese man is standing naked in front of his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm sure you are aware that you have a serious weight problem. The man says, "Doc, I know. I haven't seen my dick in 3 years." The doctor asks, "Then why don't you diet?" And the fat man says, "Why? What color is it now?"

A woman tries getting on a bus but realises her skirt is too tight.

As the bus stopped & it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little thinking that this...

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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, ...

I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert...

...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas

A man is driving a van full of penguins and is pulled over by a cop...

“Sir,” says the policeman. “Are you aware that there are penguins in your van?”

“Yep,” says the man. “They’re my penguins. They belong to me.”

The policeman looks at the man in disbelief and then back at the penguins, who noot at him.

“Sir, I’m afraid this is unacceptable. I nee...

I play music for the National Alzheimer's Awareness club

"Somebody I used to know" probably wasn't the best song to pick

Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit.

On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.

A guy says to his friend, "Did you know that today is S.A.D., Single Awareness Day?"

His friend says, "Yeah, but I thought you had a girlfriend."

First guy says, "I do. I'm just making sure you were aware that you are single."

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A Strip club and a Tattoo parlor teamed up to spread awareness about breast cancer

They call it the Tit for Tat model.

An elderly man in Louisiana ...

... had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there f...

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

Globally, the lack of awareness for women's reproductive health is a major problem. We need to grow up and understand that menstruation is not a joke.

Period.

I taught a wolf to meditate

Now he’s aware wolf

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.

It was a herd shot round the world.

A Newfie had caught two lobsters and was walking home along the coast ...

... when a cop drove by and saw him. The cop pulled over and stopped the man.

"Sir, are you aware it's not lobster season, and it's illegal to fish lobsters?"

"Me son," the Newfie said. "I didn't fish 'em. Deez lobsters are me pets."

"Sir, no one keeps lobsters as pets. I'll ha...

I told my friend I have an acute sense of when a deep hole with water is nearby. He said thats a useless ability.

I'm well aware

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I'm organising an event to help raise awareness of male sexual dysfunction, particularly a failure to climax.

If you can't come, let me know.

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Three men go to hell and they’re pissed

“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”

Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with”
...

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What does Donald Trump's hair and a thong have in common?

They both barely cover the asshole.

Love him or hate him at least President Trump is raising awareness of one of the greatest challenges facing America.....

....Mental Health. 'Cause either that dude is crazy or I am and my best guess is before all this is said and done we're all going to need a little therapy.

To make a better Internet, I compiled a list of scams and manipulation techniques in order to raise awareness in the most gullible users.

Number 27 will make you cringe

The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m...

When I signed up for college they said I had to take a 'Fat Awareness' class

I said that do we need 'Fat Awareness' for? They're so easy to spot.

People who wonder how big any man you meet is, there is one easy way to find out without seeing them naked, and you may not have been aware of it. It WILL work 100% of time.

Just ask your mom.

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A bus stops... [NSFW]

and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-mor...

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My nonprofit for constipation awareness went bankrupt (at least half of you can guess the punchline)...

because no one gave a shit!!! yeah yeah, I know where the door is...

My great-grandma told me this joke as a kid and it is by far my favorite kid-friendly joke of all time (I’m also aware of just how corny it is and I don’t care)

There was a country called Raberia, and all the people there were called Rabbis. There was this one Rabbi who wanted to go mountain climbing in this other country called Trideria, and all the people there were called Trids. So he hired two Trids to take him up the mountain and away they go. After a ...

Three ghosts were talking about what was keeping them from being promoted from ghoul to specter.



The first confessed, "I have a weakness for boooooooooooooobs."

The second admitted, "I drink too much boooooooooooooze."

The third said, "I lack situational awareness."

A charity worker goes to visit a very successful businessman in his town to find out why he has never donated to any charity in the community.

"Sir, you have been so very successful in this town, and this community has given you much. Why have you never given back to the community?"

The businessman says, "Listen, son, did you know that my wife's mother has been suffering for years in the hospital, and requires constant care and medi...

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

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A pirate walks into a bar…

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his dick. The bartender says, “Sir, are you aware you have a steering wheel on your penis?” And the pirate says AARRRRRRRRR! It drives me nuts!

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