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Figure Out Jokes

I once stayed up all night trying figure out where the sun went

Then it dawned on me

A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He st...

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A man with 3 girlfriends is trying to figure out which one of them to marry.

There was a man who had 3 girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each 1 $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first 1 went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him

Finally, he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinalsthat he had some good news and some bad news.

The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was ha...

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.

**Then it hit me.**

Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is

The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"

The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...

Teenage boy can't figure out how his friend gets laid all the time -- but he doesn't

He asks his friend how he does it. The friend whispers, "I'll tell you, but keep it a secret." The teenage boy excitedly agrees.

"All you have to do is, before you go to the beach, put a big potato down in your bathing suit. The girls will swarm you in no time."

The teenage boy does as...

I was trying to figure out why someone would throw a pie in my face.

And then it hit me.

How do you figure out that your girlfriend is getting too fat?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

Economists are struggling to figure out why girls with the least principle

Draw the most interest

How did Darth Vader figure out what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

No one could really figure out who set fire to the Cathedral of Notre Dame….

….but Quasimodo had a hunch.

I couldn't figure out why a male sheep is called a Ram...

Then it hit me.

Chris Rock couldn't figure out why Will Smith was on stage approaching him.

But then it hit him.

I couldn't figure out how the seatbelt worked.

Then it just clicked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am sick of trying to figure out people who practice celibacy

I guess when all's said and done, they don't give a fuck.

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
 
 
 
(I'll see myself out.)

I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out...

...I’m just after my money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was carbon-dating a dinosaur the other day, trying to figure out what era it was from

Upon closer inspection, I realised that it didn't have the 3 anuses I was expecting, so I ruled out the Triassic period

So I asked my neighbor if he could help me figure out what DIY means. He said, "Do it Yourself"

Unhelpful, prick.

Doctors tried to figure out why blondes are stupid...

so they decided to see inside one of their heads. Upon removal of the scalp they found nothing but a piece of string. Confused about their discovery, they cut the string, and the ears fell off.

What's a sure-fire method to figure out precisely how many grams a chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it’s doing really well

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To this day, biologists still cannot figure out the two greatest mysteries about spiders:

Where the fuck did it come from?

Where the fuck did it just go?

I was trying to figure out how lightning works

Then, it struck me

i couldn’t figure out seatbelts for the longest time.

then it just clicked.

My parents have 4 TV remotes and I’m trying to figure out what they do.

I’m remote learning.

Did Judy Garland ever figure out how much a pie weighs?

Apparently, somewhere over the rainbow you can weigh a pie.

help me figure out this riddle!

a farmer has 2 sons. one is a "good boy" and the other is "a bump on a log". the farmer takes his cow into town and sells it to a butcher. then he goes to a watchmaker and buys a watch. WHO DOES HE GIVE THE WATCH TO?

this is some dutch riddle, so the "" are translated words

I couldn't figure out why everybody is talking about coronavirus...

Then I got it.

I couldn't figure out the answer to 180˚/ π on my math test.

So the girl next to me let me cheat off her.

It was rad.

I have a friend who always subtly mentions that he went to MIT

I simply hate his behavior. He'd somehow figure out a way to drop it into a conversation just to let people know he's an MIT alumni.

He's always been like this. Even when we were in college together.

On our first date, I couldn't figure out why my wife was acting like a fish.

Turns out she was just being Koi.

After making love to my wife last night, she told me I had a body built for sin

12 hours later, I still can't figure out if she meant Gluttony or Sloth

Selling all of my old tennis equipment but I can't figure out

What's the net worth?

I never could figure out what people did for entertainment before the Internet...

None of my 17 siblings can figure it out either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was trying to figure out how to pronounce Peter Buttigieg’s name.

Then I was told it rhymes with “Heater.”

A board game wherein players have to figure out who gave them an STD.

New from Johnson & Johnson: Clue-midia.

My wife can't figure out why my pet anaconda won't eat Bratwurst a la cart

I told her that my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

My friends always told me I'd never figure out how to be invisible.

If only they could see me now.

Two farmers are in a field trying to figure out which sheep belongs to one another.

"Stop me if you herd this one."

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what happens after you take out a loan

Looks like it's paying off

A man asked me if I could figure out how to operate a camera...

I told him I'd look into it and give it my best shot.

How did the dad figure out the most popular country in the world?

He took a flag pole.

Indian motorcycles hired an outside accountant to figure out their declining revenue. the board of directors required all C-level executives to attend the reporting. He found that the executives were overpaid limiting production.

In summary: too many Chiefs not enough Indians.

My Grandpa died last week,because we couldn’t figure out what was his blood type.

But he was strong man,who never gave up and he kept telling us to be positive till the last moment.

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