UPJOKE
backwardreversalchangeswitchturn backinversecontraryturnliftoppositerevertinvertaltercorrectoverturn

What do you call two thousand rabbits running in reverse?

A receding hare line.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, my DNA has been reversed.

Doctor: AND?

Y'all ever heard of reverse exorcism?

It's when the devil tells the priest to exit the child's body

Why don't rednecks like reverse cowgirl?

Because you don't turn your back on family

What is the Reverse Excorcism?

It is when the demon banishes the priest out of the non-minor victim.

I'm the reverse Clark Kent

I don't recognize anyone without my eyeglasses.

why can't you put a Subaru in reverse?

Because then U R A Bus!

(Reposted to fix typo where I misspelled Subaru)

I started a reverse escort service.

All of our customers suck.

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Intestinal worm-- long. Very long.

Man has horrible abdominal pain and weight loss. The wife finally convinces him to see a doctor.
He's diagnosed with an intestinal worm and is given treatments but it doesn't work. He sees several more doctors who all diagnose the same thing, an intestinal worm, but none of the treatments are w...

I wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Please, don’t buy it.

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A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in ...

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previou...

Police patrol in the Outback

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback.

After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
...

I’m planning on going to the reverse psychologists convention.

You shouldn’t go. You’d hate it.

A couple is playing golf, when accidentally the ball flies out of the field and breaks a window of a nearby house

The house looks quite expensive, and the couple is very nervous, wondering how much they have to pay for the window. They knock the door, and a middle aged man opens it.

The husband apologizes: “Good afternoon sir. I and my wife were playing golf here. We didn’t mean it, but we have to apolog...

Whenever the wife and I fight I sit down and watch my wedding video in reverse

I take the wedding band off her finger, hand her back to her dad and walk out of the chapel with my best mate

I have a reverse latex allergy.

When I get a swelling I use latex.

I always get nostalgic putting my car in reverse.

It really takes me back.

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars, now it's the reverse

Oh, how the stables have turned

Reverse origami is my favorite sport

I love watching the action unfold.

A man put his car in reverse and accidentally drove it into a wall.

He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the dented bumper.
A few days later, he actually did it again. "I'm so embarrassed," he moaned to his wife while he reached for the phone.
"Why not tell him it was me this time?" his wife suggested.

"I could," he said while dialing, "but that's w...

We had a reverse name day in school today

We had to refer to eachother by our names spelt backwards.

And now I hate my parents for calling me Lana

What do you call a trans person from the Wild West?

Reverse cowgirl

I just realized this entire pandemic has been a reverse of Bane.

“Nobody cared who I was until I didn’t put on the mask.”

My new car has a reverse camera.

It’s awesome. Since I got it, I haven’t looked back.

I got fired from my job at the suicide hotline

Apparently they aren't familiar with the reverse psychology approach

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TIL the Reverse Cowgirl position is frowned upon in West Virginia.

It just ain't right turning your back on family.

What is a reversed exorcism?

When devil puls priest out of a child.

What is the only car that can go 40 mph in reverse?

A rental

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Did you know? If you rest one of your testicles on the top of an empty beer bottle and hold a flame at the base….

eventually the testicle will be sucked inside!

If you did know this, please can you let me know how to reverse it?

**It’s quite urgent**

A truck driver reverses down a mountain road

A policeman stops him and asks: "Why are you driving up backwards?"

Driver replies: "My boss said there's no place to turn around."

A little later the truck comes back down, again in reverse.

The policeman asks: "Why are you reversing down now?"

The driver replies: "The b...

The word 'nothing' is a palindrome. 'Nothing' reversed is 'Gnihton'

which also means nothing

I know how to tell a joke in reverse

smile first and I tell you the rest

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Why do Jewish men like to watch porn in reverse?

They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Pinocchio's nose has started working in reverse

Huge, if true

Boss: Why should we hire you as an reverse psychologist?

Me: You shouldn’t

LinkedIn is like reverse dating site for IT nerds

They get a lot of messages from girls

But ignore most of them

What's the definition of a reverse exorcism?

It's when you ask the Devil to get the priest out of your little boy

An Amish farmer and his son were driving their horse-drawn buggy down a road where there was no room to turn around in either direction for two miles.

Suddenly, a man coming the other way in an expensive sports car screeches to a stop in front of them, then begins honking his horn.

The farmer pulls the buggy to a stop, rises from his seat, and rolls up his sleeves. "If you do not back up, I will not like what I have to do," he loudly says....

Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes

I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.

Why can’t Elvis drive his car in reverse?

He’s dead

What's reverse exorcism?

When a demon commands a priest to leave the body of a child

What happens when you reverse the batteries in the energizer bunny?

It keeps coming and coming and coming!

Who said, COMING ARE THE BRITISH!! COMING ARE THE BRITISH!!!

Paul Reverse

Dad puts the car in reverse, looks in the rearview mirror and says...

"Ah, that takes me back."

They say when you’re young, making friends is easy but finding a date is hard. And it’s reversed when you’re older.

Now that I’m older, I can truly say that they were both hard then and even harder now.

What happens when you play a Country music record in reverse?

Your dog ressurects, your wife goes back home, you get your job back and Donald Trump finally leaves office.

What do you call reverse birth?

A push in the right direction

Im thinking about getting a second career as a reverse truck driver.

You know as a backup job.

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My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

Trying out a new joke about Reverse Psychology.

You didn't find this funny.....

Microsoft is releasing a a reverse Outlook soon

So we should all be on Lookout

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

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Confederates are reverse Hitlers.

Hitler first sucked at art and then lost the war while Confederates first lost the war and then sucked at art.

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Reverse Pick-Up Lines

1. Girl are you a newspaper? Cause there’s a new fucking issue with you everyday
2. Oh my God, you're so funny ... looking.
3. Excuse me sir, are you the moon? Because I need you 238,000 miles away from me.
4. Are you a tree? Cause i when i see you i think ‘Leave’
5. Are you from Tenness...

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If my life was a sex position it would be reverse cowgirl

Because noone will look me in the eye and I'm not in control

Do you know what is reversed exorcism

When satan tells a priest to get out of a kid

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[NSFW] The Only Positions Melania Trump Likes are Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl.

That's because all her husband knows how to do is fuck up.

I asked a man what the opposites of ugly, curved, and reverse were.

His answer was pretty straight forward.

Reverse joke challenge

This is a game I came up with, the rules are pretty simple:

Post a question in the form of: "What do you call an (animal) with a (object)?" And I (or someone else) will respond with a laffy taffy quality pun as a response. This creates a new terrible joke as a result!

Keep in mind thes...

I started to see a reverse psychologist.

She told me to kill myself.

Me and my best friend reverse our cars everywhere together.

We go back a long way.

For richer or poorer

I asked my wife if she'd be interested in investing some of her money in stocks, like I invest mine.

She responded: "No, because if you'll get rich, I'll be rich, too."

So I asked her if the reverse is also true. Her response was:

"Sure! If I'll become poor, you'll be poor, too...

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My dick is like a reverse vampire...

I can only see it in a mirror.

I tried whistling in reverse today

I kind of sucked

I just drove an expensive car out of the lot only to find the reverse gear broken.

There’s no going back now.

Big news today in the World Reverse-Parking Championship....

Last years winner just backed out!

Translated joke but I reversed the countries because screw Belgium

Two dutchmen take the train from Amsterdam to Brussels, but they only have one ticket. 2 fellow Belgian passengers ask them how they will get away with it. “Watch and learn!” Say the Dutch. They head into the toilet together and wait for the train conductor to knock on the door. “Ticket please!”. He...

Before and after marriage

**Before**

\- I have waited this day so long!

· Will you leave me?

\- Never!

· Do you love me?

\- Of course, yes!

· Will you ever lie to me?

\- Never!

· Will you kiss me?

\- Whenever I can!

· Will you hurt me?

\- No fool!...

Reverse English

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

"However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

Bo...

Person 1: For the last time, it's not "reverse gravity", it's called BUOYANCY

Person 2: *shrugs* Whatever floats your boat

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I tried to reverse the effects of viagra

It was just too hard

A hillbilly girl tells her guy “How about we try reverse cowgirl tonight?”

He replies “Hey! You never turn your back on family.”

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Meta: Reverse Punchline Challenge

Hey /r/Jokes, I thought it might be interesting to see just how good we are at actually making jokes from unfunny situations. As such, I thought a good challenge might be to provide a few randomly thought up punchlines that *you* the subreddit construct the lead-up/joke to. Highest rated comment wou...

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A man buys a house in a new neighbourhood

The next morning, at 8, the man's neighbour rings his doorbell. The guy wakes up and opens the door, still in half-sleep.

"Hey. Sorry to wake you up, but you parked your car right in front of mine. I can't get mine out, and I am running late for office." The neighbour says.

"Oh, I'm r...

Did you hear about the guy who has reverse erectile dysfunction?

He having a real hard time at the moment.

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What’s your favorite sexual position?

Mine’s reverse missionary—where I pin you down and tell you god’s not real.

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