Look down your shirt and spell ‘attic’ out loud

Hehehe..

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An old man was contacted by the IRS for some suspicious income... [Quick repost due to spelling error in original]

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not a c?

Because everyone knows you can’t c in the dark.

People often tell me that "icy" is the easiest word to spell.

Come to think of it, I see why.

My husband: I forgot how to spell briefly

Me: do you remember how to spell now?

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Election and Erection are almost spelled the same. They both mean the same thing too.

A dick rising to power

What is long,erect,can be spelled with P,N,E,I,S and once injured,makes you half a man?

SPINE.

What word in English language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer : Incorrectly

Sorry for the spelling/grammer mistakes

My first language is English.

I always wondered why there were two different ways to spell Whiskey / Whisky.

Having been to Dublin, I now realise it's because the Irish like to drop an E in their drinks.

Covid has me really bored at home so I read the entire dictionary and actually found a word spelled wrong.

Wrong.

Spelling bees always confuse me.

My word was "knot"

I asked if it was "not" spelled with a "K"

My teacher said "Yes it's knot spelled with a k"

I ended up losing

English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

What do you call someone bad at spelling?

A muggle.

What do you get when you spell “man” backwards?

PTSD

What do you get when you can't spell kid?

idk

A prince under a spell

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darli...

Little Johnny made it to the final round of the spelling bee.

Proctor: Spell there

Johnny: Can you use it in a sentence?

Proctor: They're having trouble finding their tickets to board that train over there.

Johnny: Can you give me the definition?

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My smart-ass friend just told me how to spell lotion backwards

He’s such a noitol.

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My wife said to me "You're shagging that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogoch, aren't you?"

I said "How could you say such a thing?"



(To whoever reposts this: the correct spelling is actually *Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch*)

So what if I can't spell "armagedon" correctly ?

Its not the end of the world.

Her: You can’t spell Hero without her.

Me: You can’t spell Her without he.

If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

I guess it's because they don't have access to black magic...

How do you spell Canada, eh?

C, eh?

N, eh?

D, eh?

Spell a word

A woman dies and meets Peter at the pearly gates. She asks, did I make it to heaven? Peter said you have to spell a word first. She replies, Ok what word? Peter says, Love.. Woman spells out L O V E Peter says you're in. A few months later Peter asks her to watch the gate for him. Low and behold t...

Why doth Abraham not bringeth his grain to the spelling bee?

For it was already spelt.

Spelling matters!

I was waiting on a Zoom call to start, but client was having technical issues. The client texted and said, "please bare with me." Thought it was an odd request, but he's the client.

Eventually we got the video to work, but now I'm fired.

Learnt an interesting fact today..... If you spell "Absolutely Nothing" backwards, you get "Gnihton Yletulosba" which actually means.........

........... Absolutely Nothing!!

A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow! Your gorgeous, how come your still single?"

"It's spelled 'you're'," I replied.

You know what I hate about how Avril Lavigne spells her name?

She had to go and make things so complicated.

Spelling Bee

Moderator: Your word is “seaward”.

Me: C-U-N....

Moderator: For the love of god, stop right now!!

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I was having a bit of a dry spell

So I went to a nearby glory hole. Everything started fine.

About ten minutes into it, I heard a man's moaning.

Turns out I was sucking a guy's dick this whole time!

A teacher asks her students,"Can anybody spell before?"

Carey stands up and says, "Before. B -e- f -o- r.Before."

"No that is wrong.Sit down."say⁴s the teacher."

"Frankie, can you spell before?"

Frankie stands up and says, "Before.B - e- e- f -o-r.Before!"

"No, that's not right either.Tyrone, can you spell before?"

Tyro...

My son came over to me and asked, "Dad, how do you spell 'diarrhoea'?"

I replied, "I don't know son, but Doesn't It Always Run Really Horribly Over Each Ankle?!"

How do you spell 'Liberty' in Russian?

'G U L A G'

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You can't spell associate...

Without Ass I Ate

Here's so OC.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sale...

A man receives a message from a neighbour.

"Sorry sir I am using your wife...day and night... When you are not present at home...In fact, much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies." The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to the hospital

The next day ...

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My favorite 4th of July joke: Do you know why Americans spell color, humor, and behavior that way they do?

"Because fuck u that's why."

-- George Washington, Revolutionary War

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Two Italian men get on a bus

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come
together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together aga...

Don’t spell part backwards.

It’s a trap.

When is a donkey spelled with one letter?

When it's U!

Why do they spell it "honour" and "favour" in the United Kingdom?

Because Rick Astley is British.

Technology is the death of us

DEAR NEIGHBOR:


Hi, George. This is Richard, next door. I've a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text. I can't live with myself a minute longer without your...

What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?

A trans-hex-ual.

I've always found spelling bees easy

B E E S. Simple.

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A woman decides to pick up a dozen bagels for her co-workers...

...so she stops by a local bakery on the way to work and there is a huge line. She waits a while, gets up to the front, and tells the man behind the counter "I'd like a dozen bagels please".

"I'm sorry, but we're out of bagels."

The woman says never mind then and proceeds to leave the...

Cyclops: How do you spell Hawaii?

Wife: Well, you need 2 i’s.

Cyclops: [puts pen down] My life is just a joke to you, isn’t it Linda?

accidentally swallowed a bag of scrabble letters

my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

Backwards spelled backwards

is backwards

Ok so I can’t spell Armageddin

It’s not the end of the world though is it?

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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

I bet you can't spell *part* backwards.

I knew you could really. It's just a trap.

Who decided to make Dyslexia such a hard word to spell?

Same person who thought it'd be fun to add an "s" to lisp

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?

She turned her car into a tree.

Lite: the new way to spell “Light,”

now with 20% fewer letters!

If there is a king and queen size mattress, where does the prince sleep?

On the heir mattresses

-Repost because of spelling-

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

a parking enforcement officer just cast a spell on me because I parked in a handicap spot illegally

“you will be toad”

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What’s the difference between a cunt and my ex-wife?

Just the spelling

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman...

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whiskey; it's give...

Yodas name backwards spells adoy

Pretty obvious if you ask me

Why do Americans spell it as "color", when it is spelt "colour" everywhere else?

Because the Americans don't care about "U".

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Is buttcheeks spelled as one word?

Or do you have to spread them apart?

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There once lived the most beautiful woman any man had ever seen. Unfortunately, a jealous old witch put a spell on the woman:

For the rest of her life, a tiny gremlin would live inside her vagina, and bite the dick off of any man who tried to lay with her.

Several suitors had tried and failed, always losing their precious member to the gremlin.

Finally one day a cunning young man decided to give it a go. W...

They say "icy" is one of the easiest words to spell;

i c y

I said to my friend "what's wrong" he said "i time i try to spell a word, i get half way through it and the person I'm with finishes it off"...

He said "LO"
I said "ok"

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

Why did the spelling bee champion go to the doctor?

Irregular vowel movements

What spell did the magician cast when he wanted a seat that doubled as a conservative commentator?

“Bench-appear-o!”

My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct people's spelling

and having friends

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Some say I’m a grammar Nazi, but I’m really more of a sticker for spelling

Damnit Otto! Correct!

Living with your drug dealer isn't all that bad

It has its percs.

Thomas finally gave up on his dream of being a champion after always vomiting at the National Spelling Bee

He’d always be known as an expeller now.

I was visiting the country to the north of the US and forgot how to spell its name. So I asked a local and he said

C, eh

N, eh

D, eh

When the kids came back from recess, the teacher announced a pop spelling quiz...

"Pop spelling quiz, class!" She said, and called on little Johnny.

"What did you do during recess, Johnny?" Asked the teacher. Johnny replied "I played in the sandbox with Suzy and Leroy" "Ok, spell 'sand' and you will get a cookie!" Says the teacher. Johnny spells it correctly and gets h...

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NSFW. A man went to the ice cream shop and ordered a chocolate cone...

“I’m sorry, Sir, we’re out of chocolate.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. I’ll have a chocolate cone with sprinkles then.”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but like I told you, we’re out of chocolate.”

“How about a chocolate/vanilla twist, then?”

“Let me ask you something. How do you spell the ‘va...

Art is suffering...

You can't spell paint without pain.

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Overheard

This guy is in a restaurant and he hears another dude w a thick accent talking in the next booth.

He stares down into his plate of eggs and the guy behind him goes

"Emma cum first, then I cum"

And he reaches for the pepper and the guy is still talking

"Then the two asses...

"911, what's your emergency?"

Drunk redneck, "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"

911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"

Drunk redneck, "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."

911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "

...

You can't spell Quarantine

without U R A Q T

To To List for Today

1. Bless the rains down in Africa
2. Take the time to do the things we never have
3. Enable spell check
4. Do what's right

For my first cake day, I would like to share a truly terrible joke I heard from my brother

On the day my friend discovered my reddit account he couldn't believe his eyes. How had I got so much karma? He didn't think it possible. Naturally, for days on end he asked and begged to know. I didn't want the magician to reveal his secrets, so for a while I simply didn't tell him. I thought he wo...

I don't understand why people are so concerned about spelling errors.

It's just a normal word, isn't it?

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A man gets married...

...but just before he was married, he had his bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now they're on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay. One night, in the men's room, thi...

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It's Career Week in the parochial school...

(OK, real old one but=)

It's Career Week in the parochial school. One day, when all the parents who've come to explain their jobs have done their presentations and gone, Sister Mary Domino has some time to kill, so she has the children stand up, one at a time, and say what THEY want to be wh...

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