I asked my wife, “How do you spell invulnerable?”

She said, “I-N-V-U..”

I said, “Everyone does, because I’m awesome!”

Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'."

Contestant: "C-U-N..."

Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP."

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At a university for wizards, an undergrad was having a big week. He had just learned his first spell. Freeze, Level 1.

Turns out he was a natural. By the second day, he could freeze his classmates for ten seconds. When Friday came, the professor declared he was ready for the final project: to freeze people in public.

Over the weekend, he went looking for a place to cast. He needed somewhere with a lot of peop...

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A man asks a woman how to spell “yacht”

Woman: “Y-A-H-T”

Man: “where’s the C”

Woman: “under the fucking yacht”

I hate spelling errors

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined

What do you get when you spell “man” backwards?

Flashbacks.

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An old man was contacted by the IRS for some suspicious income... [Quick repost due to spelling error in original]

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

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Did you hear the inventor of spell check died?

May he rust in piss.

Why did the guy who can't spell very well get excited when he read about the new law that was passed allowing increased grain exports from women-owned companies?

Because they were barley legal.

Why is dark spelled with a ‘k’ and not a ‘c’?

Because you can’t c in the dark.

People think ICY is the easiest word to spell,

Come to think of it,
I C Y

I spelled "I take back what I said" in a bowl of alphabet soup

I ate those words

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A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop... Kid: “I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate please.” Clerk: “Sorry kid, we're out of chocolate.”

Kid: “OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.”

Clerk: “No, no, you don't understand, it’s *chocolate* we're out of,”

Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gimme a scoop of raspberry, and a scoop of chocolate.”

Clerk: “Listen kid, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?”

Kid: “...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, "You're a good cop, but these reports just aren't going to cut it anymore, Joe! They're practically illegible! The next report, if there's even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus...

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"Mum, how do you spell clitoris?"

"I don’t know darling, ask your dad, it was on the tip of his tongue this morning"

The journalist asked, "Excuse me, is it true that quantum computing could spell the end of civilization as we know it?"

The scientist replied:

"Yes ... and no. It's a bit uncertain."

An Etymologist and an Entomologist enter a spelling bee..

..into a spelling bee

They should change the spelling of "Cyclops" to "Ciclops"

Then it would only have 1 'i'

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NSFW what's long, hard and filled with semen?

A penis. Boats are filled with sea men.

Spelling matters, people.

Forth annual Hicksville spelling b

Down to the last 3 contestants....
The last word is before;

Judge; contestant #1 the word is before

C1: Before b e f o u r befour

Judge: I'm sorry but that is incorrect!
Contestant #2, the word is before

C2: before b e f o r. Before.

Judge: I'm sorry but th...

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

As a Final Fantasy fan, I always wondered why Big Bang Theory only ever referenced the Third Level Spell.

They never even mention Bazin and Bazinra.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement

whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become...

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You can't spell advertisements without.. .

Semen between tits

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Election and Erection are almost spelled the same. They both mean the same thing too.

A dick rising to power

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in "knight", four silent K's in "knickknack"

And three silent K's in "Republican".

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Did you know that there are no canary’s on the Canary Islands? Same thing applies to the Virgin Islands

There are no canaries on the Virgin Islands

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It’s down to the final two at a championship spelling bee.

The contestant gets up to the microphone and the judge tells him the word is “walk.”

Confused, the contestant asks for a definition.

“To move about or travel on foot for exercise or pleasure.”

The contestant asks for a sentence to confirm what could be his final word was reall...

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A woman puts an add in a newspaper to find a new husband

The addd states, “I need a man that won’t beat me, won’t chase after me, and is good in bed.”

The next day she hears a ring at her doorbell. She answers the door to find a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.

The woman: Can I help you?

The man: I’m here to answer your a...

My friend Tony asked me not to spell his name backwards

I said "Y Not?"

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You can't spell lassie without ass...

and if you think you can, that's a lie.

Some people don't take spelling seriously...

... but a 'd' is the only difference between being a lady and a laddy.

Australian Spelling Lessons

Lesson #1 - There is no "o" in "country".

A guy makes spelling errors so often it's in his blood.

He's typo.

Canada was originally supposed to be called Canad.

But whenever anyone spelled it, it came out as:
C
A
N
A
D
Eh.


If you don’t get it, reading it out loud might help.

Look down your shirt and spell ‘attic’ out loud

Hehehe..

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Look down the front of your shirt, and spell "Attic" out loud.

One genuine dad joke for your amusement!

Why did the kittens get in trouble during spelling class?

Because they were copycats.

Why do witches and wizards do well in English class?

They're really good at spelling

A teacher asks her students,"Can anybody spell before?"

Carey stands up and says, "Before. B -e- f -o- r.Before."

"No that is wrong.Sit down."say⁴s the teacher."

"Frankie, can you spell before?"

Frankie stands up and says, "Before.B - e- e- f -o-r.Before!"

"No, that's not right either.Tyrone, can you spell before?"

Tyro...

A prince under a spell

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darli...

What is long,erect,can be spelled with P,N,E,I,S and once injured,makes you half a man?

SPINE.

Sorry for the spelling/grammer mistakes

My first language is English.

My husband: I forgot how to spell briefly

Me: do you remember how to spell now?

I always wondered why there were two different ways to spell Whiskey / Whisky.

Having been to Dublin, I now realise it's because the Irish like to drop an E in their drinks.

I unscrambled the letters to spell “anger” “hate” “spite” and “malice”

It was a cross word puzzle.

As a mcdonald's worker I get a lot of idiots going through drive through

As is common for mcdonalds the ice cream machine was down
a customer came in and asked for a strawberry shake, I told him the ice cream machine was down

he then asked for a fudge Sundae, I again told him the ice cream machine was down

next he asked for a vanilla cone, I told him the...

Why did the birthday cake go to see the Dr?

It felt crumby!

(PS I like this joke because it taught me how to spell crumby)

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

I guess it's because they don't have access to black magic...

How do you spell Canada, eh?

C, eh?

N, eh?

D, eh?

If you're ever struggling to remember the spelling...

Santa wraps, Eminem raps, Brock Turner...

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I just swallowed a stack of Scrabble tiles by accident.

My next poop could spell disaster!

Read and read are both spelled the same way

Of course they would be they are the same word

So what if I can't spell "armagedon" correctly ?

Its not the end of the world.

Covid has me really bored at home so I read the entire dictionary and actually found a word spelled wrong.

Wrong.

Where does a rooster invest his money

In chicken stock!



Reposted for spelling

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The king is afraid that the queen was disloyal to him and had sex with the castle guards.

So the king got a witch to put a magical spell on the queen so that anything that goes into the queen’s body gets chopped off.

One day, the king decides to summon all the men up and orders them to show him their private parts.
All the men had no penis except one of them.
The king walk...

What do you call someone who makes a spelling error AFTER editing their comment?...

An Ediot!

Why do they spell it "honour" and "favour" in the United Kingdom?

Because Rick Astley is British.

What's the most important class at Hogwarts?

Spelling

What word in English language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer : Incorrectly

What do you get when you can't spell kid?

idk

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My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

You try

Spell the word 'cow' in 13 letters – a question asked in a competitive exam Intellectuals went mad analyzing it. Highly-reputed professors were stumped thinking what could be the answer. Lecturers debated that the question itself was wrong, maybe there was a printing mistake, etc. Toppers were confu...

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My favorite 4th of July joke: Do you know why Americans spell color, humor, and behavior that way they do?

"Because fuck u that's why."

-- George Washington, Revolutionary War

Learnt an interesting fact today..... If you spell "Absolutely Nothing" backwards, you get "Gnihton Yletulosba" which actually means.........

........... Absolutely Nothing!!

Little Johnny made it to the final round of the spelling bee.

Proctor: Spell there

Johnny: Can you use it in a sentence?

Proctor: They're having trouble finding their tickets to board that train over there.

Johnny: Can you give me the definition?

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My smart-ass friend just told me how to spell lotion backwards

He’s such a noitol.

Spelling bees always confuse me.

My word was "knot"

I asked if it was "not" spelled with a "K"

My teacher said "Yes it's knot spelled with a k"

I ended up losing

My son came over to me and asked, "Dad, how do you spell 'diarrhoea'?"

I replied, "I don't know son, but Doesn't It Always Run Really Horribly Over Each Ankle?!"

Why does a chicken coupe have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!





The spelling was intentional don't @me

Spelling matters!

I was waiting on a Zoom call to start, but client was having technical issues. The client texted and said, "please bare with me." Thought it was an odd request, but he's the client.

Eventually we got the video to work, but now I'm fired.

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My wife said to me "You're shagging that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogoch, aren't you?"

I said "How could you say such a thing?"



(To whoever reposts this: the correct spelling is actually *Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch*)

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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

Back in the days of olde, there was this wizard.

He wasn't a very good wizard, in fact he really only had one spell, he could cause things to swirl. At first this seemed like a rather useless power, until he stopped a thief by making the water in a small creek swirl into a whirlpool as the thief tried to wade across. Later, he foiled an evil kni...

You know what I hate about how Avril Lavigne spells her name?

She had to go and make things so complicated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 2nd Grade Teacher's Class

A 2nd grade teacher is having a class one day and she says to the kids in the room "Class, today we are going to find out what your dad's do for a living. I want you to say what he does, spell it and if he were here today what he would do for us."

Mary, jumps up and raises her hand quickly, s...

Spell a word

A woman dies and meets Peter at the pearly gates. She asks, did I make it to heaven? Peter said you have to spell a word first. She replies, Ok what word? Peter says, Love.. Woman spells out L O V E Peter says you're in. A few months later Peter asks her to watch the gate for him. Low and behold t...

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer

Man: How much will it be

Bartender: free

Man: Oh how wonderful in that case ill have some dinner as well, how much are the scallops.

Bartender: free as well

Man: delightful, this is a fine establishment, I would love to meet...

What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?

A trans-hex-ual.

There's a rumor an evil spirit is haunting houses nearby

They say that if it enters your house, your spelling starts to worsen. But that is only suprestition, ther is no whey deth e gost Ken du sash è t1ng, rait?

Why doth Abraham not bringeth his grain to the spelling bee?

For it was already spelt.

Why is dark spelled with a k, and not a c?

Because you can’t see in the dark.

Courtesy of my 14 year old this evening.

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I was having a bit of a dry spell

So I went to a nearby glory hole. Everything started fine.

About ten minutes into it, I heard a man's moaning.

Turns out I was sucking a guy's dick this whole time!

Ok so I can’t spell Armageddin

It’s not the end of the world though is it?

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard...

He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone....

I've always found spelling bees easy

B E E S. Simple.

How do you spell 'Liberty' in Russian?

'G U L A G'

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