Why is dark spelled with a K instead of a C

Because you can’t C in the dark

How do you spell the word “candy” with only two letters?

c and y

If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

I guess it's because they don't have access to black magic...

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My teacher asked me to spell the word "clit."

I said, "you should have asked me last night. I had it on the tip of my tongue."

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My favorite 4th of July joke: Do you know why Americans spell color, humor, and behavior that way they do?

"Because fuck u that's why."

-- George Washington, Revolutionary War

Who decided to make Dyslexia such a hard word to spell?

Same person who thought it'd be fun to add an "s" to lisp

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After a dry spell, my wife and I decided to start scheduling sex, and it's been amazing for our health.

Now she only has a headache twice a week!

I've always found spelling bees easy

B E E S. Simple.

Spelling counts

Waiting on a Zoom call to start, but were having technical issues. Client texted and said, "please bare with me." Thought it was an odd request, but she's the client. Eventually we got the video to work, but now I'm fired.

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four ...

Ok so I can’t spell Armageddin

It’s not the end of the world though is it?

I bet you can't spell *part* backwards.

I knew you could really. It's just a trap.

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?

A trans-hex-ual.

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Election and Erection are almost spelled the same. They both mean the same thing too.

A dick rising to power

a parking enforcement officer just cast a spell on me because I parked in a handicap spot illegally

“you will be toad”

Lite: the new way to spell “Light,”

now with 20% fewer letters!

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards ?

Flashbacks

Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?

She turned her car into a tree.

Cyclops: How do you spell Hawaii?

Wife: Well, you need 2 i’s.

Cyclops: [puts pen down] My life is just a joke to you, isn’t it Linda?

What word is spelled wrong in the dictionary?

wrong

Coffee spelled backward

Did you know that coffee spelled backward is Eeffoc, and I don’t give EEFFOC until I’ve had my first cup!

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

Yodas name backwards spells adoy

Pretty obvious if you ask me

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There once lived the most beautiful woman any man had ever seen. Unfortunately, a jealous old witch put a spell on the woman:

For the rest of her life, a tiny gremlin would live inside her vagina, and bite the dick off of any man who tried to lay with her.

Several suitors had tried and failed, always losing their precious member to the gremlin.

Finally one day a cunning young man decided to give it a go. W...

Why do they spell it "honour" and "favour" in the United Kingdom?

Because Rick Astley is British.

Why do Americans spell it as "color", when it is spelt "colour" everywhere else?

Because the Americans don't care about "U".

Thomas finally gave up on his dream of being a champion after always vomiting at the National Spelling Bee

He’d always be known as an expeller now.

What spell did the magician cast when he wanted a seat that doubled as a conservative commentator?

“Bench-appear-o!”

They say "icy" is one of the easiest words to spell;

i c y

My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct people's spelling

and having friends

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Is buttcheeks spelled as one word?

Or do you have to spread them apart?

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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

I was visiting the country to the north of the US and forgot how to spell its name. So I asked a local and he said

C, eh

N, eh

D, eh

I’ve always been told the word icy is easy to spell.

After spelling it myself, now I see why.

I don't understand why people are so concerned about spelling errors.

It's just a normal word, isn't it?

I know understand why Americans spell aluminium, aeroplane and colour different to the British...

They were saving up to give the WHO an I.O.U

You can't spell Quarantine

without U R A Q T

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Two Japanese students were discussing about words that sound the same but are spelled differently

Student 1: What's the difference between "witch" and "which"?

Student 2: The *spell*

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You cant spell ADVERTISEMENTS without...

SEMEN between the TITS.

Italian spelling

Bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
An old lady who is sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two a$ses come together. I...

I just thought of the ultimate April Fool's Prank. Let me spell it out for you.

I T O U T F O R Y O U

A Canadian tells an American he's spelling everything wrong. The American responds:

no u

When the kids came back from recess, the teacher announced a pop spelling quiz...

"Pop spelling quiz, class!" She said, and called on little Johnny.

"What did you do during recess, Johnny?" Asked the teacher. Johnny replied "I played in the sandbox with Suzy and Leroy" "Ok, spell 'sand' and you will get a cookie!" Says the teacher. Johnny spells it correctly and gets h...

Kids get back into the classroom after playing at recess

and the teacher says, “who can tell me what they did at recess?” Sally raises her hand and says, “I played in the sandbox.” “That sounds like fun, Sally! If you can correctly spell sand, I will give you a cookie, replied the teacher.

“Sand, S.A.N.D. Sand” said Sally with a smile.

“Cor...

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An elementary school teacher decided hand out candy and have the students guess what they are...

The teacher explains to the class the game they will be playing; guessing the candy she gives them. The class roars in excitement.


The teacher walks over to a student named Suzie, and hands her a peppermint. The student puts it in her mouth, and without skipping a beat says, "I know thi...

An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"?

A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a you problem".

Jiffy foods are good and all, but I can never remember how to spell their name

I know it starts with a big J, then after that it's a little iffy.

Perfectly spell-checked poem

- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my revue,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew...

A group of first graders come in from recess

Once they all sat down the teacher grabbed a piece a chalk and walked to the chalkboard. "Jimmy, what did you do for recess?" Jimmy replied, "I played in the sandbox." "Very good, the teacher said, If you can come to the board and spell sand I will give you a cookie". Jimmy approaches the board and ...

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

Teacher: How do you spell wrong?

Teacher: How do you spell wrong?
Student:R-O-N-G
Teacher: that’s wrong
Student: that’s what you asked for

I was told I should rearrange my mood.

But that could spell my doom.

As a writer, my vocabulary is excellent, but my spelling is lacking...

... I thought as I gazed at the squiggly red line beneath the word solemly.

My father passed this morning. In his honor, I present his favorite joke: why do polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can't spell toboggan. - Stanley G. Kapuscinski

Edit: thanks so much for the kind words and thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for your equally awful jokes.

To a lesser but still significant extent, thanks for the awards.

What do you call a virtual assistant that can't spell?

Dislexa

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What do the Mafia and pussy have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit

Trying to spell necessary like nesseccessary

That's more letters than nessecessary

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A man hears a thumping on his roof, goes outside to look and she's a guerilla on his roof

He calls animal control and says he has a gorilla on his roof. They say they have just the guy for the job and he'll be over in half an hour. After half an hour, a white van pulls up to the house. A man steps out with a ladder, a bat, a net, a shotgun, and a rottweiler.

"So how are you gonna ...

How do you tell a dyslexic person made a Reddit post?

Edit: spelling.

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Mum, how do you spell clitoris?

I don’t know darling, ask your dad, it was on the tip of his tongue this morning

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A local radio station was running a competition

A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?"

Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."

DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"<...

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What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

You can't spell believe without lie

Otherwise it's just Beve

American: You British people spell things weird.

Brit: no U.

I asked my friend how to spell water.

Friend: HIJKLMNO

Me: umm ok, that doesnt sound right.

Friend: yeah bruh...H to O.

A priest and a nun are playing miniature golf.

The priest lines up a ten-footer, hits the ball, and it swerves right of the hole. He yells, “Dammit, I missed!

”The nun recoils in shock. “Father, language!”

“I’m sorry, Sister Margaret, please forgive my cursing.”

They get to the second hole. The priest is only 3 feet away fro...

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An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

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A woman calls her husband in panic...

"Honey, my lips are swollen. I think I may have an allergic reaction!"

Her husband drives home as fast as he can to bring her to the hospital, but when he gets home he sees nothing out of the ordinary about her.

"Honey, you said your lips were swollen?", he asks. She looks down with an...

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