The 86+ Best Spell Jokes

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A dyslexic boy is on his way home from training with his mam...."Can we stop at McDonald's mam? I'm starving" the boy asks. "If you can spell McDonald's we will stop on the way home ofcourse son" The boy pauses, composes himself and begins "M" "C" He begins to struggle....

"Ah fuck it mam let's have a KCF"

If the Ku Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

Because they don't have access to black magic.

Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'."

Contestant: "C-U-N..."

Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP."

I asked my wife, “How do you spell invulnerable?”

She said, “I-N-V-U..”

I said, “Everyone does, because I’m awesome!”

If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name “hijkm” she says “i’m sorry, i’m not sure how to pronounce this name,” then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:

“that’s me, and it’s pronounced noelle”

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage

I accidentally texted my wife “I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.”

Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c?

Because you can't see in the dark.

Ba-dum-tss

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Monastery Spelling Mistake

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error i...

People often say "icy" is the easiest word to spell.

Looking at it now, i see why.

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You can't spell advertisements without

semen between the tits

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Election and Erection are almost spelled the same. They both mean the same thing too.

A dick rising to power

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in "knight", four silent K's in "knickknack"

And three silent K's in "Republican".

What do you get when you spell “man” backwards?

Flashbacks.

I asked someone because I wasn't sure whether the correct spelling was humor or humour.

"Sounds like a *you* problem," I was told.

So what if I can’t spell Armmagedon?

It’s not the end of the world.

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Why do Americans spell it as 'color' and not 'colour'?

Because fuck u that's why.

How do you spell candy with two letters?

C and Y

I bought a bunch of oranges and spelled "hi" with them.

I was then told that was *not* how you say "HI" in Mandarin....

"How do you spell "S" in Morse code?"

"..."

"Fine then, keep your secrets."

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Is buttcheeks spelled as one word?

Or do you have to spread them apart?

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An old man was contacted by the IRS for some suspicious income... [Quick repost due to spelling error in original]

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

How do you spell sand with only 3 letters?

S, A, and D.

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A man asks a woman how to spell “yacht”

Woman: “Y-A-H-T”

Man: “where’s the C”

Woman: “under the fucking yacht”

How has the Russian government started spelling Ukraine?

A-f-g-h-a-n-i-s-t-a-n.

What is a spell that you can learn with a frying pan?

Cast Iron.

While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife, "How do you spell Hawaii?"

She replied, "You need two i’s."

Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isn’t it?"

Why do they spell it "honour" and "favour" in the United Kingdom?

Because Rick Astley is British.

How does a Canadian spell Canada?

C-eh?-N-eh?-D-eh?

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I hate words that are spelled differently but sound the same!

I guess I'm homophonic!

"Tony, can you spell your name backwards?"

Tony: sure... y not

Why is dark spelled with a k, and not a c?

Because you can’t see in the dark.

Courtesy of my 14 year old this evening.

How do you spell Canada, eh?

C, eh?

N, eh?

D, eh?

You hear about the kid who lost the spelling bee on the word "dairy"?

...I told him there's no use crying over misspelled milk.

With the coronation of King Charles, there was discussion about orthographic modernization--shortening spelling of words like "colour" and "labour" but the UK government responded

Never gonna give "u" up

What word is spelled wrong on every dictionary.

Wrong

My friend tried to convince me "whey" is spelled "whfey"

There's no f in whey

Because of a spelling error, beer will no longer be served in Hell.

When they redid the sign over the gates they made it say "Abandon all hops, ye who enter here."

A teacher asks her students,"Can anybody spell before?"

Carey stands up and says, "Before. B -e- f -o- r.Before."

"No that is wrong.Sit down."say⁴s the teacher."

"Frankie, can you spell before?"

Frankie stands up and says, "Before.B - e- e- f -o-r.Before!"

"No, that's not right either.Tyrone, can you spell before?"

Tyro...

When the kids came back from recess, the teacher announced a pop spelling quiz...

"Pop spelling quiz, class!" She said, and called on little Johnny.

"What did you do during recess, Johnny?" Asked the teacher. Johnny replied "I played in the sandbox with Suzy and Leroy" "Ok, spell 'sand' and you will get a cookie!" Says the teacher. Johnny spells it correctly and gets h...

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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

How does a pirate spell "thick"?

thiccccccc

I hate making spelling mistakes.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

Why is it spelled camouflage?

And not

I have a girlfriend now after a long dry spell.

The only problem is that my self winding watch keeps stopping.

You can't spell pacifist without...

Long live 3PA. Long live Apollo!
P.S. Steve Huffman is a clown.

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My son made me a shirt which spelled "Wrld's best dad!" which is a pretty cute mistake.

But he needs to get his shit together and understand that I have a sweatshop to run.

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After experiencing a dry spell in her marriage, a woman decides to see if there’s anything she can do to help her husband.

She heads to her local chemist and bravely asks the store worker if there’s anything she can buy to spice up her love life.

“Hi, can I get Viagra here?” she asks the old male pharmacist working at the local chemist.
When he confirms that they do sell Viagra she asks: “Can you get it over t...

I asked some people what you could spell from the letters n t o g i h n

All of them said you couldn't spell anything

It bothers me that Double Stuf Oreos is spelled with one 'F'...

Why they don't give two 'Fs' is beyond me.

90% of people can not spell IHOP out loud.

Try to spell IHOP and say ness after it.

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My favorite 4th of July joke: Do you know why Americans spell color, humor, and behavior that way they do?

"Because fuck u that's why."

-- George Washington, Revolutionary War

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At a university for wizards, an undergrad was having a big week. He had just learned his first spell. Freeze, Level 1.

Turns out he was a natural. By the second day, he could freeze his classmates for ten seconds. When Friday came, the professor declared he was ready for the final project: to freeze people in public.

Over the weekend, he went looking for a place to cast. He needed somewhere with a lot of peop...

A blonde is in a spelling competition.

Judge: Spell 'orange'.

Blonde: The fruit or the color?

I’ve heard the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Which is a shame, because I was hoping to use it as a book title.

Even though I'm a nerd, I don't really embrace the notion of complete and perfect knowledge of canon, but I'll admit I was pretty embarrassed when I lost all credibility in a discussion on Chewbacca when I inadvertently spelled it with a K.

It was a Wookie mistake.

Are you good at magic spells?

Witch: "Yeah, M-A-G-I-C"

Me: "Wow"

As a Final Fantasy fan, I always wondered why Big Bang Theory only ever referenced the Third Level Spell.

They never even mention Bazin and Bazinra.

Why did the guy who can't spell very well get excited when he read about the new law that was passed allowing increased grain exports from women-owned companies?

Because they were barley legal.

Look down your shirt and spell ‘attic’ out loud

Hehehe..

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

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Frank asked Joe what function key on a Windows PC is used to spell check

Joe responded: “F5”

Frank said “No that’s refreshing my browser page”

Joe said “No look at the window!! Fucking F5!”

Frank angrily replied “DUDE! I’m looking! it’s refreshing the page, not spell check!!”

Frank took some initiative and looked it up himself to find that the...

What is long,erect,can be spelled with P,N,E,I,S and once injured,makes you half a man?

SPINE.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

I asked my friend how to spell water.

Friend: HIJKLMNO

Me: umm ok, that doesnt sound right.

Friend: yeah bruh...H to O.

I always wondered why there were two different ways to spell Whiskey / Whisky.

Having been to Dublin, I now realise it's because the Irish like to drop an E in their drinks.

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You can't spell lassie without ass...

and if you think you can, that's a lie.

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I keep having trouble with reading and spelling…

Went to the doctor about my terrible reading and spelling. They gave me a leaflet about dailysex, thought it might help, but my wife ain’t having it.

Former US Vice President of the US Dan Quayle spelled the word ‘potato’ with an ‘e’ in it.

There’s no ‘e’ in potato, just a bunch of ‘i’s.

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Look down the front of your shirt, and spell "Attic" out loud.

One genuine dad joke for your amusement!

Why did karl marx always spell his name in lowercase letters?

Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital

Spelling

Guy: "How do you spell nihilism?" Nihilist: "It doesn't matter."

What do you get when you can't spell kid?

idk

An Etymologist and an Entomologist enter a spelling bee..

..into a spelling bee

Spelling

The teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation.

Mary went first. "My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie."

Next came Tommy. "My d...

My husband: I forgot how to spell briefly

Me: do you remember how to spell now?

"An early human" and "A nearly human" are spelled the same except for how you use the space bar.

They never thought of that, which makes us superior.

I unscrambled the letters to spell “anger” “hate” “spite” and “malice”

It was a cross word puzzle.

I spelled "I take back what I said" in a bowl of alphabet soup

I ate those words

Sorry for the spelling/grammer mistakes

My first language is English.

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It’s down to the final two at a championship spelling bee.

The contestant gets up to the microphone and the judge tells him the word is “walk.”

Confused, the contestant asks for a definition.

“To move about or travel on foot for exercise or pleasure.”

The contestant asks for a sentence to confirm what could be his final word was reall...

I can never spell the word Armagedden.

But whatever, it's not the end of the world.

My son came over to me and asked, "Dad, how do you spell 'diarrhoea'?"

I replied, "I don't know son, but Doesn't It Always Run Really Horribly Over Each Ankle?!"

Some people don't take spelling seriously...

... but a 'd' is the only difference between being a lady and a laddy.

Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks."

Infuriated, Trump called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.

"The bad news is that the urine is from Putin."

"Vlad? How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this...

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