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Trainer Jokes

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”

He said, “Try the ATM outside”

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I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer.

So I said: "Ok, this isn't working out."

I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

I don't think I'm strong enough anymore for my job as a personal trainer

So I guess I'll hand in my too weak notice

A trainer at SeaWorld was in charge of keeping the dolphins healthy.

He would feed them, give them medical attention, make sure they were in good spirits. But he knew that the dolphins eventually were going to die. Well, he couldn't have that. After researching for days to no avail, he found an article written by a disgraced marine biologist about how dolphins could ...

Apparently Elton John has a personal trainer for his rabbit…

It’s a little fit bunny

I spoke with a personal trainer about things I could do to help me lose weight, and he suggested I try a medicine ball.

I hate to have to tell him but I did, but no matter what I do or how much water I drink, I just can't swallow it.

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

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Seen on X. Credit to @614clinton

An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man.

"Look what you did to my car" he yells.
"You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"

"Oh my" says the old man, "I don't hav...

The fitness trainer asked me "What kind of squats are you accustomed to doing?

I said, "Diddly !!"

Did you know that Cardi B has a twin fitness trainer?

Her name is Cardi O

Why did Mike Tyson hire the Devil as his weight loss trainer?

He said he wanted to be a little thinner.

What do you call a Jewish Pokemon trainer?

Ash.

I found a hole in my trainer that's big enough to put my finger through

One formal complaint from her, and I'm now banned from the gym.

A lion trainer had the cats under such control, they could take a lump of sugar from her lips on command.

When a man sitting in the back row yelled - I can do that, the owner came and asked him to try.

The man replied - Certainly, but first, get those lions out of there.

I asked my trainer at the gym if I could start shadow boxing.

He said, “Knock yourself out!”

Chuck Norris was petting a tiger.

Suddenly the tiger began to utter a soft growl. The trainer said, "get up slowly and back away." So, the tiger did.

Saw a clip of Chuck Norris telling this himself.

I was once a gym trainer...

But it didn't work out.

My personal trainer told me to drink a protein shake everyday at 3 in the morning.

But that's whey past my bedtime.

Trainer (yelling): did you come here to die?

Soldier: no mate, i came here 'yestaday'

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The incredible trainer

It was a busy day at the bar. A lot of costumers were enjoying their breakfast. Until the door slammed open.
A shady trench coat with an almost as shady wearer appeared in the doorframe, a big bulge in both pockets. He approached the counter, as silent as the entire bar, exchanging glares with ...

I once worked as a horse trainer.

It was a stable job.

A Pokemon trainer goes to see a doctor

She is worried about a substantial, painful growth on one of her fingers, but the doctor tells her it's not a big deal: "It's actually quite common for a Pokemon trainer to have a bulbous sore on their hands."

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A boy starts his first day at Walmart.

His trainer says to him "I'll take care of the first 2 customers to show you how it's done and you can look after the 3rd.”

So the trainer goes to the first customer and says "Can I help you, m’am?" Lady goes "I'm looking for some garden hose.”

Trainer "Okay 10, 20 or 30 ft?"

L...

Been lifting weights without much results. Saw a super ripped trainer at the gym and asked him how he got so jacked . . .

He paused and then said 'Let me show you the whey'.

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A guy is outraged after finding his wife having sex with her gym trainer and demands an explanation.

She replies "It was my cheat day."

My personal trainer said she wanted me to do a push workout.

I've since been arrested for trying to pull her jogging bottoms down.

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My personal trainer told me to eat all of my meals naked in front of a mirror to help me eat less.

It didn't do anything for me, but boy were the other people in the restaurant pissed off.

I felt my personal trainer was being a bit of a bigot today…

When he told me his one rule was “no trans fats“.

A personal trainer gets a new client...

Their first day went smoothly, and the client seemed to be totally into everything the trainer was teaching him.

Over the next few weeks, the trainer became more and more impressed with this client, as he was the most dedicated client he had ever had, and was making tremendous progress. ...

My friend hired a personal trainer a year before his wedding.

I thought wow, how long is the aisle going to be?

A Vegan, Jehovah Witness and Keto Trainer walk into a bar...

* Everybody Leaves *

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners and did wonderfully in workouts. In actual races, however, he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare. So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be neutered.

The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career. After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in workouts, and found to do as well as ever.<...

My personal trainer told me how to lose weight just by not sitting, but he says it doesn't work for everyone.

I dunno about you, but I can stand to lose a few pounds.

Personal trainer just got 10 years for dealing coke

I’ve been going to him for years. Just shows you never really know someone.

I genuinely had no idea he was a personal trainer

I wanted to finally have a six-pack so girls would like me so I hired a personal trainer to work me out...

...I quit after two days because I couldn't take the ab use.

I asked the carnival worker how the trainer had taught the duck to dance.

He said I don't know, I only turn the hot plate on.

I was in the gym with my personal trainer. He asked me if my family had any experience with exercise.

I said, "My father has a really impressive bench."

"Oh does he?" he asked. "I might have to see it some day."

He was quite surprised when I led him to the park.

My trainer told me to do 50 bodyweight squats...

...but I could barely do 20. And now everyone in the morgue is staring at me.

I fired my personal trainer today.

I couldn't handle the ab use.

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What does a pokemon trainer use as substitute for viagra?

PP up.

An older guy starts working out at gym with a personal trainer. Soon after, a really fine looking woman came in and started working out.

The older guy looks to his personal trainer, “what machine can I use to impress her?”

“The ATM in the lobby,” the trainer replies.

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A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're ...

My personal trainer said I should reduce my fats.

I already do, though. By eating them.

My gym trainer asked me to eat as much as possible to gain weight. I can't handle eating so much.

I'm fed up.

A race steward noticed a horse trainer giving his horse something.

He confronts the man, "What are you giving that horse?" the steward demands. "Just some sugar cubes to give him a little energy" the trainer replies, popping one into his own mouth. "Here, try one", the trainer offers. The steward slips one of the sweet cubes past his lips. "Very well, carry on", sa...

My personal trainer was giving me advice.

He said, "You have to have a life outside the gym."

I was so offended that I walked out with my sleeping bag.

I was on an Australian tour, and handled a koala bear. The trainer told me to wash my hands, as koala bears are known to have chlamydia.

In all honesty, the koala should probably wash *his* hands.

I met up with my impersonal trainer today

We went to the gym,i stood there eating snacks and he worked out,then we said our farewells and parted ways.

My personal trainer in Moscow surprised me by making me do a weird turning movement while holding a medicine ball.

I guess you can say it was a Russian Twist.

A mermaid finally got off the couch and hit the gym once she found a dolphin physical trainer.

She moved with a porpoise.

Why couldn't the pokemon trainer catch Mewtwo?

He didn't have the balls

The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well.

I've resisted going to the gym for six days now.

What did the nihilistic sea world trainer say to his boss?

"There is no porpoise."

As a child I wanted to be a personal trainer but I ended up as a politician.

At least I still convince absolute idiots that change is being made.

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My weightlifting trainer told me the key is "If it burns, it grows"

So I lit my cock on fire

My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV

Man... I love Netflix!

Went to the gym today and cheered everyone on for an hour. On the way out the trainer stopped me...

Confused he asked me what I was doing at the gym. So I told him exactly what I was doing:
"Lifting Spirits"

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What does Bill Cosby have in common with a Pokemon trainer?

He makes sure his catch is weak before he throws his balls at them.

What's the difference between a personal trainer and a bully?

None, they still take your money after beating you up.

What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics?

Gopher gold.

To the person who stole my trainers and hi-viz jacket...

You can run, but you can't hide.

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

How many trainers will it take to teach Tommy fashion design?

None. Hilfiger it out.

300 lb man decides to lose weight one day.

A 300 lb man decides he is tired of being so fat and wants to lose weight. So he gets on the Internet and finds a program that claims you can lose 10lbs in 2 weeks or your money back.

So he orders the program, and the very next day there is a knock on his door. He opens it up and there is a ...

Two tricks personal trainers don’t want you to know

If you’re bulking: Drink coke

If you’re cutting: Snort coke

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Favorite porn genre of physical trainers?

Step-Aerobics

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Theres a wrestler training for the Olympic games.

Trainer trained him hard. Ran 10 miles a day. The day of the Olympics came and he was in amazing physical condition. First guy he had to fight was a German. He beat him. Next was an Australian beat him, the French beat them.

Last guy he had to fight was a great big hairy Russian. The co...

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