I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was to uncommon...

... I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.

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Lance Armstrong only has his Right Testicle

Because the other one Left.

Dope, or no dope, Lance Armstrong was still a great athlete.

Winning the tour is no easy feat. Even with the drugs, he worked his ball off to go to where he is today!

There once was a farmer whose five quintuplet teenage daughters were going on dates at the same time.

"As soon as your dates arrive," said the farmer, "I will talk to them personally. If I don't like them, I will shoot them."

Just then, a knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. "Who is this?"

"My name's Teddy," said the boy. "I'm going steady with Be...

I think it's just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong

especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour de France races while competing on drugs. When I'm on drugs, I can't even find my bike.

A farmer is expecting his 3 daughters dates to arrive, so he hears a knock on a door, decides to grab his shotgun for intimidation, and opens it.

The first date arrives and says,
“Hello there! My name is Lance, and I’m here to take Chance out to the dance.”

So, the farmer calls his daughter, Chance, and they go off together. The another knock is heard, so he answers it again, shotgun in hand.

“Hey there, it’s me, Dave, and I’...

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An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

Dad jokes from my coworker that he won’t stop saying all day long...

I really hate when non dads say dad jokes. It’s such a faux-pa

We had a storm the other night and 25% of my roof flew away. Oof.

You know lance just isn’t as common of a name as it used to be. You know when it was? The Middle Ages. Guys were named lance a lot.

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A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

What do I have in common with Lance Armstrong's balls?

Both of us are single.

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My girlfriend is a lot like Lance Armstrongs left testicle.

Shriveled up and died after heavy drug usage.

Where do you catch a Lance Bass?

In a Timberlake!

Lance Armstrong decided to fly to France to fight against the doping allegations against him.

It would have been more convincing if he had taken a plane.

My buddy was into medieval things, so I asked if he had ever been poked by a lance,

He said "no but I was once lightly caressed by a Stephen"

What type of pen does Lance Armstrong use?

A Uniball

Since everyone knows he cheated, Lance Armstrong will only drink at home now.

He just can’t handlebars anymore.

What's the difference between a spear and a Lance?

You can't throw a Lance.

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I named my penis Lance

So my girlfriend can say she likes Lancelot.

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What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Hitler?

Lance could finish a race

A man fighting a war finds an ancient lance capable of healing wounds rather than creating them.

He names the weapon "Ambu-lance"

I miss having Lance Armstrong at the Olympics

He was dope.

Does Lance Armstrong enjoy cycling?

Of course he does! He has a ball!

what do jeb bush and lance arm strong have in common?

everyone was disappointed with their last speeches and no one was disappointed when they dropped out of the race

Tiger, Lance and Tom walk into a cold bar...

"Heaters," the bartender cries in frustration, "I told him to send me heaters!"

Have you guys had the new Lance Armstrong Trail Mix?

There's only one nut in the bag.

[Request]Lance Armstrong Jokes

So I know it's strange, but apparently I've been asked to find some, so I'm turning to the internet's first authority on jokes. Other non-PC jokes are also welcome, but Lance Armstrong jokes are my top priority, if you would all be so kind. Thank you in advance :)

I met Lance Armstrong after a party

Me: So, Lance, how was the party?
Lance (Pensively glancing at the whisky): I had a ball.

New Year's Eve probably sucks for Lance Armstrong...

He can't enjoy watching the ball drop.

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Two knights were jousting for the entertainment of the king and his court...

The Black knight struck the king's favorite, crumpling him against the wall, bending and doubling him over, head-to-toe. With his head down between his legs with armor and body bent and contorted, the favorite reached for his sword.

The crowd cheered!

With an impressive display of p...

Lance Armstrong finally admitted to doping...

...at least he had the ball to admit it.

Did you hear about Lance Armstrong having a threesome?

He was killing two birds with one stone

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Funny Lance Armstrong Joke (#2)

(#1)I just heard that Lance Armstrong got his medals taken away from him for using drugs.. This is crazy because, when I do drugs.. I can't even find my bike.

(#2) I just heard that the Tour De France is trying to eliminate Performance Enhancing Drugs.. Yet, they're sponsored by... Viagra

What do you call a man with a jousting pole on his head?

Lance

What do you call an ambulance with loads of steroids in it?

Ambu-Lance Armstrong

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

Fun with rhymes.

If plants wore pants would plants try to dance? If plants tried to dance would plants have a chance if plants wore pants and you took a glance? If plants wore pants would they joust with a lance? If plants had a lance would the blow hit or glance? If plants were advanced and wore pants and danced th...

Game Show

Some folks see me as a know-it-all. I'm not, but I have a reasonable memory, and it got me on a game show, once.

The television game show was being recorded - they do a whole week at a time, and this was the wrap-up. I was in the hot seat for the last big question.

The host turned to m...

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

Me: But Mr. Ghost how did I hit you? Surely you're non-corporeal.

Ghost: That's Lance-corporeal to you private.

I'm an attorney working on my fifth freelance project.

That guy really needs to stop getting arrested.

[Long] A captain in the air force...

Is boarding a plane home, and as he's loading his luggage in the over head, notices a Marine Lance Corporal snoozing against the window. The Air Force Captain grins a bit, knowing Marines reputation for being jar heads, and decides he's going to have a bit of fun.

Sitting next to the marine, ...

A woman's three daughters are going out on dates...

"What are your date plans?", the mother asks the daughters.

"I'm going out with Pete; we are going to eat" says the first daughter.

"Great! have fun" says the mom

"I'm going with Lance. We are going to dance" says the second daughter.

"Have a ball!" says the mother
...

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A father and his three daughters...

are sitting at home on a Saturday evening.
There is a knock at the door. The father answers to a young man.
“Hi, my name is Lance, I’m here for Nance. We’re going to the dance.”
Nance left with Lance.
15 minutes later, another young man knocks at the door.
“Hi, my name Joe and I’m...

The simple rules of dating

A farmer, Bill, finds out that his three daughters all have dates on the same night. Being protective, as a father is of his girls, he does the respectable thing, and walks to the door each time with his shotgun. At 7pm, the doorbell rings. Bill answers the door and asks the boy there what he wants....

If you ever feel down in life...

Just remember that you have just as many Tour de France medals as Lance Armstrong, and twice the balls.

I bumped into my rival jousting opponent.

We exchanged lances.

What do you call a guy who checks his blood sugar frequently?

Sir Lance A. Lot

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Got an In-built fan in the Clock

Yeah, I died yesterday and went to hell and sure enough, hell was just as I expected. There was fire and brimstone everywhere, pits of lava holding people who were screaming in agony, little red guys with pointy tails chasing people and poking them with flame tipped pitchforks. Everything that is......

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what the doctor says....

Bubba and Jimbob are in the swamp fishing when they scare a snake which bites Bubba on the tip of his penis.

Jimbob quickly calls his dr to see what to do. The dr tells Jimbob to lance the bite and suck out the venom. he goes back to Bubba with a worried look on his face...

Bubba asks ...

I don't really care for the New England Patriots, but

Lance Armstrong used a deflated ball for years and no one said anything.

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