I used to be a boxer.

I wasn't very good though. I knew it was time to retire when my trainer had handles sewn into my shorts to make it easier to carry me out of the ring.

What do boxers carry their underwear in?

A Briefcase

They call someone who wears boxer shorts a boxer, they call someone who wears swim shorts a swimmer, but what do you call someone who doesn't wear any shorts at all?

A swinger.

My wife walked into the bedroom to find me pulling off my boxers.

She told me I spoil the dogs too much.

What do boxers and assassins have in common?

They both hitmen

Don’t buy Ukrainian boxer shorts...

...Chernobyl fallout.





(*has to be read in a British accent*)

What are a beat boxer's favorite things to wear?

Boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants

A blind guy walks into a primarily female bar

During a break in the music, he loudly says "hey, y'all wanna hear a blond joke?" Being blind, he doesn't realize how many blond women are in the bar. The bartender walks up to him and tells him "alright man, I know you're blind and new around here, so let me offer you some advice. I am 6'5 and blon...

Why is Pope John Paul II a good boxer

He can take body shots really well.

A retired boxer goes to see his doctor because he’s having trouble sleeping. “Have you tried counting sheep?” the doctor asks.

“I tried,” the boxer explains, “but every time I get to the number nine I stand up.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

What to you get when you cross a boxer with a comedian?

A punchline

What do you call a flatulent boxer?

Gassius Clay

sorry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't professional boxers have sex before a fight?

They probably don't like each other.

A strong boxer

has a foam board to practice on.
He punches it 10,15,20 times in a row, so hard that each punch makes a crater in the foam.
After he finishes practice, he turns to an imaginary audience, shows them the board, and tells them




"here's the punchline"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Naked Cowboy

A sheriff of a small town is patrolling the town one night when he comes across a cowboy walking up Main St. The cowboy is wearing nothing except his hat, boots, and gunbelt. The sheriff is a bit surprised at first but gets over his initial shock and arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.

...

During my boxing career, I was the 2nd best boxer in my country.

I fought in over 100 fights, and came 2nd every single time.

2 masochists went to a BDSM convention

The convention was doing a special showcase of some dominatrixes who were considered the best at their job, they were all on separate booths where they would give out free samples and show off their techniques.

On the first day the more experienced masochist wanted to go to the woman with th...

A group of boxers stand in line to get some drinks at a party.

That's it. That's the punchline.

Two facts interesting facts about me: 1) I once knocked out a champion boxer with a single punch

2) I'm now banned from Crufts.

Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.

Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, “I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here.” The second one says, “I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here.” The third one says, “I wanna be a boxer.” The others look con...

What are Boxers favourite part of a joke?

The Punchline.

What drugs do boxers take to dodge better?

Antifistamines

What do you call the end of a boxer's joke?

The punchline.

A boxer loses both of his arms

This joke doesn’t have a punch line anymore

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Three babies

So there's three babies in the womb. At some point Baby 1 asks a question


Baby 1: So what are you guys going to do when you get out of here? I'm going to be a plumber to fix the plumbing of this place because there's water everywhere!


Baby 2: Well I will become an electrici...

Why was the boxer fired from his job?

He never punched out

How did the muslim boxer defeat the house intruder?

He hit him with a high jab.

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Why is your penis so down?

It shares boxers with an asshole.

A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time.

A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time

The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes. "What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said. "Don't you mean Polio?" "N...

Did you hear that Mike Tyson just got a job at Amazon?

He just really wanted to be a professional boxer again.

What brand of medicine sponsored a boxer?

Muhammad Aleve

I think fights between career boxers and famous criminals would be entertaining. We could even make it fair, with different weight classes and everything.

We just need to weigh the Pros and Cons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between a bad boxer and a porn star?

They both take a pounding in the ring.

What do you call a boxer who does the cleaning?

Mike Dyson!

Why are pirates good boxers?

They have a mean right hook.

What do women and boxers have in common?

They're both clingy when wet!

Who’s a better boxer, Jim Jones or Mike Tyson?

Jim Jones, he knocked out over 900 people with just one punch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looking at their new baby, the mother said, “Those tiny arms, he’ll never be a boxer. Those tiny legs, he’ll never be a runner.

Then the father looked. “He’ll never be a porn star either.”

What do you call boxers that cant last in the ring?

Briefs.

Did you hear about the underdog boxer that got the measles, then the chicken pox, then polio?

I guess he never even had a shot.

A boxer used to do coke on his bocing gloves after winning.

That was the punch line.

Two boxers light up a blunt

After a couple hours, both of them are pretty damn high, they start telling each other stories. One of them says, "Oh man, the other day I went on the craziest date with my wife. I got home after practice and told her to get ready. A couple minutes later we head out into that beautiful forest next t...

A boxer walks into a gym...

It’s particularly crowded, and there are long lines of people waiting to use the equipment.

First, he waits in the pull-up bar line, and does 25 pull-ups.

Next, he waits in the weightlifting line, and does 50 bench presses.

After that, the boxer looks around for the punching ba...

How do you call it when two boxers are 69ing?

They're trading blows

I'm currently on a restaurant date with a female boxer.

She's going for the ribs.

I might try a duck.

What kind of punch does a boxer dog throw?

A puppercut!

I heard the professional boxers are among the highest paid people in the world

Apparently my bosses at Amazon didn't get the memo

Two boxers go head to head for the biggest match of the season!

In one corner we have Timmy “The Lemon” Dorah!

And in the other corner we have Tommy “The Lime” Jokata!

Both men are known for their vastly different capabilities, Timmy having an extremely weak body, but insanely strong arms, and Tommy being known for his insanely strong body and extr...

Did you hear about the boxers' union?

They demanded equal rights, lefts and uppercuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking down the street when he sees an advertisement for his favorite boxer, Mike Tyson.

He stops and reads the text on the poster.

**Come meet Mike Tyson! First 20 people can get punched by the man himself!**

Knowing that he didn’t want to pass up this opportunity, he shows up to the ring, 45 minutes early.

The building was already packed full of fans waiting to se...

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Why don't boxers have sex before a big match?

They're just friends.

Everyone thinks Muhammad Ali was the best boxer in history, but Jim Jones had a way higher number of KO's...

900 with just one punch.

What do you call a boxer who pours concrete floors as a day job?

Apollo Screed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a boxing match. One of the boxers decided to punch his opponent in the groin.

It was a dick move.

What do Dracula’s girlfriend and a boxer have in common?

They both go down for The Count

What do you call a Chinese boxer?

Pun Ching.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a man with an extremely high-pitched voice

(For retelling, ^(superscript) is high-pitched/falsetto voice)

He had since long passed puberty, but while his friends got deep, manly voices, his remained so high that he ^(spoke like this). Ever since then, it had been a tremendous source of insecurity. Now, he was in his thirties, and he r...

"Boxers or briefs", she asked...

"Depends", I responded.

How does a Muslim boxer keep his distance?

Hijabs

Ten Boxers in a row....

That's it, the whole punch line.

A girl had the choice of going out with either a fencer or a boxer.

The fencer was really kind and gentle, while the boxer seemed rowdy. In the end, she chose to go out with the boxer.
I asked her, "Why did you choose the boxer? The fencer seemed really nice."
She responded, " I don't know, the fencer just seemed rapier."

I got knocked out by a dyslexic boxer

OK

What’s the difference between a brick salesperson and a boxer

One stocks rocks and the other rocks socks

Why did the boxer take a step forward?

To get to the punch line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unfortunate

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up...

A professional boxer has to fight a rookie. Right before the match begins, the rookie exclaims ''I think I can take that guy blindfolded!''

His coach replies "But what if he is not blindfolded?"

What's a boxer's favorite movie?

Rocky.

I'm sorry... Did you expect a better punchline?

A friend of mine had a pet boxer.

Unlike a dog, whenever the doorbell rang he walked over to the corner and sat down.

What do you call it when a boxer gives Dracula a BJ?

Going down for the count

A famous British boxer threw an object at me.

It turned out to be a mere can!

Why wouldn't JFK be a good boxer?

He can't take a shot to the head....


Too soon?

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers?

To keep his ankles warm.

If I got a lot of boxers to queue up behind each other

I’d have a punchline

Have you heard the one about the 60-foot-tall boxer?

Never mind, the punchline would just go over your head.

What's the difference between a reliable employee and an angry boxer?

One is punctual, the other will punch you all.

That Fisherman will never make it as a boxer.

All he can throw is hooks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a boxer with a uti says

I float like a butterfly sting like my pee

Did you hear about the semi-pro boxer who was an amateur pilot?

He's been deciding on a career and we're still waiting on his fight or flight response.

Once upon a time, there was a boxer who always wins every single match...

When fans asked him what's his secret, he would just say, "I imagine there's a line on my opponent's face and I hit that line,". On his 100th boxing match, the whole world was watching. He lost. It was his first loss ever in his career. Fans again wondered so he was interviewed. A reporter asked how...

I have a great deal of very tight boxer briefs.

I buy them in XS.

I'm currently dating a boxer, but I'm not sure if she's my type.

I think she needs to let her guard down.

What division does a blacksmith boxer compete in?

Smelterweight.

Bill Cosby was one of the greatest boxers...

He got 20 ko's and didn't even fight!

My friend claims that he is a really good boxer.

He doesn't strike me as one.

I knew an amateur boxer with a coke habit.

He kept his stash in his headgear because he thought it would soften the blow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I lay in bed, gently nodding off, I felt a warm hand slip inside my boxer shorts and gently start to caress...

...my balls.

It was very nice, but I wasn't in the mood.

"Not tonight, honey." I mumbled. "I'm too tired."

"It fucking doesn't quite work like that in here." rasped my cellmate.

Did you hear about that boxer who adopted a child from Asia?

It's Mike's Thai Son.

When I was a boxer, they called me "The Artist"

because I spent most of my time on the canvas.

A boxer loses his sight in a freak accident.

Not being able to compete again, all he can do now is training with his loyal training partner and hitting the bag. Since he can’t see, he is required to remember and move only a certain amount of steps (both forward and backwards) to keep the distance. Suddenly his partner stops the session and the...

Why was Peter Pan a bad boxer?

His punches Neverland.

Why Does the Pope wear Boxers?

He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed.

A man in a cemetery sees a couple laughing over the tomb of a famous boxer

A bit taken back by the inappropriateness, the man approaches the couple who point to the boxer's epitaph:

"You can stop counting, I'm not getting up"

What do you call boxers worn backwards?

Easy access

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