Racing a bear

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second...

My wife and child left me due to my horse racing addiction

Aaaand they're off

I took the shell off my racing snail to see if it would make it go any faster

It just made it more sluggish.

Famous British horse racing broadcaster John McCririck has died aged 79.

His funeral is at 10/1.

My wife and kids are going to leave me accusing me of being obsessed with horse racing

And they’re offfffff

Boudreaux won the gold medal in Olympic pirogue racing

His mama was so proud she had it bronzed.

A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.

He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.

The man thinks "hmm...

If horse racing is the "sport of kings"

is drag racing the sport of queens?

I like drag racing

Dressing up in women's clothing and driving down the street full speed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was racing home; running stop signs and drifting around corners...

She came hauling ass into the driveway; car screeching to a hault. She ran straight into the house. Slammed the door and shouted excitedly:

"Honey, pack your bags; I just won the lottery!"

Husband came out of his office, and ran up to the banister.

"Oh my god! What should I pack...

Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

She says - God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.

He asks her - why did you say that?

I don't know, I just felt like saying it.

The next day, grandpa drops dead. Wow, thinks dad, that's an odd coincidence.

A month later at bedtim...

Why is the internet like a motor racing crash?

There are spoilers everywhere.

2 cats were racing across the English channel

An english cat named onetwothree, and a french cat name undeuxtrois.

Which cat won?

123 cat won because undeuxtroix quatre cinq

A young man and a young woman met at a party, fell in love and moved in together.

Soon, some say too soon after that, they got married. As the newlyweds didn’t have a car, the mother of the bride decided to gift them the family heirloom, a 1965 Mustang GT350 that the brides grandfather had been racing back in the day.

For a while all was well and the bride and the groom sp...

My friends found a cool racing game.

Recently my friends and I found an interesting new game, it’s sort of like a mix of an MMORPG and a racing game. You play as a car and you level up and get cool new gear and it makes you better and also looks cooler.

Anyway, we played this game for quite a while, slowly improving and getting ...

We were at McDonalds racing down the slides and I beat my son

I explained to the police it was because he was trying to cheat.

I used to rule the world.

I was 7-time champion in chess championships, won count less awards in racing world, led armies of millions. But then my son broke the computer.

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

A man wakes up at 2:22 sharp and gets dressed.

He goes down to the coffee shop and his order comes to $2.22. He finds $2 on his windshield and arrives to work in exactly 2 minutes. “All these 2s” he thinks “ maybe it could mean something”

So he goes down to the hound racing at bets all his savings, his house and his car on #2 and watches ...

I used to have a a racing snail that kept losing.

I decided to remove its shell to try and speed it up, if anything it made it more sluggish.

Aladdin Banned from Flying Carpet Racing

Sources say for use of Performance Enhancing Rugs

A friend asked if I'd like to go drag racing,

I had to politely decline.

I can't even walk, never mind run in high heels

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