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Breeder Jokes

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

A farmer takes his pigs to the breeder

A farmer one day decides he’d like to multiply his pigs but only has two sows, so he takes them to a farm a ways away with some impressive hogs to breed them with.

He gets there on the first day and after the deed is done he asks the other farmer “Say, how will I know it worked” to which the...

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What do you call a cattle breeder?

A beef jerker.

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A dog breeders prize sire is nearing retirement age

The old hound had been prodigious, siring litter after litter, but the breeder felt that the time had come to introduce more variety in his dogs. His problem was that the old hound would chase off all the new sires, and he didn’t have it in him to give his first dog the snip after years of service, ...

There once was a snake breeder...

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up the local zoologist, and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes and looked at them. "You know what I wou...

A dog breeder has a very defensive Golden Retriever

There was a period of time where she caused all the mailmen to just pass his house because of the dog. All but one mailman. The dog never attacked, but rather happily trotted up to him and asked to be pet. Eventually the breeder sees the mailman speaking to the dog, and the dog seemed to respond! Af...

I would never get a dog from a breeder.

Rescue dogs taste just as good and can be had for a fraction of the price.

A city boy was getting ready to move to the country...

He went a local horse breeder and bought a fine looking horse for a $1000 and told the man he'd be back in a week when he moved in to pick it up.

A week later the city boy drives his brand new truck and horse trailer to the breeder's ranch to pick up the horse.

The rancher says, "Sorry...

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A guy buys a dog...

... from a reputable breeder. The breeder assured him that the dog would hunt birds, and retrieve waterfowl.
So the guy takes the dog duck hunting, he shoots one, the dog jumps in and starts to sink. The guy has to go get him. He figured it might have been a fluke, so he tries again, same results...

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Farmer buys new Rooster

A farmer goes to buy a new rooster from a breeder

The salesman shows him one specimen that he says is

'the single horniest Cock I've ever had the misfortune of meeting'

The farmer thinks this is great, more horny means more hens so he pays and takes the bird home with him.
...

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Finding the right dog

Joey decides he wants to start hunting, and he just loves the taste of fresh duck. He starts gathering gear for his first trip when an old-timer mentions he's gonna need a dog. The old-timer goes on to tell him to be careful of the dog he gets. If the dog's asshole is too big, it'll fill with water ...

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Brewster the rooster, the horniest rooster there ever was (NSFW: language)

A lifelong farmer moved to a home much closer to town where he setup a small personal ranch to enjoy retirement with his wife. Among the various equipment and livestock that the new rancher needed, one staple item is a breeding rooster for his new henhouse. He heads to the farm auction the next week...

Attack dog

A couple living in a dodgy neighborhood agree to get a mean-looking dog for protection. The wife goes to a breeder and tells him what she needs. He points to a tiny, chiuaua-like dog and says "Ma'am, that's the meanest one we have." She obviously doesn't believe him so he says "Attack dog, the fence...

Apples have been cultivated by taking off branches of one tree and splicing them into another trees.

Luckily, animal breeders took another approach.

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Hunting dog

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go...

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NSFW A guy goes to get his girlfriend a dog for her birthday.

This guy's girlfriend wants a dog for her birthday. He decides he's going to treat her, and heads too a local dog breeder. He says, "I want to buy a dog for a girlfriend". He looks at a few of the various breeds, asks how much one of their cute puppies cost. The man replies, "$1,500 plus shots." He ...

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The Royal Newspaper

The King and Queen decided to get pets, so the King issued a decree: "Handsome reward for finest Royal pets."

The Queen immediately falls in love with a white, long haired kitten, bred in a faraway land. After payment, the kitten disappears and the distraught Queen sends the entire staff to l...

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A chicken farmer buys a new rooster. . .

And he's assured by his friend who sold it to him that he's the perfect breeder.
Feeling a little sceptical, the farmer still takes the rooster back to his farm. No sooner then putting the rooster is let out of his box then it runs into the barn and starts having sex with every hen it can find....

Old Clinton joke

President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder.

As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, "you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?" ... "No sir, I have not. ...

Free talking dog

A man was driving along a Farm Road when he saw a sign that said free talking dog.

The man had to see this. He pulled up to the house where there was an old farmer sitting on the porch. He asked the farmer can I see the dog. The farmer shook his head and pointed around back.

The man sa...

The Dog Fight

The Israeli Dog vs. The Arab Dog

  
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fi...

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

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