What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?

It's morphine time!

So a terminally ill man arrives after calling an appointment with his doctor....

Man:How much time do I have left

Doctor: Ten

Man: Ten what I don’t understand

Doctor: Eight

My grandfather was terminally ill...

The doctors said there was nothing they could do for him so we took him to see a naturopath who told us to cover his back in grease.

But after that he just went downhill very quickly.


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Blatantly stolen from the great Milton Jones

Jokes about terminally ill children...

...they never get old.

Man asks his terminally ill friend: "Have you any idea what's it like after death?"

He replies: "No, but I'm dying to know"

Would it be wrong to give terminally ill children tattoos?

I mean... it's not like they'll grow up to regret them. :(

I want to start a charity where terminally ill people can request to sleep with hollywood celebrities...

I'll call it "Make A Wishbone"

A terminally ill man talks to his doctor

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: Please give me the good news first.
Doctor: You have 30 days left to live.
Patient: And the bad news?
Doctor: I should have told you that 1 month ago.

My dad told me this joke in Serbian years ago. Hope it translates well.

A man is terminally ill and has 3 months left to live. Seeing as he was a holy man for all his life, God gave him a visit and granted him 3 wishes. The man ponders for a few minutes then asks for his first wish.

“God, I’d love to have a nice steak dinner and some brandy to wash it down with.”...

A horse walks into a bar...

And the bartender, thinking himself a comedian, asks "why the long face?"
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After a brief silence, the horse huffs and replies, "my wife is terminally ill."

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill deaf patient?

"Now, this may be difficult to hear..."

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

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