Terminally Ill Jokes

It's called 'The Fault In Our Sitars'.


(Came up with this a few months ago. You read it here first.)

It's morphine time!

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ... read more

Man:How much time do I have left

Doctor: Ten

Man: Ten what I don’t understand

Doctor: Eight

The doctors said there was nothing they could do for him so we took him to see a naturopath who told us to cover his back in grease.

But after that he just went downhill very quickly.


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Blatantly stolen from the great Milton Jones

...they never get old.

He replies: "No, but I'm dying to know"

It never gets old

I mean... it's not like they'll grow up to regret them. :(

I'll call it "Make A Wishbone"

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: Please give me the good news first.
Doctor: You have 30 days left to live.
Patient: And the bad news?
Doctor: I should have told you that 1 month ago.

"Now, this may be difficult to hear..."

A man is terminally ill and has 3 months left to live. Seeing as he was a holy man for all his life, God gave him a visit and granted him 3 wishes. The man ponders for a few minutes then asks for his first wish.

“God, I’d love to have a nice steak dinner and some brandy to wash it down with.”... read more

She was terminally ill

And the bartender, thinking himself a comedian, asks "why the long face?"
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After a brief silence, the horse huffs and replies, "my wife is terminally ill."

John after death was led to hell. The devil announced that they would lead the sinner to see three different punishments and had to choose one. The first room, the criminal was tortured in an oil cauldron. The second room, the sinner was burned on a blazing fire. Too scared, he asked to go to the la... read more

The Vicar (V) speaks with the widows (W*) of the deceased men during the service. He walks up to the first widow.

V: “What happened to your husband?”

W1: “Well we always dreamed of winning the lottery and we finally won after 15 years of playing. He suffered a heart attack but died ha... read more

Suprised the Leprechaun tries to hide


The man says "I found you, can I have my pot of gold?"


The Leprechaun unwillingly gives him the pot, "I don't usually give this away free, this stuff doesn't grow on trees you know..."


........


Just 1 year later the ma... read more

He had maybe a day left to live when he suddenly smelled his wife's prizewinning chili! He dearly loved her chili more than anything else in the world, especially the way his wife cooked them which was known throughout the state of Texas.

With every last bit of energy left in his mind and bo... read more

But every time he went to the airport, he got sick right away.
When he visited his doctor, the doc said "Its nothing serious. You're just terminally ill".