I used to work for a used computer sales shop. I tried to convince my boss to have a 9/11 sale, 2 towers for the price of 1.

It didn’t fly.

What’s the difference between the London bridge and the Eiffel Tower?

You gotta lock hands and lean in.

A 5G cell tower was built in a rural neighborhood

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa...

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3 men and a wizard are on top of a tower with no way down, the wizard says to the three men, "jump and say something while falling, and whatever you said will meet you at the bottom"

The first man jumped and yelled "pillows!". The man landed safely on some pillows. The second man jumped and yelled "Hay!". He was saved by landing in a pile of hay. The third man took the longest to jump because he was afraid of heights, but when he finally jumped he look down and yelled "OH CRAP!"

What did the guy jump off the Eiffel Tower?

He was in Seine!

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Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower:



Mongrel, Coot and Bluey .

As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensiti...

Eiffel Tower

*stood on Eiffel tower watching a beautiful sunset*

Sara?

*Gets down on one knee*

*audible gasp*

"Yes?"

Help my knee is made of magnets

A tourist is enjoying the sights from the famous Tashkent tower in Uzbekista...

When suddenly a guy in a hang-glider arrives, smashes into the tower and tumbles down to certain death.

Shortly afterwards, a second hang-glider does exactly the same.

Horrified, the tourist turns to the local guide, asking what on Earth just happened.

The guide shrugs, “You kno...

The Night the Eiffel Tower’s Lights Went Out

One fateful night, the lights on the Eiffel Tower went out. It was, of course, a national tragedy for all of France and quite a problem, not the least of which being the fact that airplanes could very easily fly right into the thing.

The French government called every last engineer or electr...

A fortune teller sat in his tower, practicing seeing into the future.

Instead of using tarot cards or a crystal ball to read the future, he used fine cloth he imported from the East. One day, as he was peering into the future, a strong guest of wind blew through his open window, carrying the cloth straight out the other one. With it being his sole future-seeing cloth,...

What's the difference between the Eiffel Tower and COVID-19?

One of them is actually breathtaking.

You hear about the cellphone towers that got married?

It was a nice ceremony, but the reception was *amazing.*

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A man is sitting at a bar. Another gentleman walks up and sits next to him. The first man looks at the new comer and says to him “did You know this bar is so high up in the tower that you can jump out the window and the gusts will lift you up and float you right back in the window?”

The new guy looks at him, astonished at this. The first guy says “watch I’ll show you”, takes a shot of whiskey, runs over to the window and jumps out. Thirty seconds later he floats right back up and through the window and walks back over to the Other gentleman.

Amazed, the other guy says “I...

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There were three men on a tower...

One of the three men said “Hey, did you know that if I jump right now, the pressure of the air will bring me back up.”

Than the second guy said “I don’t believe you.”

The third guy looked at the second guy and than went jumping off and flying right back up. “Believe me now?” Said the...

control tower: What are your coordinates?

**me:** I’m by a cloud that looks like a lion

**control tower:** can you be more specific?

**me:** Mufasa

From the beginning, Rapunzel never wanted a man to climb her tower to save her

She was just kinky and wanted someone to pull on her hair

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were on top of a water tower...

They were eating sack lunches. The brunette pulls his out and says “Damn, I’m tired of my family making me the same sandwiches everyday! If i have another one of these, I’m going to jump off of this water tower and kill myself!” The blonde and the redhead feel the same way because they too have the ...

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Because the clockwork in the clock tower was being repaired, Big Ben wasn't tolling the hour...

Well, Parliament put an advertisement in the newspaper for someone to ring the bell on the hour.

The first fellow to show up for the position had no arms. In the interview, they asked "How can you hit Big Ben with the striker if you have no arms?"

Not to be stopped by his handicap, h...

Saw this on r/cursedcomments

America is so bad at chess they lost 2 towers in one move

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force pl...

The Person Who Was In Charge of Ringing the Bell in the Bell Tower Wanted To Go On Vacation

To do this, he had to find someone to ring the bell each day, or he couldn't go. After looking for several days, he hadn't found anyone willing to do it. Discouraged, he went home and got on his computer to cancel his flight/hotel. Right before he canceled them, he heard a knock at the door. He got ...

A government agent is responsible for finding an architect to build a tower

So he brings 3 architects, a Chinese, an American and an Iranian. The Chinese architect says I charge 3 Millions, 1.5M for material, 1M for workers and 0.5M as my salary.

He goes to the next one. The American architect says I charge 6 Millions, 3M for material, 2M for workers and 1M as my sal...

I keep telling this joke about the plane that crashed into the twin towers

It's a shame it never lands

Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends?

Because they can't defend the towers

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

There was a competition at Sydney's center point tower.

Whoever could drop their watch from the tower, get to the bottom and then catch the watch will win $100000. A man from Western Australia tried his luck by dropping his watch and running down the stairs (if there are stairs). He picked up his broken watch and left. A man from Queensland dropped his w...

What do cell towers do when someone puts down a beat?

They drop some bars.

Chess joke



How come the english never lose at chess?

Because >!the queen never dies!<



Why are americans bad at chess?

Because >!they lost two towers!<

New York can't play chess

They're missing two towers

A woman plans to pay her sister a visit. They haven't seen one another for years, since her sister moved to New York.

"So, Rebecca- what's the best way I should find your apartment?"

"Well, Miriam it's real easy. When you leave the subway you'll see the great big tower-block, the one with the revolving glass-door to your immediate right. Give it a shove with your foot and scuttle inside while it's turning. S...

What’s the difference between USA and Middle Earth?

Two Towers

Donald Trump gets executed and is hanged by the neck until dead.

At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

“But Donald, CNN says you were killed!” Ivanka cried.

“Nope!” Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, “fake noose....

Priest and the Camera

Twice a week the local parish priest liked to go up on the roof of the rectory and crank one out. He had decided that this was probably the most discreet and secure place he could be and not be discovered. One day a tourist on a nearby tower was taking pictures of the city landscape and noticed the ...

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.

Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

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3 men and a tower in the desert

There were three men lost in a desert. They were dying of thirst when they came upon a tall tower. The man outside said there is plenty of water at the top, but, in order to get it you must first go up the 100 steps, naked without getting an erection.....oh and by the way each step has a beautiful n...

A french, an American and an Argentinian are in a plane.

The pilot let them open the window, and the French says "We are in France, because I just touched the Eiffel Tower!" Then the American didn't believe him and he said "That's a lie, we are in America. I just touched the Empire State!" The Argentinian didn't believe them both, so he opens the window a...

George W. Bush would have stopped 5G, thus stopping COVID-19.

He hates towers.

Finally found a new job after being unemployed for a long time. I work at a clock tower, using a long straw to remove water that accumulates behind the glass so the giant clock face doesn't rust.

The pay is good, but the work sucks big time.

What do you call a bird that sits atop a tall metal tower

A crane

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An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

What's the difference between a tick and the Eiffel tower?

None, because they're both paris sites.

Workers from a small russian community recently gathered together to fix one of the bells in an old historical bell tower.

Because in soviet russia, bell saved by you!

Jeff asks his mom if he can go swimming

J: Mooooom can i go swimming, they are opening the 3m jumping tower today.

M: ok

* Jeff comes home with a broken arm *

The next day Jeff asks:
Mooooom can I go swimming, they are opening the 5m jumping tower today.

M: ok, but be careful

* Jeff comes home with...

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An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication

with a small twin engine aircraft.A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cell phone.

He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his...

What is it called when Jamie pushed Bran down the tower?

King’s Landing

What pizza did the twin towers order?

Two plains

My favorite Clean Joke

A small-town parish priest realizes that he is getting too old to ring the bell in the tower and advertises for a bell ringer. A few days later there's a knock at the door and the priest answers only to discover a man standing there with no arms. "Can I help you?" the priest asks, to which the man ...

Last night I dreamt that my town’s water tower exploded.

It was a wet dream.

Why is the tower of Pisa tilted?

Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa actually isn't leaning.

...they just built it in Italic font.

Why was Sauron always adding entrances to his tower?

Because he lived in Mordor.

Did you hear about the documentary claiming the twin towers were brought down by a large sneeze?

Gesundheit 9/11.

I was a guide in a city tour for cross eyed people

“If you look to your right, you will see the Eiffel Tower on your left”

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second.

"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the ...

I build a new high end tower and made sure to include windows.

It would be a waste if you couldnt enjoy the view from up there.

The Wish

Three men are stranded on a desert island, when a bottle washes up on the shore. When they uncork the bottle, a genie appears and offers three wishes. The first wishes to be taken to Paris. The genie snaps his fingers, and the man suddenly finds himself standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. The sec...

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

What do you call a tower made of body parts?

Body Building.

What did the phone say to the cell tower?

Thank you for your service.

An American is in Italian prison

"How'd you get here?" his cellmate asks.

"Well," he replies, "I went to go visit that famous leaning tower and then decided to get a slice of fresh pizza. I sit down and the server comes to take my order. I asked what's good and the server went down the list. Neapolitan, Giuseppe, Pugliese, N...

An adventurer finds a huge tower

On the first floor he finds to his left a ladder and to his right an attractive woman. She tells him, "Take me here or climb to success." His curiosity gets the better of him so he climbs the ladder.

On the second floor he finds a woman even more attractive than the first one! She says, "Take...

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An American walks into a Belfast pub

Walks up to the counter and asks for an 'Irish car bomb'

Barman pours two tall shots of sambuca and lights them on fire and pushed them to the American who looks at him confused and says 'This isn't an Irish car bomb?'

Barman says 'No, its two towers, now fuck off'

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Some college kids are travelling

Some college kids are travelling the world to get some life experience. While visiting Morocco they decided to split up and meet back up at noon for lunch. One young man, losing track of time and not having a watch stops and asks a merchant who was sitting beside a camel.

The merchant looks ...

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Wonderwoman was sunbathing naked on top of the justice league tower...

Superman was flying over and he had the idea that "hey I'm quick as lightning, I could go down there and have sex with her really quick then be out of there in a second." So he flies down, gets the job done and flies off. Wonderwoman jumps up and goes "what the hell was that?" Invisible man replies ...

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Man walks into a bar on the roof of the Time Warner Center

After a few drinks he looks across at the second tower with awe, and notices a gentleman with black glasses doing the same. "Pretty cool, huh?" He says to him.

"Oh, you don't know the half of it...Did you know they specifically engineered these buildings to catch the wind and create an updraf...

The Tower of Pisa has been leaning for over 500 years.

It’s still not as left leaning as Reddit.

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I plopped out a turd that looked like the leaning tower

It was a Pisa shit.

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A French, a British and an american naval engineer brag about their submarines.

All three of them are standing in a harbour, arguing.
The french engineer says:

"Ahh, le french submarine can stay submerged for five weeks and and we do not run out of croissants or red wine, they are magnefique!"

The Brit responds:

"Oh my dear chap, that is nothing. Her ...

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I bought my friend with OCD a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa for his birthday.

He's going fucking nuts trying to hang it straight.

Donald Trump is heading to Trump Tower and bumps into a fellow on the busy sidewalk. He turns to the man and says...

"I pardon myself"

A bishop advertises a job to ring the bell in his tower.

The only job applicant is a hunchback with no arms. Bishop: "How can you do the job? You can't pull the rope!" Hunchback: "I have a plan - but we have to go to the top of the tower, where the bell is." .. So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower. Bishop: "Ok, show me your plan."
...

I went sightseeing in france and decided to check out that famous tower.

It sure was an Eiffel

Someone drew a swastika on The Trump Tower

The police aren't sure if it's a supporter, or a hater.

What do a man who lives in a watch tower by the sea and a 85 lbs hotel maid have in common?

They’re both light house keepers.

I tried dressing up as the plane that crash into the twin towers for the office costume party

It didn't land too well

What did the Left tower say to the Right Tower?

Can't talk right now, gotta catch a flight

Why did Sauron rebuild his tower?

It needed more door.

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