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Pole Jokes

A Pole-ish joke

Two engineers…….

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, ...

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Santa walks into the North Pole bar, takes a seat, and asks the bartender for his most popular shot

Bartender pours out something that looks like candy cane. “It’s called ‘Elf Cum’”.

Santa cringes, but downs it and remarks, “Gee, that’s really good, but why do you call it ‘Elf Cum’?”

Bartender replies, “When I tested it out with Mrs. Claus, she said, ‘That tastes just like ...

I took a pole and found out...

100% of people get mad when their tent falls over.

Joke about a Pole in a swearing competition

A contest was set up. By who? Nobody knows.


But, the general gist was this - whoever can maintain the longest flow of cursewords wins... something.


And so, a Britton, a Frenchman, a Russian and a Pole get into the finals. Each have their own booths to psyche up and prepare for ...

There are no divorce courts at the North Pole,

so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

What do you call a chicken in the North Pole?

>!Lost!<

Dad joke: So I saw this dude walking around with a long pole. I asked him, "Are you a pole vaulter"?

He said "Nein, I am ze German... but tell me, but how did you know my name ist Walter?"/

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A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

So, these two engineers are trying to determine the height of a flagpole...

...A blonde woman wearing a tool belt and hardhat comes walking by, notices the engineers with their problem and goes over to help. She loosens the bolts at the base of the pole, lays it down on its side, then takes her tape measure and runs it down the side of the pole.

"26 feet 6 inches" S...

I saw people putting notes at the bottom of a telephone pole. I asked them what they were doing and one person said:

"We are putting comments under this post."

What do you call a polar bear on the South pole and another Polar Bear On The North pole?

Polar Opposites.

Did you hear about the pole vault champion of North Korea?

He’s now the pole vault champion of South Korea.

A team of Swedes and a team of Norwegians are hired one day to put up telephone polls...

Their manager explains to them how to drive the poles into the ground, and leaves them to their work while he goes off to attend to other business. At the end of the day, he comes back to see what progress has been made. First, he sees that the Norwegian team has put up 15 poles.

"For a job w...

A girl is dared by a boy to climb the school flagpole.

She bets him five dollars that she can and he agrees. She climbs all the way to the top and gets her five bucks.

She tells her mom after school, feeling proud of her accomplishment.

“Oh honey, he just wanted you to climb the pole so he could see your underwear.” She says, shaking her h...

Two electricians are up on a pole

A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:

— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?

The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:

— Told you it was the ground.

Blonde, Nun, Russian and Pole in Train

Suddenly they enter the tunnel. It is getting dark. A loud sound is heard in the darkness. At the exit, a Russian man can be seen holding his cheek. The nun thinks - the pervert touched the blonde and got slapped. The blonde thinks - the pervert was supposed to touch me, but he made a mistake, touch...

I Hit A Pole While Driving In Europe Once

I'm now wanted in Poland for manslaughter.

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

A pole walks into a bar...

A Pole walks into a bar...












"CLANG!"

When you're old, the only pole dancing you can do is....

....to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub

why did the crow land on the telephone pole?

He wanted to make a long distance caw

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

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My wife really wants to have sex on the South Pole

I didn’t know she was into expeditionism

What's the difference between Reddit and the north pole?

The north pole doesn't have as many snowflakes.

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Little Bobby was running through the woods

Little Bobby was running through the woods behind his house when the urge to go #2 struck. Bobby did his business behind a tree and carried on his way. The next day, Bobby was out behind his house again when he saw a swarm of flies circling yesterday's droppings. Intrigued, Bobby dropped his pants a...

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Pole finds a lamp on the beach at Gdańsk

A Polish man walking along the beach at Gdańsk finds a lamp. He tries to polish the crud off it and as he does so &gt;POOF&lt; a genie appears and says to the Pole "for freeing me from the prison of the lamp you have 3 wishes"

The Pole thinks on his good fortune for a few minutes and ...

You know what religion they practice in the North Pole?

Santaria.

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What do you call a snake climbing a steel pole?

A ssssssstripper.

Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed

That’s when he’s most likely to elf harm.

Poland is full of Poles

Holland is full of Holes

Went on a date with a woman who bought along a 12 foot pole with a Superman cape tied to one end

for me that's a red flag

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Jesus and Moses go Fishing

Jesus and Moses are sitting by a riverbank, fishing, and shooting the shit about the good ol' days.

Moses says, "I had a few great days, but I have to say, that day I parted the Red Sea was the best of them. Man, that was spectacular! You should have seen the look on everyone's faces." ...

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Polish guy goes into an Opticians for an eye test.

Optician holds up the card with CZWJNYSACZ and asks him can he read that?

The Pole says “Read it? I know the cunt”.

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A Polar bear cub who lives at the north pole...

He asks his dad, "Am I a polar bear?" His dad says


"I'm a polar bear, and your mother's a polar bear. That means you're a polar bear."


The cub asks "are you sure?"


Dad says" Of course I'm sure, go ask your mother.


Cub asks his mother "Am I a polar...

Three men applied to put up telephone poles.

The foreman sent them each out with a truck and 20 poles, telling them to come back after 8 hours.

The first man returns and says "I put up 12 poles."

The second man returns and says "I put up 15 poles."

The third man returns and says "I put up 3 poles."

"Three?" asks the...

Two elves are winding down in the North Pole bar after a long day of making toys.

After downing some shots of peppermint schnapps, the first elf says to the second, “That COVID outbreak in China has really messed up the toy production schedule. I don’t think Santa has ever pushed us so hard!”.

The second one added, “Yeah, things were so bad today that Rudolph and Blitzen...

Did you hear about the kid who bungie jumped from the school's flag pole?

He was suspended

Dad, name 5 animals living in the North Pole

Three seals and two penguins.

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I got into a fight with a girl and she said she bets I have a tiny penis

I responded with "what difference does it make to you? You're so ugly I wouldn't touch you with a 1.5 inch pole"

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What do you call naked men standing on each other’s shoulders?

A scrotum pole.

Two men have been selected for an expedition to the North Pole

Their names are George Bernard and William Briggs. On this journey they’ve been given a state of the art ship to cross through iceberg laden waters unscathed and plenty of supplies for the trip. On the 20th of December George and William set off on their expedition. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the...

I went to another country famous for their Pole dancing.

2/10, definitely not worth the trip to Poland.

A joke I came up with when I was 8 (or I read it somewhere)

2 bats were sitting on a bench in the middle of the night and one turns to the other and says "I'm really thirsty for some blood"

So he goes off into the darkness.

After a while he comes back with its mouth full of blood and the second bat says "wow where did you get so much blood in t...

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Two men are staring at a pole.

After a while a blonde woman walks up to them and asks them what they are looking at.
One of them says, " We are trying to determine the height of the pole."
So the blonde quickly opens her purse, removes a spanner, unscrews the bolts and lays the pole flat on the ground. She then pulls out a ...

What’s the difference between North Korea and the North Pole?

One of them is forever ruled by a jolly fat man who directs an entire race of short people to produce packages he can drop from the sky all over the world, and the other is the North Pole.

If we call someone from Poland a pole

Do we call someone from Holland a hole?

Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole...

...when an elderly lady was passing below them. One of the electricians calls her.

\- Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?

\- This one, young man?

\- Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!

\- No problem, dear!...

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A stripper got fired for telling me who to vote for

Apparently pole workers can't do that

Why couldn’t the North Pole make enough toys this year?

Because they are short-staffed!

At the North Pole, what do elves put on their time card?

"Present".

What is a pole vaulter's favourite drink?

Spring water.

Bob Ross was out fishing when his pole started to dip.

He reeled in the fish and the fish said, "please don't eat me, can you please throw me back?"

Bob Ross replies, "Woah, a talking fish! I was going to throw you back anyways!"

The fish swims away a bit and then turns back, saying "Now that you let me go, how about a wish?"

Bob Ro...

An American, a Pole and an Israeli arrive at the butcher's shop

There's a notice on the door:

# Shortage today, no meat, sorry

The American: What's 'shortage' ?

The Pole: What's 'meat' ?

The Israeli: What's 'sorry' ?

How are they killing Covid in the North Pole?

Santa-tizing

A pole vaulter walks into a bar

She's disqualified (and really tall).

A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a fishing pole for her grandson.

She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark glasses. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop...

What do you call a small pole that can swim?

A tadpole

If Russia and Germany would invade Poland again, who the Poles will shoot at first?

Germans. Business before pleasure.

I ran my car into a pole late last night

The worst part was the awful sound it made, but I don't speak polish so I just kept driving

I went fishing but my hook fell off, then my line broke, then my pole snapped.

In frustration I threw my broken pole into the water where it hit a fish and killed it.


It was a fluke.

What do you call a giant animal that likes to dance on a pole? (NSFW)

A strippopotomus

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I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

A crow sits on a telephone pole, doing nothing - looking stupid

A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.

Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"

Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"

Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"

An hour later a 3rd crow arrive...

My life was great before I traveled to the North pole

From there it all went south.

I just saw a theater performance called "The Woodpecker and the Metal Pole"

The performance was impeccable!

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I got a new good horny fishing pole...

I call it the Master-Baiter

(Old joke) A Polish man is in the bread line

A guy pops his head out and says, "sorry, but we are out of bread." The Pole in line begins shouting: "I have lived in this country all my life! I have lived my life for Communism! Now I have no bread after waiting in line for 2 hours! What were we fighting for? Communism sucks! I hate this country!...

Why does Santa have a brothel on the north pole?

Cause that's where he keeps his hoe hoe hoes.

A Czech and a Pole go hiking

They wander upon two bears having relations. They try to run but the bears easily chase them down and eat them. A ranger hears the commotion and runs in and shoots the bears. Police arrive and they dissect the female bear and find the Pole. The ranger sighs and says, "Well, I guess the Czech is in t...

A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie.

Its the usual schtick, 3 wishes and all. So the man says to the genie, I want for a horde of mongolians to come to my country, kill and pillage, and go home.

The genie thinks this is odd, but obliges. The mongolians make it to the farmlands at the border, kill and pillage, then return home....

A Pole went for an eye check up

A Pole went for an eye check up.

The doctor showed the letters on the board:
CXWSNQSTAZKY

Doctor: Can you read this ?

Pole: Read? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.

Why did Charlie Brown take his pole dancing routine so seriously?

He was tired of doing comic strips.

What kind of trees are telephone poles made from?

Tall ones

Overheard from an old man at McDonald's

What do you call that weird sensation when you are suddenly teleported from North Pole to South Pole or vice versa?

Bi-polar disorder.

What do you call getting run through with a spiked pole?

A very painful ex-spear-ience.

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles?

Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south

Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife?

Scientist 2: or his husband...

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What’s a stripper doing when performing a spin on the pole?

A sexual revolution.

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A Russian, a Pole and a German are sitting in a prison cell.

The Russian comes up to the German holding a candy bar and asks “You want this?”. The German is thinking “He’ll probably want to fuck me for this” and says no.


The Russian then comes up to the Pole and again asks “You want this?”. The Polish guy is thinking “He’ll probably want to fuck me...

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send ...

Why don't fire stations have poles any more?

Brexit.

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My buddy Norman was a great guy, but he was obsessive about power poles.

True story. My buddy Norman had mental issues.

He used to go around with a slingshot, shooting stones at the insulators on power poles. The police would pick him up, hold him overnight, then let him go in the morning. He would eventually find a new slingshot, then go right back to shooti...

What do you call a guy who likes sitting on flag poles?

A flaggot.

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My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma'

I had sex with Santa's wife and separated the clauses

I walked into a pole the other day

He said excuse me

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“Can you work a pole?”

So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said “yeah, can you work a pole xschlots?” And for some reason the first comment that comes out is “I mean yeah my family’s mostly Ger...

Frog DNA...

A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole.

Telephone Poles

Bell needed to hire a team of telephone pole installers for Fort McMurray and the boss had to choose between a team of two guys from Newfoundland and a team of two Irish guys.

So the boss met with both teams and said "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new ro...

Someone stole my limbo pole

How low can you go?

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There's a telegraph pole on which birds tend to sit and defecate

It's a shitty post.

A wife borrows her husbands car, loses control and wraps it around a pole

She calls him up to explain the situation and ends the call with "Should be fine though".



Livid, the husband demands to know what the hell she means by that.



Wife: "Well it's a Mercedez"

Husband: "Damn it woman, what has that got to do with anything?"

Wife...

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What do you call a telephone pole shoved deep into a rectum?

A shit post.

I'm looking for a tiny Scottish pole

But all I can find on here is wee posts

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A man walks into a bar. He says "Ow!" A different man walks into a post. He says "Fuck!" Another man walks into a pole...

And he yells back "PATRZ GDZIE IDZIESZ!"

I crashed my care into a pole.

I just wanted to see how the Mercedes Benz.

Why did the python programmer run into the pole?

He couldn't C it.

Don't worry, i'll cout<<"myself";

Pole Vaulter

Back in the 50's most carpet was made overseas came rolled up on lengths of bamboo.

So this guy is walking down the road and sees several bamboo poles poking out of the trash behind a carpet store. The guy goes into the store and asks if he can have one of the discarded poles. The carpet guy ...

I was gonna make a joke about a tiny pole...

But then I realised it was a wee post

I stole a walking pole from a blind man earlier...

He wasn't looking

Christmas pick up lines

Christmas PickUp Lines: Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.



Is your name Jingle Bells, 'cause you look like you'd go all the way.

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?  Shouldn't you be on the top of the tree, Angel? H...

Why aren't more men into learning how to pole dance?

We prefer ballroom

Why don't we need a compass at the North Pole?

Because every direction is south.

If you ever feel depressed just go to the South Pole...

You can only go up from there

Why is the North Pole always so wet?

Because of rain, dear.

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What happens if you go around a pole at the speed of light?

You will fuck yourself both literally and metaphorically.

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A little know tale of the Legendary duo of King Akbar and his witty Minister Birbal.

So, King Akbar's daughter had reached the marriageable age. As was the custom at the time a competition was held to choose the right groom for her. The task was to pole vault over a 10 feet wall topped with barbed wire.

All eligible princes' were invited to the event, but no one was successfu...

What are black spots lost in the middle of North Pole?

arctic monkeys

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