Tees Jokes - 31 Hilarious Tees Jokes

Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So th...

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?

Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

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Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station

in a remote part of Ireland. Paddy, who knows nothing about golf, says "Top of the morning to you sir!"

Tiger nods and bends over to pick up the nozzle. As he does so two tees fall out of his pocket.

"What are those?"

Tiger replies, "These are called tees. They are for resting m...

Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses are all playing golf.

Mohammed tees up first, hits it nice and straight onto the green. Moses tees up with a nice clean shot, and his ball also lands a few yards from the hole.

Jesus tees up, and completely whiffs it. The ball rolls a few inches off the tee.

Suddenly, a gopher pops up out of the ground, g...

need help figuring out a joke.

A girl I know keeps telling my friends a joke about golf. She insists it's a joke and not a riddle but none of us get it. Here it is:

Four guys go golfing. The first guy tees up, and hits the ball super far. The second guy tees up, and hits the ball really terribly. The third guy tees up, and...

Moses snd Jesus are playing golf

They come to a 210 yard par three that only a lake between tee and green. Jesus turns to Moses and asks what club would tiger woods use on this hole? Moses says Lord tiger would use a 4 iron but you should use a 3 wood. Jesus pulls a 4 iron and sure enough he ball lands in the water. Moses says I’ll...

Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap.

There were a lot of casual tees.

A Priest with a golf addiction...

awakes to a beautiful Sunday morning after weeks of bad weather. He just can't work today, he HAS to find a way to fit in a round or two of golf. He calls in sick, and drives 2 hours to distant course so no one will recognize him. He lines up his first shot, a par 5, and lets it rip...

Mea...

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On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The villagers stare at the BMW as they have never seen one before !

The pump attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is.

"Good morning. Beauty of an automobile you have there” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick ‘hello’ and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does...

Moses and Jesus decide to play golf.

First hole is a par 4, fairly straight but there's a pond that stretches from the front of the tee to a spot about 200 yards down the fairway. Jesus pulls a 4-iron out of his bag and steps up to the tee.

Moses can't believe it. "A 4-iron? Are you nuts? You can't clear the water with tha...

New business idea

We sell cammo tshirts.
We call it "Casual tees of war"!

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My second-favorite golf joke

So a twosome tees off. Bob hits his ball right into a lake. Fred says, "You're out of bounds; better hit another." Bob says, "don't worry. Look."

Fred watches, astonished, as the ball pops to the surface and rows to shore. The ball hops out of the lake and rolls onto the grass.

So Bo...

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A priest goes golfing

He tees up on the first hole, takes a swing, and the ball curves to the right. "Ah shit," the priest says before he realized what slipped out of his mouth. He quickly covers his mouth, apologizes to god, and continues playing golf.

A couple holes down, he tees up and the ball curves hard to t...

Did you hear about the bombing at the garment factory?

Apparently there were over 100 casual tees.

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Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.

Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green.

Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping ...

An explosion happened at a clothes store.

There were many casual tees.

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Phil Mickelson Pulls into a Full Service Station

Phil pulled his brand new Escalade up to the gas pumps and an attendant hurried out.

He was in awe of Escalades and really wanted to see it up close. As he was filling the tank, he asked Phil if his ride had extra features.

Phil said, "Indeed it does. It came packed with all the lates...

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The Golf Pro

A golf pro is going over his morning instruction list and sees the usual: a lawyer, a CEO, etc… Looking down the list, he sees someone who listed prostitute. Finally, someone different!

He meets her out on the putting green and introduces himself. “I would like to start your lessons by seeing...

Why do soldiers have to wear such fancy uniforms?

Because they don’t allow civilian casual tees!

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A profession golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?" "Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."

"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

So, Moses and Jesus are playing golf ...

One day Moses and Jesus were playing golf. They were at the tee of a beautiful par 3, with a lake right in the middle of the fairway. Moses selects a 5 iron, tees-up his ball and swings. His ball sails very high and lands in the middle of the lake. He mutters to himself and tees-up a second ball, th...

One Sunday, a priest decides he doesn't want to go to church...

And decides to go golfing instead.

So he calls his deacon to tell him he is sick. The deacon agrees to preach on his behalf.

So the priest grabs his golf clubs. He drives for a while, finding a course where he wouldn't be recognized, and starts playing his game.

He tees up on ...

A guy is golfing by himself and shanks a ball hard.

He yells, "Goddamn it all to hell!"

St. Peter hears him and asks God, "Aren't you going to do anything about that?"

God says, "Yep."

Next hole is a long par five over water ending in a dog leg. The guy tees up and crushes the ball. It hits the water but just as it does, a turtle...

What is the most common attire during WWII?

Casual Tees

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Fred has a week off and decides

to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact, she’s very attractive. He’s interested and suggests that they play the rest o...

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An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course.

The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway. As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says: “Buon tiro”, which means “Good shot”. The Italian businessman replies: “Grazie”.
The second guest, who is from France, tees off and hi...

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A guy gets matched with a couple and a gorgeous blonde for a round of golf...

During the round he flirts with the blonde a bit. On the 16th, he says, "How about after the round, I buy you a drink at the club house?"

"I have a better idea," she replies, "I have a place on the lake not far from here. Why don't we head there for some fun. "

Not believing his l...

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A golfer in his SL500AMG pulled into a service station after his game.

The attendant pumping his gas looked into the car and saw two golf tees in the centre console.

"What's them pointy things there?" asked the attendant.

"They're called tees. You rest your balls on them when driving."

"Fuck me, Mercedes think of everything!"

A golfer is playing golf by himself one Sunday morning. He comes to a par 3 that goes over a lake.

Dejectedly he takes an old scruffed up ball out of his bag and tees it up.

Suddenly he hears a loud , commanding voice from above say: “TEE UP A NEW BALL.”

He looks around surprised, then opens a brand new sleeve of Titleist and tees one up.

He hears the voice again: “ TAKE A ...

I asked my dad, "why does the military use uniforms?"

He replied, " To minimize casual tees'

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