Curling Jokes - 18 Hilarious Curling Jokes

Which sport is more lame: frisbee, or curling?

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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its broom.

Why does Jesus always go first when the disciples go Curling?

Because they let he who is without sin cast the first stone!

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My favorite winter Olympic sport is women’s curling...

Because it’s the one time every four years I can yell, “sweep harder” at a woman, and no one thinks it’s because I’m a sexist pig.

Why did man invent curling?

To convince women sweeping was a sport.

Olympic curling seems like the kind of game...

Mr. Miyagi would have invented to trick Daniel into sweeping his floors.

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toe curl

A virgin is finally getting his groove on with a willing young lady for the first time. Afterwards he's got a few questions about the experience and has to ask, What's the deal with your toes curling up every time I put my dick in you. Well she responded, you were so eager to get it on you didn't gi...

I was doing some curling in the gym when some guy looked at me funny.

I said, "What's up, punk?"

"Nothing," he replied, "I've just never seen a man using hair rollers before."

My wife and I love curling up in a fuzzy blanket and nuzzling up with our cat this time of year, when the air is cold and dry...

Really makes the sparks fly!

Getting your farts back in...

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly. Every morning, when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning sh...

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A child crashes his bike in front of a church

The priest see's this and bring the boy inside to treat him. The boy having a concussion stays the night in the church. In the middle of the night he hears a blood curling scream. The next morning he asks the priest what the sound was and says "I am sorry my child I cannot tell you for you are not a...

A daddy hedgehog is teaching his sons how to cross a road

He explains 'if you see a car coming, go to the middle and curl up in a ball, it will pass right over you.' He then demonstrates, walking across the road and, when a car comes, curling up into a ball and letting it pass safely over the top, and then heading to the other side.

He then tells th...

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One Night Stand (NSFW)

A guy successfully picks up a woman during a night out and brings her home for some casual sex. By the time they get to his apartment, they're both unbelievably horny. The front door has barely shut before they start making passionate love, stripping each others' clothes off on the way to the bedr...

Guy meets a girl at the bar...

... and they get along really well. They decide to take it back to her place. On the cab ride they get frisky, the elevator ride up they're getting riled up, and by the time they get in the door they strip off in a mad fit of passion and drop to the floor right there, going at it at her request.
...

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

-Edit my dad told me this joke and I just got some of the parts I remembered but I’m pretty sure this is all it

Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies...

Every time a new Pope is elected...

...there are a lot of rituals in accordance with tradition. Well, there is one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velv...

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

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NSFW The Voodoo Dick.

A man married to a nymphomaniac is going on a business trip, and he is worried his wife is going to cheat on him. So he decides to buy her a toy in the hopes of keeping her satisfied until he gets back. He goes to the neighborhood sex shop and explains his situation the the store owner. The owner gr...

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