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Holes Jokes

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How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?

Take a flute and shove it up your ass.

As part of the merger, the PGA will control holes 1-8 and 12-18.

The Saudis do 9-11.

All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together.

At first it's boring, then it's riveting.

If it takes 6 men 6 days to dig 6 holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole?

There is no such thing as a half a hole. It’s just a hole.

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

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Glory holes

They give me the willies

A council worker is digging holes, while another worker immediately fills them in.

A man is watching two council workers busy in a local park. One digs a hole, moves a couple of meters and digs another hole, and so on. The other worker follows the first, immediately filling in all the holes the first worker has dug.

The man watching is furious, and approaches them saying,...

A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him.

I know the drill.

Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets?

So they can run their hands through their hair.

a person comes across three holes in the ground

“well, well, well”

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Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils.

One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.



Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.



Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.



"Look," said Mr. Dickson...

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The teacher asks how you put 2 holes in 1 hole.

Nobody knows the answer so she puts her index finger and thumb together and places it over her nose.

Little Johnny then asks the teacher "How do you put 6 holes in 1 hole?"

She says she doesn't know.

He says "You put a recorder up your pussy!"

The teacher, surprised by th...

A convict escapes from prison and holes up in a convent.

He rounds up all the nuns and begins to look them over, saying, "I'll have my way with all of you."

A young novice says, "Please, sir, do what you will to us, but don't harm the Mother Superior!"

Suddenly, the Mother Superior says, "You heard the man! He said ALL of us!"

Bought the book: Tiger Woods best 18 holes.

I was incredibly disappointed when I found out it was about golf.

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What are the two most important holes in a womans body?

No!! Not them you dirty bastards!!!!

Its her nostrils...they allow her to breathe while she's sucking your dick.

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot...

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I have three holes, each of which are often filled with three solid rods at the same time. What am I?

An electric socket you sick fucks!

I don't have a single pair of underwear without holes in them

I mean... How else am I supposed to put them on?

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A man was playing golf,

and forgot which hole he was at. He saw a woman ahead of him and asked "Excuse me, what hole are we at?"

The woman replied, "Well, this is 7th and you're a hole behind, so that would be 6th."

The man thanks her and returns to his hole. Smitten, he decides to go talk to her after a few ...

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Stanley...

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Cooter arrived first, a...

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A Teacher asks the students..

"Is it possible to insert 2 holes through one hole?"

Nobody is able to answer

Teacher: "You guys are so stupid. Go and ask your parents and come back tomorrow with an answer."

The next day too, nobody is able to answer the question.

Teacher: "Well, it seems your parents a...

A woman dies and goes to the afterlife. They tell her:

\- You were a righteous woman in your life. You may go to Heaven, here is the queue.

She joins the queue, starts waiting... suddenly, she hears a horrible scream.

\- What was that? - she asks a nearby angel.

\- Well, a new soul is being converted into an angel, so they drill ho...

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A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

I stuffed a bunch of blunts into the holes of a foam shoe and brought it to the party.

Sure I was popular, but I wish someone would have explained to me what a crockpot was before I came.

Do you know how annoying it is to drill small holes?

Only a little bit.

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What do 9 volt batteries and butt holes have in common?

You know you shouldn't, but one day you're probably going to try licking one.

What did the man say after digging three holes in the yard?

“Well, well, well”

There’s a new hotel in town that features glory holes but you’d never know from the name.

The Walnut Inn

Which holes are the most addictive ones?

Alco holes

The problem with glory holes…

… they can only spread by word of mouth.

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A dirty joke told by 85yo grandpa to the whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at...

I used to have a job cutting holes to make trapdoors for theatres.

It was just a stage I was going through.

How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit suicide?

There are bullet holes in the mirror.

What do vegan black holes say?

"I'm on a strictly planet based diet"

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What are the two most important holes on a woman?

The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job.

*My 10 year old brother told me this today

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Which hole?

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told them that heaven is pretty crowded right now and that they have to past a test in order to gain admittance. He pointed to Satan who happens to be standing beside him and sa...

I tried reading a book about machines that drill large holes in the ground.

It was boring.

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What's common between assholes and black holes?

They both suck duhh.

It's St Peter's day off and Jesus is manning the Pearly Gates...

When an old man arrives seeking admission. Jesus starts running through the application form.

"Name?" says Jesus in bored tone of voice.

"Joseph." The old man replies.

"Occupation?" Jesus drone on.

"Carpenter." Jesus looks up a little surprised but he continues.

"C...

Two men golfing...

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.

The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns ...

People keep talking about black holes

I guess they have a lot of mass appeal.

A Ukrainian sailor was drilling holes in a Russian oligarch's yacht...

A police officer approaches the sailor and asks him what he is doing.

The sailor puts down the drill and says, "Oh, me? Uhhhm... as a matter of fact, I am here to bless the ship."

The police officer looks skeptical, "You're here to bless the ship?"

"Yes, that's right! I ...

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