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i told my psychiatrist I'm having suicidal thoughts

he said i have to start paying him in advance from now on

My roommate is into auto-erotic asphyxiation, but he's also suicidal.

I can never tell if he's coming or going.

Did you hear the one about the suicidal soviet pilot?

He was a commie-kazi.

You know what's the difference between 2020s Eurocup and a bucket list from a suicidal person?

The bucket list has more goals.

[OC] Why are hairdressers suicidal

They just want to dye.

(My first oc please don’t hurt me)

I’m a suicidal perfectionist…

No matter how many drafts of my suicide note I write, I just can’t seem to end it.

A Suicidal person and a Homicidal person are roomed together in a psyche ward

The homicidal person says "we share a common interest"

A dumbass,a suicidal person and a gamer walk into a bar

The bartender says: you are 13 why are you in a bar

What's a difference between a suicidal french speakee & a terrified english speaker when you point a gun at them?

I don't know, it sounds the same.

A homicidal and a suicidal patent are put in the same room in a psych ward.

The suicidal person says "well that makes 2 people that want me dead."

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

The more suicidal people there are

The less suicidal people there are

What do you call a suicidal James Bond?

The world is quite enough.

What do you call a suicidal lacotose-intollerant person?

A danger to themselves and udders

A match is feeling suicidal.

So it scratches its head.

What is a suicidal man's favorite game?

Hangman

A man is suicidal and is about to jump off a building

“Don’t do it!” shouts another man from behind him. “God loves you and has given you life for a purpose.”

“Really?” says the suicidal man.

“Yes. Do you believe in God?”

“Yes.”

“Me too! Christian or non-Christian?”

“Christian.”

“Me too! Which denomination?”...

I went to give a suicidal person a high five....

But he left me hanging.

Like a suicidal Humpty Dumpty,

I crack myself up

Q: What do you call it when a bunch of suicidal people all sleep together?

A: A Hangover

I'm suicidal but recently found Jesus and started praying every night.

Yet, I keep waking up with my prayers unanswered.

What did the suicidal guy say to the scientist who was trying to not get him to jump

You have so much potential

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Suicidal carpenter with micropenis

Measure twice cut once

What's the difference between a suicidal bungee jumper and a professional one?

Where they tie the rope.

The Joy of Sects

A man crossing a bridge sees a suicidal chap about to take a big dive, Thinking he could be the good Samaritan, he stops and calls to the jumper.

GS: "Hey Buddy, Lets talk, Don't do anything rash, life is good, lets find something to talk about, Say tell me friend, are you religious?"

...

Do you want to know what happened to the suicidal teddy bear?

He couldn't do it he was too soft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Walks Into A Bar

The bar is on the 22nd floor of a tall high rise. He walks up to the bar and sits down next to a guy who is very drunk. After the bartender gets him a drink, the drunk turns to him and says, "Hey buddy, see that open window over there?"

The man looks and sees one of the large windows standing...

A young depressed gentleman calls the Al Qaeda hotline

and says, "I think I need help. I've been having suicidal thoughts."

Then he hears the representative on the other end, "Well, congratulations. You're hired."

I hate suicidal cannibals

They're so full of themselves

Managed to talk a suicidal man down from a window ledge

By shouting

“JUMP!”

A French man loses his favorite olive oil, and becomes suicidal...

I've lost my huile d'olive!

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