What do you call an acute triangle that is dangerous?

A bermute triangle!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time and Julie whispers, "I should warn you, Ted, I've got acute angina."

Ted responds, "Your breasts aren't bad either!"

Therapist: It seems like you have an acute fear of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: I can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

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A man and his wife goes to the doctor because she is experiencing shortness of breath and she comes out of the exam room saying, "Well, the doc thinks I have a nice cooter!"

"What in the actual fuck?!!" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice cooter."

The husband is pissed and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice cooter? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not w...

You want to hear acute joke?

If you're cold, just go sit in a corner. It's 90 degrees there.

A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."

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Nursing Home

An elderly man and woman at a nursing home become attracted to each other, and decide to sneak off to the janitor's closet to have sex.
They start kissing, and things get pretty heated. The man slowly unbuttons the woman's blouse and removes her bra.
The woman stops him and says, "before we go...

Doctor said I have acute pharyngitis.

I said, “sorry doc, I’m married.”

Psychiatrist to neurotic patient "You have acute paranoia"

Neurotic Patient "I came here to be treated, not admired"

An old Couple in a nursing home decide to hook-up, And go to a closet, to be discreet, The woman warns the gent,"I have Acute Angina" and the gent says..

"That's good 'cause your tit's are ugly as hell!"

A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace

A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.

"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."

A few seconds pause.

"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."

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Acute Angina

An elderly man and woman in a nursing home decide to get married. On the wedding night the man goes into the bathroom to get ready for bed. The woman quickly takes all of her clothes off and gets into bed pulling the sheet up just under her breasts. The man comes out of the bathroom and is a litt...

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Scientists have reached the conclusion that the owl has the most acute sense of hearing

They clearly haven't experimented on men browsing porn while their wives are asleep.

Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday?

Because he had a wee cough

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A young girl with a heart condition is about to be deflowered

A young girl with a heart condition is about to be deflowered for the first-time. Fearing the increased cardiovascular strain of sex could kill her she tries to put it off.
"I'm not sure if I can do this" she tells her boyfriend
"It's fine" he reassures her "it can wait".

Months go by a...

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Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

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Singles bar

An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in.

An English E meets a French É

and says 'That's acute accent.'

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The Old Couple

The old couple had fallen in love at the retirement village.

Eventually, he put the hard word on her.

"Oh, yes!", she said, as she hurriedly started undressing. "But I must tell you, I have acute angina."

"Well that's good 'cause you've got lousy tits", he replied.

Are you a 45 degree angle?

Because you're acute-y.

I think my cardiologist is in to me

He said I had acute angina

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An old man and woman snuck into the broom closet at the retirement home for a romp...

They undressed and were about to fuck when the woman realized she should warn the man about her heart condition.

"I should tell you, I have acute angina," she said.

"Good," said the man, "because you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen!"

A man was being interviewed for a job in CIA

Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer Instinct. So, do you think you are eligible?

Man: Sir... Can my wife apply?

The Prostitute

A prostitute is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.

She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."

He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."

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I once had sex with a girl who had an 89° vagina

She really had acute pussy

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An old couple are going at it.

A widow and a widower meet in a retirement home. After weeks of talking and flirting they decide to convene in his room. Things begin to get hot and heavy.

He unbuttons her blouse and begins to fondle her breasts. She unzips his pants and starts playing with his dick. When he is erect he mak...

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Yet another day at the retirement community.

George and Helen had been flirting with each other for weeks and finally found themselves at a point where intimate relations were mere moments away.

Helen, trusting in the moment, whispers to George, "Be gentle, I have acute angina."

George, a bit hearing impaired, replies, "Thank God...

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Autopsy Professor

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students.
Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. 'There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics.

First, you must have no fear.' Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus ...

My wife was recently submitted to hospital with chest pains.

The consultant said, "Mr Smith, your wife has acute angina"
I said, "Yes I know that, but how's her heart ?"

I held a meditation class at a retirement home once...

At the end of the session, which consisted mostly of breathing exercises, I procured a small gong and a mallet. I told all of them to close their eyes and focus on the sound of the gong, and to raise their hand when they could no longer hear it.

Everyone closed their eyes, and I struck the go...

What do you call a snake with pointy head?

Acute snake

[nsfw] So a couple in a nursing home decide to have intercourse

The attraction had been growing between them. He was hard of hearing, and both connected quickly, as they endeared one another's patience and stark and sardonic humor.

They hadn't been with anyone since their partners had passed, but they decided it was time. They ran out to the nearby wooded...

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George and Mary met in the nursing home and things were getting serious.

They decided it was time they took the relationship to the next level and went to Mary's room where she slowly began to undress. She had her blouse and bra off, and just as she was about to take her skirt off she said to George, who was a little hard of hearing "I hope you'll be gentle with me Georg...

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A young man says to his girlfriend's father

"Sir, I would like your permission to marry your daughter."

And Dad says "You know, it's lovely to find such a well-mannered young man, and we think she's very lucky to have found you -- but can I just ask, do you know she has acute angina?"

And the young man says "You're telling m...

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A cute homonym

This young couple had only been married for about two weeks when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. She tells her husband who suggests that she goes to the doctor to be examined. She arranges an appointment and goes the following day. The husband, while at work receives a call f...


Two friends were walking by when they saw a poster with a joke on it. It said "Are you cold at the moment? Come to the corner, it's 90 degrees."

"Wow," said the first friend. "That's acute joke."
"Eh, not really." said the second friend. "Actually it's all right."

Hey girl , is the cosine of you positive?

Cos you're acute angle.

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Hey girl, I'm no doctor but I can diagnose your condition...

You have acute butt

Toughest time of my Life

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.

Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertr...

Blonde's Appendicitis

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."

The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

How did the triangle know he had appendicitis?

He had an acute pain in his side!

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A businessman goes to a psychologist

"Doc, you've got to help me," he says. "I'm so stressed out I'm losing my hair, I can't focus at work, and I feel like I'm going insane."

"Yes, yes," says the doctor. "You are ze perfect candidate for psychoanalysis. Please, make yourself comfortable on the couch, and let us begin with your s...

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Once upon a time in a nursing home...

...there was an 80 year old woman and an 80 year old man. Despite their advanced years, they were both very much sexually driven despite the doctor's insistence that they give up that type of activity due to their advanced age, but one night, a sly wink over a game of Bingo and a sexy smile over pu...

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A romance had begun to bloom between two nursing home patients ...

... and one day, when they were both feeling particularly frisky, the couple went back to the old woman's room and closed the door behind them.

The two began to kiss -- softly at first, but then things began to get more passionate.

The old woman began to breathe very heavily, encouragi...

An old man and woman meet at a nursing home and decide to get married...

The nursing home doctor suggests they each get a physical before tying the knot.

The doctor examines the woman first. When the man comes in, the doctor tells him, "before we begin, I should tell you that your fiancee has acute angina."

"I know, doc. I've seen it several times already...

A couple at the nursing home

So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.

Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."

To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care ...

Medical Humor

1...A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room

when a young woman with purple punk rocker Mohawk hair, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing was admitted to the ER. It was quickly determined she had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff not...

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Spot! Get over here!

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.

The problem developed into one of acute flatulence and halfway through canapés t...

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A couple in an old folks home

There was a social night planned at an old folks home. There was dancing, a punch bowl, snacks, etc... It was a pretty tame event.

Two of the residents, an elderly man and elderly woman were bored and decided that they needed more excitement so they snuck off to a utility closet so they could...

There are 3 men stranded in the wild...

and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute p...