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Suffers Jokes

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Joe suffers from chronic headaches for a long time.

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove t...

What do you call an incredibly insensitive shaman who’s also weak and suffers from chronic bad breath?

A super callous fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.

Vladimir Putin suffers a heart attack amidst the Ukraine crisis, and falls into a coma...

... A few years later, he wakes up, gets back on his feet and walks out of his room, right past the sleeping guard.

He walks out of the hospital onto the streets of Moscow, and finds that most people don't recognize him. Several years of vegetative coma seem to have taken its toll on his appe...

My dad suffers from seizures...

...so far they've taken his car, his house and his boat

My friend told me he suffers from extreme paranoia...

I told him don't worry you're not alone

The doctor asked Fred if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

Fred replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it."

"My wife suffers from a drinking problem"

"Is she an alcoholic?"

"No I am, but she is the one who suffers"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A car in central London was weaving all over the road one night.

A patrol car spotted him and pulled him over. The officer approached the car and said, “Sir, get out of the car, I need you to blow into this breathalyser.”

The driver reached into his pocket and produced a doctor’s note. It read: “This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[after Pumba suffers a fatal heart attack]

**Timon [sobbing]:** OH GOD WHYYYY??

**Simba:** hahaha hakuna matata buddy

**Timon:**

**Simba:** remember that? remember when you told me that? after my dad was fucking murdered?!

My dad suffers from short term memory loss...

I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too.

I'm a man that suffers from PMS.

The wife gets it . . . . . I suffer

BREAKING: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident

The wound too big for regular stitches, doctors were forced to use very super stitches

A husband and wife are in the doctor's office

The wife says "doctor, my husband suffers from erectile dysfunction". The husband interjects "well, technically it's her who suffers from it".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are having a business meeting in a small coffee shop...

...when a barista approaches and asks them what they'd like. The first man says that he'd like a glass of water. The barista replies "One glass of H2O coming right up." then turns to the second man and asks him what he'd like. The second man replies "I'd like a glass of H2O too, please". The Barista...

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Tom suffers from severe constipation.

After years of searching around and trying every method and medication under the sun, he finally finds the only medicine that works.

One day, he goes to his doctor to get his prescription.

"I can't give it to you, sorry," says the good doctor.

So Tom runs around the city checkin...

My girlfriend constantly suffers from urinary tract infections

I told her she put the uti in cutie.

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat.

While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, wh...

My mother in law suffers from acute diabetes and hay fever....

I always try to cheer her up with chocolate and flowers.

A friend of mine who suffers from long term memory loss went to an employment agency to find what work he's suited for.

Today he became chief moderator for r/jokes.

A buddy of mine suffers from dyslexia, paranoia and he's agnostic.

He's scared all the time wondering is there is a Dog

A man and his wife are traveling to Jerusalem for vacation. After getting there, his wife suffers a heart attack and dies. Officials in Jerusalem say it will cost $30,000 to send her back to the US to be buried, or only $500 if they bury her there. The man thinks about it and returns the next day...

He says to the officials, “Okay, although expensive, I’ll pay the $30,000 to bring her home. I heard that you buried a man here once and he rose from the dead 3 days later and I just can’t take any chances.”

My friend Jose suffers from panic attacks. He was recently involved in a car accident.

I don't wanna sound racist, but His panic attacks are getting worse.

A young guy suffers from debilitating headaches (slightly long)

After going through many tests over several months the doctor says the only way to cure them is to cut off his balls. After another couple months the pain is so great the patient finally agrees to the operation. A week after the operation the patient is super depressed and asks the doctor what he c...

My dad suffers from bowel incontinence, and so do I ...

It runs in my jeans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An oldie but a goodie! (Long) (nsfw)

3 men are traveling in a distant country when they're captured by a native tribe. The chief explains to the men that, because they were caught on the tribes land, they are to be sentenced quite harshly. They have a choice of one of two punishments. Death, or Unga Bunga!

The first man, a rathe...

For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

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