I walked into my doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nostril and mumbled, "I think there's something wrong with me." He took one look at me and replied…

"To be perfectly honest with you, I don't think you're eating right."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so hard to get a qsn stick in the right way

Fuck. I mean usb

As I parked my car for work, I didn't notice that I left the stick in neutral

Things only went downhill from there

I accidentally put a glue stick in my wife's purse and she thought it was Chapstick

She hasn't said a word to me since

If I put a cheddar cheese stick in a pencil sharpener

Will it come out sharp or shredded?

Why didn't anyone drive stick in Soviet Russia?

They were afraid of Stalin.

How do you call a USB stick in Russia?

A put-in

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Lil Johnny speeding past a bridge.

(This was a take away joke)

Officer: Do you know you were doing 80 in a 65?
Johnny: No, I apologize, I was just rushing to work.
Officer: What makes your job so important that you need to put peoples lives at risk, speeding along the roadway?
Johnny: I'm a rectum stretcher.
Office...

/nsfw An Arizona cowboy and a California cowboy are riding the fence line one day.

They come across a sheep with its head stick in the fence. The Arizona cowboy jumps off his horse, drops his jeans, and has his way with the sheep.

When he gets finished, he looks at the California cowboy and asks, “You wanna have a go?”

The California cowboy says, “Hell yeah!” and ju...

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Once a little boy asked to his father how he was born

Dad says:
\- Well, I got a stick and your mom have a hole, once I put my stick in it and you have born!
The next day, the boy catches a little stick while playing and found a hole in the wall, once he poked a cockroach appeared, he says:

\- Eeeeeeeeeew! I just don't kill you because...

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Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Please pee on this cup and come back. Joe's confused by this weird method, but fuck it let's roll.

Joe brings the cup back. Then, Halstaad dips his right pinky into the urine, licks it and pauses.
Then, he...

Women are like parking spots. Usually, the best ones are taken...

So when no one's looking, stick in the disabled one.

Two Aggies bag a deer

Two Aggies had bagged a deer and were dragging it by the rear legs back to the truck. But the antlers kept getting stuck in the mud. One says to the other, "This is tough but we only got about 1 mile left to reach the truck."

A third hunter saw their dilemma and told them, "If you drag the de...

Johnny is playing fetch with his dog in the park, when he accidentally throws the stick onto a lake

To his amazement, the dog runs onto the lake, walks across the water, and brings back the stick.

Johnny can't believe his eyes, so he throws the stick onto the lake again, and once more the dog walks on the water and fetches the stick.

A man comes walking by, and wanting to show off hi...

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Little Johnny goes hunting (long)

One day little Johnny is walking down the street past the Old mans house carrying a roll of chicken wire.

The old man calls out from the rocking chair on his porch "What'ya got there boy?".

Little Johnny says back "I got me chicken wire! I'ma gonna catch me some chickens!".

The ...

I just came out with a new male contraceptive device...

It's a rock you stick in your shoe and it makes you limp.

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Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

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