The 73+ Best Plug Jokes

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My patent for a gold-plated butt plug got rejected

Apparently Apple has cornered the market on expensive toys for assholes.

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I saw a butt plug on the street today..

Some asshole must've dropped it.

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True Story: This genuinely happened last night. I work as a Doorman/Bouncer. I own a pair of electrically heated socks. A customer came out for a cigarette as I was plugging the battery packs in and switching them on...

Lady: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm just turning my socks on."
Lady: "Ooooo, that's *very* considerate of you!"
Me: "What d'you mean?"
Lady: "Well, most guys I know wouldn't bother with that... they'd just cum in them!"

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Every time I take my butt plug in for cleaning...

they say, "Not this shit again."

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What do you call a butt plug being used by a guy?

A manhole cover

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I tried to submit a patent for a gold-plated butt plug, but Steve Jobs beat me to it.

It turns out, he was already making overpriced toys for assholes

[Obligatory edit: top submitted post is about butt plugs. Wowza! Also, thank you, kind Redditor for the gold! I can't believe a gilded joke is about sex toys :)]

! IT joke warning.! Why can you not just plug in a raven?

Because they are powered by PoE.

D’y’ know why Batman has all those cool doodads in his utility belt: smoke bombs, grease slicks, nose plugs/filters for poison gas, breath mints?

Because he doesn’t have pockets.

This is true: I picked up a pack of ear plugs at work today and it had three in the pack

The maintenance guy said “that’s the Spock pack”

Me: “Spock pack?”

Maint: “aye; one for the left ear, one for the right ear - and one for the final front ear”

I need a power strip to plug stuff into.

Should I go an Outlet Mall?

How to help your local politician qualify for a mental asylum

A politician is visiting the local mental asylum, and asks "How do you decide whether someone should be admitted here?"

"Well," says the director, "We fill up a bath with water, then give the patient a teaspoon, a mug, and a bucket, and ask them to empty the bath as quickly as possible."
<...

I plugged in a nightlight to deal with the monster under the bed.

Tonight it's reading Pet Sematary.

If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug...

Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.

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My 18 carat gold butt plug business was sued by Apple

Apparently they have a patent on expensive stuff for arseholes

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I found out a package thief is in my apartment complex so I ordered a butt-plug off Amazon

That way if it gets stolen, then the thief can go fuck themself

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Butt plug lube

I recently bought a new muzzleloader. The instructions say you can remove the plug at the back of the barrel as long as you grease it up before screwing it back in. Cabelas clerk was confused by my request

Doing a crossword puzzle I came across a clue “Part of the body where you might insert a plug. 3-Letters”

Turns out the correct answer is “EAR”. I was way off.

I went to check the prices of low quality electric plugs yesterday

They were shocking

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Did you know the most commonly used search term on Google is "butt plug"?

Well, it's not. I just pulled that out of my ass.

My girlfriend was being very suspicious so I followed her, and now I have a huge problem

I need some advice guys. Recently my gf has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work. I called her boss, and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. So yesterd...

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What do you call butt plugs for men?

Man hole covers

Got arrested by cops for celebrating earth day and switching off all plugs

Shouldn't have done it in a hospital i guess

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What do you call an entire stash full of butt plugs of various sizes?

An arsenal

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What’s the difference between a mega church pastor and a crazed marine carrying a butt plug covered in superglue?

One wants to heal your soul for money.

The other wants to seal your hole for Gunny.

TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a blackout in my neighbourhood

Whoops, wrong sub

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Butt plugs are fun

Until you fart and kill the cat !

As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!"

It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.

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I have a question about butt plugs...

Are they always a pain in the ass?

Plugging in a USB is a lot like arguing with my wife...

50% chance of being right, but also 100% chance of getting it wrong.

There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
...

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A brain and a spark plug walk into a bar...

The brain walks up to the bar and says:
" can i have a beer for my friend and I?"

The barman looks at the brain and goes back to polishing his glass.

The brain tries again: "Can I have a beer please?!?"

"No, not for you. Not today guys." The barman says, not looking up from...

I plugged my phone into a power bank and now it has an arrest record...

it was charged with battery

How many narcissists does it take to plug-in an LED lightbulb?

None. They prefer gas lighting.

Fitted sheets were the original USB plug

You put it on and it’s wrong. You turn it once and it’s still wrong. You turn it back and then it’s right.

Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?

The beans are ground.

Why did the carnivore pull the plug on his wife when she was in a coma

He didn't like vegetables

My girlfriend asked me to fix a plug today...

I refused

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Have you heard about the butt plug with a USB port?

Now you can really back that ass up!

The Club of People That Made Things That Plug Into Computers

There is a prestigious and hard-to-get-into club of people who invented things that plug into computers, like the USB, HDMI, ethernet and so on. This club meets regularly but then, after a few years, the inventor of the USB died. It was a very sad time, but they held a beautiful funeral service for ...

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I bought my girlfriend a butt plug for her birthday

If she likes it she can stick it in her bum.

If she hates it she can shove it up her ass.

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(Nsfw) What did Donald Duck do with his butt plug?

Rammed it in his butt quack

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What did the butt plug say to the other butt plug.

Nothing because the were both up tight assholes.

A variation on the Tampon classic (i.e. they were stuck up cunts). Sorry if this has been done, it just occured to me as I was walking down the street.

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Initially, I was excited about my mini butt plugs business.

But it's really fallen between the cracks.

If something doesn't work, unplug it and plug it back in, it fixes it every time.

Except for Grandma.

Back in high school..

...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinnin...

My family is putting an electrical plug in our elm tree.

They were going to put it in the bushes, but I convinced them that a tree-prong outlet would be better for the ground.

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"Tree-prong outlet" stolen from an engineer I was talking to today, but joke format is all mine.

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I wouldn't say my butt plug the best sex toy...

but it's definitely up there.

Did you hear about the new store where you can plug in robotic limbs?

It's great even though they charge an arm and a leg.

I went to jail for plugging in my phone

It was a battery charge.

So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust...

I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party.

TIL that if you plug your amp into a 12" instead of your 8", you get fireworks.

Whoops. Wrong sub.

Why aren’t British electrical plugs allowed to do anything?

They are always grounded.

An electrician's son removed one wire from each of his father's power plugs.

His father asks him furiously: Why did you do that? What's wrong with you?

Son: Nothing, dad. It's just a phase.

Father: You're grounded.

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I accidentally left a butt plug up her ass for 2 weeks...

No shit

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basic...

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what criteria were used to define a patient who is to be institutionalised.

'Well', said the Director. 'We fill up a bathtub and offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient to empty the bathtub.
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. A normal person would choose the bucket.
'No,' answered the Director. 'A normal person would pull the plug.'
So what did y...

The guy that invented/designed the USB plug died about a month ago.

At his funeral they lowered his coffin into the ground, then pulled it out and turned it around and put it back, then pulled it up again....

As soon as I plugged in my laptop, all my files became unreadable.

I guess power corrupts.

What do you call a square peg that wonders if it could plug a round hole?

Pi-curious.

What is the worst response to "I love you"?

"I'm still pulling the plug Grandma"

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I'm usually not into butt plugs...

...it's actually the other way around :)

Smart blonde joke

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric cha...

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Having Sex Is Like Charging Your New SmartPhone

*You can flip over your partner and it's still Plug&Play*

A day in the life of an IT guy...

Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.

IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?

Customer: Nothing.

IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?

Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...

IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?...

You are lying on your deathbed

Your family and loved ones surround you, supporting you. You feel reassured, ready to move on, as your wife pulls the plug on life support.

As the machines wind down... you dont die. Your family is ecstatic, the doctors are bewildered. They all cry, saying it is a miracle.

Two hours l...

Where do plugs like to shop?

The outlet mall.

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Done. He was born and raised in the town of Moroccan. Done wasn't very smart, and he was always teased by his peers when he expressed his desire to become a doctor, especially by a disliked and harsh-tempered teacher who would yell at him, "You drive me ...

My favorite corny joke ever.

There were 3 aliens that just moved to Earth. None of them knew any English. One day they decided to take up different activities to learn the language.
One alien took a singing class and learned "me, me ,me ,meeee!"
The second alien took a cooking class and learned "Forks and knives, Forks an...

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When are men the smartest, before, during, or after sex?

During, because we're plugged into a know-it-all.

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A married couple are driving home from a party one night, and they run over a badger..

They pull over, and realize the badger is still breathing but it's injured and freezing cold. The husband says "Put it between your legs to warm it up while we drive home." The wife replies "But it's all wet, and it smells disgusting!"

The husband says "Plug his fucking nose then!"

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Not Worth His Time. [long]

An insurance tycoon is on his deathbed in a vast lavish mansion. His final minutes tick by. His wife and children work away on funeral arrangements in the next room and speculate about their inheritance. His only company is a Young Attorney.

He struggles to wheeze out some final words to the ...

I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.

I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"

"You wanna buy it?"

I once toured an mental asylum...

I definitely saw some people who clearly needed to be there and others that seem normal, I asked the asylum doctor/psychologist how they determine if someone is truly 'insane'.

'We fill a bath tub up with water and present the patient with a spoon, tea cup and a bucket. We then ask them to em...

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