Plug Jokes - 59 Hilarious Plug Jokes

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My patent for a gold-plated butt plug got rejected

Apparently Apple has cornered the market on expensive toys for assholes.

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Every time I take my butt plug in for cleaning...

they say, "Not this shit again."

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I saw a butt plug on the street today..

Some asshole must've dropped it.

I need a power strip to plug stuff into.

Should I go to an Outlet Mall?

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I tried to submit a patent for a gold-plated butt plug, but Steve Jobs beat me to it.

It turns out, he was already making overpriced toys for assholes

[Obligatory edit: top submitted post is about butt plugs. Wowza! Also, thank you, kind Redditor for the gold! I can't believe a gilded joke is about sex toys :)]

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True Story: This genuinely happened last night. I work as a Doorman/Bouncer. I own a pair of electrically heated socks. A customer came out for a cigarette as I was plugging the battery packs in and switching them on...

Lady: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm just turning my socks on."
Lady: "Ooooo, that's *very* considerate of you!"
Me: "What d'you mean?"
Lady: "Well, most guys I know wouldn't bother with that... they'd just cum in them!"

! IT joke warning.! Why can you not just plug in a raven?

Because they are powered by PoE.

How to help your local politician qualify for a mental asylum

A politician is visiting the local mental asylum, and asks "How do you decide whether someone should be admitted here?"

"Well," says the director, "We fill up a bath with water, then give the patient a teaspoon, a mug, and a bucket, and ask them to empty the bath as quickly as possible."
<...

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My 18 carat gold butt plug business was sued by Apple

Apparently they have a patent on expensive stuff for arseholes

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What do you call a butt plug being used by a guy?

A manhole cover

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What do you call butt plugs for men?

Man hole covers

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Butt plug lube

I recently bought a new muzzleloader. The instructions say you can remove the plug at the back of the barrel as long as you grease it up before screwing it back in. Cabelas clerk was confused by my request

If I'm ever on life support, unplug me...

Then plug me back in, see if that works.

This is true: I picked up a pack of ear plugs at work today and it had three in the pack

The maintenance guy said “that’s the Spock pack”

Me: “Spock pack?”

Maint: “aye; one for the left ear, one for the right ear - and one for the final front ear”

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What did the butt plug say to the other butt plug.

Nothing because the were both up tight assholes.

A variation on the Tampon classic (i.e. they were stuck up cunts). Sorry if this has been done, it just occured to me as I was walking down the street.

D’y’ know why Batman has all those cool doodads in his utility belt: smoke bombs, grease slicks, nose plugs/filters for poison gas, breath mints?

Because he doesn’t have pockets.

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I have a question about butt plugs...

Are they always a pain in the ass?

I went to check the prices of low quality electric plugs yesterday

They were shocking

I was visiting a mental hospital

And I asked the director how they know if someone is insane and needs to be committed. He says ‘it’s actually very simple, we fill up a bathtub and offer the patient a bucket, a teacup, and a teaspoon and ask them to empty the bathtub’. ‘Oh I see’ I said, ‘and a sane person would choose the bucket...

I plugged in a nightlight to deal with the monster under the bed.

Tonight it's reading Pet Sematary.

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Did you know the most commonly used search term on Google is "butt plug"?

Well, it's not. I just pulled that out of my ass.

If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug...

Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.

My girlfriend was being very suspicious so I followed her, and now I have a huge problem

I need some advice guys. Recently my gf has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work. I called her boss, and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. So yesterd...

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Butt plugs are fun

Until you fart and kill the cat !

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I found out a package thief is in my apartment complex so I ordered a butt-plug off Amazon

That way if it gets stolen, then the thief can go fuck themself

Got arrested by cops for celebrating earth day and switching off all plugs

Shouldn't have done it in a hospital i guess

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A brain and a spark plug walk into a bar...

The brain walks up to the bar and says:
" can i have a beer for my friend and I?"

The barman looks at the brain and goes back to polishing his glass.

The brain tries again: "Can I have a beer please?!?"

"No, not for you. Not today guys." The barman says, not looking up from...

Fitted sheets were the original USB plug

You put it on and it’s wrong. You turn it once and it’s still wrong. You turn it back and then it’s right.

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What do you call an entire stash full of butt plugs of various sizes?

An arsenal

My girlfriend asked me to fix a plug today...

I refused

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Have you heard about the butt plug with a USB port?

Now you can really back that ass up!

TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a blackout in my neighbourhood

Whoops, wrong sub

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What’s the difference between a mega church pastor and a crazed marine carrying a butt plug covered in superglue?

One wants to heal your soul for money.

The other wants to seal your hole for Gunny.

How many narcissists does it take to plug-in an LED lightbulb?

None. They prefer gas lighting.

Plugging in a USB is a lot like arguing with my wife...

50% chance of being right, but also 100% chance of getting it wrong.

Doing a crossword puzzle I came across a clue “Part of the body where you might insert a plug. 3-Letters”

Turns out the correct answer is “EAR”. I was way off.

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I bought my girlfriend a butt plug for her birthday

If she likes it she can stick it in her bum.

If she hates it she can shove it up her ass.

Back in high school..

...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinnin...

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(Nsfw) What did Donald Duck do with his butt plug?

Rammed it in his butt quack

What is the worst response to "I love you"?

"I'm still pulling the plug Grandma"

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Initially, I was excited about my mini butt plugs business.

But it's really fallen between the cracks.

A spark plug walks into a bar...

Bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?

The beans are ground.

I plugged my phone into a power bank and now it has an arrest record...

it was charged with battery

I went to jail for plugging in my phone

It was a battery charge.

A shepherd is tending his flock in a remote pasture…

…when suddenly a shiny red BMW appears. The driver is a young man in an Armani suit, Ferragamo shoes and Polarized sunglasses.

He sticks his head out the window and asks the shepherd, "Hey! If I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd l...

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3 death sentenced prisoners wait for the electric chair

3 prisoners are waiting for their eminent death on their execution day. One Black Man, one White Man, and One Moron. The warden walks up and gets everything set up.

He calls the Black Man forward, "John Jones, sentenced for Murder in the first degree. Any last words?"

"I to this day c...

I’ll never forget what my father said before he kicked the bucket

“Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket”.

And with that that the doctor pulled the plug.

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated f...

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So, I went and got a vasectomy today..

So, I went and got a vasectomy today. The nurse came into the room and told me to take me clothes off and lay in the bed. I did. Then she jumped on me, did me, then said let's go to the operating room. I said,"What was that all about?" She said, "It's better to have some kind of sex before the opera...

NSFW what'd the sodomite say to his spouse after an argument

lets put a plug in it

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Doctors of reddit - please help! My wife is unable to sit.

We were having naughty time on bed while I was blindfolded.

She wanted to try this new fancy butt plug we had bought earlier. Here's the thing: Instead of using the lubricant, I may have used super-glue by mistake.

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A man is driving his car along a country road when suddenly, it breaks down

He pulls over to the side of the road, pops the bonnet, and starts investigating the problem.

A horse in the field next to him trots over to the fence, looks the car over up and says " your spark plugs are gone, buddy"

The man, thinking he's lost the plot, shakes his head and proceeds ...

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Paddy buys a bath...

... But comes back the next day to complain that the water runs out. The salesman asks "did you put the plug in?"

Paddy says "Fer fuck sake you never said it was electric"

My favorite corny joke ever.

There were 3 aliens that just moved to Earth. None of them knew any English. One day they decided to take up different activities to learn the language.
One alien took a singing class and learned "me, me ,me ,meeee!"
The second alien took a cooking class and learned "Forks and knives, Forks an...

Did you hear about the new store where you can plug in robotic limbs?

It's great even though they charge an arm and a leg.

Where do plugs like to shop?

The outlet mall.

A Halloween story A Hospital in Alabama got a lot of doctors and medical experts baffled over a string of deaths in an ICU at an exact time and same bed

Doctor 1: It's always 10am i tell you! Then it's Flatline!

Doctor 2: I have 3 patients that has a very good chance to live but also died on that same bed and at the same time.

Doctor 3: Mine too.

Doctor 4: I have a patient in there now and its almost 10am. Shall i get him away f...

What do you call a Kinky drug dealer?

A “Bud” plug...

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