This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scottish blood

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery,
the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need a transfusion.

 

As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally,
the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large discussion is held about a car manufacturer coaxing young Mr. Bating while he pleasures himself.

Mass debating Mazda bating masturbating Master Bating

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a Doc's office

He says, "Doc I got this feeling something's eating away at my guts."

The Doc takes a look and says, "Oh no... What you've got is a rare hookworm. The thing is we can't just pull it out. It's hooked in there nice and good. We've got to coax it into coming out so we can grab it. Now you're jus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with an octopus in a tank

The man says to the bartender “I bet my octopus can play any instrument. If I win, I get free drinks all night. What do you say?” The bartender agrees. “Take him over to the piano. We’ll see how good this octopus really is.” The man walks over to the piano, lets the octopus out of the tank, and the ...

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher....

She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."

A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

After a brief, bloodless gunfight,

Prickly Bob and his Saddlesore Gang have managed to capture Dan Hollings, Deputy of Tombstone. Prickly Bob, not wanting a murder warrant on his head, has decided to let the desert take care of his latest problem with the law.

Now, I won't lie to you. Alone and buried up to his chin in red des...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The three tortures.

A tourist got lost hiking in some mountains in China. It started snowing so he decided to seek shelter. He came upon a tall tower with light in the window, so he pounded on the door. A little old Chinese man opened the door.

"WHAT YOU WAN' ROUND EYE"

Shocked that the old man spoke engl...

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office

and told the receptionist she
wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist
suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster
to come into the office.

The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple goes to a nudist beach

The wife is laying out tanning when a bee suddenly flies into her snatch. Utterly distraught, the husband and wife decide to go to the doctor for assistance.

The doctor tells the couple all they have to do is put some honey on the husband's penis and stick it into his wife, coaxing the bee o...

A man takes a panda skydiving.

On the day of the jump, he follows the bear out of the plane and down they plummet.

When it comes time, he reaches for his cord but can't find it. He starts panicking for his life.

The panda sees what's happening and produces two pieces of bamboo. After careful coaxing, it gets the man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chaste wife went to a pet store...

... to buy her husband a pet for their anniversary. All of the pedigree animals were too expensive and she began to pout, visibly. One of the store's tellers asked what was wrong and she explained her circumstances.

“Well... we have a specially trained frog for $24.99”, he said.

She ex...

Little Johnny at the Farm

Little Johnny lives on a farm with his family. One evening the family notices that one of the donkeys had manage to get out of the stables.

Johnny’s dad tries to lead the donkey back into the stables but the stubborn animal will not budge. Johnny’s mom tries to coax the donkey with carrots an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful

My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

**Long** A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer...

So, these three are in a hotel. The engineer is woken up in the middle of the night by a fire. He grabs an extinguisher, and puts out the fire, then goes back to sleep.

Later, the physicist is woken up for the same reason. He does some quick calculations, and dumps the precise amount of water...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elephants Never Forget

Frank owned a full grown African Elephant and due to the rising costs of living, he found it was getting expensive to feed his pet.

Frank thought long and hard for a solution and upon watching a circus program on T.V. thought of the perfect scam to make some quick money.

You see Fran...

Every cheese joke I know

What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror?
Halloumi

What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of a cave?
Camembert

What type of cheese is made backwards?
Edam

Which cheese doesn't belong to you?
Nacho cheese

Did you hear about the explosion at the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man receives marriage-saving advice from his buddy on how to hide his drinking shenanigans, and here's how he uses it.

John comes home stumbling drunk with vomit on his jacket.

His wife is tired of this behavior, and gives him an ultimatum, "John, you're my husband and I love you. I don't even mind that you drink. But I swear to god if you come home this drunk again, I'm leaving you."

John nods his he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vernon Koekemoer

A British man on safari walks into a bar far out in the reaches of a game reserve in Southern Africa, he stays at the bar for a while shooting the shit with the bartender and drinking like a fish, he offer to buy the barkeep a round and since no one else is within 2km of their small oasis of liquor ...

Little Johnny had to go to the dentist for his first check-up.

He was really nervous and he could not bring himself to trust the dentist, despite the kind dentist`s efforts to reassure him.

No matter what the dentist said, Johnny just became more and more worried. Gentle coaxing from the dentist eventually got Johnny on the chair, which the dentist then...

The old sperm donor.

After trying for months and failing to make a baby, due to his low sperm count, the young couple began to explore their options. They decided that a
sperm donor would be the best way to go. However, the young man insisted on maintaining the family bloodline and since his father had died at an ea...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.