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Dexter Jokes

Breaking: Dexter Holland from The Offspring has declared bankruptcy after pouring most of the band's savings into this week's lottery tickets.

He asked for a 13, but they drew a 31.

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The att...

My 5 year old son Dexter just found out that there's a show called "Dexter". Time to have that talk I've always dreaded...

"Son, don't watch the last two season."

What do the last ten minutes of Dexter and the last season of Game of Thrones have in common?

They ruin eight years of your life.

I was trying to build new deck stairs…

But unfortunately I lacked the dexterity.

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So how about a real joke about Bulgarians for a change?

A flying saucer beams up a German engineer, an Indian guru and a Bulgarian. The three of them are informed by an alien in a lab coat that standard procedure when contacting an unfamiliar species is to subject them to the standardized intergalactic intelligence test.

"You will be put in an air...

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A man goes to the doctor to ask about options for penis enlargement.

He says, "doc, it's tiny. My pinky finger has more girth. I'm afraid my wife is going to leave me if I don't do something about it."

The doctor replies, "well, if you're really that small, I don't think medication is an option. However, there is an experimental surgery I've been developing, w...

A bar owner puts out a challenge

He puts an ad in the paper saying that if anyone can beat his bartender in a feat of strength, then he will give them 10,000$. So people come from all over trying to win the money, bodybuilders, construction workers, boxers, but nobody can beat him. In order to win, they must squeeze just one drop o...

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Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing that tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.

Charisma is convincing people to eat the fruit salad anyway.

Constitution is not barfing when your fruit salad tastes of tomato.

Dexterity is hiding your fruit salad in the potted plant.

Strength is smacking t...

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A man went to the doctor to inquire about options for penis enlargement...

"Doc," he said, "you've got to help me. My penis is miniscule. It always has been. The other boys used to make fun of me in the locker room, girls I dated would laugh at me as soon as we got to the bedroom... I experienced nothing but humiliation my whole life, until I met my wife, god bless her. Sh...

The Meaning Of Life

A young man goes to search for the meaning of life. He decides to ask around.


The first person he meets is a wealthy man. "That's easy," he says. "The meaning of life is to accumulate wealth. Then you can transform and inspire your community." The young man takes this advice to heart. He ...

An aging hotel inspector was performing his final inspection on a luxury hotel before his retirement.

He had arrived at the joint the day before, and had already slept in a room to analyze how clean and comfortable they were. When he had woken up, he went into the bathroom to check its functionality and cleanliness, and continued on to the main dining hall after.

Upon arrival, he saw they we...

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet...

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash....

Rich man shenanigans

There was once an extremely wealthy man who was known for his eccentric habits. One fine evening, he sent out an invite to all the young, able-bodied men of his city for a very "special" dinner, promising a grand prize for one lucky soul.

Knowing the rich man's generous nature, a hundred you...

In the distant land of Punsar two thieves were stealing

The thieves happened to be twins, named Manny and Manny. They belonged to the clan of Long Anconvo, a Chinese clan of thieves known for their dexterousness and efficiency. One day, the head of the clan sent the two thieves to Punsar, a land known for its wealth in gold and jewelry.
The thieves...

After completing filming of License to Kill, Timothy Dalton was dismayed when producers told him they wanted him to retire from the James Bond franchise.

He pleaded with producers to give him just one more film but they already had his replacement lined up, a younger actor they felt was more suitable for the leading role in an action movie. But Dalton wouldn't quit that easily. He convinced the producers that if he could best his would-be replacement...

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The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

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Anything can happen at a ska show

A few weeks ago, my band was opening for a slightly more famous band at a moderately large local venue. This was one of the biggest gigs we'd had yet, and so I was seriously stressing about it beforehand, even though our sax player kept telling me not to. "Relax, you've been playing keyboards all yo...

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A man goes to the doctor to inquire about male enhancement.

"Doc," said he, "I'm tiny. I can't satisfy my wife, and I'm ridiculed in changing rooms. I've tried every drug and herbal supplement, to no avail. I want to look into surgery."

"Well," said the doctor, peering at the man's twig-like member through a magnifying glass, "You're in luck. there's ...

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Once upon a time, there lived a very famous juggler...

He gained notoriety and fame by managing to juggle up to 15 balls at once with impressive dexterity. He could juggle them behind his back, he could juggle them blindfolded, he could even juggle them while standing on his head. His skill was unmatched and all of his shows were sold out, no matter wha...

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