What smells better than it tastes?

A nose

Whats small, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger

I tried to make a joke about someone who can't see, hear, taste, smell, or feel anything.

I realized it was senseless.

Woman: Doc, I’m farting constantly! No smell and no sound. Since I came in, I must have farted at least 20 times. I bet you never noticed?!

Doctor: I got it, I got it.
I’ll write you a prescription for some medicine. Come back next week.
A week later
Woman: Doc, What the hell did you give me? Now my farts are still silent but they reek like hell!!
Doctor: Perfect! Your stuffy nose is all better. Now we just need to tak...

Every morning when this woman's husband wakes up he let's a loud and horribly smelling fart.

She tells him over and over "some day you're going to fart your guts out!"
Her husband just laughs and brushes it off.

This goes on for months until Thanksgiving comes around and she is preparing the turkey. The woman gets this idea. Her husband is still sleeping so she grabs the turkey gu...

My girlfriend told me to kiss her where it smells funny...

So I took her to New Jersey.

What do you call an ant that doesn't smell bad?

Deodorant.

Bad pickup line: Dang girl, you smell like garbage...

Can I take you out?

Karen & Marcy go shopping & Karen stops to smell candles at a local booth. Karen: This smells like fireball.

Marcy: You know, sober people call that smell....cinnamon.

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I was sitting on the bus, next to this lady when I turned to her and said, "Hey lady, can I smell your feet?" She became offended and replied, "OF COURSE NOT!"

"Then it must be your pussy."

A blind man went to a restaurant.

menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and...

What do the Illuminati smell like?

New World Odour.

Me: *petting a dog* Aww! He probably smells my dog!

Police: He's been trained to only react to the smell of drugs.

Me: *sigh* Yeah... my dog has a real problem.

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell

They come with an Elon Musk.

The smell of burning flesh, the screams of children

Summertime bbqs are the best

A trooper pulls over a priest and immediately smells alcohol on his breath. The next thing he notices is an empty wine bottle lying on the passenger seat.

“Have you been drinking?” The officer asks.

“Just water,” says the priest.

“Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and shouts, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

What's the smell in every new Tesla called?

Elon's musk

*badum tss*

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Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than poop?

It’s just plain common scents.

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My penis may not be 12 inches

....but it smells like a foot.

Everytime a pizza man has come to the door they've noticed the smell of the last pizza man and thus I've had to kill them.

An unfortunate Domino effect.

If your urine smells like alcohol, you may have a drinking problem

If your urine tastes like alcohol, you definitely do have a drinking problem

How much energy does it take to make a bathroom smell good?

About 3 Juuls

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man with a pleasant smell roaming around the hospital.

Doctor: Wait, what is he again?
Nurse: Aroma

My farts don't sound or smell

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with wind, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent."

"As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office." The doctor says, "I see, ta...

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A dyslexic couple were trying to do 69 and finished it without the guy's forehead smelling like poop...

Apparently 96 is a better way of doing it.

My wife has a tattoo of a sea shell

on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties.

I don’t know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made her funeral a bit awkward.

I'm terrible at smelling things

I meant spelling, sorry

How do you describe a person's breath that smells like metal coins?

Minted fresh

What do you call a blind person with a nose that is sensitive enough to smell drugs?

Happily employed.

Why did the mad scientist smell so lovely?

He cologned himself.

What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

I bought a candle and at first I was confused because it didn’t smell like anything...

but eventually it made scents.

I love the smell of moth balls...

but it's so hard to hold their little legs apart.

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You know what moth balls smell like, right ?

How’d you spread their tiny legs?

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

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A man walks into an elevator and asks the woman beside him "Can I smell your vagina?"

"No!" She replies. The man sighs with relief "Oh. Then it must be your feet"

What's invisible, and smells like bananas?

Monkey farts

Have you ever smelled mothballs?

How'd you get their tiny little legs apart?

An old dime store novel writer walks into a saloon...

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

I hate the smell of mothballs.

Spreading the little legs is always uncomfortable.

When did America smell its best?

The Cologne-ial Period

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An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

What is that awful smell?

Oh, it's just the ol' factory.

What's the worst smelling math problem?

Log((ne)^co)

A woman went to the doctor and told him " I keep farting a lot but, my farts don't smell at all, see I farted 7 times since I came here and you didn't even notice"

The doctor gave her some drugs and told her to come back to me after 10 days.

10 days later the woman came back and it was clear that she's frustrated, she told him that the drug he gave her only made the matter worse and that now her farts smell really bad.

The doctor calmly said : "g...

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A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain.

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Si senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called...

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What’s orange and smells like hippopotamus shit?

Zippy’s bellend.

I got a new stick of deodorant today. The instructions say remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but when I fart, the room smells lovely.

Why do Cherry trees smell?

Because George Washington cut one.

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A very elderly gentleman,mid ninety's,very well dressed, hair well groomed,great suit,flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good aftershave,presenting a well looked after image,walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly lady,mid eighties.

The gentleman walks over,sits along side of her,orders a drink,takes a sip,turns to her and says"So tell me do I come here often?"

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

Why did the police officer smell?

Because he was on duty.

What does it smell like when a cow farts?

Dairy-air

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

What does it smell like in Ireland?

Derry air.

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Jim is in a bar men's room finishing having a pee. He zips up and washes his hand and is about to leave when he sees a man with no arms by the door.

"Hey mate, can you help me out here?" the no armed man says.

Jim grimaces but decides to help the man out. They walk over to a urinal and Jim unzips the man's pants. "Yeah, just take the old boy out for me, will you?" the man says.

Jim pulls the man's underwear down revealing the no ...

My girl friend smells gross

So I finally bought a shovel and burried her.

What do you call perfume that doesn’t smell?

Nonsense.

I asked my friend if she has ever smelled moth balls..."she said of course I have and you haven't?"

I told her no because I couldn't get his little legs apart.

Have you heard about the perfume that smells of nothing?

I think it's total non-scents.

There is a man, he is dying in his bed in his home.

He smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven...

CEO of Tesla invented solar-energy gathering grass!

I love the stuff, I filled my entire yard with it. My only complaint is the weird smell. Has a real e-lawn musk to it.

A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread. The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge: [to the homeless man] Do you deny this?

Homeless man: No, your honor.

Judge: Do you have any coins?

Homeless man: Just a few quarters, your Honor.

Judge: Give them here.

Homeless man: Your Honor, they're all I have!

Judge: That may be so, but pl...

Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's fingering herself again

Which TV station smells the best?

Chanel 5

Why do farts smell?

So deaf people can enjoy them too.

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Picked up a hitch hiker

***I pulled this on my boss last week. Luckily he is cool so I knew he wouldn't fire me or send me home.

The joke is way better in person and gets a huge laugh if told straight faced like a story that happened to you. Make sure you say the ending with plenty of gusto.

Here's how it go...

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Three men arrive at the gates of heaven but St Peter says that heaven is kinda full and, for whatever reason, they’re only letting in the people that have died in the most traumatic way...

So the first man steps forward and says “That’s me! I was convinced my wife was cheating and left work early to catch her in the act. I burst into the bedroom and find her in bed, the sheets are a mess, the smell of sex is in the air, but she swears she was just sleeping, I search the apartment high...

What do you call a good smelling rapper?

Post Cologne

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Two hillbillies are walking through the woods...

They come across a pile of dog shit. One of them says to the other, "I think that's dog shit."

"Does it smell like dog shit?" Asks the second.

The first bends down to smell it, "Yes."

"Does it feel like dog shit?"

The one picks up a piece and sure enough it feels like s...

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

you know she's a keeper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can I smell your pussy?

Oh well then it must be your feet.

Sorry for such a crude joke but this was my dad's favorite joke and he passed this morning. I hope you guys get a laugh or two it's what he would have wanted.

Edit: My dad would always tell me things I should post/comment on Reddit. It was our little ...

What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?

"Smell ya later!"

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

How to deal with black bears and brown bears when hiking.

1. Always wear bells to warn the bears you are coming and not startle them into a charge.
2. Always carry bear mace and spray it in the air towards the bear because they have sensitive noses.
3. Always inspect bear droppings to tell what kind of bears are nearby. Black bear droppings mostly ha...

What does a flame smell like?

Burnt nose hair.

Moles

After a long winter, the ground finally becomes soft enough for the moles to emerge from their tiny mole hole. Excited for something besides bugs, the moles all scurried quickly to pop their heads out of the hole.

The father mole finally stuck his head out of the hole, sniffed the air and sa...

A couple had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her...

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Smell mop

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A drunk, who smelled of stale beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me, Father, what causes arthritis?"

...

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