Me: *petting a dog* Aww! He probably smells my dog!

Police: He's been trained to only react to the smell of drugs.

Me: *sigh* Yeah... my dog has a real problem.

If your urine smells like alcohol, you may have a drinking problem

If your urine tastes like alcohol, you definitely do have a drinking problem

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell

They come with an Elon Musk.

The smell of burning flesh, the screams of children

Summertime bbqs are the best

What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma

When did America smell its best?

The Cologne-ial Period

I love the smell of moth balls...

but it's so hard to hold their little legs apart.

What happens when you smell two pennies?

You get a couple scents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's green and smells like pork?

Kermit the frog's penis.

A woman went to the doctor and told him " I keep farting a lot but, my farts don't smell at all, see I farted 7 times since I came here and you didn't even notice"

The doctor gave her some drugs and told her to come back to me after 10 days.

10 days later the woman came back and it was clear that she's frustrated, she told him that the drug he gave her only made the matter worse and that now her farts smell really bad.

The doctor calmly said : "g...

An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a cop pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

The cop says: "Have you been drinking?""Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't beca...

Why did the police officer smell?

Because he was on duty.

Why do Cherry trees smell?

Because George Washington cut one.

Have you heard about the perfume that smells of nothing?

I think it's total non-scents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks up to a woman in the office and tells her that her hair smells nice

The woman immediately goes to see the HR manager, explains what happened, and says that she wants to file a sexual harassment complaint.

The HR manager is puzzled and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

What’s invisible and smells like carrots?

Bunny farts

I was going down in an elevator. It stopped and two beautiful ladies entered. Three of us continued down. One whispered “I can smell sperm!”. I was mortified……

…and then to my relieve, the other whispered back “Sorry, that was me, I just burped”

A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread. The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge: [to the homeless man] Do you deny this?

Homeless man: No, your honor.

Judge: Do you have any coins?

Homeless man: Just a few quarters, your Honor.

Judge: Give them here.

Homeless man: Your Honor, they're all I have!

Judge: That may be so, but pl...

Which TV station smells the best?

Chanel 5

Why do farts smell?

So deaf people can enjoy them too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.



As they sat there each being worked on by a different barber not a word was spoken the barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.



As the barbers finished the...

What does it smell like when a cow farts?

Dairy-air

What does a flame smell like?

Burnt nose hair.

What do you call perfume that doesn’t smell?

Nonsense.

What's 20 meters long and smells like urine?

A polonaise in a nursing home.

There's no such thing as a candle that has no smell.

It just wouldn't make any scents.

Residents of Paris complaining of foul smell from burning wood in Notre Dame.

Because . . . . pew. (too soon?)

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

Why did the alphabet smell so bad after its letters were rearranged?

Because it had a vowel movement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into an elevator and asks the woman beside him "Can I smell your vagina?"

"No!" She replies. The man sighs with relief "Oh. Then it must be your feet"

What smells better than it tastes?

A nose

What do you call two Egyptian mummies that fart at the same time and have the same smell?

Toot-in-Common! (tutankhamun)

Sitting at a bar and a friend leans quite close to me as she get up to go to the washroom. Jees, Bill you smell good. What have you go on?

Actually, I have a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it!

I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies

They smell just like burned toast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a girlfriend who thought certain tastes and smells could cause her to orgasm.

Then she came to her senses.

Oooo, that smell (LONG)

A load of chickens in their pickup bed, Sven and Tina are enjoying a quiet ride to the market when Sven accidentally runs over a skunk.

"Oh Sven, you've gotta stop," Tina says. "That was a momma skunk, and her babies are crying by the roadside."

Sven mumbles under his breath, but smile...

This milk doesn't smell like toopers...

But it says it's 2%

If your nose is running and your feet smell..

You are upside down...

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Kurt Cobain hated “Smells Like Teen Spirit” so much...

He killed the songwriter

Have you ever smoked a cigarette in your car, flicked it out the window then smells something a minute later...

and you turn around and your grandma is fingering herself in the back seat?

What is black and smells like caramel?

A diabetic after a flat fire

I'm not addicted to cocaine

I just really like the way it smells

What do Pennywise the Clown's farts smell like?

Derry air.

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's fingering herself again

Some people say Tesla’s interiors all smell the same...

Sort of like an Elon Musk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

What do Kermit's fingers smell of?

Bacon

You know one the main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer got caught was because his freezer stopped working and the smell became so bad the neighbors were complaining.

The cops came to his door and said "We heard you were keeping a bunch of spoiled brats in here"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can I smell your pussy?

Oh well then it must be your feet.

Sorry for such a crude joke but this was my dad's favorite joke and he passed this morning. I hope you guys get a laugh or two it's what he would have wanted.

Edit: My dad would always tell me things I should post/comment on Reddit. It was our little ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

nsfw smells like dick

my friend just told me this outside

two whores have a conversation on the street


Whore 1: i think we will make a lot of money tonight


Whore 2: do you think so?

Whore 1: yeah i smell dick in the air

Whore 2: thats because i just burped


sorry if th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My new meth cocaine combo called methaine hasn't been selling well.

I think it's because it smells like shit.

What kind of STD ruins a dogs ability to smell?

*Sniffilis*

If you love the smell of a F1 key...

you seriously need some help.

My friend asked me how would people survive without the ability to see, hear, smell, taste, or feel.

I told him: It's nonsense.

A woman goes to Doctor. Says '' Im farting so hard but there is no smell or sound of it. ''

The doctor gives her some medicine and tells her to come next week.

Woman comes next week.

Doctor asks how is it now and woman replies:

'' Now i fart hard and there is the sound but still there is no smell ''

and doctor replies:

'' Good, we fixed your ears, now all...

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

What's pink inside and smells like fish?

Salmon

I met this girl with a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh

She told that if I put my ear to it, I can smell the ocean.

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

Man, I hate babies.

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

“No, you can't have those! They're ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth w...

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