What’s blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

Me: *petting a dog* Aww! He probably smells my dog!

Police: He's been trained to only react to the smell of drugs.

Me: *sigh* Yeah... my dog has a real problem.

What’s green, sticky and smells of bacon.

Kermits fingers

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell

They come with an Elon Musk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW my dick might not be 12 inches

But it smells like a foot

My farts don't sound or smell

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with wind, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent."

"As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office." The doctor says, "I see, ta...

The smell of burning flesh, the screams of children

Summertime bbqs are the best

I bought a candle and at first I was confused because it didn’t smell like anything...

but eventually it made scents.

How do you describe a person's breath that smells like metal coins?

Minted fresh

If your urine smells like alcohol, you may have a drinking problem

If your urine tastes like alcohol, you definitely do have a drinking problem

What smells better than it tastes?

A nose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what moth balls smell like, right ?

How’d you spread their tiny legs?

I hate the smell of mothballs.

Spreading the little legs is always uncomfortable.

Donald Trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald wa...

Why did the mad scientist smell so lovely?

He cologned himself.

What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma

A woman went to the doctor and told him " I keep farting a lot but, my farts don't smell at all, see I farted 7 times since I came here and you didn't even notice"

The doctor gave her some drugs and told her to come back to me after 10 days.

10 days later the woman came back and it was clear that she's frustrated, she told him that the drug he gave her only made the matter worse and that now her farts smell really bad.

The doctor calmly said : "g...

I love the smell of moth balls...

but it's so hard to hold their little legs apart.

What is that awful smell?

Oh, it's just the ol' factory.

What’s green and smells like pork?

Kermit the frogs fist

What's invisible, and smells like bananas?

Monkey farts

What does it smell like in Ireland?

Derry air.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick may not be twelve inches...

But it sure smells like a foot.

Heard that from an old tugboat captain today and I had to share.

An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a cop pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

The cop says: "Have you been drinking?""Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Courtesy of my little sister: I smell BO

That means everything is going to BO K

Why do Cherry trees smell?

Because George Washington cut one.

When did America smell its best?

The Cologne-ial Period

Why did the police officer smell?

Because he was on duty.

What does it smell like when a cow farts?

Dairy-air

Have you heard about the perfume that smells of nothing?

I think it's total non-scents.

A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread. The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge: [to the homeless man] Do you deny this?

Homeless man: No, your honor.

Judge: Do you have any coins?

Homeless man: Just a few quarters, your Honor.

Judge: Give them here.

Homeless man: Your Honor, they're all I have!

Judge: That may be so, but pl...

Why do farts smell?

So deaf people can enjoy them too.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

Which TV station smells the best?

Chanel 5

What do you call perfume that doesn’t smell?

Nonsense.

What's 20 meters long and smells like urine?

A polonaise in a nursing home.

Why did the alphabet smell so bad after its letters were rearranged?

Because it had a vowel movement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into an elevator and asks the woman beside him "Can I smell your vagina?"

"No!" She replies. The man sighs with relief "Oh. Then it must be your feet"

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

What does a flame smell like?

Burnt nose hair.

I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies

They smell just like burned toast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can I smell your pussy?

Oh well then it must be your feet.

Sorry for such a crude joke but this was my dad's favorite joke and he passed this morning. I hope you guys get a laugh or two it's what he would have wanted.

Edit: My dad would always tell me things I should post/comment on Reddit. It was our little ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a girlfriend who thought certain tastes and smells could cause her to orgasm.

Then she came to her senses.

Sitting at a bar and a friend leans quite close to me as she get up to go to the washroom. Jees, Bill you smell good. What have you go on?

Actually, I have a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it!

Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's fingering herself again

Knock knock

You: Who’s there?

Me: Smell mop.

You:

Oooo, that smell (LONG)

A load of chickens in their pickup bed, Sven and Tina are enjoying a quiet ride to the market when Sven accidentally runs over a skunk.

"Oh Sven, you've gotta stop," Tina says. "That was a momma skunk, and her babies are crying by the roadside."

Sven mumbles under his breath, but smile...

This milk doesn't smell like toopers...

But it says it's 2%

Kurt Cobain hated “Smells Like Teen Spirit” so much...

He killed the songwriter

If your nose is running and your feet smell..

You are upside down...

Have you ever smoked a cigarette in your car, flicked it out the window then smells something a minute later...

and you turn around and your grandma is fingering herself in the back seat?

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

What is black and smells like caramel?

A diabetic after a flat fire

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

Some people say Tesla’s interiors all smell the same...

Sort of like an Elon Musk.

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

Man, I hate babies.

You know one the main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer got caught was because his freezer stopped working and the smell became so bad the neighbors were complaining.

The cops came to his door and said "We heard you were keeping a bunch of spoiled brats in here"

Recently I visited Germany. I hated everything in there. The people, the history, the language. But, oh god, the smell...

...it was the wurst.

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