UPJOKE
chlorinedisinfectantperoxidevinegarwhitewhitenammoniacloroxhypochloritesodium hydroxidebenzoyl peroxidechlorine dioxidebacteriaoxidationwhitener

Bleach Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can someone explain to me why bleaching your butthole

isn't called changing your ring tone?

Suicide jokes are like bleach.

They don't go down well.

Bleach

Now there’s an industry that’s going down the toilet

I thought I had Covid 19 so I decided to give it a go and I injected myself with bleach...

Surprisingly I’m all white now.

Did you know that if you mix diet coke, bicarb soda, table salt and bleach together in a mop bucket....

You get yelled at by the manager of Walmart

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn't believe women were getting their assholes bleached

Then my sisters boyfriend took his hat off...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t like the term anal bleaching...

I prefer changing your ring tone

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife just walked in on me bleaching my asshole and screamed “what the hell are you doing?!!”

I mean, she’s the one that told me I needed to change my ringtone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a cell phone and anal bleach have in common?

Both can change your ring tone.

Listen kids! Never ever combine bleach and vinegar.

It is an oxidant waiting to happen.

This morning I fell into a giant vat of bleach, but don't worry...

I'm all white!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To my surprise, my girlfriend had some anal bleaching done.

All I asked was for her to change her ringtone.

Did you hear about the girl who drank bleach as a joke?

She did it ingest

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anal bleaching

Sounds like something an asshole would do.

The formula for bleach is NaOH

Ha, I just lyed to you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anal bleach...

For that asshole in your life that just needs to lighten the fuck up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a recent interview, Melania Trump was asked if she bleaches her asshole

Her response: "No, he gets spray-tanned."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can get your asshole bleached

And just tell people you changed your ringtone.

Bleach is my favourite beverage

When people question me, I tell them to try it before they knock it. Never heard a complaint from them afterwards

If coronavirus doesn't get you, injecting bleach might!

My have the tides turned

I used to inject bleach, but not anymore.

I'm clean now.

I was going to make a bleach joke

It was too basic

Well, if you inject yourself with bleach and disinfectant...

I guarantee you won’t die of Covid-19

Why did the Romans bring bleach to Jesus’s crucifixion?

To prevent cross contamination.

US law enforcement is like Clorox bleach...

Safe for whites, but tough on colors.

What happens if you drink bleach?

You *basically* die.

The more bleach you drink, the less likely it is you'll die from Covid.

Might die from organ failure though.

How are police and bleach similar?

They're both great at taking out the black.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bleach kills everything: mold, mildew, bacteria, black shirts, blue jeans...

But not the whites.

Fuckin white privilege...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dog drenched in bleach?

A basic bitch.


Thank you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve been hearing a lot lately about bleaching your asshole..

Do you just pour it on his head, or do you make him drink it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend likes to get her anus bleached or I like to put it,

Change her ringtone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WTF? Anal bleaching

Normally I'd be against such a thing, but some assholes just need to lighten up.

Trump may be right about bleach...

The U.S. already uses it on chickens, why not use it on sheep?

back in my day we use to drink bleach straight

boy have the tides turned

What's the difference between Naruto and Bleach?

No one ever told me to drink Naruto

All of the flags on the moon have been bleached white by the radiation from the sun..

.. making it officially French territory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am shocked at how many youth today do anal bleaching

I am always hearing them talk about changing their ring tone.

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that prostitutes at the Moulin Rouge used strong alcoholic drinks to bleach their hair?

Absinthe makes the tart grow blonder.

Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels says Donald Trump paid $130,000 hush money to cover up an affair. Do you believe the bleached blond with big tits?

Or do you believe Stormy Daniels?

What do you call a bunch of janitors who made a band?

The bleach boys.

I was feeling down the other day, so I threw some bleach over my Muslim friend...

I thought it'd lighten Mahmood.

So, I asked my younger sister if she knew what bleach was.

"The drink?"

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler.

-&y (yup, mine)

France has the most flags on the moon of any nation.

The intense UV light bleaches all the flags placed there white.

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

I tried looking up pictures of Freud's mother to see what his deal was,

Apparently, there aren't any good surviving pictures,

they all look kinda bleached & whitened from over-cleaning.

I am not very political but it seem to me that Trump's suggestion to drink Chlorox bleach...

is grounds for Imbleachment.

Someone once told me to drink bleach to quickly clean me out for a drug test. What an idiot...

The emergency room nurse said I still had drugs in my system when I woke up...

What is Trump’s favourite anime?

Bleach

Letter to Tide from beloved consumer

Dear Tide

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have!
One evening about a month ago, while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. My wife started to berate me about my clumsiness and how expensive the shirt was. That I was stupid, couldn't even hold a glass rig...

White flags

The American flags planted on the Moon by the Apollo astronauts have been exposed to high levels of UV rays for decades. This has bleached them pure white.

So now it looks like the French landed there.

It's has finally happened. A Pastor has died in the US after injecting himself with disinfectant.

President Trump is being charged with a bleach of the priest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s Donald Trump’s favourite cocktail?

Sex on the bleach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stalin sits inside of his office in the Kremlin.

He is attending a meeting of extreme importance with Marshall Zhukov. Outside of the office, sits Stalin's secretary, Poskrebyshev.

Soon enough, Marshall Zhukov walks out of Stalin's office, mumbling "Murderous mustache...". Poskrebyshev's face bleaches, as he storms inside of the office scre...

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sharing Secrets

Tammy and Margo met for drinks at Happy Hour. After a few drinks Tammy said, I have to tell you a secret, I am getting a boob job.

Margo said, Wow, that is awesome. Let me know, and I will help you any way that I can.

After a few more drinks Margo said, I wasn't going to tell you, but...

Can drinking bleach really kill you? We asked our listeners to try it out and none of them called back to tell me they’re dead so I think not

One of my fav quote from C&H

My friend used to help blind children

Now he is is jail for putting bleach into their eyes.

Trump has tested positive for covid 19

If he injects himself with bleach, then he will have a taste of his own medicine.

Decades later our kids would be asking us.

Dad, why did y'all have to write "do not drink" on a bleach bottle?

It's almost summer!

Time for Americans to start getting bleach body ready

What is a suicidal Weebs favorite anime?

Bleach.

Why was the employee fired for covering his employment terms with Clorox?

It was a bleach of contract

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I see people disliking black hole

If it was bleached then maybe they would like it

Then again, some ass holes need to lighten up

My wife gave me a choice...

... watching Titanic with her or washing dishes, cleaning carpets, and cleaning bathroom.

Quick question: which bleach would you recommend?

Covid Smoothie

Me Ex Wife dropped off a Covid smoothie for me.

Because she still cares for me, she used organic bleach.

I like to help blind kids in my free time.

I used to use bleach but now I find a good old fashioned eye gouge is just as effective.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels should run for president

If we're going to have an inept asshole in office I'd rather have a bleached inept asshole

What does the spirit say to the dirty counter?

I am the clorax
I speak for the bleach.

Nerdy pickup line

Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.

^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...

Progress is amazing. "Whites Only" is in the past

This new color safe bleach is fantastic.

If you're ever having trouble with Chemistry, just remember...

Bleach is a solution

Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.

Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.

How does a Jedi wash their clothing?

With midi-chlorine bleach.

Get that summer Super Saiyan look in 3 easy steps!

1. Bleach
2. Samurai Shampoo
3. Neon Genesis Hairgelion

>!sorry for the low quality pun on the last one - came up with this in the car!<

A questionable article on marine biology goes viral.

"**New study reveals migrating Crows' droppings may be responsible for great barrier barrier reef bleaching**"

The article receives widespread criticism from the scientific community. Marine biologists across the globe insist that coralation does not imply Cawsality.

What's a suicidal Russian's favorite drink?

Cyka bleach

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Dr. Dre have in common with a pornstar?

They both have a bleached asshole.

A plane was traveling across the Atlantic...

...when there was an explosion from one of the engines.

Pilot: "I'm afraid we're all gonna crash and die because it's just too heavy to keep it in the air."

Despite throwing all unnecessary items from the plane, it still descended rapidly.

Suddenly, a Frenchman stood up and shou...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.