Suicide jokes are like bleach.

They don't go down well.

I thought I had Covid 19 so I decided to give it a go and I injected myself with bleach...

Surprisingly I’m all white now.

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I never enjoyed the term "anal bleaching".

I prefer to call it "changing my ringtone".

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2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop...

One lady whispers 'I'm getting a boob job'


2nd lady: 'That's nothing, I'm getting my assh\*le bleached'


1st lady says: 'Really? I can't imagine your husband as a blonde'

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WTF? Anal bleaching !

Normally I'd be against such a thing, but some assholes just need to lighten up.

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You can get your asshole bleached

And just tell people you changed your ringtone.

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To my surprise, my girlfriend had some anal bleaching done.

All I asked was for her to change her ringtone.

I was going to make a bleach joke

It was too basic

Why did the Romans bring bleach to Jesus’s crucifixion?

To prevent cross contamination.

US law enforcement is like Clorox bleach...

Safe for whites, but tough on colors.

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I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

Trump may be right about bleach...

The U.S. already uses it on chickens, why not use it on sheep?

The formula for bleach is NaOH

Ha, I just lyed to you.

Last night someone broke into my house and stole all of my soap, bleach, and shampoo.

They made a clean getaway

Well, if you inject yourself with bleach and disinfectant...

I guarantee you won’t die of Covid-19

I used to inject bleach, but not anymore.

I'm clean now.

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What do cell phone settings and anal bleaching have in common?

Both change your ring tone.

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Anal bleaching

Sounds like something an asshole would do.

I am not very political but it seem to me that Trump's suggestion to drink Chlorox bleach...

is grounds for Imbleachment.

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In a recent interview, Melania Trump was asked if she bleaches her asshole

Her response: "No, he gets spray-tanned."

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Stormy Daniels says Donald Trump paid $130,000 hush money to cover up an affair. Do you believe the bleached blond with big tits?

Or do you believe Stormy Daniels?

All of the flags on the moon have been bleached white by the radiation from the sun..

.. making it officially French territory.

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Did you know that prostitutes at the Moulin Rouge used strong alcoholic drinks to bleach their hair?

Absinthe makes the tart grow blonder.

Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France

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I didn't believe women were getting their assholes bleached

Then my sisters boyfriend took his hat off...

Bleach

Now there’s an industry that’s going down the toilet

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

Bleach is my favourite beverage

When people question me, I tell them to try it before they knock it. Never heard a complaint from them afterwards

What does a black guy say when you bleach him?

he he

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I’ve been hearing a lot lately about bleaching your asshole..

Do you just pour it on his head, or do you make him drink it?

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Bleach kills everything: mold, mildew, bacteria, black shirts, blue jeans...

But not the whites.

Fuckin white privilege...

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What do you call a dog drenched in bleach?

A basic bitch.


Thank you.

Can drinking bleach really kill you? We asked our listeners to try it out and none of them called back to tell me they’re dead so I think not

One of my fav quote from C&H

back in my day we use to drink bleach straight

boy have the tides turned

I was feeling down the other day, so I threw some bleach over my Muslim friend...

I thought it'd lighten Mahmood.

What happens when you pee into a bucket full of bleach?

Ur ine danger

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I am shocked at how many youth today do anal bleaching

I am always hearing them talk about changing their ring tone.

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Anal bleach...

For that asshole in your life that just needs to lighten the fuck up...

Someone once told me to drink bleach to quickly clean me out for a drug test. What an idiot...

The emergency room nurse said I still had drugs in my system when I woke up...

How are police and bleach similar?

They're both great at taking out the black.

What happens if you drink bleach?

You *basically* die.

So, I asked my younger sister if she knew what bleach was.

"The drink?"

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Sharing Secrets

Tammy and Margo met for drinks at Happy Hour. After a few drinks Tammy said, I have to tell you a secret, I am getting a boob job.

Margo said, Wow, that is awesome. Let me know, and I will help you any way that I can.

After a few more drinks Margo said, I wasn't going to tell you, but...

A plane was traveling across the Atlantic...

...when there was an explosion from one of the engines.

Pilot: "I'm afraid we're all gonna crash and die because it's just too heavy to keep it in the air."

Despite throwing all unnecessary items from the plane, it still descended rapidly.

Suddenly, a Frenchman stood up and shou...

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler.

-&y (yup, mine)

The flag planted on the moon is now completely white, since it has been bleached by decades of cosmic radiation...

The US should replace the flag sometime soon, we don't want people to think the French were the first to complete a lunar landing!

What's the difference between Naruto and Bleach?

No one ever told me to drink Naruto

Trump has tested positive for covid 19

If he injects himself with bleach, then he will have a taste of his own medicine.

My wife gave me a choice...

... watching Titanic with her or washing dishes, cleaning carpets, and cleaning bathroom.

Quick question: which bleach would you recommend?

What is Trump’s favourite anime?

Bleach

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What’s Donald Trump’s favourite cocktail?

Sex on the bleach.

It's almost summer!

Time for Americans to start getting bleach body ready

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

Why was the employee fired for covering his employment terms with Clorox?

It was a bleach of contract

Covid Smoothie

Me Ex Wife dropped off a Covid smoothie for me.

Because she still cares for me, she used organic bleach.

Decades later our kids would be asking us.

Dad, why did y'all have to write "do not drink" on a bleach bottle?

My friend used to help blind children

Now he is is jail for putting bleach into their eyes.

I like to help blind kids in my free time.

I used to use bleach but now I find a good old fashioned eye gouge is just as effective.

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I see people disliking black hole

If it was bleached then maybe they would like it

Then again, some ass holes need to lighten up

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

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Stormy Daniels should run for president

If we're going to have an inept asshole in office I'd rather have a bleached inept asshole

A questionable article on marine biology goes viral.

"**New study reveals migrating Crows' droppings may be responsible for great barrier barrier reef bleaching**"

The article receives widespread criticism from the scientific community. Marine biologists across the globe insist that coralation does not imply Cawsality.

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Free Sex

So this girl came up to me and she said she would have sex with me and all I had to do was advertise some cleaner, but I didn't, because my will is strong, just as strong as Lysol cleaner with bleach. Perfect for killing bacteria in the kitchen, bathroom, and all over the house.

Nerdy pickup line

Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.

^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...

Two teenagers walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “We don’t serve teenagers under 21.”

The teenagers say, “That’s okay, man. We only drink bleach.”

Get that summer Super Saiyan look in 3 easy steps!

1. Bleach
2. Samurai Shampoo
3. Neon Genesis Hairgelion

>!sorry for the low quality pun on the last one - came up with this in the car!<

What is a suicidal Weebs favorite anime?

Bleach.

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Two blondes were discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first blonde says, "I have to be honest. I am planning to get a boob job."

The second says, "Yea, I going to get my asshole bleached this week."

To which the first replies, "Whoooa, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde."

What does the spirit say to the dirty counter?

I am the clorax
I speak for the bleach.

Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.

Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.

A black friend of mine...

...said he's thinking of bleaching his skin. Said our society is tilted in favor of the white man. He's tired of being downtrodden. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I told him to lighten up.

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WOMEN eh!

Boob-jobs,

nose-jobs,

teeth bleaching,

tummy tucks,

liposuction,

colonic irrigation,

botox,

pierced ears,

pierced nipples,

pierced bellies,

pierced clits,

eyebrows plucked,

bikini wax,

armpits shaved,

l...

Progress is amazing. "Whites Only" is in the past

This new color safe bleach is fantastic.

How does a Jedi wash their clothing?

With midi-chlorine bleach.

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What does Dr. Dre have in common with a pornstar?

They both have a bleached asshole.

If you're ever having trouble with Chemistry, just remember...

Bleach is a solution

How are a gene pool and a swimming pool similar?

Sometimes you have to use bleach to keep it clean.

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