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Spray Paint Jokes

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I came out my front door this morning to see my neighbour frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray painted on his front window.

"What's been going on John?"' I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

Dirty bastard.

My friend was arrested for spray painting graffiti and he tried to deny it.

But…the writing was on the wall.

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

Somebody spray painted "procrastinating prick!" on the side of my house.

When I find out who did it, their years are numbered.

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Someone spray painted "Pervert Lives Here" on my garage door.

Fucking vandals wasting my time.

I just opened it and there was nobody inside.

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What do you get when you cross spray paint with paint thinner?

High as fuck.

I was spray painting a side table when I noticed my first coat was really patchy...

I thought to myself, "well this can is past its prime"

Luckily I had another can that was primer.

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Just for Bieber

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of young, loud Justin Bieber Fans, shouting and singing , with posters of Justin Bieber new album in their hands "JB I love you" s...

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I saw some black kids spray painting their names on a wall and decided to join in.

I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the shit out of me. They obviously don't like people called Nigel.

NSFW A 90 year old woman walks by her bathroom

A 90 year old woman walks by her bathroom on fall evening, and sees her 90 year old husband. He has a can of spray paint and is spray painting his nether regions. She stops and yells, “ You idiot! You’re supposed to turn your clock back!”

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Little Johnny

Every Friday at 2 PM the teacher will ask a question and whoever answers it correctly get to leave. Johnny is determined ge is going to answer the question this week. Thursday night he takes 2 tennis balls a d spray paints them all black. The next day at 2 PM Johnny rolls the balls down the aisle. <...

Williams College and Amherst College have a long-standing rivalry.

One night, the Amherst students decide to raid the Williams football field and spray paint an A for Amherst smack dab in the middle of the field. They sneak out under the cover of the dark, and when the Williams students wake up the next morning, they see the massive A on their field. Naturally, the...

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Emotions

Three guys are walking home when they spot a house party, they get to the door and realize it's costume only, one of them notices a red can of paint in the garbage and paints his face red walks to the door a says I'm red with anger, second guy spot a green can of spray paint and sprays his face sayi...

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What do the Welsh call safe sex?

Spray painting the sheep that bite.

Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?

Because the spray paint can wasn't invented until 1949.

Two wrongs don't make a right...

...For example, your parents.

(Saw this spray painted on the back of a van. No idea if it's from something)

How to deal with an anthill

Next time you have an anthill problem, here is what you do;

Grab yourself a can of black spray paint and cover the entire anthill in it. Then grab a stick or something of the sort and stir the paint in. Once all the ants realize they now live in a black neighborhood, they stop working and sta...

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Oh, Little Johnny

Little Johnny's teacher began the school year by announcing a new contest. Every Friday, 30 minutes before the final bell, she would ask the class a question. The first student to answer it right could leave early, and the rest of the class would take a quiz.

The first Friday, the teacher a...

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My fallback joke that I've been telling for about 20 years at this point.

A teacher isn't seeing much engagement in her class so, she decides to get the students more involved she offers up a proposition.

She tells all of her students that every Friday she is going to ask a "Question of the Day", if the students can get it right they can take the day off of school ...

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At the peak of the cold war the Russians started a project to mass produce war robots.

The plan was divided into 4 stages, in the first stage the scientists were tasked to perfect the technology of remotely controlling the robots.

The second stage was giving the robots a perfectly humanoid stucture and give them the ability to perfectly copy human actions.

T...

Theme 2: Polish

--Q: How do you get a one-armed Pole out of a tree?

--A: Wave to him.


Q: What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding
night?

A: A new last name.


--Q: Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days?

--A: He was scheduled to take a u...

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

My buddy from Atlanta Georgia swears this works.

Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.

The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the m...

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Green ping pong ball.

These was once a girl, Sara, whos third birthday was coming up, and as this was the first time she was old enough to really understand what was happening, her parents asked her what she wanted.
"I want a green ping pong ball!" Sara answered immediately and without a hint of uncertainty. The par...

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