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Madrid Jokes

My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.

Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled i...

People are astonished when they see the tattoo that I got in Madrid

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tourist in Madrid goes into a restaurant and orders the special

The waiter brings it, and he asks what it is.

"These are cojones, Signor."

"What are cojones?"

"These are the testicles of the bull, the one which lost the bullfight in the arena this afternoon. They're very good."

So he tries them, and they are very good. He finishes the...

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

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An American tourist stopped at a local restaurant while wandering around Madrid...

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious
looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look
good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Si, Señor, you have excellent taste! Those are calle...

A tourist in Madrid

A tourist hires a guide to show him around Madrid. He tells the guide, "If you don't mind, I'm trying to learn Spanish, so if I say something wrong, please correct me." The guide agrees, and they set off walking.

A fly happens to buzz by, and the tourist says, "Look at the *mosco*!" The guide...

I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.

I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "

To all the people in Madrid that are hurting...

I feel your Spain.

A body has been found at Real Madrid manager Zinedine Zidane's house, in what seems to have been a brutal attack.

Police are saying it's murder on Zidane's floor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy an his grandfather ride a cab in Madrid.

They pass a road with lots of prostitutes waiting.

The boy asks his grandfather: "What are those women doing at the side of the road?"

"They wait for the bus" answers the grandfather.

"But Señor, we are in 21th century, tell your grandson the truth: those are prostitutes!", the ...

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There was a string of murders recently in Madrid

Every week, on a Sunday, a body of a prostitute would be found disemboweled in an alley way. After a few weeks, the local investigators determined it was indeed a serial murder. Further investigation showed that each murder occurred exactly a kilometer away from a seedy inn, known for having an abra...

An airplane was about to crash...

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best Football player. Real Madrid and my millions of fans need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly...

The full time football result is in: Real Madrid - 4...

Surreal Madrid - fish

[Long] A German, Frenchman, and Russian board a small plane from Madrid to Moscow.

A German, Frenchman, and Russian board a small plane from Madrid to Moscow. Shortly after takeoff the Frenchman opens the window and sticks his hand out.

Then he brings his hand back in, sniffs it, and proclaims "We are above France right now!" The German and Russian ask him how he knows thi...

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "My company got bought out by a Madrid-based firm today," the guy tells the bartender. "Everyone was surprised." "Well," the bartender replies. "No one expects the Spanish acquisition."

As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid. "What's the problem, fellow?" asked his seat mate.

"Surely," said the Englishman, "you've heard the saying, 'The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rains!!'"

After coming to work this morning, all of us were shocked to find out that our firm has been taken over by a company in Madrid.

No one expects the Spanish acquisition.

Where will you always find a Dr. inside a Maid

Madrid

Liverpool had so much going for them. Dominated the ball, constantly on the attack, great strategy to win the day. But no matter how often the were close a score seemed inevitable, Real Madrid defenders always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. It must actually be true what they say

Nobody expects the Spanish in position

My wife and I went to Spain.

The other week I went to Barcelona for a vacation with my wife. We stayed at a small local hotel about 30 minutes from the city. The first day we had a great time going around las ramblas and going taking pictures at La Sagrada familia. That night we even attended a Barcelona game against Real Madri...

I was at a small hotel in Madrid, feeling a bit sick, they surprisingly had a doctor there who had some over the counter medicine handy, I asked how a hotel this small had a doctor available

He said “quite a shame, nobody expects the Spanish inn physician”

A joke from "mind your language"

teacher : \[when you're sick\] you go to the doctor

Spanish student : no, no doctor, doctor killed my uncle in Madrid

\-really ?

\-si, my uncle, he has pain in the chest, he go see doctor, doctor he listen and say "it's all right", t...

Today's football results:

Real Madrid: 1
Imaginary Madrid: √-1

I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldn’t believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

THIS JUST IN: KING FELIPE VI QUARANTINED TO HIS JET

Madrid News reports the Reign of Spain is staying mainly on the plane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Free, no charges

Hi everyone!
A dear friend of mine has bought tickets to the UEFA Champions League final in Madrid on Saturday.
The problem is that he completely forgot that next Saturday is his wedding day, coz he bought the tickets few months before agreeing to the wedding.
Now he wants to know if anyone...

Doctor killed my Uncle

Myl classic


Juan : I hate doctors, a doctor killed my uncle in Madrid.

Brown: That’s sad. What happened?

Juan: He went to a clinic for a heart checkup, the doctor said he was fine. 5 minutes later, he died on the road.

Brown: Wow.Heart attack?

Juan: No. Motorc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The robot that knew everything

Scientist were finally able to invent a robot which could answer any question.

His friends told him about this robot and so he decided to test it because he believed that such a robot could not possibly be created.

So he went to the the robot , press the button. The robot turned activ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A French traveled to Spain

He passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight.

Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that there was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser’s balls. So he signed up and came back six we...

A daughter takes her new boyfriend home to meet her parents

Her dad asks, "so, what do you do?"

The boyfriend says, "Im training in Madrid as a goalie. I'm hoping to work my way into the first team next season!"

The dad winks at his daughter, nudges her on the arm and says, "watch out for this one, he's gonna be a real keeper"

An eccentric billionaire's beloved pet hog was very ill...

...and his private vet was away so he had to find a last minute specialist. Vets from around the world sent word that they would come to his aid right away, jumping at the chance to look at the animal, thereby winning the rich old man's admiration and the huge bill that would come from top notch car...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A customs agent stopped Sam, an elderly Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.

In the first suitcase, the agent found over 1 million pounds in £10 notes. "Excuse me, sir" he asked Sam, "where did you get all this money?"
"Vell, I'll tell you," Sam began, "I love Israel. For many years I travelled all around the world and stopped off at all of the public toilets in all the ...

Redd Foxx Classics (not too dirty)

- "What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."

- "I've realized the importance of black. If you want to know how important black is, go to Las Vegas and get some white chips and get some black chips. You could have 70 lbs of white chips and ca...

A man travelling across Europe catches a nasty cold

While resting at a hotel in Madrid, a man realizes hes sick and needs to go to the hospital. He quickly walks to the hotel's check-in desk and asks where the nearest hospital is, as he didnt really know what to call or where to go.

The hotel clerk says to the man: "No worries, sir. We shall ...

Air Traffic Control joke

Two pilots were talking in a bar. One asked the other what is the worst air traffic controlling he had experienced. He told the following story....We were coming into Madrid it was socked in with heavy fog and the ILS (Instrument Landing System) was out so we were getting talked down by their radar ...

[long] A tourist goes to see the bullfight in Spain

After the matador disposed of the bull and the fight was over, he started to feel quite peckish. He spied a restaurant with a sign "BULLFIGHT SPECIAL" he was seated, and asked his waiter about the special and if it was an authentic Spanish dish or for tourists, to which the waiter responded, it's am...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Most Delicious Meatball

A rich CEO decides to head over to Madrid, Spain for a vacation. Although he is very affluent, he decides to experience the culture by going to a local restaurant. Upon arriving, he says to the waiter, "I want the most expensive dish you have."


Minutes later, the waiter arrives with what ...

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