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Carlos Jokes

Jose and Carlos

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers that panhandle in different areas of town.
Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects $2-3 every day.
Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills every day, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
...

After winning Wimbledon, Carlos Alcaraz came home to see that someone stole all his cars.

He will be known as Los Alaz from now on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don Carlos is 90 years old and lives in an old age retirement nursing home.

Every night after dinner, he secludes himself at the far-end of the garden.

One night, Juanita, 80 years old, approaches him. They start chatting about life and old age, and after a while, he says to her,

"You know what I miss most of all ?"

\*What ?" asks Juanita.

"SEX !...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Twelve priests were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would n...

Carlos: Can I be frank with you?

Me: Sure.

Frank: Thanks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two drunk girls stop to pee in a cemetery

Two drunk girls stopped to pee in a cemetery after a long night out drinking and partying.

The first girl squats down by the car and starts to pee. She then realizes she doesn't have anything to wipe with, so she takes her panties off and wipes herself, and throws them away.

The secon...

My friend Carlos got his car stolen

We call him Los now

My friend’s girlfriend is pregnant, and he is thinking of a name for the past few weeks.

Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.

Carlos was the proud owner of a Mexican Bed & Breakfast in Cancun...

It was founded by his Great-grandfather in the 1800s. He had come to Mexico from Spain and bought the run-down place with a loan from from a businessman back home. Through hard work and sheer determination, he had built the place up to a relatively successful B&B.

After his death, he lef...

A Mexican man applies for a job at the pentagon

A Mexican man, let's call him Carlos, applies for a job at the Pentagon. As part of the hiring process they send a couple of agents to talk to the man's friends, family and any associated to see if they can find anything that would show that he's not suitable for the job. When the agents go to talk ...

"How did we not see Doctor Carlos taking all of the inkwells?"

"Because nobody expects the Spanish ink physician."

Jesus, take the wheel

Carlos, take the stereo

My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, so I started looking for some names...

...in the end I chose Juan Carlos and took the first flight to Spain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jose and Carlos are butt fucking in the shower

when the doorbell rings. Jose quickly blows his load, pulls his dick out of Carlos’ ass, and says “hold on I need to get this it could be the delivery man”. Before leaving the bathroom Jose notices that Carlos’ dick is rock hard and he’s stroking it intensely. Jose says to Carlos “You better not cum...

A lot of redditors who post in r/Jokes remind me of Carlos Mencia

Not just because they steal jokes but they're fat and stupid too.

If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now?

A math problem

Did you hear about the Mexican George Michael tribute act?

He's called Carlos Whisper

Say what you will about Carlos Mencia, he sure knows how to take a joke

And present it as if he wrote it

Jesus take the wheel

Carlos take the stereo, Manuel get the seats and I'll be the Juan on watch.

The bacon tree.

Juan and Carlos have been stranded in the desert for 2 days. They are on the verge on dying of thirst when Juan sees something in the distance.

He gets closer to confirm his suspicions - off in the distance is an incredibly juicy bacon tree. "Mira!!" (Look!) "Carlos! Up ahead, it's a bacon t...

2 Mexican gang members...

Carlos and Pepe; are lost in the desert after a drug deal gone wrong...

After days wandering aimlessly, Pepe finds a tree covered in pork. Bacon of all kinds and thicknesses, gammon, sausages and pulled pork hanging in place of leaves.

Not wanting to waste energy on what could potentia...

Two mexicans are walking in a desert....

and are extremely thirsty and hungry, and are out of food and water. As they continue on their journey to reach their homeland, Carlos says to Juan in broken english, "I don't think we es going to make it, Juan." Juan replies, "We must keep trying Carlos, we es got no choice."

As Carlos and J...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich Mexican buisnessman by the name of Jesus bought an apartment at the top floor of Burj Khalifa

He decided to invite his father to view his apartment and have a nice time together.He sent a plane ticket for his father in Mexico, and ordered his personal assistant to wait for him outside the airport.

When the father arrived, the assistant approached him to carry his luggage. The father a...

When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's

Carlos Mencia

Screw this! I'm going to leave the original joke making to the professionals!

Dane Cook...

Amy Schumer...

Carlos Mencia...

There is no "i" in "team.

"But there's an "i" in "Tim," and my friend Carlos pronounces it "team." So....there.

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions ...

2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.

"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyan...

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