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Shuttle Jokes

An astronaut flies in his space shuttle

And after flying for a while he stops at the nearest gas station in space to fill up. Once he’s done he asks the cashier where the nearest bar is. The cashier respond with “if you just go over to the next moon, you’ll find it. It’s called The Keyboard.” The astronaut thanks the cashier and leaves. O...

Captan Kirk & Today’s Shuttle Launch

If William Shatner really wanted to go “where no man had gone before”, He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.

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Why can’t astronauts jack off in the shuttle?

Because working under a suspended load is an OSHA violation

Aboard the Shuttle Flight Out of Dallas

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston.
One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines.

The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his to...

We played BINGO lastnight inside the shuttle

We all needed O2 to stay in the game

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Tasteless space shuttle Challenger jokes

Q) Where did Christa McAuliffe spend her vacation?

A) All over Florida.

Q) What color were Christa McAuliffe's eyes?

A) Blue, one blew this way, one blew that way.

Q) What was the last thing Christa McAuliffe told her husband?

A) "You take care of the dog and cat, ...

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Henry Kissinger was once asked to explain what shuttle diplomacy was.

– Oh! It is a never-failing old Jewish method. Let me give you an example. Suppose you want to marry Rockefeller’s daughter to a lad from a Siberian village.
– How would you do that?
– Easy. I go to a Siberian village, find there a young man and ask him, “Would you like to marry an American Je...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

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Challenger Shuttle Teacher Christa McAuliffe Jokes - In bad taste

Q: What was the last thing Christa McAuliffe said right before the Challenger exploded??


A:What's this button do??




Q: What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband just before launch??




A: Honey, you feed the dogs, and I'll feed the fish.

If Canada launched a space shuttle, what would it be called?

Apollo G

Did you hear about the astronaut whose request to bring an orange on the space shuttle was declined?

It was a fruitless Endeavor

Due to spaghettification, if Elon Musk flew his shuttle through a Black Hole...

he would become Elon Gated.

An astronaut collapses into his chair after a long day of work inside the space shuttle. He decides to make a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, the space shuttle seems to be out of milk and so he goes to his companion to ask if he'd seen any.

Astronaut 1: "Hey, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

Astronaut 2: "In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."

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My cat Minton just swallowed a shuttle cock.

Bad Minton.

Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.

Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour

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I started playing tennis recently. on the first day I had to tell my tennis partner "I can't grasp these balls" he asked why not.

I said "I'm used to holding a shuttle cock"

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A Horse's Ass

Does the statement "We’ve always done it that way" ring any bells?

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatri...

Canada just announced that they are launching their first manned space shuttle next year.

They are calling it the Apollo-G.

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board.

While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks,

"Pig #1, do you know your mission?"

The pig replies, "Oink oink Houston. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."

Then NASA Control asks the second pi...

NASA decides to send up an all-female crew for their next shuttle mission...

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing. Nevermind."

"Repeat, what is the nature of the problem?"

"It's fine, whatever."

Space monkeys

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer NASA’s mission control center announced, ...

The European Space Agency (ESA) recruits one Dutch, one French and one Turkish astronaut for a space mission

As the mission should last 10 years, they ask the astronauts what they want to bring with them in space.

The Dutch says: "I would like to master a new language, can I bring a Spanish teacher?". ESA recruits the best Spanish teacher trains them and sends them to the space with the others.
<...

Why does NASA send their workers Sprite?

Because since the Shuttle stopped flying, they can't send 7 Up any more.

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

I told my friends a badminton joke the other day

I guess they didn't get the shuttle humor.

A woman is on her way to church

Wearing a tight leather skirt, she realizes she can’t reach her leg up to the first step of her church’s shuttle bus. Reaching behind her, she pulls the zipper down a little bit then tries again.

She attempts to take a step up, can’t reach, and reaches behind her again to pull down the zippe...

A really twisted joke

What do Ted Bundy and the Space Shuttle Colombia have in common?

They both left bodies in four states.

It's the year 1987...

Last year the space station Mir appeared to be launched into orbit. The key word being appeared. The space station is actually just a hologram designed to fool the United States! Right here on Earth exists a tiny scale replica, containing tiny versions of every item that would go up in a real shuttl...

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An elderly British couple are vacationing in Africa.

An elderly British couple have just arrived in Africa for a safari vacation and are being shuttled by taxi to their hotel. They drive by a rural village, and a man is outside, completely naked, with a ruler up against his penis.

"Blimey!" exclaims the wife, "what on earth is that bloke doing!...

An astronaut who travelled to the edge of the universe noticed an anomalous reading...

...his shuttle readings came back to inform him there was a flat solid matter extending from his location to the universe's horizon, like a path.

He approached cautiously but a black hole suddenly formed behind the ship. The spacecraft went haywire, lights blinking, alarms blaring and he bare...

As more resources for our planet are needed...

... A 4 years mission in space is planed by world leaders but there are no candidates who want to be away for so long. In an attempt to find 3 candidates deals are to be made.
An American steps up and the only thing he needs are hamburgers for all 4 years. World leaders accept.
A French man r...

the fowled experiment

scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the wind...

The Noe Family

A girl is finally going to meet her boyfriend Dave Noe’s family for thanksgiving. She’s really worried because she’s never had a boyfriend before, and has no idea what it’s gong to be like. Dave assures her his family will love her, and that she’ll be fine.

The girl is still incredibly nervou...

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A guy goes to get his physical (long)

So Tom goes to his doctor for his annual physical while sitting in the examining room he notices a large machine with a lot of lights and buttons looking more complicated than the space shuttle cockpit.
The doctor walks in and explains that the this new machine can diagnose every possible ailmen...

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