An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

I was disappointed I had to pay for my satellite installation

the guy had promised me it would be on the house

Did you hear about the satellites that got married?

The reception was amazing.

Two aliens are talking to each other in space.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

Why does everyone have such an issue with Russian satellites?

It’s none of our business if they want to build a Death Tzar

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My mate just rang me in tears. His wife has left him and taken his Bob Marley collection and satellite dish!

I pity the poor bastard

No Woman No Sky!

Two satellite dishes had a wedding,

The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was INCREDIBLE.

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Bud the Cowboy

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2019 AUDI advanced towards him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man named Cliff in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked...

So I'm at the nuclear missile facility and my boyfriend texts me "Hey Anna, wanna come over? ;)"

The general asks me for target coordinates for a missile launch so I do a search.

Using satellite imaging, I find the perfect spot and fire straight away.

Me: "General, we've launched a nuclear strike at these coordinates."

He looks at me in extreme confusion.

General: "W...

Yo momma so fat

Her driver's license picture had to be taken by satellite

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

Two men are playing teeing off during a round of golf.

Two men are teeing off during a round of golf when one of the men hooks his shot horribly right into a large area of brush.

"Tough luck that ones a goner, my friend."

"Not a problem! Give me just a second and I will find it and be right back."

The golfer trudges off the fairway...

I don’t tell satellite jokes.

They’re always over your head and they never land.

The best police in the world: FBI, Scotland Yard or Brazilian Police

FBI, Scotland Yard and the brazilian police were in a competition to determine the best police in the world. A international jury released a rabbit in a dark forest.

The FBI started the search using high-tech localization techniques, satellite maps, nightvision goggles and a DNA tracer. The a...

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

Catching rabbits

MI5, CIA and KGB are having a competition

Three small parties of all three Agencies meet on neutral ground, on the edge of an egyptian forest.

For the goal of the competition, they decided that each of their parties should catch a rabbit, using their espionage skills. The party that ma...

The Test

After about 1.8 trillion times a planet circled their star, the life-forms that evolved there launched a small craft with an artificial likeness of themselves into orbit. It was done to show that they could and because it amused them. Years later, after they made their planet uninhabitable, they lef...

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What's worse than a satellite around Saturn?

A probe in Uranus.

A competition was held to determine the country with the best police force in the world

The finalists were U.S., China and Russia, and each were represented by a five-man team.

On the day of the competition, the three teams gathered outside Tongass National Forest in Alaska, alongside a few thousand cheering fans. U.N. Secretary General António Guterres opened the envelope conta...

The Falcon Heavy is now the world’s most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or...

What’s the small box on the back of a satellite dish called?

A council flat.

I'm moving in a few days and I asked my neighbor if he wanted my satellite

Told em it's on the house.

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Weather forecasts in Australia

It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was goi...

I can’t get my satellite radio to work

I’m having sirius issues

Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space

Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.

**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.

**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like ...

Reception

-An antenna and a satellite dish meet on a roof. The get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!

We Indians have proved that

We can't only overload taxi's, auto's, buses, trains, lorries but also Satellites.

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How long does it take a satellite to reach Uranus?

Bend over and I'll show you.

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There was a special forces competition...

And USA, Russia and China got into the finals.

For the finals, the question was this:
Go into the forest, and find the rabbit.

So the Russians went first.

They brought with them 100 of their finest and searched the whole forest, inch by inch they looked for traces of the rabb...

NASA sends Blonde to space.

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two monkeys and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first monkey and asks, "Monkey #1, do you know your mission?"

The monkey replies, "ooah ooah!. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar sat...

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

Good Point!

An American, Russian and a Pol are sitting in a bar having a few drinks. The Russian stands up and proclaims "We Russians are the best because we were first to send a satellite into orbit!” The American stands up and say's “That's nothing. We Americans were first to put a man on the Moon!” The Pol s...

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest

The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.

MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the ...

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A Fancy Watch

Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?"

Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says.

"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" e...

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Saw someone post this on Facebook. Got a kick out of it.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity
generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water
utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-re...

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