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Outer Space Jokes

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One night, two aliens descend from outer space...

...and land their little spaceship next to an old gas station in a small town. They get out and walk up to one of the old gas pumps.
The little alien says
"Take me to your leader."
The gas pump doesn't say or do anything. Slightly annoyed, the little alien repeats
"Take me to your lea...

Why is the internet so bad in outer space?

It’s 0 g

I tried to start a comedy club in outer space once.

But sadly there was no atmosphere on opening night.

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If you wish to visit Outer Space, you're an Astronaut

If you wish to visit Uranus, you're an Ass-tronaut

Why are dogs afraid of outer space?

Because it's a vacuum.

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What has 3 balls and floats through outer space?

E.T., The Extra Testicle

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What happens if you masturbate in outer space?

Your orgasm would be out of this world.

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What do you call a black guy in outer space?

An astronaut you racist bastard.

What type of currency they use in outer space?

Star Bucks

I wanted to buy the latest telescope so I could see outer space

but the cost was astronomical.

What’s the difference between outer space and a Palestinian child?

Less rockets were launched into space.

(Pun from my kid nephew): How do you have a party in outer space?

Planet

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Girl, you got me so into outer space

I can see my self in Uranus.

How did the first woman get into outer space?

Chuck Norris came.

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If sex in an airplane is mile high club, what do you call sex in outer space?

Lightyear association.

Why is everyone in outer space a basic white girl?

Because the universal currency is Starbucks

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Two aliens are observing Earth from their spaceship in outer space...

"This is interesting," says the first, "the biped species on this planet has developed satellite based nuclear weapons."

"Are they an emerging intelligence?" Asks the second alien, who looks exactly like the first.

"I don't know, they have them all pointed at themselves."

Why is outer space so cold?

All the space heaters are on earth!

Why do dogs hate outer space?

Because they strongly dislike vacuums.

Where do you find evil artifacts from outer space?

At the Sithsonian.

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

To find Pluto.

Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space?

Because he was scared of vacuums!

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Two aliens land on Earth in the middle of nowhere near a gas station and one of them gets out to make first contact.

He goes to the gas pump and says "Hello, we're from outer space, and we'd like to establish relations, how can I find your leader?"

Obviously, the pump doesn't respond so the alien is rather annoyed by such rudeness but he tries again.

"Yeah so we're just trying to get in touch with yo...

"Can you fit any more Milky Way Chocolate Bars into your desk drawer there, Jim?"

"Nope, all outer space."

What do you call the Asian-Mexican master race from outer space?

Illegal Aryans

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Aliens Encounter A Gas Station

Two aliens from outer space come down to Earth and land next to a gas station. They debate who to talk to and approach a gas pump. The one alien commands, "Take me to your leader." Nothing happens. The alien gets angry, points his ray gun and says, "Take me to to your leader or I'll zap you to dust!...

A team of researchers has created an advanced, AI-powered supercomputer.

The computer is capable of natural language processing. The primary function of the computer is to be asked a question verbally, and then search through publicly available and internal resources to provide an answer without any information given to it beforehand. The computer responds with the answe...

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A poop walks into a bar.

He jumps up onto a bar stool and sits there for a moment, waiting to be served.

The barman spots the poop on the stool, looks around the bar and shouts, "HEY! How did this get here?!"

"Well, it's a long story... " says the poop, "basically, I woke up in the sewer last year and sudden...

Saw a good one earlier and got inspired to do something similar

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.


One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E...

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There once was an older couple who lived alone on a farm.

One day, the couple is visited by aliens from outer space.

Aliens: “For many years, we have studied and learned all there is to know about Humans. Everything, except what goes on in the bedroom. Would you be willing to sleep with us, for science?”


The husband and wife talked it ov...

What do you get when you cross J.K. Rowling with outer space?

AstroTERF.

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