what did the ufo denier say when shown undeniable video proof of alien spaceships and was even told that one of those spaceships houses the leader of the universe?

“which craft?”

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Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to ...

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There are fuckups, there are royal fuckups, and then there was NASA crashing a spaceship because they confused pounds and kilos.

That was an *Imperial* fuckup.

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An alien couple land their spaceship in a farmer's field



They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them if it's ok to swap spouses for the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agree.



The male alien takes the ...

How do you put a spaceship to sleep?

You rocket

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Mr. & Mrs. Johnson live on a farm by themselves. One day, an Alien spaceship lands in front of their house.

As the Johnsons go to investigate, the ship’s doors open and two aliens that look similar to humans walk out. Speaking perfect English, the aliens make a proposition to the Johnsons to trade partners for the night to understand human sexual behavior. The Johnsons, curious of what the experience woul...

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What spaceship got a participation trophy for attempting the Kessel run?

The Millenial Falcon

Why don’t spaceships have bars?

In space, a hole in the wall would kill everyone.

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What do you call someone who flies a spaceship to Uranus?

An asstronaut.

What did the spaceship say when it landed on the moon?

I Apollogize!

The young salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job.

The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him t...

Have you heard the one about the flying spaceship?

Never mind its over your head.

How do you tie your spaceship to the dock?

With an astronaut.

Two aliens are sitting in their spaceship looking at the earth.

One of them has been researching whether an invasion would be viable. He reports back to his commander "the humans have somehow managed to harness the power of the atom to create some of the most powerful weapons I've ever seen".

The commander says "maybe it would be unwise for us to invade t...

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

You live, and then you die. And life is the spaceship between those two points. I’m just so happy to be on this spaceship with you guys.

Maybe that’s why they call it a friendship.

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An ensign was spending his first few days aboard a submarine learning his duties and a litany of regulations.

His job was unusual, but simple; tend a pair of oxen in a miniature field on deck 7. The purpose of this agricultural endeavor was to see if crops might one day be grown inside a spaceship; a submarine was an adequate stand in.

He had never driven cattle before, but in short order, he got th...

Yesterday I saw aliens for the first time, they were tall and had blue skin with giant eyes. But what struck me the most is that they came in a green spaceship that had a rounded format

Turns out they do come in peas

Aliens visit earth

People were found by extraterrestrials. Aliens descended from the skies on the earth surface. Humanity wondered who should they sent to talk to the aliens. Top scientists from around the world agreed to send prominent biologist and well-known religion critique Richard Dawkins. He approached the spac...

What did the weeb say, when he saw an alien spaceship fly across the sky?

"Look! A UWO!"

What do you call a spaceship that runs on all natural fuel?

The Millenial falcon

What’s ET short for?

So he can fit in the spaceship

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Dennis and two pigs are flying a spaceship

Mission control: Pig one, press the red button!
the pig says 'oink oink' and presses the red button.
Mission control: Pig two, press the blue button!
the other pig says 'oink oink' and presses the blue button.
Mc: Dennis, feed the pigs and don't touch anything!

Guys, spaceships are like...

A higher plane

A hooker and a priest walk into a spaceship...

It lasts for 1 season and a movie and everyone throws a fit when it won't come back.

Two aliens are observing Earth from their spaceship in outer space...

"This is interesting," says the first, "the biped species on this planet has developed satellite based nuclear weapons."

"Are they an emerging intelligence?" Asks the second alien, who looks exactly like the first.

"I don't know, they have them all pointed at themselves."

Why did the alien pre-emptively put perfume on before boarding the human spaceship?

Because the ship had Musk written all over it

What do you call a 20 year old spaceship that whines all the time and never wants to run properly?

The Millenial Falcon.

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A couple was walking down the street when an alien spaceship landed in front of them...

An alien couple exited the spaceship and said, ''Hello, earthlings, we come in peace and we want you to tell us all about your planet.''

They talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It sounded very ...

There was an astronaut who landed on an alien planet inhabited by several beautiful women.

When he climbed out of his spaceship, he was approached by the women, who were all some 20 feet taller. One came up to him and asked, ‘I suppose you want to see the leader?’ The astronaut looked up at her, and replied:

“’Take me to your ladder. I’ll see your leader later.’”

Worst/Best joke I've heard.

An alien is flying over the earth in his spaceship when it suddenly starts to lose control and crashes on Earth. The alien survives the crash with minimal injuries and gets to work repairing his ship.

After a few days of work he completes everything only to find the gormack has been damaged a...

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An alien spaceship lands in a married couple's backyard...

The couple goes out to greet them. After introductions and typical small talk, they discover that these aliens are galactic swingers, and they were looking to do a little swapping.

The couple decided that, since they were representing all of humanity, they would play along.

The wif...

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Have you heard about the invasion of alien women that only abduct people with big dicks?

Just wanted to let you know that you’re not in any danger. But this spaceship is fucking awesome.

I fed thousands of /r/jokes to the new OpenAI artificial intelligence (GPT-3), here's what it came up with.

Q: How do astronauts shower?
A: They take a spaceship!

Q: Where do birds go when they want to talk to each other?
A: Tweet-el

Q: What did the pepper do when he got excited?
A: He pepped up!

Q: What do you call a man who is trapped in a bush with a lion, tiger and bear?<...

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A Farmer and his wife...

A farmer and his wife were sitting on the front porch enjoying the cool summer evening, when a flying saucer lands in the front yard, a door drops down, an Martian man and woman step off the spacecraft and introduce themselves to the country couple, after a long evening of enjoyable conversation the...

Arthur C Clarke, CS Lewis & JRR Tolkien walk into a bar...

Clarke, Lewis and Tolkien walk into a bar arguing about how characters should travel.

Clarke says they should take a spaceship and Tolkien says they should walk. Lewis says that can just step through a wardrobe.

When asked how that's possible Lewis says "Narnia business"

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

If trump was notified of an alien invasion.

“There’s an alien spacecraft but it’s not on course to earth.”

“Our specialists, they’re very special people, have concluded that this is just an alien spaceship making a simple flyby our solar system”

“The alien ship is getting close to our american soil but there is nothing to worry ...

Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens.

They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.

I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."

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"WARNING"

Female aliens are kidnapping men with big penises this Christmas.

Obviously, you're not in danger but I am putting this on here to let you know, This spaceship is fucking awesome!!!

Merry Christmas redditers.

A blonde...

...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.

The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.

"Do you know what 'UFO' s...

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One night, two aliens descend from outer space...

...and land their little spaceship next to an old gas station in a small town. They get out and walk up to one of the old gas pumps.
The little alien says
"Take me to your leader."
The gas pump doesn't say or do anything. Slightly annoyed, the little alien repeats
"Take me to your lea...

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A plane gets hijacked by a couple of terrorists

The head terrorist is in the cockpit with the pilot. He demands that the pilot takes them to a free country or else the entire plane will blow up.

The pilot retorts: " This is an airliner, not a spaceship!"

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The tale of Louise.

Once upon a time there was a 7-year-old girl named Louise. Now from a young age Louise had always had an interest in science. Someday she wanted to be an astronaut, to pilot a spaceship, and to explore alien worlds, but she didn't have time for any of those things. You see, Louise's family owned thi...

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An Alien ship lands in the city center..

and out come two humanoid male and female aliens, who look pretty much human except they are blue in colour and have antennas where their ears should be.

They are immediately surrounded by a huge crowd, media has set up their booths and world leaders approach them to make contact.

The...

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A guy and girl are walking through the park

when suddenly a spaceship lands nearby. They head over to investigate, and meet a lovely alien couple. They looked and spoke just like humans, although they had a slightly greenish tint to their skin. The couples get to talking, and eventually they arrive on the topic of sex. "How do you have sex," ...

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Two aliens are trying to figure out how to infiltrate earth to blend in...

They spend a lot of time watching how people go about their lives and decide the first thing they need to do to exist and blend is get money to thrive. They land their spaceship in a cornfield and walk to the closest place they can find, a gas station. They walk up to the gas pump and demand it give...

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A farmer couple is visited by aliens

Two space aliens, a male and a female, land their ship in the middle of a farm and meet the husband and wife who own it. They start talking and the farmers put them up in their house for a few weeks. They exchange stories about culture and technology. On the last night before the aliens depart, the ...

The world unites

A Geordie bloke is stood outside his house and he sees a bloke from the next road over coming down his street "OY! What are you doing in MY street?".

Before the second man can respond another bloke from Middlesbrough appears at the other end of the street "OY!", they both shout, "what are yo...

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