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A Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.

"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."
He gulps down the whiskey and o...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey

When the barman serves it up, he takes it out to the bench in front of the bar to drink it.

As he's enjoying his drink, a nun walks by, and glares at him sourly. "How can you pollute your soul with the Devil's drink like that?" she asks.

The man shrugs. "It's not the Devil, it's just w...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Whiskey...

The bartender serves the whiskey and all of a sudden a monkey appears running all across the bar jumps and lands with his testicles in the whiskey and smiles to the man.

The man, confused, asks to the bartender...

-What the hell is this?

-Oh, ask the piano player, it is his monk...

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A man walks into a bar and takes a seat on one of the stools. The bartender looks at him and asks him what he'd like to drink. The man orders four shots of whiskey for himself.

The bartender looks at the man and says, "Four shots for yourself? What's the special occasion?", to which the man replies, "First blowjob." The bartender puts on a congratulatory smile and pats the man on the shoulder and says he'll give him a fifth shot on the house. To which the man says, "No tha...

Why did god invent whiskey?

So the Irish wouldn't rule the world

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This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...

He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?"

The bartender replies, "It's a moose."

The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and... cola."

"Why the big pause?" Asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "Im not sure; I was born with them."

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This man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks: "What's the matter?"...

"I found out my brother is gay"

The next day the same man goes to the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks: "You're back. What's wrong this time?"

"I found out that my son is gay."

The next day, the same man goes to the bar again and orders 20 shots of whiske...

My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey.

I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry

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A man takes a seat at a bar and waves at the bartender. “Gimme a shot of whiskey.”

Another man at the bar, notices his accent and asks, “You sound like a fellow Irishman. What county do you come from?”

“I come from Kildare” the man replies.

“Me too! What town in Kildare?”

“Maynooth, born and raised,” the man says.

“Me too! What a coincidence. What p...

An old Irishman walks into a bar, hauls his bad leg over the stool, and asks for a whiskey...

"Hey," he says, looking down the bar, "is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nods, so the Irishman orders Jesus one too.

An ailing Italian with a humpback walks in, shuffles up to the bar, and asks for a glass of Chianti. Noticing Jesus, the Italian orders Him a glass of Chianti too.
...

What do you get when you turn down a cheap shot of whiskey from Conor McGregor?

A cheap shot anyway

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My buddy has this idea that he can make whiskey by aging corn mash in his anus

I mean, I suppose anything could work, butt still...

I like my boys how I like my whiskey.

Brown and 10 years old

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and asks for a shot of whiskey

The bartender asks him, "what is that thing and why's it in my bar?"

"That's my pet," the man replies. "He follows me everywhere and we both love a good drink."

Sighing, the bartender decides he doesn't have time to argue the semantics of bringing animals into bars and pours two shots,...

A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up. “I have an idea!” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey and a bible on the coffee table...

“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino and if he takes the bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”

So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding.

The boy saunters over to the coffe...

A guy walks up to the liquor store counter and tries to buy a bottle of whiskey with a fake $20 bill.

The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming!! She grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter over and over and until he was out cold.

She was so upset that she had a counter fit.

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

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A homophobic guy walks into a bar and immediately orders 3 double shots of whiskey.

Bartender: "Wow, that's a hefty order."
Guy: "Yeah, I just got terrible news that my brother has turned gay..."
Bartender gives the guy his 3 shots and leaves him alone.

-Next day-
The same guy enters the bar and again, orders the same drinks.
Bartender: "Still not over ...

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I like my men like I like my Whiskey

I really fucking hate whiskey.

Guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey-coke.

Bartender asks if Pepsi is okay and guy says that's fine.

Bartender turns around to make the drink and when finished presents the drink and says "here's your pepsi-coke."

Why shouldn’t you mix whiskey and calculus?

Because its illegal to drink and derive

Four worms were placed in four separate test tubes: 1st in beer 2nd in wine 3rd in whiskey 4th in mineral water The next day, the teacher shows the results: The 1st worm in beer, dead. The 2nd in wine, dead. The 3rd in whiskey, dead. The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?

And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey
does not have worms.

I recently started a whiskey diet,

I lost two days already.

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A teacher gave her class

of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market ...

A dog limps into a saloon, with a bandage around his leg and a mean scowl. He looks around suspiciously. The barman, polishing whiskey glasses, eyes the dog and says ' Evenin' pardner, what happened to you? '

Dog replies 'Sombody shot my paw'.

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Guy runs into a bar and yells "Quick I gotta get ten shots of your finest whiskey, fuck the cost, pour the shots I'm gonna take them all!"

The bartender is a bit surprised with the request but he lines up the shots, and watches, with a bit of concern but is also kind of impressed as this guy sits on a barstool and slams shot after shot until they're all down.

"Hot damn!" says the bartender. "That's fucked up, what's going on wit...

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replies, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of
by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, "Me too, I
d...

After a long day at work, a weasel stopped at his local pub for a drink...

As he steps up to the bar, the bartender greeted him: “Well, how are you today, sir?”

“Tired”, says the weasel. “Oh, you need a whiskey, then.”

“No, thank you” replies the weasel. “Weasels don’t drink believe in drinking alcohol.”

“Well, you’re at a bar son. What do weasels drin...

A politicain wanted to confirm that his son was really his son or had his wife been unfaithful.

He creates a setup. He places a $1000 bill, a glass of whiskey and a gun on a table. He then calls his son in. His son barges in "Hey Dad"

He shows his son the setup and tells him to choose.

The son without a second thought picks up the bill, puts it in his pocket. Without further ado,...

A cowboy strolls into town on his horse fireball and goes straight to the saloon. He drinks straight whiskey for a few hours, never moving except to take another drink. When he's done he gets up and walks out of the saloon.

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.


He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."


"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

...

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A piece of string walks into a racist bar and asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender says ‘bugger off, we don’t serve your kind here!’

So the piece of string walks into the bathroom, ruffles up his hair and twists himself around a little.
He walks back to the bar and the bartender asks ‘weren’t you here a minute ago?’

The String replies, ‘no sir. I’m a frayed Knot’

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A man is sitting at a bar. Another gentleman walks up and sits next to him. The first man looks at the new comer and says to him “did You know this bar is so high up in the tower that you can jump out the window and the gusts will lift you up and float you right back in the window?”

The new guy looks at him, astonished at this. The first guy says “watch I’ll show you”, takes a shot of whiskey, runs over to the window and jumps out. Thirty seconds later he floats right back up and through the window and walks back over to the Other gentleman.

Amazed, the other guy says “I...

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Old Joe

A cowboy walks into a saloon looking for a good time.

"You got any women around here?" He asks.

"Nope," the bartender replies, "But we've got Old Joe in the back." He motions to a donkey outside.

The cowboy shakes his head and scoffs, "I ain't into that shit." He drinks his whis...

People keep telling me I need to drink “Less” whiskey

I can’t find that brand anywhere.

A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 whiskeys in 3 seperate glasses.

So the bartender pours the drinks and the man drinks all 3, pays, and leaves. The next day, the man comes in, orders the same thing, drinks, pays leaves. This goes on for a week when finally the bartender says "you know, I can put all of those into 1 big glass for you if you'd like". The man replies...

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A man goes into a bar and orders five whiskeys

The bartender sets them up, and the man guzzles them down.

While he is in the middle of the third one, the bartender asks,”Whatcha celebrating?”

“My first blowjob.”

“Well, that’s pretty swell! Here, have one on the house!”

“No, if five can’t get the taste out of my mouth...

Why does Conor mcgregor drink Jameson whiskey?

Because he can’t handle a White Russian

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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

If you add coke to your whiskey, you're a novice drinker.

If you add whiskey to your coke, you're ruining good drugs.

Two China men were robbing a distillery.

One said to the other “is this whiskey?” The other said “yeah it’s whiskey but it’s safer than wobbing a bank”.

I walked into the liquor store, and an employee asked me, “Do you need any help?”

I said, “Yes, but I’ll get whiskey instead.”

When you just know you don't have it!

A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to line up seven shots of his finest whiskey. The bartender does so, and proceeds to watch as the man quickly goes down the line, downing each with one gulp.


The bartender says: "Wow, I’ve never seen anyone drink like THAT".

<...

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While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.

Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house.

I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got her a Killian's, she didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe s...

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If alcoholics get whiskey dick, what do heroin users get?

Poppycock.

A man walks into a bar

He proceeds to sit down when the bartender approaches him and asks his drink.

“Whiskey” he says.

After the bartender pours it, a leprechaun that’s been sitting on the mans shoulder runs down and kicks the glass, thus spilling it everywhere.

“Another one please” the guy says. ...

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A guy and his dog walk into a bar, they order two whiskey, cheer and both drink it.

The waitress looks stunned and asks if there are other tricks his dog can do. The man answers ''Yes, he's very good at oral sex. The woman blushes and asks ''Really, can I try it?'' The man answers ''Sure'' and sends the dog and woman in a private room, the woman lies there naked and the dog looks a...

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A hunchback man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

Bartender says "bells alright?"

The man replies "don't you fucking start"

Serious Case

A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.

The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We have already opened an aged 18 year ol...

Do all three and get the money

A guy goes into a bar and sees a huge jar filled to the top with money. He asks the bar tender what's with the jar of money?

The bar tender says if you want that money you have to knock out the huge dude at the end of the bar, go back in the alley and pull the sore tooth out of the junkyard...

Last night I rode my bike to the store and they had my favorite whiskey on sale!

I had to ride my bike home with the bottle in my jacket. On the way back I hit a pot hole, fell down and immediately felt some wetness under my jacket. You can imagine my relief when I realized it was just blood!

A local anti-alcohol protester walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey and a glass of water

. The bartender, surprised to see the protester in the bar at all, much less ordering alcohol, asks him what he's doing. "Just watch," the protester replies. He drops a worm in the shot of whiskey, and another worm in the water. Within minutes the worm in the whiskey dies. "Now, what does that tell ...

100 year old lady is asked what's her secret

"Well, for a good digestion, I drink beer. If I don't have an appetite, I drink white wine. If my blood pressure is low, I drink red wine. When I have a cold I drink whiskey. "

"And water, when do you drink water?"

"I've never been that sick. "

I like shooting guns and drinking whiskey.

But I'm all out of shots.

She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter

but he loved her still.

What does Batman put in his whiskey?

Just ice.

(Forgive me if this is unoriginal, but i thought i made it up just this moment).

Worried about his Supreme Court confirmation, Brett Kavanaugh decided to unwind by ordering a 16 year old whiskey.

She refused to drink it.

A Cowboy rides through the desert

For two days. He's hungry, thirsty and tired, his horse too. He sees a small town on the horizon. He finally reaches it on sunset and comes into the saloon and says to the Keeper:

"There's my horse outside, have someone give it food and water and comb its hair. As for me, I want a whiskey and...

What's the best thing about buying a barrel of Conor Mcgregor's whiskey?

It's easy to tap!

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits at the bar and orders a shot of whisky. While his drink is being poured, the man spots a jar of ten dollar bills sitting by the peanuts labeled, “bar challenge”.
Curious, the man asked the bartender what was up with that.
“That there is the current jackpot for this months bar challen...

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I like my girls the way I like my Whiskey.

Eighteen years old, moist and preferably in a basement.

Wholesome and hopefully original

One day, a saddened middle aged man was walking out of a liquor store with 2 bottles of whiskey in each hand, carried by the neck of the bottles.

A younger man noticed the other man's expression and walked up to him, and without a word, placed his own hands underneath the bottles of whiskey ...

An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast

for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fe...

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A drunk man stumbles into a bar

A drunk man stumbles into a bar and rudely demands the bartender pour him a drink. The bartender walks over and tells the man that he looks like he’s already had too much to drink and ask that he leave...

The man storms out of the bar and goes to search for somewhere to drink.

A few m...

I really want to try Conor McGregor’s whiskey since he keeps promoting it.

But I’m just not sure about stuff that comes out of tap.

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck we're in the middle of a robbery...

Bugs Bunny asked Daffy, "Is this whiskey?"

Daffy answered, "Of course it's whiskey, but it's safer than wobbing a bank"

My bartender asked me if I wanted my whiskey without ice.

I said "Sure. That'd be neat."

Whiskey business

Two Chinese crooks break into a distillery.

One crook says to the other, "Is this whiskey?"

The other one replies, "Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"

A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey.

He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"

My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.

"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Then why did you buy so much bread?"

I went to the liquor store yesterday on my bike

I bought a bottle of whiskey and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break, so I drank all the whiskey before I cycled home. It turned out to be a good decision because I fell off my bike seven times on the way h...

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A boy sees his grandpa sipping whiskey on the porch and asks, “can have some?”

The grandpa says, “does your dick touch your asshole?” The boy says, “no”. Grandpa says, “then no, you can’t have any.” Later that day the boy sees his grandpa smoking a cigar. He asks, “hey can I try your cigar?” Grandpa again asks, “does your dick touch your asshole?” The boy says “no” and his gra...

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An American tourist is on holidays along the west of Ireland, tracing his roots, hiking the many hills and cliffs along the coast. Pausing to enjoy the breathtaking view, amongst all the green he notices a dirty old tractor putt-putt-putting along a country lane...

An American tourist is on holidays along the west of Ireland, tracing his roots, hiking the many hills and cliffs along the coast. Pausing to enjoy the breathtaking view, amongst all the green he notices a dirty old tractor putt-putt-putting along a country lane.

As it comes closer, he notice...

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

India Foxtrot Yankee Oscar Uniform Charlie Alpha

November Romeo Echo Alpha Delta Tango Hotel

India Sierra India Mike November Echo Victor Echo

Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha

Golf India Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform

Uniform Papa November Echo Victor Ech...

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Told to me 40 years ago, by a 15 YO young lady.

Prospector comes into town. It's been 20 years since he's seen a woman. "Barkeep! gimme a whiskey!" He knocks it back and says, "Barkeep! whadda ya do fer wimmen in this town?"

"Well," the bartender replies,"we got Ole' Joe 'round back ... "

"Whoooooa! I don't go in fer that kinda ...

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

Three townsfolk were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The King must witness every execution.

First up was the town’s Priest. Sentenced for baptizing the newborn babies a bit too long. Executioner puts the bag over his head, priest kneels down into the headrest, and the lever is pulled.

The blade comes speeding downwards and stops half...

A very energetic old woman is approached by a middle aged man.

The middle aged man says “Ma’am, pardon me, You look so fit for a woman at this age. I’m amazed! Do you mind if you share the secret?”

The woman replied, “Oh sure, nothing special” “I’m just living the life like most people here.. I’m a night person so I rarely sleep at night.. I smoke 3 pack...

A Man was out shopping with his wife when he said to her can I buy that bottle of Whiskey it's on offer for £8.00 she replied no we cannot afford it, man says but you just spent £40.00 on makeup, she says that is to make me look good, man replies.

That is what the Whiskey was gonna be for...

An Irishman is drinking whiskey at a bar...

It's closing time, and he's pretty drunk. He gets up to leave and...boom! Falls over and smacks into the floor. He tries to get up again, but only succeeds in losing his balance and falling back down. He thinks to himself "wow I'm more drunk than I thought, maybe if I could just get some fresh air a...

I, being an Irish Catholic, decided it was time to cleanse my soul.

I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.

Inside, I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array...

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Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks.

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blended Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.<...

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A German, a Frenchman, and a Irishman walk into a pub.

The pub was known for being a wee bit of a dive. Dirty, poor service, but the three men were poor and the drinks were always cheap. They welcomed themselves into the pub and sat at the bar.

Notoriously, the service was poor. The barkeep chatted with other bar patrons for a good long while bef...

A man walks into a bar. "Quick, bartender, give me a shot of whiskey before it starts."

The bartender pours a shot of whiskey and gives it to the man. The man swallows it in a single gulp, and says "quick, give me another before it starts". The bartender pours another shot, quite perplexed. After the man finished the second drink, he again asked for another. The bartender looks at him ...

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into t...

A Lobster Walks Into a Bar

He goes up to the bartender and says: "Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that I'm a lawyer."

"Blimey... A lobster lawyer? That is impressive," says the bartender.

The Lobster puts his briefcase up on the bar, deftly opens it with his claws, and produces a document tha...

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Three guys die and go to hell [LONG]

Satan meets them for orientation. He asks the first one "What was your favorite sin in life?" He replies "It would have to be booze, I stayed drunk all the time." So Satan leads him to a door and opens it to reveal a giant room containing acres of every type of alcoholic drink imaginable; beers, ...

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

How does the cannibal like his whiskey?

With a taste of Pete

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One night two drunks were wandering the town trying to get drinks

but between the two of them, they only had a dollar and change. So the first drunk says, "Hey, I've got an idea - we put our money together and buy a hot dog."

The second drunk, looking at him puzzled, says, "What the hell? I don't want a hot dog; I want a goddamn drink!"

The first say...

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A man walks into a bar. He orders 4 shots of whiskey from the bar. He drinks them. The bartender pours another 4, which he drinks. The bartender- "You seem to be in a really good mood!" The customer- "I'm pretty excited abut my first blowjob!" The bartender says "Congrats, have another shot on me!"

The customer replies "No thanks, if 8 shots of whiskey won't get rid of the taste, I don't think 9 will either!"

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Life of a sailor

A Sailor is back from deployment and comes into the bar all moody and pissed off. He orders a double whiskey at the bar. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he’s got until the bartender says …

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about. All the other guys in here have nothing b...

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A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."

“What are the three tests?" asks the man

“Gotta pay first."

So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.

“OK, here's...

An 80-year-old Irishman goes to the doctor for a check-up...

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Irish and I am a golfer,' says Don, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of Irish whi...

Man walks into a bar and orders three shots of whiskey.

Man walks into a bar and orders three separate shots of whiskey. He solemnly drinks each one. The bartender asks why he needs the three separate shots, and why all at once.

"Well, this one's for me brother in Dublin. This one's for me brother in New York. And this one's for me. Seein' as how...

The pizza was waiting in the stomach..

The pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along.

Pizza thought, "Ok. I'll let him pass, there's no hurry."

Two minutes later another whiskey comes by and pizza lets him pass too, but two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stopped hi...

One day, a black bear walks into a bar...

The bear begins to get some strange looks, but he was use to this being a black bear and all. Everyone in the bar was acting a little strange around him, but then he sat at the bar and the bartender began to serve him.

Bartender: Ummm...So what can I get you?

Bear: Let me get a shot of...

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Pissed Off

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink...

Man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to pour him ten shots of whiskey. Bartender says, "Wow, are you sure?" Man replies, "If you had what I have, you'd want ten shots, too." He pours the man his shots and the man takes each one. Bartender says, "Okay, you gotta tell me what it is you've got."

The man replies, "Seventy-five cents."

Rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub...

A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.


A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.


'Fishing,' the old man said simply.


'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ...

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A cowboy is sitting in a bar having a whiskey

Before too long, a young, attractive blonde in a short skirt walks in and takes a seat up next to him at the bar. He offers to buy her a drink, so she asks for a martini.


They talk for a short while and hit it off fairly well. As the blonde finishes her martini and goes to eat the ol...

Walks into a bar.

A guy walks into a bar and orders 5 whiskeys, he drinks the first then the 3rd and then the 5th and leaves the other 2 at the bar, then leaves, he repeats this for 7 nights, just before he leaves the barman says to him, why have you done this every night?, guy says, well my doctor said it is OK to h...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey in celebration of his first blowjob

As the bartender discovers the man is celebrating his first blowjob the bartender offers the man another 5 free shots of whiskey for his accomplishment, the man turns around denies the offer and says 'nah thats fine, i only need one to take away the taste'

A group of 3 men walked into a bar

The scottish man had whiskey the frenchman had champagne and the inuit had some bellinis- the french and scottish looked at him and both said: I knew it!

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