My girlfriend constantly suffers from urinary tract infections

I told her she put the uti in cutie.

When you have a bladder infection,

urine trouble.

How did Alice feel when her doctor told her she is genetically more likely to develop a yeast infection?

Thrush-traited

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

The real reason all the libraries are closing is not to help stop the spread of infection.

Its becuase after all the toilet paper was gone, people all started to check out the books with 1000+ pages

What do you call a 300 pound woman with a yeast infection?

A Whopper with cheese.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

-Sir, you have a bladder infection.

-What’s that?

-Urine trouble, sir.

So there's only one state with no confirmed coronavirus infections, do you know which one it is?

The state of denial

What did the doctor say to the patient suffering from a bacterial infection?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

I got a highly contagious viral infection from online communities.

It must be all those social media influenzas.

Doctor told me I have viral eye infection...

Must be the cornea virus

COVID 19 infection is asymptomatic in children, but has an elevated fatality rate among the elderly.

They should call it "KO Boomer."

I never thought I'd have a fungal infection

But then it grew on me.

What do you have when you get an infection from coloring?

The Crayonovirus.

What did the doctor say to the man with a serious urinary tract infection?

Urine trouble

News: A Major Fashion Label Releases a Cream for Yeast Infections

It's called "Gucci Coochie Goo".

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do.

About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman, “I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.”

“Do...

In the distant past your limbs would simply be cut off if you got an infection

This was the med-evil period

What do you call a bird with a sinus infection?

A phlegmingo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard.

I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with anal infection went to the doctor,the doctor said "the only cure that exist, is to stick a cucumber in your butthole"

so the man went back home to his wife, explained to her what happened, and asked her to help him out.

man: "honey you should do as the doctor instructed me to do"

wife: "okay, what should I do?"

man: "hold one butt cheek with your left hand and, the other with your right hand,...

Me and my infections finally got together

and had a staff meeting

What happens when a guy gets a yeast infection?

He can't rise

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ralph, the department store parrot

During its hayday, Goldfinches was a glorious department store, with gorgeous decorations, including a Aviary centerpiece, where Ralph held court. You see, Ralph had a special ability to detect what people wanted by their appearance, and he would tell them where to look for the thing they needed....

COVID reminds me a lot of my ex,

because my mom won't stop talking about it, and it's now responsible for quite a few infections.

I sure am getting tired of this infection in my chest but I can’t even be mad at the bacteria

I mean, home is where the heart is after all

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Traditional Herbal Medicine

A guy, having been with a lot of questionable women, starts developing a bad rash and severe groin pain. After several weeks, he finally goes to see his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm real sorry, but the infection has gone way too far, we're going to have to amputate your penis." The guy doe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did god give women yeast infections?

He wanted them to know what it was like to live with an irritated cunt

My brother swears that he has to stay horizontal due to an ear infection and that it's therefore not unreasonable to expect me to cook all his meals.

I'm not sure whether I believe him though as he lies a lot.

What do you call a cabbage patch doll with a yeast infection?

Saurkrout

Why couldn't the wizard go on his quest?

He had a staff infection

Corona Virus defeated

Breaking news from China :” No death cases of corona virus reported in China for 3 days and only 5 new infections, all communist part officials”

In totally unrelated news ;” a surge in suicides in China reported , all victims killed them self withe 2 bullets to the back of the head and hav...

Did you hear about the pregnant redhead with a yeast infection?

She just gave birth to a healthy baby gingerbread man.

What did the urologist say when she suddenly discovered a cure for Urinary Tract Infections?

Urethra!

If Corona virus is just a beer virus..

Then it’s just a yeast infection!

C-19

In this perilous time, we need to stay vigilant in order to avoid infection


It’s most important that people don’t cough near you, they MUST be FAR


If someone happens to cough near you, politely tell them to


FAR COUGH

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the doctor and told him that he was having trouble maintaining an erection.

After a complete exam the doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.

However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment co...

Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind?

He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.

A man was walking in the woods when he was attacked by a wolf

The man miraculously managed to escape from the wolf with just a deep bite on the arm.


While he was being treated by the doctor, he confided that he thought it might have been a werewolf, so the doctor, humoring him, decided to run some tests.


"Good news," said the doctor...

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