The 40+ Best Infection Jokes

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Do you know why God invented yeast infections?

So women could know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.

-Sir, you have a bladder infection.

-What’s that?

-Urine trouble, sir.

What do you call a woman with a yeast infection and a sense of humour?

A fun-gal.

If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection?

I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.

What's an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

If you died of a yeast infections...

Would you rise from the dead?

What do you call an infection that makes you sound like an Academy Award-winning actress?

Streep throat

What did the doctor say to the patient suffering from a bacterial infection?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

What did cavemen use to prevent infections?

Paleosporin

What’s the funniest infection?

Athlete’s foot. It causes the feet to crack up.

What do you call a red head with a yeast infection

A ginger bread house

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Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

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What infection can you get for having nasal sex?

Sniffilis

Went to the doctor for an ear infection and now I’ve found out I’m actually going deaf.

That news was pretty hard to hear.

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

I never thought I'd have a fungal infection

But then it grew on me.

TIL Severe Yeast Infections Can Lead to Pregnancy

You could end up with a bun in the oven!

Doctor told me I have viral eye infection...

Must be the cornea virus

Hey girl, are you a urinary tract infection?

‘Cuz ur-in-ate out of 10

My elevator has an ear infection

It must be Otistis

My girlfriend constantly suffers from urinary tract infections

I told her she put the uti in cutie.

The real reason all the libraries are closing is not to help stop the spread of infection.

Its becuase after all the toilet paper was gone, people all started to check out the books with 1000+ pages

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Ear Infection

They often ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

Her...

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat

So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard.

I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.

Me and my infections finally got together

and had a staff meeting

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What did the Japanese prostitute say to her clients to inform them she had a vaginal infection.

Cuntitchywa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is it true that dogs have bacteria in their mouths that can cause infections?

And on an unrelated note, does anyone know where i can buy peanutbutter flavoured condoms?

Did you hear about the pregnant redhead with a yeast infection?

She just gave birth to a healthy baby gingerbread man.

What did the doctor say to the man with a serious urinary tract infection?

Urine trouble

What do you call a cabbage patch doll with a yeast infection?

Saurkrout

The moment we find out dogs really could sniff out coronavirus infections...

We'd ask WHO, let the dogs out! WHO! WHO!

How do you get herpes viral infection of the eye?

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection?

LeBronchitis

In the distant past your limbs would simply be cut off if you got an infection

This was the med-evil period

Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind?

He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.

COVID 19 infection is asymptomatic in children, but has an elevated fatality rate among the elderly.

They should call it "KO Boomer."

What did the mathemetician do about his ingrown toenail infection?

sohcahtoa.

What's the difference between a sneaky pig and yeast infection?

One's a cunning runt...

News: A Major Fashion Label Releases a Cream for Yeast Infections

It's called "Gucci Coochie Goo".

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