What happens when a guy gets a yeast infection?

He can't rise

Me and my infections finally got together

and had a staff meeting

What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese

I sure am getting tired of this infection in my chest but I canโ€™t even be mad at the bacteria

I mean, home is where the heart is after all

When you have a bladder infection,

urine trouble.

My brother swears that he has to stay horizontal due to an ear infection and that it's therefore not unreasonable to expect me to cook all his meals.

I'm not sure whether I believe him though as he lies a lot.

What happens when you get a bladder infection?

I dont know exactly, but urine trouble.

What do you call a cabbage patch doll with a yeast infection?

Saurkrout

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man with anal infection went to the doctor,the doctor said "the only cure that exist, is to stick a cucumber in your butthole"

so the man went back home to his wife, explained to her what happened, and asked her to help him out.

man: "honey you should do as the doctor instructed me to do"

wife: "okay, what should I do?"

man: "hold one butt cheek with your left hand and, the other with your right hand,...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Why did god give women yeast infections?

He wanted them to know what it was like to live with an irritated cunt

What did the urologist say when she suddenly discovered a cure for Urinary Tract Infections?

Urethra!

What do you have in a room filled with women, half with PMS and the other half with a yeast infection?

A whine and cheese party

Did you hear about the pregnant redhead with a yeast infection?

She just gave birth to a healthy baby gingerbread man.

I went to the doctor with a chest infection.

I asked the doctor, "TB or not TB?"

Why did Shakespeare get so many bacterial infections?

Because he only had quillicillin

Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind?

He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.

My elevator has an ear infection

It must be Otistis

What did Moses do after he got a bladder infection?

Parted the Red Pee

A man went to the doctor with an infection that started in his hand, but spread to his whole arm.

The doctor said that the infection was getting out-of-hand.

Me: Doc, my pee is tea colored. I think I have a bladder infection.

Doc: I see...

Me: What's urinalysis?

I took a video of my symptoms that suggested a bacterial infection

it turned out to be viral.

I have a fungal infection on my feet

At first I didn't like it, but then it started to grow on me.

What's the difference between a sneaky pig and yeast infection?

One's a cunning runt...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?

An itchy, twitchy twat.

What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection?

LeBronchitis

TIL that excessive consumption of raw egg white can cause brittle hair, rashes, fungal infection, and anemia...

I then imagined the hairless, hideous, and weak beast Gaston should have looked like.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

2 Dirty Jokes as told to me by a homeless guy.

If a guy with a foot fetish cheats on his wife, would you say *he got off on the wrong foot?*

**and** (no offense meant to all the women out there, I swear!)

You know why god invented the yeast infection? So that women would also know what it's like to live with a miserable cunt!
...

What do you call a pig that has never been tested for an infection?

Uncultured swine.

A cop pulls over a guy on a motorcycle...

and asks him for his name.

"My name is Ed." he said.

"Just Ed? no last name?"

"Just Ed."

"care to explain?" asked the cop.

"Well, it started a long time ago. I was Ed Johnson. As a kid, I always wanted to be a doctor. So I studied hard and finally graduated medic...

TIFU by rubbing yeast infection cream on my face

whoops wrong scrub

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Ear Infection

They often ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

Her...

This girl with a yeast infection walks into a bar

She sits down to order a drink and the bartender walks over and says " what's with the sour puss? "

How do you get herpes viral infection of the eye?

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

A guy goes to the hospital with an infection in his leg

It has gotten so bad that they decide the only course of action is to amputate the leg. So they put the guy under and perform the surgery. When he wakes up, he immediately realizes that they had amputated the wrong leg. He is furious, but they obviously still have to amputate the infected leg. S...

Yesterday I went to the doctor with a sinus infection

But he told me it was all in my head.

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