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Is it true that dogs have bacteria in their mouths that can cause infections?

And on an unrelated note, does anyone know where i can buy peanutbutter flavoured condoms?

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese

TIL Severe Yeast Infections Can Lead to Pregnancy

You could end up with a bun in the oven!

Vaginal yeast infections

Will make the south rise again!

When you get a bladder infection

Urine trouble

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

What’s the funniest infection?

Athlete’s foot. It causes the feet to crack up.

What's the country with the highest incidence of mid-leg infection in the entire world?

Germany

-Sir, you have a bladder infection.

-What’s that?

-Urine trouble, sir.

Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking marijuana?

The Joint Chiefs of Staph

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My wife has a yeast infection..

Now she understands what it’s like to be with an irritating cunt.

She had a yeast infection so bad

I stuck a hotdog up her and it came out a corn dog.

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A woman comes home from the Gynecologist

She tells her husband “The doctor says I have an infection, and I can’t put anything in there for two weeks, so no sex”

Her husband says “well what did your dentist say?”

She said I have an infectious smile

I smiled and now she has urine infection.

I saw a loved up couple on the train.

The woman was caressing the man's genital warts, and it made me feel uneasy.

I hate public displays of infection.

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What infection can you get for having nasal sex?

Sniffilis

During WWII a badly injured British pilot has to bail out over occupied France.

He's found, in very bad shape, and transferred to the medical wing of a German prisoner of war camp. After a week, the doctors tell him that the infection in his left leg means they're going to have to amputate. "OK," says the airman. "Just, if you would, do me one favour. Drop the leg over my airba...

A friend of mine, a mathematician, told me he has long term effects after his COVID-19 infection. "Do you have difficulties breathing?" I asked him.

"No," he said, "I stopped reducing fractions."

What do you call a toxic work environment?

A staff infection

The real reason all the libraries are closing is not to help stop the spread of infection.

Its becuase after all the toilet paper was gone, people all started to check out the books with 1000+ pages

What does a modern excutioner, with a sense of humor do, before injecting lethal injection?

\- Disinfect the arm, to prevent infection.

My girlfriend constantly suffers from urinary tract infections

I told her she put the uti in cutie.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

What did the doctor say to the patient suffering from a bacterial infection?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

The moment we find out dogs really could sniff out coronavirus infections...

We'd ask WHO, let the dogs out! WHO! WHO!

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Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

So there's only one state with no confirmed coronavirus infections, do you know which one it is?

The state of denial

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A young man and a young woman are fooling around when the young woman starts to feel a little more kinky than usual and asks the guy to use his toe on her.

The young man shrugs and decides, Why not? and then proceeds to pleasure his girlfriend with his big toe.

The next day the young man wakes up and notices that the flesh of his toe is sore and a little pink and tender. He ignores it, but after a few days decides to go see his doctor when the s...

I got a highly contagious viral infection from online communities.

It must be all those social media influenzas.

How did Alice feel when her doctor told her she is genetically more likely to develop a yeast infection?

Thrush-traited

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

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Nsfw. Why do women get yeast infections?

Because God wanted them to know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt.

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A man with anal infection went to the doctor,the doctor said "the only cure that exist, is to stick a cucumber in your butthole"

so the man went back home to his wife, explained to her what happened, and asked her to help him out.

man: "honey you should do as the doctor instructed me to do"

wife: "okay, what should I do?"

man: "hold one butt cheek with your left hand and, the other with your right hand,...

Now that there are confirmed infections in The White House, Donald Trump is getting a COVID-19 and an IQ test every day...

So far all tests have come back negative.

What did the doctor say to the man with a serious urinary tract infection?

Urine trouble

Doctor told me I have viral eye infection...

Must be the cornea virus

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat

So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.

COVID 19 infection is asymptomatic in children, but has an elevated fatality rate among the elderly.

They should call it "KO Boomer."

I never thought I'd have a fungal infection

But then it grew on me.

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Singles on a deserted island

A luxury cruise ship offered a cruise for young singles only. But halfway through the voyage, the ship crashed. The Captain had been having a affair and didn't see the giant rock formation. The cruise ship went down in record time (as did the Captain). Most people on board were too drunk to act fast...

Hey girl, are you a urinary tract infection?

‘Cuz ur-in-ate out of 10

In the distant past your limbs would simply be cut off if you got an infection

This was the med-evil period

News: A Major Fashion Label Releases a Cream for Yeast Infections

It's called "Gucci Coochie Goo".

Me and my infections finally got together

and had a staff meeting

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I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard.

I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.

Remember when Ontario...

...was having a ridiculous increase in Covid 19 infections because of transmission among essential workers and in warehouse workplaces, so the Ford government closed parks and golf courses?

I sure am getting tired of this infection in my chest but I can’t even be mad at the bacteria

I mean, home is where the heart is after all

Did you hear about the pregnant redhead with a yeast infection?

She just gave birth to a healthy baby gingerbread man.

My brother swears that he has to stay horizontal due to an ear infection and that it's therefore not unreasonable to expect me to cook all his meals.

I'm not sure whether I believe him though as he lies a lot.

What do you call a cabbage patch doll with a yeast infection?

Saurkrout

What did the urologist say when she suddenly discovered a cure for Urinary Tract Infections?

Urethra!

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