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Heresy Jokes

Heresy

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well ... are you religious o...

Victory against Heresy

Lord Commander Guilliman was addressing his Ultramarines, and declared that the victory against chaos is already on the horizon.

One ultramarine who comes from a hive world has never seen a horizon, so he asked his captain what that means. His captain replied, "Horizon is the line that you c...

Two monks are on a train

Two monks are on a train, wearing their monkly robes, and the guy sitting across from them asks, "Hey, are you guys monks?" "Why yes," one of them replies. "I'm a Jesuit, and my friend here is a Dominican." "Great!" says the guy, "I've always wondered, what is the difference between the two of you? ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A member of Stalin's cabinet overhears a conversation in which Marshal Zhukov calls the Great Leader a "mustachioed asshat".

The cabinet member wastes no time in telling Stalin of this heresy. Stalin approaches Zhukov and says, "Now, who is a mustachioed asshat?"


Zhukov raises his eyebrows, "When I said that, I was thinking of Fuhrer Hitler, of course!"


He then turns to the cabinet member.

...

"I want to be treated like a queen", she said.

So after the pope refused an annulment I accused her of heresy and had her beheaded.

A man finds himself seated next to a priest during a long plane trip.

They get to talking. He asks the priest what order he is in. “I’m a Dominican.”
Oh, the man replies. “I went to a school where we were taught by Jesuit priests. What’s the difference between the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? ”
“Well, they were both founded by Spaniards — St. Dominic for the Do...

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