I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

Welcome aboard Singapore Airlines flight SQ 635, this is your captain speaking

#**AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!!**

On an undisclosed Singapore Airline flight..

Passenger: Hello Miss, just want to ask you ah, who and where is this Kevin Khoo ah? He seem to be a very busy man. Everyone is looking for him….

Flight Attendant: ?? Sorry, Kevin Khoo?? Not sure what you mean sir..

Passenger: You know Kevin Khoo la…even the Captain is always looking f...

Why is studying so important in Singapore?

It’s your get out of jail free card

Where do karaoke machines come from?

Singapore

Singapore: *looking northward, tips fedora*



"M'laysia"

Kim Jong-un sent Trump a letter

Just before the big meeting in Singapore Kim Jong-un decided to send Donald
Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the
game.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded
message:

370HSSV-0773H

Trump was baffled,...

Drink Driving

I was driving on a highway in Singapore and a random roadblock was spotted there. Prior to driving past, I dropped a drunk friend.

As I drove slowly for my turn to pass, I decided to do this.

Officer: Sir, random check. (Sniffed) sir please park to the side.

Me: OK.

Offi...

A man is sat in an airport bar, having a drink, waiting for his flight to be called...

As he is sitting there a stunning woman walks into the bar and sits on the bar-stool next to him. She's wearing a very smart uniform and the guy thinks "She must work for one of the top airlines".

He decides to find out which one by running some of their advertising slogans past her.

T...

What does a fedora guy say on the Singapore border?

M'lasia

A random child is walking on the sidewalk. He stops, and beautifully sings, “A pore!”

Three years later, he is a star and is given an award. He gives a speech.
“Thank you, everyone. But mostly to my family. They told me we were going to Singapore, and I did. I just wonder why I’ve never seen them again...”

Where is the worst part of America?

Singapore currently

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane made an emergency landing on water

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.

The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her - “You tell the Americans this is an ADV...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

I Am Sikh

Khushwant Singh told a friend:

"Once I was travelling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sardar before. Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady. Her n...

3 years ago during my first reservists training

I am from Singapore and all relatively healthy males need to serve the army for 2 years and 10 reservist cycles

During my first reservists, many of our combat boots start to fall apart due to the adhesive hardening up and breaking apart, thus many of us have to walk to the store to purchase ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Professor's Jokes

The professor loved to start each lecture with a dirty joke. After a week of this, the female students got together and decided that next time, if this happened again, they would all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy sitting at a bar at an airport...

A guy sitting at a bar at an airport noticed a very beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:

*"Lov...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottis...

What's the time difference..?

A blonde called a telephone operator.

Blonde: “Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and London?”

Operator: “Just a minute…”

Blonde : “Thank you” *puts down the phone*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat

directly across from an old man. The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Food and Country

Yesterday I was so Hungary, I decided to Czech if there was any food.
I was Russian to the fridge, but found only a Turkey full of Greece.
Iran to the store to get some salt, pepper, Chile and Korea-nder, because I was in the mood for some Sweden sour.
I found Iraq of pork chops but there w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This punker gets on a bus and takes a seat.

His hair’s all green, he’s got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe. Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the punker gets pretty unnerved and blurts out:

“He...

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