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Wave Jokes

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Taylor swift waved at a boy yesterday

But he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.

“Does a photon going through two slits act like a particle or a wave?”

“Well, it depends on how you look at it…”

Her body tensed and quivered as wave after wave of pure energy surged through it…

I probably should’ve told her about the new electric fence…

America seems to have successfully prevented a second wave of corona

By keeping the first one going

A gorgeous woman waved to me at the beach yesterday.

But there was no way I was swimming out that far, to talk to her.

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they...

A man waved at me, so I waved him back but apparently he was waving at a woman behind me, so I kept my hand up and stopped a taxi that took me to the airport.

I am now in Ireland starting a new life

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An American, a Chinese and a Dane is bragging

The American starts: “We have the biggest Air force in the world. When all our planes takes off, there’s so many planes that not even a single sunbeam reaches the ground.”

The Chinese replies: “Well, but China has SO many ships! If all of our fleet sets sails at once, the ships would fill so ...

What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand?

A microwave.

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An old man tells his doctor that his wife never has an orgasm while they are having sex.

The doctor suggests that perhaps she is overheating. So when the man gets home he asks his young and good-looking gardener to assist by waving a towel to cool off his wife while they are having sex. The gardener is reluctant but agrees. While the couple is having sex, the gardener frantically wav...

What do you call it when your clock goes up and down in waves

A sine of the times

Long ago, when sailing ships rules the waves

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and ...

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A young good looking woman married an old man.

The marriage was pretty good except for the bedroom. The old man just couldn’t please her. One day they decided to go to the doctor.

The woman told the doctor:
“No matter how long or often we try, he just can’t please me.”

The doctor said:
“I have a solution for your problem. Yo...

After fighting off waves of attacks by the Spartans, Paris went to visit with Helen

But alas, she was not very happy.

“What is wrong, my love?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on, my love, I sacrificed so much for you, so you must divulge why you’re not happy.” He pleaded.

“It’s nothing.”

“I’m pleading with you! I will defeat the whole spartan army and Ach...

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A guy goes to the doctor because his wife can't orgasm.

The doctor explains his wife is probably over heating and needs to find a way to cool her down.

The guy goes to his best friend and asks him to waft a towel over him and his wife while they have sex to keep them cool.

The friend agrees and the next day he shows up and wafts the towel w...

Jesus walks into a bar.

He sees a Russian man with a glass of water.
Jesus asks "My son, are you a believer?"
The Russian replies "No."
With a wave of his hands, Jesus changes it to a glass of wine.
"Well my son, do you believe now?"
The Russian frowns and shakes his head.

The next day, Jesus comes in...

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A man exits his work place and waves at a taxi passing by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."

Passe...

what did the wave say to the shore?

What up beach

What happens when a high frequency wave hits you?

It hertz.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

A whale and a wave make a bet. (Just made this up.)

The whale says to the wave, "I bet I could beat in a race to land." The wave agrees, so the whale takes off. He swims so fast, he drives himself ashore. The wave following behind him says " Hah! Beached ya!"

Magician: I can make anything disappear

Tom: ***holding cup*** do it to my tea!

Magician: ***waves hand*** done!

om: ***holding cup*** it didn’t work.

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!...

A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...

Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The gra...

Two blondes are sitting at a bar...

Two blondes are sitting at a bar, obviously celebrating something. They wave over the bartender, and tell him to pour two more shots. Once poured, the two blondes clink their glasses together and say "42! YEAH!! 42!".

"Bartender, another round!"

Same thing happens on this shot. They c...

Jesus waves at a Samaritan, and the Samaritan waves back. What happened when he waves at a Roman?

He left him hanging.

What do you call a short person waving at you?

Microwave

A good looking girl waved at me today…

but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.

What's the opposite of a microwave?

A tsunami.

The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."

Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,

walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht,...

An ultra low frequency sine wave walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “Why the long phase?”

To all the Europeans suffering from the current heat wave, here is a reminder to stay strong.

Your ancestors colonized entire countries in much higher temperatures.

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Religion is like a penis

It’s fine to have it, care about it, and be proud of it. But don’t expect anyone else to do the same, and please don’t whip it out and wave it around in public.

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

Why do waves always head toward land?

Because it's the only direction they're shore of.

A long time ago there was a fishing village...

In this fishing village, they worshipped the sea. They did everything on the ocean--they lived in huts on the beach or over the water, they were always fishing, cultivating, and harvesting from the ocean. They also had this custom where they would name their kids based off of how they interacted wit...

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A Pirate Joke that doesn't end with "ARRRR."

A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?"

"Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were ...

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The rabbit and the bear

One day a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods, when suddenly a magic stork flys down from the sky and calls the two of them over.

The stork says he's seen them be aggressive to eachother for weeks now and he'll offer them both 3 wishes each if they stop. The bear being greedy says "I'm...

A woman goes to a fortune teller As they sat there in the candlelit tent, the mystic waved her hands around the crystal ball, divining the woman’s future. Suddenly, the sooth-sayer’s hands went to her face and a gasp of horror escaped her mouth.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll be blunt.” the fortune teller says. “You need to prepare yourself to become a widow. Your husband will be murdered in a manner most gruesome before the year is done.”

The woman was petrified, unable to process the information that’s been given to he...

For all the people queuing for McDonalds

I was at the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and a young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order.

So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The McDonalds worker must have told her w...

How did the wave feel?

Swell

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

Does the beach wave back when the ocean waves?

No, but it appreciates the sediment.

James Bond walks into a bar

He looks around, and takes a seat neat to a very attractive women.

He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, "*Is your date running late?*"

"*No*", he replies, "*Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I...

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A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows: Hamburger - 2.99 Cheeseburger - 3.99 Chicken Sandwich - 4.99 Hand Jobs - 19.99 The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties.

She smiles at the biker coyly, and he ...

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A limbless woman crying on the beach.

A limbless woman is sitting on the beach crying as a man approaches her.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“I’ve never been hugged before...” she responds.

The man hugs her and she stops crying for a second. Then the man walks away and the woman continues crying.

A little whil...

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A warning to all you drivers at Christmas

Be careful about drunk driving as we are getting close to Christmas and police are out there checking on people.

Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea.

Knowing I was over the limit...

I experienced gravitational waves today...

Yo mama walked passed me and nearly pulled me into orbit!

I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.

I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone....

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

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Jewish Sex

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:
Hire a strapping young man.
<...

The Germans are preparing for the next wave of COVID

They are putting out their towels on the hospital beds.

What is schrodinger’s wave?

a person may be simultaneously waving at you and waving at the person behind you. There is no way to know unless you turn behind.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla...

A man stopped me in my path and waved his charity bucket at me.

"You!" he said. "Do you wish to change the lives of those that are starving?"

I stopped and said, "Do you?"

"Do I?" he hesitated. "Of course I do!"

I said, "Please move, then. I want to buy my lunch."

What happened to the transphobic subs during the ban wave?

They got TERFed out.

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Due to the growing popularity of no nut november, its wave of abstience is spreading to other months

Such as: no jizz july, no semen september and no dong december

Jehovah is showing Ra around Heaven one day...

... when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes.

"Excuse me," Jehovah says to Ra, "this will only take a second." He waves his hands, there's a flash of light, and a purring kitten goes scampering away from where the man had been.

"Other than ...

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

What are New Wave artists’ least favorite fruit?

Durian Durian

After major accidents with lots of preventable injuries, there’s always a wave of lawsuits.

The sue-nami.

I was at the bus stop today

And a young blonde in a short skirt boarded the bus. She didn't have enough money for the fare, so she hitched up her skirt. The driver took one look and waved her on the bus.
The next day I thought I'd try the same. My bus came along. I got on and showed the driver a bit of leg.
He immediatel...

What do you call the waves on a small beach?

Microwaves.

What is it called when a one armed person waves at you?

Jazz hand

I tried to make a joke about identical frequencies and wave forms.

But it really separated the room.

I was expecting more coherence.

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The Pope announces he's kicking all the Jews out of Rome...

Outraged, the Jewish community call for a chance to debate the Pope and fight to stay.


They elect their best Rabbi and he travels to the Vatican to sit down with the Pope and plead for the Jews right to stay in Rome.


Since the Pope only speaks Latin and the Rabbi only s...

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

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What do you call a tidal wave on a nude beach?

Poonami

A blonde woman waves a cab

She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"

The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"

The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"

Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"

The woman smiles, leaves her lug...

Waved at my boss while leaving from office. Seems, he wasn't impressed.....

...Next time I think I should use all the fingers.

The metal strip in paper currency is sensitive to microwave and radio waves.

Because it apparently tends to burn a hole in the pocket.

A circle walks into a bar. The bartender sees him, and waves, then shouts to the whole room, "another drink for everybody - on this guy!" Everybody in the pub cheers.

But the circle is not happy. Frowning, he marches up to the bartender. "What the eff, dude? Why are all the drinks on me?" , the circle angrily demands of the bartender.



The bartender replies, "hey, don't get mad, circle buddy. It's just ... you're round!"

To people who wave a paper to cool yourself, I tell you

not a fan

I freak out when people wave their hand in the air

But it's like they dont even care

What Do Sound Waves Say To Girls They Meet Online?

Send nodes.

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