What happens when a high frequency wave hits you?

It hertz.

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NSFW A blonde has been out for cocktails with her friends. She drives off and is speeding down the Interstate, when she hears the wail of a siren & then sees the blue & red lights in her mirror. The police wave her down. So she takes the exit, parks and the police car pull up behind.

The cop nudges his partner and says "She's a blonde, just watch this"
He walks up to her car and indicates for her to wind down her window. She does so.

Cop: "Ma'am, any idea what speed you were doing?"

Blonde: "How would I know that?"
Cop: "The speedometer Ma'am.
Blonde: "Wh...

What do you call it when a short person waves at you?

A microwave.

There was a baby orca that had washed onto land after a huge tidal wave.

When the water receded, the orca found himself out of the water on the beach. A young man happened along and saw the orca struggling along. He always wanted a pet, so he scooped him up in a wagon and took him home; depositing him into his family's well.


This strange upbringing made the b...

After building the wall, Trump to build an electromagnetic barrier to prevent foreign bees from entering the U.S. by sending waves that interfere with their communication.

Trump is strictly against Global Swarming

Why does the ocean wave back?

Because it has decent sea.

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

Why was the wave having a bad time?

Because life felt trough.

A woman is driving late at night on a back road when she suddenly sees a hitchhiker wave her over...

The woman stops and let's the man in.

The hitchhiker says, "Wow! I'm really surprised you stopped for me! I could be a serial killer for all you know."

The woman giggles and says, "Nah, I figured you were probably an alright guy. After all, what are the chances of two serial killers en...

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves ...

Long ago,

when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.

As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate: 'Bring me my red shirt!'

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which t...

What's the opposite of a microwave?

A tsunami.

The cow boys watch....

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testi...

Make sure to check your Tauntaun for a fever in this heat wave.

They should always be Luke warm.

What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand?

A microwave.

Do you think the ocean is salty cause the land never waves back?

I'd be salty too

What is schrodinger’s wave?

a person may be simultaneously waving at you and waving at the person behind you. There is no way to know unless you turn behind.

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Jewish Sex

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:
Hire a strapping young man.
<...

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A man exits his work place and waves at a taxi passing by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."

Passe...

Reposts are like women.

They come in waves.

What Do Sound Waves Say To Girls They Meet Online?

Send nodes.

Why can't you have a mechanical wave seance in space?

Cause you'd need a medium

A truck driver carrying 6 penguins got into an accident

A car driver stop by and ask if everybody is alright.

The truck driver says to the car driver if he could help and take the 6 penguins to the Zoo for him, while he fixes his truck. The car driver more than happy to help, takes the 6 penguins and leave.

Few days later, the t...

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

A whale and a wave make a bet. (Just made this up.)

The whale says to the wave, "I bet I could beat in a race to land." The wave agrees, so the whale takes off. He swims so fast, he drives himself ashore. The wave following behind him says " Hah! Beached ya!"

My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went

Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute

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A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

Waves passed through an average-sized psychic.

He's a medium medium-medium.

What is it called when a wave hits you in the face?

A beach slap.

A quantum object turns from wave to a particle...

"It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"

Does the beach wave back when the ocean waves?

No, but it appreciates the sediment.

What did the wave call its grandmother?

Gamma!

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

Do you know the way little children run towards the waves of the ocean but back up the very last second?

That's the exact same way I flirt with girls

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A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at th...

Magician: I can make anything disappear

Tom: *holding a cup* Do it to my tea!

Magician: *waves hand* Done!

om: *holding a cup* It didn't work

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The pope decides to remove all of the jews from italy.

The jews, obviously, disagree with this; so the pope agrees to have a debate with a rabbi for if the jews should stay in italy or not. The jews vote and decide on an old, wise rabbi.

The time for the debate comes, and it dawns on them that they can't understand each other, so they decide to ...

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

50,000 blondes met in a center for the first ever "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eightee...

After the recent wave of Trump primary victories, what did Nancy Reagan request for her funeral before she died?

To be laid to rest beside the remains of the Republican party

A radio wave walks into a bar and asks for a pint.

The barman says, "here you go, but why the long phase?"

Today, I saw a black guy wave to an Asian from across the street. It gives me hope for the future...

Rush Hour 4!

A man finds a mysterious ancient lamp...

The man dusts off the ancient lamp and out comes a genie!

The genie says to the man:

"you have awoken me from my slumber! I will grant you 3 wishes as a reward for finding me."

The man responds to the genie with great excitement

"Oh man thank you so much, I don't know whe...

A blonde stood on the streets of new york city with a surf board...

She just wanted to catch the highest of the heat waves!

The electromagnetic wave arrived at the hotel, when the hotelier asks...

"Do you have any baggage to check in?" - "No, I'm traveling light."

A blonde woman waves a cab

She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"

The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"

The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"

Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"

The woman smiles, leaves her lug...

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A little boy goes walking by the old man’s house...(NSFW)

...carrying a roll of duct tape. The old man hollers from his porch, “Hey, young man! Where you walking to with that duct tape?” The boy responds, “I’m gonna catch me some ducks!” The old man laughs and yells back, “Boy, don’t you know you can’t catch ducks with duct tape?” The little boy just smil...

The PM of Canada issued the building of a dam

The dam was finished and started working, giving the people much needed electricity. Years passed, and the PM eventually got a pet deer which he named Frenklie. When a privatisation wave had recently hit his country, the deer asked him why he wasn't giving the dam for privatisation as well. The deer...

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What's it like having sex with a wave?

Fucking hertz.

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Taylor swift waved at a boy yesterday

But he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

What do you call a beach with crooked waves? [OC]

A Scoli-ocean!

(Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)

Is the Sea salty because the land doesn't wave back?

Someone else thought it was a funny thought of mine on showethoughts

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Teresa May dies...

Her soul arrives in heaven and she is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says May. ...

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Angela Merkel, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are sitting on the beach...

Donald Trump starts bragging:"Our american submarines can stay under water for 3 months without having to surface!"
"That's nothing!", says Putin:"Our russian nuclear submarines can stay under water for 6 months!"
Angela Merkel starts to get nervous, but before she can say anything a giant wav...

An ultralow frequency sine wave radiates into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey, why the long phase?"

Scientists detected gravitational waves directly for the first time

Your mom's gonna get half the Nobel prize.

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An upcoming director (Tim) is having dinner with two prestigious producers in a fancy restaurant,,

The director sees in the distance, Frank Sinatra walking into the men's bathroom. The director excuses himself and goes in after him. As Frank pees in one of the urinals the director approaches him and says "Mr Sinatra, I'm sorry to bother you, but there are two producers I'm trying to impress. Coul...

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Crazy, nothing and no-one

Crazy, Nothing and no-one are sitting in a boat. After a big wave no-one falls out out the boat! “Quickly, call an ambulance!” Shouts nothing.
Crazy calls 911 and says: “help! I’m crazy, i am calling for nothing, because no-one fell out of the boat!”

Anyway this joke was really funny in ...

A priest, a bishop, and the Pope are enjoying a leisurely day of fishing...

...when the bishop stands up, rocking their dinghy a little as he stretches. "Well, I'm parched!" he announces. "Back in a verse," he adds before stepping out of the boat, casually walking across the lake to the cooler. *Amazing, he is truly blessed by the Lord to walk across water,* thinks the Pope...

A guy is grocery shopping when he sees a beautiful blonde, who smiles and waves at him.

She stops to talk to him, and he can't remember who she is. Instead of faking it, he fesses up and says, "Hi - you look really familiar, but I don't remember how I know you."

She responds, "My name is Taylor, and I think you're the father of one of my children."

The guy's mind reels w...

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A local man wins the lottery.

After he’s cashed in his winnings he’s overwhelmed with joy, gratitude, and serenity. He wants to give back to his community and he thinks that everyone should get in on the feels. He decides to throw a grand party at his new mansion where anyone in town can come to eat and drink for free as long as...

How Do You Get A One Armed Man Out Of A Tree?

You Wave.

Scientists invent a new machine to ease the pain during childbirth

The machine transfers the pain a woman feels during labor to the father of the baby, at any percentage rate between 0 and 100%.

The first couple to test it is very excited, they connect the machine to the soon-to-be-mother and warn the husbands about the consequences. "Men are not used to fee...

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A guy walks into a bar with a dog...

... The bartender looks up and says, "You can't come in here with that mutt!"

The guy says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! This ain't no ordinary dog. As a matter of fact, you should be paying for my drinks, because this dog is going to draw a crowd. It's a talking dog."

The bartender scoffs, but ...

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