Philadelphia Jokes

Pencil-mania

Then we won't really know if it is in protest or celebration

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t... read more

They found fresh prints at the scene of the crime.

"Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man ... read more

Im not opposed, it just makes cents

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl... read more

It was at the airport!

It's just a regular smear campaign.

Drop a bucket of Starbuck's Iced Coffee on your head to raise awareness of the rich city girls who have lost their ability to even.

Two guys from Philadelphia die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
The two guys reply, "Well, you k... read more

Two nuns are on a bide ride through Philadelphia, the first nun says to the second, "Make a right turn here, I know a short cut". After a few minutes the second nun says, "I've never come this way before". The first replies, "I know, it's the cobblestones"

Philadelphia



It’s always sunny there

Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl

Because it's always Sony in Philadelphia!

Just taking a chance he knocked on his hotel's next door and there was a guy there.

\- Excuse me, can you help me tie my tie?

\- Sure. Just lie down on the bed.

The grandfather wasn't sure what he was getting into, but he wanted to have the tie on.

So he lay down on the b... read more

I was …..watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks.

Two youthful artists having a studio in Philadelphia, wherein they not only work but lodge as well, were obliged to make shift, not long ago, during a period of financial stress, with such meals as they could themselves prepare in the studio.

One morning, as the younger of the two was 'sketch... read more

In Philadelphia I’m Frank and in Chicago I’m Earnest

Three elderly men were relaxing on the beach in Florida.

One said “I owned a factory in New York state. One winter, the heat didn’t come on, the pipes froze and got water everywhere, and everything was ruined. I decided I was too old to start over, so I took the insurance money, sold the plac... read more

I am a high school art teacher. I do a unit on pop art in which we look at some works by Claes Oldenburg. For those who don’t know his work, he is known for making huge versions of ordinary everyday objects. One of his works we look at is an 80-foot-high sculpture of a clothespin that’s in Philadelp... read more

When the Pope was visiting Philadelphia, PA this past year there was an incident that did not get any coverage in the news. The Pope after leaving the church went to his limosuine and was feeling a bit impulsive and decided he wanted to drive. So he asked the limo driver if he could drive, the dri... read more

.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused t... read more

It's always sunni in Philadelphia

A man from Brooklyn who worked for an entertainment company was tasked with with looking after meals for singer Adele, who was in town for a performance one day.

It was known throughout the business that she refused to work on an empty stomach and that this job was crucial to the success of ... read more

A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and a Philadelphia Eagles fan are in a car together. the car breaks down near a house with a barn. The owner says, "Well, I only have room for two of ya, so one's gonna have to sleep in the barn." The Hindu holy man volunteers. Five minutes later, he explains, "I cannot sl... read more

Reclaiming black bodies.

West Philadelphia born and raised, in a genie lamp is where I spend most of my days. Chillin out back and relaxing all cool til Aladdin showed up with little Abu then a couple of guys who were up to no good..Jafar started taking over my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my master got scare... read more

In the years before World War II, in a little Polish village, a learned rabbi used to teach his students, “Life is like the ocean.” And they would nod and respond, “Yes, life is like the ocean.” One young student was particularly taken with this philosophy, and he carried it with him through the lon... read more

...although he was technically Jewish, he was really an atheist, but when he hit 85 he thought he should get religion in his life, in case there was a Heaven - I guess he wanted to hedge his bets.

Anyway, he goes to his Rabbi, who says "Peter, I don't want you picking Judaism because it's the... read more