This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl smoked some weed and tried to give me a blowjob. She just ended up sucking my chest.

She was too high

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My girlfriend asked me if I smoked after sex.

I said ‘Dunno. I’ve never looked’

What happened when the Saudi Arabian woman smoked weed?

She got stoned

That judgemental friend: If you never smoked you could have had a Ferrari by now.

Me: where's your Ferrari?

The first time I smoked weed I was in the back of my brothers truck,

we drove around for miles laughing at the dumbest things.

It was a great time but I must have been really high because I don't have a brother.

What do you call russian smoked wood?

A Dimi tree

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A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years…

One day he sees a beautiful woman in a swimsuit come ashore.

She says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you had a drink?"

He replies "Ten years" and with that she reveals a bottle of whiskey from within her swimsuit, which the man starts drinking from.

She then asks, ...

A man noticed that his friend only smoked two cigarettes at a time.

He asked him about it and his friend said: "one for me and one on my imprisoned brother's behalf. He told me to smoke for him too"

Years later, the man saw his friend smoking only one cigarette, he told him: "I'm guessing good news! Your brother finished his sentence?"

His friend said:...

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The Mint Contest

John runs a candy shop, selling mints of all kinds. Business was good, until Covid hit.

John realized he’ll have to shut down the store and risk losing his business, unless he could figure out a way to advertise and sell his confections on the Internet. His nephew suggested running a contest ...

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A man asks his doctor: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

The doctor asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke."

"Do you eat a lo...

i smoked weed with JLO in high school

We went to J High together.

I dispute those studies that claim people often die from smoking.

My uncle smoked, and he only died once.

A bunch of hippies just overthrew the government, smoked weed, and read a poem.

It was a high coup.

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I was talking to my uncle about his high school years…

He said when he started high school he was the biggest trouble maker in the school. He cut classes, got in fights, smoked in the bathroom, etc etc. Said he spent half his freshmen year sitting outside the principal’s office.

Eventually he got expelled and his parents had no choice but to sen...

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I smoked my first pork shoulder this weekend. I hope I'm saying that right.

"I finally popped my butt cherry" means something else, apparently.

Why was the duck arrested

He smoked quack

Looking back on 10 years of marriage

Wanted to save this story for one of my favorite subs.

When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous. I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transpla...

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