Smoky Bear: Only YOU can prevent wildfires!

Two guys are talking about TV commercials. One of them says, “So, I saw this commercial the other day where a bear dressed as park ranger said that only I could prevent wildfires.”

The other guy replies, “Why, that two-timing liar! The other day he told me that _I_ was the only one who coul...

What's smoky an sounds like a bell?

\*BONG\*

What did Alexander the Great and Smoky the Bear have in common?

The same middle name.

(Hope it's not been done yet)

What did the Computer Science major say to the English major?

Yeah I'll take a #3 with a small fry and a Dr. Pepper, and a #7, just the sandwich. Do you guys still have that smoky barbeque sauce or has it been discontinued?

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A well-dressed man, complete with top hat and monocle, walks into a bar.

The bartender, who has seen it all, pours the dapper gentleman two fingers of their top-shelf 25-year-old scotch. Just as the man begins nursing the peaty, smoky booze, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister all walk into the bar, arguing about how to prove the existence of their respective Gods.

...

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A tractor joke

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was th...

A middle aged bachelor has an obsession with tractors.

His entire house is decorated with them. He has tractor wallpaper, tractor memorabilia, many many model tractors, pictures of tractors, tractor bed sheets, even his car looks like a tractor (not a real tractor due to legal reasons).

As it is, his obsession with tractors had left him awkward, ...

The boy who loved tractors

There was a young boy who lived on a farm, he absolutely loved tractors. All his toys were tractors, his bed was even in the shape of a tractor. Every day after school he would ride around the farm with his dad on the tractor. One day, whilst riding around with his dad the boy fell off the tractor a...

You are now fish!

Catholics don't eat meat during the 40 days of lent. Now it so happened a Muslim carpenter moved into a catholic area. Now this guy loved his barbeque and he'd be out in his garden almost daily to enjoy his afternoon feast. Now lent started and the smoky smell wafting from his garden had many people...

The Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

He’s talking with Satan and says, “What a terrible place! It’s very hot, dark, smoky and extremely bad!”

Satan said, “Well, what did you expect? After all, this IS Hell!”

The engineer said, “Do you have a compressor, some tubing, and wire?
<...

During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.

It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.

The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.

After waking from the surgery, the caller asked...

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[NSFW] She gives head and sings at the same time

A guy, let's call him John. John moves to his new place in Manhattan for work. John doesn't know anybody there; he's gotta start fresh.

After a few days of getting acquainted with his co-workers at the office, he's invited out to the bar for a few drinks. When they walk in, they all start to...

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A Scotsman walks into a pub...

He drags himself onto a stool and orders a beer. Placing the full glass in front of him, the bartender inquires upon his sad face.

The man answers with a smoky and trembling voice and a Scottish accent:

Ah, tell ya man! This pub, this very pub we're just sitting in. I built it, with m...

There was this little boy who was obsessed with tractors...

...he grew up around tractors, his mother and father were both farmers, and the family lived on a farm. Every day he would get driven to school on a tractor, and his dad would always pick him up on a tractor. Whenever christmas came around, he would always wish for tractor toys, miniatures, and pret...

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So there was a mighty hunter...(long but worth it)

Who went out hunting one day. The hunter comes upon a field and spies a massive grizzly bear. So he crouches down with his rifle, lines it up just right and Ka-boom! After the shot rings out, he can't see the bear. He looks around left and right until he feel a tap on his shoulder.
It's the b...

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3 Canadian guys discover an old oil lamp...

3 Canadian guys - One Newfie, One Quebecois, and one from Ontario are working together on a construction site. While digging they discover an old oil lamp, which, when picked up immediately belches forth a smoky, strange looking individual they know must be a genie.

"Thank you for freeing me,...

Pig with a wooden leg

A man was driving past a farm and noticed a pig in the fenced area that had a wooden leg. He stopped to talk to the farmer and asked "Why does that pig have a wooden leg?". The farmer replied "Let me tell you about that pig. We had a smoky fire in the kitchen last month during the middle of the nig...

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An engineer and a scientist walk into a dive bar....

Smiling, happy, the engineer says, "Bartender, shots for everyone!"

The bartender leans in, confused, "I can tell you're not from around here. Are you sure you want to buy these people drinks?"

The scientist retorts with, "Make 'em doubles!"

The bartender deploys the drinks to e...

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So my mate used to be really into tractors...

His dad was a farmer and shit, and he loved all types of tractors. He even wore a John Deere hat on occasion.

Then one day he woke up, and decided that he just didn't like tractors anymore. His days of loving tractors were over. Weird.

Later that night, he went to a nightclub where ev...

I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...

As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.

The dog cooly looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

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