I smashed my keyboard and I'm so angry..

I lost ctrl

My 90yr old Grandfather got startled by my automatic vacuum, and smashed it.

KO Roomba

I just dropped my award for feline rectal examinations and it smashed

It was a catastrophe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just smashed a jar of mayo in the store

Fuckin Hellmann ...

In a fit of rage I smashed my keyboard til all the keys popped off.

I guess you could say I lost Ctrl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone...

What sort of sick fuck does that to someone's advent calendar?!

My roommate was playing a video game last night and when he died he completely smashed his keyboard...

yeah, he definitely lost Control.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 dudes walk into a bar....

half way through drinking they realize that they dont have money.

guy 1 pulls out a hot dog and say I have a idea. they start to "play" with the hot dog.

the bartender wasn't having any of it and kicked them out.

guys 2 thought to go to a couple more bars and they keep pulling t...

I came home and all my windows were smashed out.

I was shattered

A cement truck smashed into a prison van...

Police are telling people to be on the lookout for 8 hardened criminals.

Art thieves pillaged a museum of European 17th and 18th century artwork. They smashed windows, stole paintings, destroyed exhibits, and even did a number on the light fixtures. Everything about the place is a mere ruin of what it was yesterday.

It's all baroque now.

For as long as I can remember, I've had a thing about pigeons.

I think they're fascinating creatures, robust, hardy birds that thrive the world over yet can live on just breadcrumbs and worms.

It was 'pigeon this' and 'pigeon that' as a child, my mom used to joke that I'd BE a pigeon if I could.

It was a bit of a struggle maintaining relationsh...

What does a drunk driver and a family of six in a minivan have in common?

They were both smashed that night.

Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees.

Apparently she stood him up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night i was getting smashed in the asshole

When I thought what a strange name for a pub.

Last night I smashed my friends Mom.-

I stopped by my friend's house late last night. I rang the doorbell and his mom answered. Apparently he wasn't home because he was off studying with some other friends at their place. She told me to come in, so I did. I took my shoes off and went to the living room and sat on the couch. She came bac...

"Rincewind, all the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"

"Yeah, Luters I expect." --Terry Pratchet, The Light Fantastic

I smashed a CD in half...

Bits flew everywhere.

A group of thugs barged into a chinese restaurant recently and smashed up all the dumplings...

Such pointless wonton destruction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This man went out with the boys, and told his wife that he be home by midnight.

At around 3 AM, drunk as a skunk, he headed for home. Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly he realized she'd probably wake up so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of myself, having a quick, witty solution, even when smashed,...

I smashed a sheet of glass on the floor and I can't find the last piece....

It's a bit of a pane.

A group wearing tuxedos were sat down in a coffee shop, when a car suddenly smashed through the shop front.

Thankfully there were no casual teas

The airline smashed my luggage

so I asked my lawyer if I could sue them... he said, "you don't have much of a case".

I got furious and smashed my phone

I was getting too many notifications from a meditation app.

Yesterday a redditer smashed a hole in my fence...

But he reassured me he could repost it within the hour

I smashed a thousand albums yesterday...

I think I broke a record.

Why didn’t the Australian get smashed at the party ?

Because he din-go

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British sinner goes to hell

He arrives at the gates of hell and since He's the worst sinner of all time, The Devil comes to recieve him himself. The Devil then starts walking him into a huge building and tells him that sinners don't get to choose as to the kind of punishment they will recieve but the British guy being the wor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gruesome deaths

Three men go to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter tells them that heaven is currently overloading, and only people who have had particularly gruesome or sad deaths may enter. He then proceeds to ask the first man how he died.

"Well, it's a really weird story. I came home from work early because...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tapeworm Therapy

A man had a tapeworm and went to the doctor to get it removed. The doctor said, "I know exactly what to do, come back next week and bring me an apple and a lemon cookie." So the man did this. He gave the apple and the lemon cookie to the doctor. The doctor told the man to drop his pants and bend ove...

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

A lawyer parks his brand new BMW on the curb and opens the door as a car drives by and smashes through the door.

The lawyer quickly spots a police officer across the street and shouts: «Officer, officer, did you see what just happened? That car smashed off the door on my brand new BMW!» «Oh, my god,» replies the officer. «You lawyers are so materialistic. You stand there whining about your car and you haven’t ...

My mom bought me tin soldiers but I lost all the generals and smashed the lieutenants and sergeants

Now I just play with my privates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny was watching an adult movie with Mary

Johnny gets a hard-on

Obviously Mary started asking right away: "Johnny what is that?" while pointing at Johnnys dick

Johnny being busy with other stuff answered quickly: "That's a stork"

Mary is still bored and starts asking again: "What is that?" while pointing at Johnnys ball...

A man smashed his car into a tollgate.

He really totaled the booth, there was bits of wood everywhere. As he was wondering what on earth to do his friend happens to drive up and has a look at the damage.

"I've got some glue in my car that will fix this in no time" says the friend.

"No way" says the first man, "this booth is...

My wife asked me if I was ever going to stop playing Wonderwall by Oasis on the guitar. And I said...

"Hey now, you're an--" and she smashed me in the mouth.

Good Old Vine

At a crime scene two detectives are gathering information on a murder. After gathering evidence and clues about the crime, they head back to their station and report to their boss.

Police Cheif: So, tell me about the case.

Detective 1: The victim is a teen aged boy with a brown and blu...

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.

A sign read: "Don't Miss "The Amazing Italian".
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, Under The Big Top, in the Centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Italian.

Suddenly, the old man dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.