I once tried ice skating on a lake, but I fell in. Nobody helped me either, they just laughed at me panic.

Worst summer vacation ever.

A group of psychiatrists went skating

Many Freudians slipped.

What was the best part of the Pyeongchang Olympic figure skating?

The Koreagraphy.

I took my psychic girlfriend ice skating but she fell through the ice.

Luckily, Claire's buoyant

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What is the hardest part about roller skating?

Telling your parents that you're gay

I want to get into ice skating but

I keep getting cold feet!

Donald Trump Skating on a Frozen Lake...

Donald Trump is staking on a frozen pond when suddenly the ice breaks and he falls in. Luckily three small boys were on hand to pull him out. ""You boys saved my life" says Donald. "How can I repay you?"

The first boy asks for a toy car and the second boy asks for a toy plane. The third boy h...

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I went skating on Freudian ice today.

I slipped and fucked my mother

Why do hipsters hate ice skating?

They could never do it before it was cool

The thing about ice skating ...

No matter how good you are, the hardest part is always your nipples.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman.

She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut....

Master list of dad jokes

Why shouldn’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll “Let It Go”!

What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it

What do you get when a witch goes to the beach? A sand-witch!

Where do cows go on Friday ni...

A blonde decides to go ice fishing.

She’s got all her gear ready and just needs to find the perfect spot on the ice to set up.
The blonde finds a suitable spot on the ice and starts drilling until she hears a loud voice overhead.

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Spooked, she gathers up her things and starts walking....

A blonde is drilling in the ice to fish when he hears a voice call out from above...

**There are no fish under the ice**

The guy looks up but doesn't see anyone. He asks - can I at least drill and see for myself?

The answers in a louder tone.

**There are no fish under the ice**

The poor guy looks up and still can't see anyone. He thinks to himself - ...

A Man Goes Fishing On A Frozen River

It was dark. But a man (who had just enjoyed a few beers in his regularly visited bar) was determined to make a catch before he returned home. The afternoon hadn't been too successful, but maybe the night would bring more luck.

He found another part of his local river, one that was completely...

Blonde goes ice fishing

A blonde decides to go ice fishing. She makes a hole in the ice and starts fishing.

Suddenly a voice from above says: “There are no fish here.”

Startled, the blonde looks around but doesn’t see anybody. She shrugs and continues.

After a while the voice comes again: “There are...

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Girl on the beach

A muscular young man was walking along the beach at sunset. The beach was empty save one lovely young woman sitting in a wheelchair.

As the young man drew near, he perceived that the girl was crying.

"Fair lady", he said "why do you sit here on the beach watching this lovely sunset and...

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Wheels in heaven

There are three men standing in line to get into heaven, and St. Peter tells them, " Congratulations on getting it this far guys! You have all been deemed righteous enough to enter heaven, but we still like to give people a token to remind them of how they behaved in their marriages. And so, every p...

Random blonde joke.

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her fir...

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Little Timmy woke up one morning desperate to pee.

He bounded out of bed and hurtled across the landing to the main bathroom. Eager not to cause an upset, he carefully prised open the bathroom door.
In the bathroom, Timmy's sister, Lucy, was shaving her legs. Unfortunately, she caught a spot on her razor, causing a stab of pain. Blood started to ...

Fat chick

I was ice-skating today, just minding my own business, when I noticed a rather plump woman, who kept giving me the eye.


Eventually, she came over to me.


"Hi there. I'm a bit shy and I'm not very good at breaking the ice!" she laughed.


"Have you tried jumping?" I ask...

How you Know if you're in America

-- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
-- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
-- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
-- Banks leave both vault doors...

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What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

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