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Skating Jokes

Nathan Chen won the figure skating gold at the olympics over the weekend

The judges rated his performance a perfect Chen out of Chen

Donald Trump Skating on a Frozen Lake...

Donald Trump is staking on a frozen pond when suddenly the ice breaks and he falls in. Luckily three small boys were on hand to pull him out. ""You boys saved my life" says Donald. "How can I repay you?"

The first boy asks for a toy car and the second boy asks for a toy plane. The third boy h...

Why do hipsters hate ice skating?

They could never do it before it was cool

I want to get into ice skating but

I keep getting cold feet!

Did you see the ROC figure skating routine in the Olympics?

It was dope

Did y'all hear about the group of hipsters who drowned at the pond?

Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three inmates on the way to prison…

Three inmates were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended t...

Noone laughed when i fell while skating.

But the ice sure cracked up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the hardest part about roller skating?

Telling your parents that you're gay

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

The thing about ice skating ...

No matter how good you are, the hardest part is always your nipples.

Wife: Have you seen the dog bowl?

Husband: No, but he's pretty good at skating.

I took my wife skating for our anniversary today

Which sounds a lot better than I lost control of the car on the ice and she died

Why did the hockey player hate his desk job at the ice skating rink?

Because he was in the office part of the building

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went skating on Freudian ice today.

I slipped and fucked my mother

What was the best part of the Pyeongchang Olympic figure skating?

The Koreagraphy.

I took my psychic girlfriend ice skating but she fell through the ice.

Luckily, Claire's buoyant

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman.

She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut....

Fat chick

I was ice-skating today, just minding my own business, when I noticed a rather plump woman, who kept giving me the eye.


Eventually, she came over to me.


"Hi there. I'm a bit shy and I'm not very good at breaking the ice!" she laughed.


"Have you tried jumping?" I ask...

I once tried ice skating on a lake, but I fell in. Nobody helped me either, they just laughed at me panic.

Worst summer vacation ever.

A blonde wanted to try out ice fishing. She went out and purchased all the gear she would need and headed to a local spot to try to catch some fish.

She went out onto the ice with her gear and after getting comfy on the stool, she started to cut a circular hole in the ice as she had seen on the internet. As she was cutting, she heard a voice from the heavens speak out, saying, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde was startled. Sh...

A blonde is drilling in the ice to fish when he hears a voice call out from above...

**There are no fish under the ice**

The guy looks up but doesn't see anyone. He asks - can I at least drill and see for myself?

The answers in a louder tone.

**There are no fish under the ice**

The poor guy looks up and still can't see anyone. He thinks to himself - ...

How you Know if you're in America

-- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
-- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
-- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
-- Banks leave both vault doors...

A Man Goes Fishing On A Frozen River

It was dark. But a man (who had just enjoyed a few beers in his regularly visited bar) was determined to make a catch before he returned home. The afternoon hadn't been too successful, but maybe the night would bring more luck.

He found another part of his local river, one that was completely...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wheels in heaven

There are three men standing in line to get into heaven, and St. Peter tells them, " Congratulations on getting it this far guys! You have all been deemed righteous enough to enter heaven, but we still like to give people a token to remind them of how they behaved in their marriages. And so, every p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

Blonde goes ice fishing

A blonde decides to go ice fishing. She makes a hole in the ice and starts fishing.

Suddenly a voice from above says: “There are no fish here.”

Startled, the blonde looks around but doesn’t see anybody. She shrugs and continues.

After a while the voice comes again: “There are...

A blonde decides to go ice fishing.

She’s got all her gear ready and just needs to find the perfect spot on the ice to set up.
The blonde finds a suitable spot on the ice and starts drilling until she hears a loud voice overhead.

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Spooked, she gathers up her things and starts walking....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, Scottish man And Irish man are being sent to prison for life

But the judge says as a small act of kindness you can each take one item to prison with you to make it a little more bearable.

In Prison they show each other what they got.

The Englishman “I got these fine cigars so I can spend the evening smoking and thinking”

The Scottish man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl on the beach

A muscular young man was walking along the beach at sunset. The beach was empty save one lovely young woman sitting in a wheelchair.

As the young man drew near, he perceived that the girl was crying.

"Fair lady", he said "why do you sit here on the beach watching this lovely sunset and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

Random blonde joke.

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her fir...

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