What did Master Yoda say when he first saw himself on Blu Ray?

HDMI

Two guys named Ray walk into a bar . .

They tell the bartender “This place sucked until we walked in here.” “Why’s that?” Says the bartender.
“Because we’re Rays in the bar!!!”

Bill,a pro at the local golf course,and Ray,his longtime friend and caddy,went out golfing.

Bill was getting lined up for the most critical putt of his life.It would mean the course record and TenThousand dollars.When a funeral procession came by,Bill stops what he was doing,takes off his hat,holds it to his chest,and bows his head.

"What the hell is wrong with you,"Ray asks?"This i...

If I could have a superpower, it would be x-ray vision.

If I have one fault, it's never seeing things through.

I tried to lie to my x-ray tech about my broken leg

But he could see right through me...


And then i didnt have a leg to stand on.

I tried to lie to my radiologist, saying that this was my first time getting an x-ray.

Unfortunately, he saw right through me.

Dogs can’t read an X-ray or MRI...

But catscan.

let's play russian roulette with a shrink ray! i'll go first

^oh ^come ^on

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So two aliens find their way to earth

They land in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling.
We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger ...

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In the middle of a summer, Bubba and Billy Ray are fishing in a lake, while a tourist on water skis keeps doing circles around their boat...

Bubba eyes the tourist, and, after a while, mutters:

"That guy sure's scarin' away all them fish with that racket..."

"Sure is," Billy Ray agrees.

"Say," Bubba suggests, "why don't we smack an oar next time he passes us, an' splash him?"

Billy Ray likes the idea, and they...

What do you call X-rays taken by a dentist?

Tooth-pics.

Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk

(I'm so sorry)

[Doctor analysing my x-ray results] Doctor: This is exactly what I was afraid of...

Me: what?

Doctor: Skeletons.

Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray."

Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."

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"Ray Ray, use 'hotel' in a sentence"

Ray Ray: I gave some bitch the clap and that hotel everybody.

If a man named Ray has children with his wife...

Can say he has raybies???

Why couldn’t Ray Charles see his friends?

Because he was married.

Why was the bee shot by the shrinking ray upset?

It felt beelittled

Rick Astley has an extensive Pixar and Disney dvd/blu ray collection and he'll lend you any of the them...

Except up, he's never going to give you up.

Ray Kroc, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates walk into a bar.

The owner turns his back for a second and lost his bar.

Hurt my arm this mornin and had to go to hospital for an x-ray, as I was sitting waiting to be seen...

...the lad next to me says," Fair fae yer honest sonsieface! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!" I was like, eh?!?!., I turned my head round to the the lady sat on my other side, she said, " ! Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!" , As I grabbed the next doc ...

What I say when I stop playing VR and I knock over a Blu-ray of a 2013 Sandra Bullock movie

back to reality whoop there goes gravity

What do you call dental x-rays?

Tooth pics

Doctor: Your X-ray results are now here. As you can see, this is your left leg

Me: wtf put it back

Who is Steve Irwin’s favorite musician?

Ray Charles

I feel bad for Ray Charles about the whole Stevie Wonder thing...

I mean another blind black piano player? There's no way he saw that coming.

Everyone knows you synthesize vitamin D from UV rays and that's fine...

So how come whenever I say, "I love getting the D from my sun," people always freak out?

What do you call the fleshy-mouth things on Manta Rays?

Manta-bles

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

I devised a test to see if people prefer Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder...

It's a double blind study.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays

You're like a little ray of sunshine...

Blinding people and giving them cancer.

With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"

Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"

A blonde teen goes to the doctor complaining of chest pain

Doctor : I guess I need see an x Ray to determine any damage to ribs

Blonde : Promise to delete after seeing

At the time of his death, Steve Irwin was testing a new sunblock...

Turns out it doesn't protect against harmful rays.

Where do naughty rays of light go?

Prism

(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

X-ray doctors can't climb trees as well as...

catscan.

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Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman...

My friend Ray just passed away :(

He was on the donar list. Apparently they used his eyes to give some poor blind sod his eye sight back.

Its a miracle really, now he's got ex Ray vision

Doctor : Your X-rays show you swallowed a light bulb.

Me: I guess you could say that I'm..

Doctor: please don't do...

Me: Lit AF

Doctor: get out!

"Hey, Bill, what do you think of this new super-hero comic I'm working on? It's about an ant-size tangent line that has x-ray vision."

"Sounds cool, but isn't that a little derivative?"

why don't light rays like prisms?

prisms always tell them to get bent

My X-ray technician told me she usually doesn't go on dates with her patients...

...but she saw something in me.

Ray rice got caught punching his girlfriend in an elevator

It was wrong on so many levels.

I once had a girlfriend who was an X-Ray technician.

I could never lie to her, because she always saw right through me.

How do you protect yourself from gamma rays and x-rays?

You don't bomb pearl harbor.

Ray Rice doesn't believe in giving women rights.

However, he has no problem giving them a couple lefts

What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater?

This is the most violent thing I've ever read.

Doctor: "Your x-ray showed a broken rib...

... but we fixed it with Photoshop."

A girl I know who works in the X-ray department of a local hospital is dating one of her patients

Nobody know what she sees in him

I've always been suspicious about X-Rays.

Why is it only ever skeletons that go to get them done?

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Ray the chicken

Ray the Chicken
 
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ray.'

Ray was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too muc...

Ray Charles walks into a bar...

and a stool and a table

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Ray Rice jokes for DAYS!

There's like maybe four or five jokes in this list that were already posted on the internet, but the rest of this list was pretty much made up by me while I was bored. Ray Rice's incident is a gold mine of humor....just not for him. Easily offended need not apply here. Enjoy.

1.) Ray Rice's w...

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Superheroes' day off

So it's the superheroes holiday and Superman is looking for some friends to hang out with so he starts flying around and uses his x-ray vision to see what his friends are up to.

He cruises by incredible hulk's place, uses his x-ray vision and sees hulk lifting weights. Superman thinks to him...

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What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?

An itchy, twitchy twat.

Why did Ray Bradbury use heated lube?

It was a pleasure to burn.

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let ...

Donald Trump walks into a bar with two guys, one named Moe Lester and the other Ray P. Kreap.

Bartender asks Moe Lester and Ray P. Kreap how they know Trump.

Trump answers, "Women are always screaming out their names when I touch them, so I figured they'd make great wingmen."

I found a copy of Mission Impossible 3 among my blu-rays the other day...

I thought to myself: 'It's not really impossible if he's already done it twice."

After accidentally shooting his pet with the shrink ray, my friend decided to give the pet away.

It's my newt now.

How to know if there's more than one yolk in an egg?

You can use an eggs-ray.

If Ray changes his name..

he would be an x-ray. I bet you saw right through that joke.

Using high powered gamma rays, creatures on Mars have established total mind control over Donald. And Hillary. And the liberal press. And the Alt-right.

Hey, all I know is what I read on Facebook.

(But it explains everything!)

What's the worst thing about a Ray Rice joke?

The punch line.

I'm sorry Ray, but I'm heading back ...

Straight to that point.

So this ray of light broke bad.

It was put in prism.

Did you guys hear about the new Ray Lewis action figure?

Batteries included.


If it makes you feel any better I made the joke up a few months ago and it was a Chris Brown joke, but with Rice being topical and all.

Ray Charles...

... is driving and gets into a car accident... because he's blind. He wakes up in a hospital bed.

The doctor comes in and says, "Mr. Charles, I've got good news and bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

"Well, you've lost the use of your left side, due to the accident," says the d...

The best part about Ray Lewis being on ESPN is..

I can hear a guy with six kids by four different women lecture me about commitment & dedication.

What did Ray Charles say when his wife told him she wanted a divorce?

I did not see that coming.

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A man goes to a mountain to talk to God...

He shouts on the top: "God, I asked you to let me win the lottery, but I lost!"

Thunder, wind and a cloud opens giving shinning rays of light, a voice roars: "I told you that I would put the winnning numbers on your wife's buttocks, all you had to do was take a look! The winning number was 77...

What did Ray Rice say the first time he met his girlfriend?

"Dayuum. I'd hit that."

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