Two Jewish boys were in a concentration camp together...

During their time there they became like brothers and when the war ended, they decided that they should live together as such. Many years go by until one of them wins the lottery.

"I can't believe you won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"

"First, I'll buy us a...

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In 1944 during a prisoner revolt at the Nazi's most infamous concentration camp, an SS guard was burned alive by prisoners in a crematorium oven.

That is what I call the Auschwitzaroo.

They tried to warn us, it's finally happening, minorities herding white people into camps.

Here in Oregon we call them "music festivals"

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Did you hear about the orgy at the camp site?

It was fucking intense

Meanwhile at an ISIS training camp

A bunch of prospective terrorists gathered for their final training lesson before going into the field.

Their instructor said, “Now, watch closely, children. I can only show you how to do this once.”

What's blond and won't let you camp?

Anders Breivik

what is the difference between a taliban training camp and an afghan village?

„I don't know. I'm just flying the drone.“

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Why didn't the Jewish boy come home from camp?

Because he was having a great time and decided to stay for another week ... you sick fuckers.

What's the difference between a rehab center and a concentration camp?

One takes addicts out of people, the other takes people out of attics.

(Works best when said out loud)

What kind of juice do you get in camps?

The concentrated kind.

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It was Christmas time in the concentration camp..

And the Nazis figured that they would have a bit of fun with the “inmates”.

So they roasted up a huge duck, filled with veggies, plums, sauce and glazed with butter.


They walk in to the yard and place the duck, as the Jews gathered around to see what was going on.

They tol...

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I found out my grandfather died at a concentration camp.

Stupid bastard tripped and fell out of his guard tower.

You can't run through a camp site.

You can only ran, because its past tents.

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What kind of camp do Jewish kids go to when they can't focus in school?

Summer camp, just like every other kid you sick bastards!

A Young Russian is sent to a Siberian Work Camp

A Guard looks at him and asks "How long is your sentence?"

The young man says, "Ten years"

The guard whistles and replies, "What did you do?"

"Nothing" says the young man.

The guard laughs and says "That's a lie. For doing nothing you only get 8 years"

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At Pirate boot camp

BOATSWAIN: "That concludes orientation. Any questions?"

ME: (raises rubber hook hand) "Why do they call it trimming the mainsail? Why not mast abating?"

What’s the difference between a children’s hospital and an ISIS training camp?

I dunno, I just fly the drones

My grandpa let 200 people go from a concentration camp in the holocaust

He was the worst security guard ever

The head instructor at the Al-Qaeda's training camp starts his lesson on suicide bombing...

"Now listen up closely everyone, I'm only gonna be showing this once".

One day, Hitler decided to visit one of his concentration camps.

He spoke to the on-site general, and told him to line up all of the prisoners in a row.

When all of them were lined up, Hitler went up to the first person and asked him, "How high do you jump?"

The general looked at Hitler, confused, then looked at the prisoner. The prisoner looked bac...

Why was the camp leader fired?

For pitching a tent close to his students.

Sign at a nudist camp:

Sorry - Clothed for winter.

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An old Jewish man is on his deathbed and he calls his wife over to him. "Esther, when we were childhood sweethearts during the war and were captured by the Nazis and put in the concentration camp, you were by my side."

"After the war, when we moved to England, got married and had to work 12 hours a day to pay for a single room, you were by my side."

"Later when my business collapsed and we were again left penniless, you were by my side."

"And now finally, as I prepare to die, you are again by my sid...

The Hardest Day of my Life Was When Our Interior Design Class Went Camping.

It was pretty in tents.

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Late one night three leprechauns were sitting around a camp fire....

The first leprechaun says to the second, “nobody believes in leprechauns anymore. We don’t get to grant any wishes or hide our gold. We need to do something to get people believing again.”

The three of them sit quietly for a few minutes trying to come up with and idea. Eventually the first o...

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What's the difference between a Pakistani school and a terrorist camp?

I don't fucking know I'm just a drone pilot

Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...

...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.

I got an internship job at a nudist camp

I’m doing it for the exposure

My summer camp, which was all about focus and blocking out distractions, did really poorly this year

Apparently no one wants to go to a concentration camp

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On a cold night, during the Korean War, A young lieutenant arrives at a lonely Army camp.....

He was sent to replace the company commander who fell ill. The men greatly liked the old commander and weren't thrilled about getting a new one.. needless to say, the young lieutenant had a hard time fitting in but that didn't stop him from trying.
One night, while doing paper work, he saw severa...

I was trying to buy some storm insurance for my camp site, but was refused.

They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

[Long] The Mysterious camp

There was a camp that was really mysterious. It was built on an Indian burial ground by a lake where a bunch of teens had drowned across from an abandoned insane asylum. Strange sounds could be heard at night, and campers would constantly go missing. Years later, after seeing strange flashes of ligh...

A hole has been found in the nudist camp's fence.

Police are looking into it

Who led the first revolt in a concentration camp?

Hansel and Gretel.

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A new soldier, fresh out of boot camp, is deployed to a remote base in Afghanistan.

After about a week, the young soldier is approached by his Staff Sergeant.

"Private, how is everything?" he asks.

"It's ok sir, it's just so desolate out here. Some of the guys have been deployed here for months... there's no women anywhere... what do they do.... you know, for women...

Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee and nine donuts.

Who's the most popular lady in the nudist camp?

The one who can eat the last donut.

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Ever had sex while camping?

It's fucking intents

Have you seen that movie with the war at the camp grounds?

I don’t remember what it’s called, but the battle scenes were in tents.

[Offensive] Adolf visits the concentration camp and asks a young boy how old he is

"I'll be 6 soon!"

"Nope"

Did you hear about the German summer camp where they gave all the kids adderall?

It turned into a concentration camp

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My friend started making jokes about the Nazi concentration camps

I politely asked him to stop, and explained my grandfather died in a concentration camp.

He fell off a guard tower.

Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate?

To lay off his campaign staff.

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What was Pamela Voorhees' main complaint about Camp Crystal Lake?

The fucking teenagers.

An Afghan soldier called me earlier and told me he was in a refugee camp...

...but when he told it to me, he said he was caught between Iraq and a hard place.

How was Boy Scout camp?

Intents

A friend of mine jointed a nudist camp last week

he said the first day was the hardest.

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Hitler gets out of his morning shower and decides to check on his camps.

He dries his little handlebar and heads straight to Auschwitz to check on the Jews that he has gathered for safe keeping. Upon entering, he notices that none of his precious Jews are anywhere to be found. Hitler decides that they are probably finishing up in their morning shower as well, and goes to...

What kind of summer camp would a toilet, a mountain lion, and a cantaloupe all go to?

A John Cougar Melon Camp

My sister is fat so they sent her to a weight loss camp....

I have ADHD, so they're sending me to a concentration camp

A truck carrying olive oil crashed into a truck carrying red wine vinegar, inside a nudist camp

First responders reported that everyone nearby was well dressed

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Little Johnny's penis starts to itch while his mom registers him for summer camp...

...so he scratches the itch. The counselor and his mother both see this, and his mom chastises him.

"It's not appropriate to do that to yourself in public or private, honey. I don't wanna see you ever scratching yourself in public again."

"Okay mom." Johnny says.

Later, Little ...

During WW2 a British pilot is captured by the Germans and sent to a POW camp.

While there he developes an infection in his leg and the camp doctor tells him that they have to amputate.

"I have a request," says the pilot, "could you please cremate the limb and sprinkle the ashes over my beloved home land the next time your boys do a flyover?"

"We can do that." sa...

Why Do They Call Them 'Band Camps'?

Because 'minstrel camps' sounds bad.

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Dear Lord

Dear good Lord, please make me dumb,
that I don't go to a concentration camp.
Dear good Lord please make me deaf,
that I don't tamper with the radio.
Dear good Lord please make me blind,
that I think everything is fine:
If I'm deaf and dumb and blind,
I am Adolf’s ...

3 POWs were together in a British War Camp.

There sat 2 Germans and an Italian. The British tourtured the first German and after many hours of screaming, the broken down German finally talked. Ashamed, he went back to the camp and told the other 2 prisoners to stay strong. The British begin to torture the second German. He preserved through 3...

My uncle works at a camp for kids who are about to be molested

I mean everyone complains about their job but he loved everyday of his

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An Army Ranger, a Recon Marine, a Navy SEAL, and a member of Delta Force are sitting around a camp fire.

An Army Ranger, a Recon Marine, a Navy SEAL, and a member of Delta Force are sitting around a camp fire. The Army Ranger, bragging about his exploits says "You guys aren't so tough, I once parachuted down, marched fifty miles, and killed everyone in sight." The Recon Marine is unimpressed, and says,...

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The guys were all at the Camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.

They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored...

A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?

A boy scout comes home from camp

What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp?

I don't know. I'm retiring next month.

3 Instruments are Catching Up

School is back in for the fall and 3 instruments are sharing their musical journey through the Summer.

The saxophone says, "I got to go to New Orleans and play with a real jazz band."

The guitar says, "I went to Mexico and played music so beautiful that the audience threw roses on the ...