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A guy is camping and finds his buddy standing over an outhouse toilet about to drop a $50 bill down the hole.

“What on earth are you doing?” he asks his buddy.

His friend replies “I was taking a dump and a $10 bill fell out of my pocket and went down the hole…… and I sure as hell ain’t going down there for ten bucks”.

At an international scout camp, three boys were talking about where babies come from.

A German boy said that the stork brings babies, while a French boy said it involved the mother and father. The American boy was silent.

After some prodding, he finally said “Well, with us it depends on whether you’re from a red state or a blue one.”

Stalin is visiting a Young Pioneer camp.

He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?"

"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.

"So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?"

"My mother is the Great Soviet Country!"

"Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?"

"My father is the ...

What is a plastic surgeon's favorite activity at summer camp?

arts and grafts.

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Friend: If you went camping with a buddy and you woke up the next morning and your butt hurt but you couldn’t remember anything, would you tell anyone?

You: no

Friend: want to go camping?

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"
...

10 years ago I went camping at yellow stone and my wife got pregnant.

2 years later I went camping at Yellowstone and my wife got pregnant again.

After that when I went camping at Yellowstone I took my wife with me.

Two Men on a Camping Trip See a Bear Heading In Their Direction.

The first guy starts to panic, while the second guy calmly begins to lace up his sneakers.

First guy: "Are you crazy? You can't outrun that bear."

Second guy: "No, but I can outrun you."

Timbuktu (NSFW)

Two best friends, Dave and Tim, died in a car accident and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the gate and said "sorry, there's only room for one of you." The two friends were unsure on how to proceed, so St. Peter made them an offer.

"I will give you both one word and who ever makes up the bes...

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Has anyone ever had sex while camping?

It’s fucking in tents.

If you get nostalgic about childhood camping trips…..

you are just living in the past tents.

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A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some k...

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Probably been here before, but I heard this one at summer camp

The old man who lives in the tall bell tower needed someone to help him with ringing the bell, as he was getting too old.

The first person who arrived was like the old man and was not strong enough to produce a loud sound with the bell.

The second person who showed up was a boy who had...

I went on a camping trip to try to save the dolphins.

It was a waste of time for all in tents and porpoises.

Two history professors are visiting a nudist camp.

"Excuse me," says one to the other. "But have you read Marx?"
"Yes, the second replied. "I think it's these damned wicker chairs."

What did the Indian prisoners eat at the Russian labor camp?

Gulag jamun

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping

In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up and asks “tell me, Watson, what do you observe?”

Watson replies “it is a clear, cloudless sky. To the east I see the constellation of Orion whereby I can trail the handle of the plough pointing to Polaris, the North Star. As my eyes adjust to ...

my wife and I planned an entire week of camping. After two days, we packed our stuff and went home. We will never do that again!

The entire situation was just two in tents.

You may have heard a rumor that Everest's first camp was destroyed in an avalanche.

Don't believe it, though. The claim is baseless.

Lumber camp advert

A lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack.
A skinny little guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost.

"Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy.

"Okay, see tha...

Andre 3000 went camping...

...as he finishes setting up his tent, a park ranger rolls up to warn him about bear activity nearby. Specifically, an unusually intelligent and persistent bear that has a taste for 90's musicians. Andre thanks the ranger for his concern, and assures him that he'll take all the necessary precautions...

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What’s Your Name, Sailor?

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him,

\-“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”

\- “John,” the new seaman replied.

\- “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call a...

A Russian officer is called into a meeting with his superior at their base camp

His boss starts:

"Comrade Lieutenant, it has come to my attention that you have been selling half of our fuel reserves on the black market"

"Yes Captain, it's true..."

"That's most unfortunate Lieutenant..."

"To be honest Captain, I know you sell army supplies too."...

After my retirement from the company I worked at for 45 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

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I went camping with my significant other last weekend…

It was fucking in-tents.

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Nsfw An aussie man calls emergency services while camping with his wife

Operator: "Emergency services how can we help you mate"

Man: "Please help! me sheila got bitten in her minge by a mozzie and its all swollen and now we can't have sex!"

Operator: "Oh bummer mate..."

Man: "Oh thanks mate never thought of that!"
*Hangs up

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The British, American and Russian intelligence services have a spy-off

The rules are simple: a rabbit is released into a forest, and whoever finds and brings it back the fastest, wins.

The Brit goes first. He first phones some arborial informants, then dons a disguise: sporting a pair of bunny ears, a fluffy tail sticking out of his ass, skimpy black dress, full...

If you open a camp to help kids with ADHD

Is it a concentration camp?

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.

They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"...

The teacher was telling us a story about the time when she went camping in the forest with her family and they saw a huge snake, and she asks: do you know why the snake didn't bite? Because....

From the back of the classroom, a student shouts: Because snakes don't bite each other.

How can you spot a blind man in a nudist camp?

It's not hard

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New camp cook joins a cattle drive..

Cowboys are all out herding the cattle. Cook sees an old sheep tied to the back of a wagon. Figures he can use it for dinner. Butchers and cooks up the sheep. Cowboys come back to camp hungry. As they are enjoying their meal, one of the cowboys looks around and can’t see the sheep. New camp coo...

What do you call a campfire at a nudist camp?

A weenie roast.

What’s the best adjective to describe camping?

Intense.

A lawyer and his friend from the Czech Republic were camping, when they heard a rustling sound.

They looked behind them and saw a huge male grizzly bear jumping out at them from behind a bush. The two friends fled for their lives, and the bear chased them.

The lawyer escaped, but his friend wasn't so lucky. The lawyer watched in horror as his friend was swiped by the bear's mighty paw a...

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SUMMER CAMP FOR Husbands. Evening classes for men. Starting this month.

*Summer camp*

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of the content, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

*Topic 1.*
How to fill ice-cube trays and why to fill water bottles before putting them back in the fridge.
Step by step with slide pre...

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Camel in the Camp

There was a major that got newly stationed in a base in the middle east. As he inspecting the base, he saw a camel tied to a post. Confused, he calls the nearest private.

"Private Doe!"
"Sir! Yes, sir?"
"What is this camel doing here at our base?" Asks the Major
"Sir, the camel is he...

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Priest, nun, camel, laugh.

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being r...

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Snoring like a bear

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess a...

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So, a Lion goes down to the water hole for a drink...

and a Gorilla hiding in the Jungle thinks it would be funny to run down and fuck the Lion in the ass so the Gorilla does.

And the Lion begins chasing the Gorilla thru the jungle.

The Gorilla runs thru a safari camp and seeing nobody there he runs into a tent and puts on a safari jacket...

I was out camping recently when I found out that I had run out of toilet roll…

So I took a leaf out of Bear Grylls’ book.

Where does a con artist stay when camping?

The answer is in the content!

Jim, who was late to everything, was drafted. Sure enough, in boot camp, he was last in line to get a rifle.

When it was his turn, the quartermaster said, “I’m sorry but we’re all out of rifles.” Jim said, “How can I do the drills then?” The quartermaster replied, “Take this stick and when it’s time to shoot, yell ‘Bangety Bang Bang!’ Go get a bayonet on it and maybe it’ll look better.” But, again, Jim was...

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a newly wed couple decided to spend their honeymoon on a camping trip

it was fucking intense

Giant Beast…

Two hunters were out in the woods and got lost. After a while they decided they were going to have to make camp for the night. While looking for a place to settle down the came across a giant green monster. After a struggle they manage to kill the beast.

A bit of time by and one of them says...

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I took my new girlfriend camping for the first time last weekend.

The sex was in tents.

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An 18-year old boy and his girlfriend are going camping for the weekend and plan to lose their virginity to each other

Bursting with excitement, the boy walks into a drug store to buy some condoms. He notices they come in packs of 3, 6, and 12.

He's a bit confused, so he calls the clerk over, and asks “Excuse me sir, but why are the condoms packaged this way?”

The kindly old clerk replies, with a sly g...

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Just got hired as a federal security officer & its like having sex while camping

It's fucking intense

I was fired from my travel agency operator job today



The order said we need to pick up a 'Thompson Camp', so I sent a bus.

It turned out it was just one guy, but his last name is Camp.....

\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*

This is almost a real story.... Do you know any folks with that last name?

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and a hospital?

I don't know, I'm just a simple drone pilot.

I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow.

They said I violated it.

3 guys camping in the woods

There were 3 guys camping in the woods.

They were talking, andeventually they end up talking about their significant others back home.

The first guy said his girlfriend is happy with him because she always tells him he's hung like a bull.

The second guy laughed and said that's n...

You can't run through a camp site.

You can only ran, because its past tents.

A drill sergeant ran his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on.

As they stood there, exhausted, he put his face up to one of the recruit's face and said, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and urinate on my grave, aren't you?"

And the recruit says, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again!"

What do you call a prison escapee that is hiding in a camping shelter?

Criminal in tent.

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NFSW A young man had made up his mind to become a lumberjack. So he takes all his tree falling equipment to a lumberjack camp in Quebec.

On his first day he does very well. Keeping up with the other lumberjacks all day.

When the evening meal came, he joined the circle sitting around the campfire, eating the standard
woodsmen's fare; beans & black coffee.

Around the middle of their meal one of the largest lumberj...

I opened up a summer camp for kids with adhd.

Although I regret calling it a concentration camp.

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Two guys are camping when...

Hello everybody. I am transalting this joke from my native language so
1 Sorry for any grammar error
2 I hope it s a new one for some of you

Two friends are camping in the mountains.
They are relaxing, walking into the nature, breathing fr...

What do you call summer camp for unvaccinated kids?

Cemeteries.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped in the woods. Finally, the trio realize they are lost and decide to hunker down and make camp. They're hungry and decide to hunt.

The brunette goes first and comes back with a rabbit. The blonde and redhead are impressed.

"How'd you do that?" they ask.

"Simple," replies the brunette. "Found tracks, followed tracks, got a rabbit."

It's the redhead's turn next, and she ventures out and comes back with a moos...

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

An astronaut lands on an alien world.

Once upon a time an astronaut landed on an alien world. The world was full of trees and plants and wildlife. But one species in particular caught his eye. Short and round with huge feet, they were kind. They sang songs all day, drank, and made merry. After observing them from afar for many days, the...

Sergeant Wilson was appalled to discover that ten of his men were late arriving back at camp following their leave.

As he waited impatiently at the camp gates, one of his men finally ran up to him, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir, I can explain,” said the soldier.

“Soldier, this better be good.” responded his sergeant.

So the soldier told Sergeant Wilson his story. “Sir, you see, I had a date, a...

A drunk coming from a night club at dawn wandered off the path and trespassed into a military camp ... [long]

A drunk coming from a night club at dawn wandered off the path and trespassed into a military camp.

He was urinating on one of the camp’s flowerbeds when he was arrested and given a punishment to move a pile of some 1000 bricks from a shed to a nearby site on the camp where some construction ...

A man was arrested for telling a joke which called Vladimir Putin stupid.

He was tried and sentenced to 15 years and 3 months in a work camp.


When asked about the strangely specific sentence, the judge explained that he gave 3 months for insulting the president, and 15 years for divulging state secrets.

Sherlock and Watson go camping After a nice fire, roasting s'mores, and talking for a few hours, they finally crawl into their tent and go to sleep

In the middle of the night, Sherlock shakes Watson awake. "Tell me Watson" he said "What can you deduce by looking at the stars?"



Watson, slightly puzzled, said "Well, I can deduce by the number of them that the universe must be incredibly vast, and contain billions of stars. Likely...

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A ship goes down at sea

Two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.
The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.
The man event...

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Two brothers Matt and John go camping in the woods

When they arrive where they want to camp, they make dinner, have a few beers, but realize they forgot one of their two one-person tents at home. They decide to play rock/paper/scissors to see who gets to sleep in the tent and who has to sleep outside. Matt wins and so they both climb in their sleepi...

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Minnesota humor

My family and I used to go camping on the BWCA. The mosquitoes were pretty bad, but we took care of 'em.

We'd capture 'em and pull out the stingers.

And then we'd just use 'em as tent stakes.

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Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, an...

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Two Jewish boys were in a concentration camp together...

During their time there they became like brothers and when the war ended, they decided that they should live together as such. Many years go by until one of them wins the lottery.

"I can't believe you won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"

"First, I'll buy us a...

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Wilhelm has just been sent to a German concentration camp.

He’s very grateful when his first day of brutal roadwork is over, but when he returns to the camp he is introduced to a strange tradition. As a sadistic joke, the commandant has forced all the prisoners to pretend to be clock pendulums, rocking back and forth and saying “tick tock tick tock” over an...

I started a camp for kids with ADHD but nobody showed up.

I guess calling it Concentration Camp was a bad idea.

A German, an Italian and a Chinese man arrive at a logging camp up north looking for work.

The boss sees the strapping young German and says, "you look strong and fit, here's a chainsaw, go join the fellers and help cut down some trees."
Next he looks at the Italian, a bit of a belly on him and looking well fed, and says, "You look like you know your way around the kitchen, go help in ...

What do bears bring with them when they go camping?

Just the bear essentials.

Hiking trip

Justin and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming hiking trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him.


After a lot of teasing and name-calling, Justin headed home frustrated.


The following week when Just...

Man takes along a .22 pistol to camping

His friend asks if that’s for bears.

Man: “No. This will not stop a bear.”

Friend: "What will you do if a bear crosses our path?"

Man: “I’ll run.”

“RUN?” asks the friend. “You can’t outrun a bear.”

Man: “I don’t have to. I just have to outrun you.”

Friend...

A camping joke

2 men are camping, when they see it's getting dark outside.

Man 1 pops up his tent. Unfortunately, it only has space for 1 person.

Man 2 is sleeping outside when bears come out. The bears are chased out by Man 2's knife.

Later, the bears come out again. Man 2, again, chases them...

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Three couples go on a camping trip.

On their last day, the men decide they want to go explore a cave, while the women choose to hang out at the campsite.

After a while of exploring the cave, it forked into 3 different paths. The men agree to all follow one path and meet up in an hour to tell the others what they had found.
<...

What do you call a soldier who never made it past boot camp

A cop

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In a Nazi concentration camp

The inmates were being led into the gas chamber. One of them slip in front of the door, hit his head and died on the spot, before going inside the gas chamber. And the rest of the inmates were gassed to death too.

They meet each other in heaven and started laughing hysterically about how the ...

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.

…with a really angry bear somewhere close by.

Why does nobody like playing FPS games with Boy Scouts?

Because they're good at camping.


(Credit goes to the Scout's Life magazine I got today for making one of the worst scout jokes I've ever seen.)

The extreme needleworking camp is this weekend!

Don't miss it.. it's sew in tents!

How do you find Ronald McDonald in the nudist camp?

He’s the one with sesame seeds on his buns.

3 Alien leaders are discussing the fate of humanity

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

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The Canadian

A Canadian a Russian and a French guys are all armed with pistols and sitting around a camp fire.
The Russian pulls out a full bottle of Vodka, opens it and drinks about a quarter of it. He then throws it up into the air, draws his gun and shoot it.

The Canadian yells WTF?

The Russ...

What do you call a filmmaker who likes to go camping during the pandemic?

Tentin' Quarantino

My ex-wife and I used to go camping.

But it just became two in tents.

What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school?

How should I know? I just fly the drones.

I couldn't sleep camping last night...

I couldn't sleep last night in my tent because of noise. I got up and followed the sound into some nearby woods. Deep inside I discovered a clearing in the middle of which was a DJ setup with dance music blaring out with smoke and flashing lights. Behind the decks there was a huge but rather worse-...

I don't think holocaust jokes are funny. My grandfather died in a concentration camp.

He was so drunk, he fell off the watchtower.

A young man arrives at a logging camp in northern Canada

He is there for the next nine months. The foreman shows him around, where he will eat, where he will sleep, the bathroom, etc... the young man asks half jokingly “What do ya’ll do when you get the urges? Ya know, there aren’t any women here...” the foreman smiles and points at a large barrel sitting...

Freshman from rival colleges...

...were each camping out around their fires on opposite banks of a river.

The freshman on the left bank got to talking. The first student points toward the river and says, "You know, I heard that the students that go to that school are all idiots."

The second student says "Yeah! I hear...

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With our love life no longer feeling passionate, I asked my wife to go camping

It helped. The sex was in tents.

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 1ted 2 bring 3 knives 4 sur5al but 6 knew that 7 secretly h8ed him and didn't have be9 in10tions.

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I was camping with a friend of mine in a secluded forest. We sat out watching the sunset and he asked "Is there any sound more beautiful than the wind blowing through the pussywillows?"

I said: Nah, I don't really listen to cunt tree

Typical Camp Commander

A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench. He went over and asked them why do they do it.

"We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"

The new camp commander sea...

Told this joke every summer as a camp counselor; never failed

This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says:

“Hey, want to grab something to eat later?” And she says:

“Actually,...

I just found out where my school camp is going to be...

...and boy, is it intense!

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A new soldier, fresh out of boot camp, is deployed to a remote base in Afghanistan.

After about a week, the young soldier is approached by his Staff Sergeant.

"Private, how is everything?" he asks.

"It's ok sir, it's just so desolate out here. Some of the guys have been deployed here for months... there's no women anywhere... what do they do.... you know, for women...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson decide to go camping.

They pack their camping gear into the car and drive into the countryside. After a long drive and a light dinner they pitch their tent, climb inside, and are soon fast asleep in their sleeping bags.

In the middle of the night Sherlock shakes Watson awake. He points to the full moon and says, "...

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A young man volunteered for the military during WW2.

He had such a high aptitude
for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp. The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
On his fi...

When I was a little kid I had a pet turtle. Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium. When i went to camp, the turtle died. When i got home, my dad lied to me. He said, "your turtle is live and well, it just went to go live with your mother." And i believed that til i was digging in the backyard

...found my mom's body.

Smh worst day of my life,
I loved that turtle

Ghetto camping terror.....

The year was 2009. My son, one of his friends, and I were ghetto camping.

That's when you pitch a tent in your backyard. Or in my case the neighbors yard.

Telling some really horrible ghost stories, when out of no where, an animal started rustling around by the garbage cans.

M...

Stop the concentration camp Jokes!

I find them incredibly offensive. My Grandpa died in one of those concentration camps!

Well, thinking about it...maybe he shouldn‘t have drank so much while standing on the watchtower...

What is green and loves going camping?

A Boy Sprout

Why did the best-selling author want to send his daughter to writing camp?

.
.
.
Because he thought it would help her build character.

The queen goes to a military camp

The men show her around and present her a bunch of sniper rifles. She looks through them and says.

This is all nice but I think a simple car crash will do.

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