I was surprised to find that "Trailer Park Barbie" doesn't come with bruising on her body

Then I realized battery not included

I was plying Pokemon GO in the park the other day

The craze of Pokemon GO may well have died off for most people but I still love it and play all the time.


I was in my local park the other day when my absolute favourite Pokemon appeared!
It was over by a group of girls so i tried to contain my excitement so I didn't draw attentio...

I was watching Jurassic Park yesterday when I thought.....

"not only does my son have a stupid name, he's also a terrible driver".

3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park...

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend hates that I refer to her body as an amusement park.

I hate that I always have to stand in line and wait for my turn.

A young man passes an elderly man crying on a park bench.

The young man stops and asks if everything is okay. The old man looks up with his eyes filled with tears.

​

“Kid,” the old man says, “I’m ninety years old. Last week I married a woman half my age. She does everything for me—she cooks my meals, washes my clothes, shops for me...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two old guys are sitting in a park and talking

The first guy says: "You know, I went to a brothel the other day"

"Oh yeah? And what happened?"

"I banged for two hours!"

"Two hours?! At your age?!"

"Yeah, and those whores still wouldn't let me in"

It's nice to meet a girl in a park

But it's also nice to park meat in a girl

I like to play chess with old men in the park

Although it’s hard to find 32 of them.

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?

Nothing! It’s on the house!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman in the park saw a man crying on the bench.

The woman came up to him and the convo went like this.

"What's wrong? Why're you crying?" The woman asked,

"It's my 22-year-old wife, every day when I wake up she makes love to me in bed, then she gives me breakfast. And after this, I go to work. She takes care of the kids and does eve...

I got fired from my last job for making too many Linkin Park references but...

...in the end it doesn't even matter.

A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.

She writes:

Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.

We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."

Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.

P.S...

5:06 AM - I find a dead body on the corner of Main St. and Park Ave. and notify a CSI unit.

5:06 AM - The CSI unit arrives.

5:06 AM - The CSI unit starts collecting samples at the crime scene.

5:06 AM - I notice my watch has stopped.

Kid in park (crying): "I don't know where my mom's gone to!"

Me: "Oh no, that's terrible!"

Wife: :Talk to him."

Me: (kneeling) "Hey, kid, don't end a sentence with a preposition."

Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don’t have to be?

Because it’s sad when a dog dies.

An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”

​

“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”

​

He hands her a set of te...

A stranger at the park is watching a young boy play in front of his young mother.

After a few minutes of the boy clucking incessantly, the man asks, “Why does your son repeatedly say ‘cluck, cluck, cluck’?”

The young mother replies, “Because he thinks he’s a chicken.”

“Why don’t you tell him he’s not a chicken?” the stranger asks.

“Well,” says the mom, “becau...

Two old men are sitting on a park bench.

The first man takes a look into his friend’s ear and says, “Do you know you’ve got a suppository stuck in your ear?”

​

“Really?” says the first man. “I had no idea. But I guess that explains where I put my hearing aid.”

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and...

Three senior citizens are sitting on a park bench complaining about their failing bodies.

“Every morning, I get up at 6 a.m.,” the first man explains, “and I try to pee, but nothing but a trickle comes out.” The second man adds, “I get up at 6 A.M. too, and it feels like I’ve got to move my bowels, but I sit down on the toilet and nothing happens.”

​

The third ma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night.

Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish. The man and wom...

I got thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother’s remains around the park. It was her dying wish.

The security guards said I probably should have cremated her first.

A man is smoking two cigarettes at a park

Another man walks up to him and asks, "Why are you smoking two cigarettes?"

He replies: "I'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother, he is in a no-smoking prison."

Satisfied with the answer, the man walks away.

A few days pass and he sees the same man at the park, but he...

Everyone keeps talking about how Rosa Parks stood up for civil rights.

I thought the whole point was that they DIDN'T stand up??

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

Three nuns in the park

Three nuns are sitting on a park bench. Guy in a trenchcoat runs up and flashes them. First one had a stroke. Second one had a stroke. Third one never touched him.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?" [NSFW]

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was in the park with my dog and I said to this bloke, "Which way did you vote regarding Brexit?". “I voted to leave" he replied. With that my dog bit him. Later that day, I was down the pub and I asked the landlord the same question and he replied “I voted to remain” and my dog bit him too.

My dog doesn't give a fuck about politics.

I asked Linkin Park why don't they perform in India. They said...

Indian it doesn't even matter.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Husband and his Wife were out walking in the park.

While walking a Man comes up from behind them, pulls a gun on them, grabs the Wife and forces the Husband back. The Man tells the Husband to draw a circle around himself and tells him that if he steps out of that circle his wife will be shot. The Man turns, then proceeds to assault the wife. While t...

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench

Just then, a flasher ran up to them and exposed his peepee. The First Lady has a stroke, the second lady had a stroke but sadly, the third lady couldn’t reach

It's frustrating, every time I take my new dog to the park, the ducks just won't leave him alone.

I guess it's kind of my fault, I shouldn't have gotten a pure-bread dog.

One Jamaican walks up to another Jamaican in the park.

'Aright man, nice puppy ya gat there,' said the first Jamaican. 'What's it breed?'

The second Jamaican replied, 'Dis ting breed air like all da other puppies, man.'

Went to the park yesterday to play frisbee with my dog.

Think I'm gonna need a flatter dog.

My girlfriend is breaking up with me because I keep making terrible Linkin Park jokes,

What I’ve done

Wanna know why those baboons are always drinking in the park?

It’s the only place with monkey bars.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three old guys are sitting on a park bench,

the first says 'I remember I used to be able to see all the pretty girls go by here. . . now . . . not so much.' The second old guy says 'Yah, it's the vision, it goes, it goes -- but me, I remember being able to smell their perfume as they passed' The first old guy says back 'Yah, it's the sense of...

A Blonde hard up for cash kidnaps a kid at the park.

She writes a random note:

“I have your son. If you want to see him again, tonight leave a bag with $500 under a park bench by the pond.

PS. No cops!

- Blonde.”

Realizing that she has no idea where to send it and not wanting to expose herself in the first place, she sm...

Which country has the highest number of parks?

...

North Korea and South Korea.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a wildlife park and all they had was one small Chinese dog

They said it was a shit zoo, so you have to admire their honesty, really.

One day 2 kids were walking in the park with their grandmother.

And every day, the kids would say, "Grandma we want to ride in that helicopter".

Grandma always replied, "I know kids, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars -- and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".

One day Grandma and the kids went to the park, and the kids said, "Grandma, you're 85 years o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I call my wife's vagina Spiderman.

Cuz it's a real Peter Parker.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two economists are on a walk in the park

As they're walking, they come across a pile of dog shit. One economist says to the other, "If you eat that dog shit, I'll give you $50". The second economist thinks for a minute, then reaches down, picks up the shit, and eats it. The first economist gives him a $50 bill and they keep going on their ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little girl and her mom are walking through the park

As they reach the middle of the park the little girl looks over and she sees two people off to the side having sex, she turns to her mother and asks "Mommy what are they doing?" Her mother didn't want to explain sex to her at such a young age so thinking off the top of her head she quickly responds ...

A Welshman an Irishman and an Englishman walk into a park,

they see a slide, but this is no ordinary slide, this slide is magic, as anything you say going down the slide is what you will land in, so the Irishman goes first "A POT OF GOLD" he yells as he slides down the slide, and he lands in a pot of gold, the Welshman next "POT OF DIAMONDS" yells just as l...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two old men were sitting at the park, just Watching people stroll by.

“Ralph,” one says “how long have we been sitting here?”

“‘Round about 40 minutes, Fred, why?”

“I think that’s the same guy we saw yesterday, selling those buttons.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Think those people realize it’s a scam?”

“Probably not,” Fred said, raising h...

My trailer park party went off without a hitch

No one showed up

A guy is sitting on a park bench...

... when he notices something odd about two workmen by the side of the path. The first workman would dig a hole, then the second workman would fill the hole, and the pair would move along a few feet and repeat the process. He is intrigued and watches them a for few minutes, digging and filling hole...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elderly man stopped my eight year old in the park.

An elderly man stopped my 8 year old at the park. He had been watching him play and pulled him aside to question him.

He said, "I can't believe what you're doing! You're running around, eating candy bars with filthy hands, and then jumping off the monkey bars, you are gonna get seriously inj...

A lawyer parks his brand new BMW on the curb and opens the door as a car drives by and smashes through the door.

The lawyer quickly spots a police officer across the street and shouts: «Officer, officer, did you see what just happened? That car smashed off the door on my brand new BMW!» «Oh, my god,» replies the officer. «You lawyers are so materialistic. You stand there whining about your car and you haven’t ...

I cannot believe there's no cure for obesity yet.

I thought it would be a walk in the park.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I forgot to put the seat belt on my five-year-old boy this morning and as we were leaving the trailer park, somebody shouted, "You're an irresponsible father!"

I shot back, “Who the fuck said that?! Stop the car, son!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

A man was looking for a space to park his car in the parking lot of a mall...

After a lot of effort of going round and round he couldn't find an empty space so he started praying, please God help me find a parking space, I will go to church everyday for the rest of my life and would even give half of my life savings to charity..

Suddenly he sees a car pulling out of a ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Saw a dog in the park this morning that was a cross between a cockerpoo and a labradoodle.

A cocker doodle poo, if you will.

3 old ladies are in a park

Three elderly grey ladies are sitting on a bench feeding birds in the park. Suddenly, a man runs in front of them and whips open his trench coat, to reveal he's wearing nothing underneath!

Astonished at the exposure the first Lady has a stroke. The second Lady has a stroke.

And
...

What happens when a frog parks his car in a no-parking zone?

It gets toad away.

A little boy is crying on a bench in the park.

A passer-by stops and asks him why he is crying.
The boy says: “My mom gave me a dollar to get something from the shop but I lost it, and I’m afraid to go home now!”

The passer-by decides to make the kid’s day and gives him a dollar - but the kid only starts crying louder...
“Why are yo...

South Park Originally Took Place in Ireland

Kilkenny to be exact.

A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Ro...

I was at the park and a mother asked me which kid was mine

I told her I hadn’t decided yet.

Robbery in multi story car park

Now that's crime on a whole other level

I was excited, I had heard there was a murder in a park down the street.

Imagine my disappointment when only thing there were a bunch of crows.




Edit: You know...because a group of crows is a murder...buddum tiss. My first original joke on here and is not going so well.

Where did King Arthur park his camel?

In the Camel Lot

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A person sees an old man crying on a park bench...

Their heart breaks for the man and they walk up so see if he's ok.

"What's matter?"

"I have a beautiful wife," says the man.

"Um, ah ok, but"

"She's young and beautiful" the man repeats and continues sobbing.

"Ok, ok but why are you crying?"

"She cleans the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bum in the park (kinda long)

A bum lived in a park on a bench. When he was walking around one day he found 5 dollars. He said to himself, hot damn I'm getting drunk tonight. Ran to the closest liquor store put the 5 on the table and told the man, give me your cheapest bottle of wine. He proceeded to drink it down, made his way ...

*in the park*

Stranger: your dog is kind of unusual looking

Me: haha yeah he’s interbred

Duck: \*waddles up\* I’ll tell you who else is into bread

A man and a woman were walking in a park

They started arguing about whether it was raining or not. To settle the debate, they decided to ask a communist named Rudolph sitting near by. Upon asking, Rudolph told them that it was raining. "See I told you", the husband says."Rudolph the red knows rain,dear"

As I am walking through the park and the police is stopping me asking "Does your dog chase the people on a bicycle?"

-??? My dog does not even have a bicycle

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone get...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were walking through a park...

They passed three women sitting on a bench each eating a banana. All three women greeted Sherlock Holmes "Good afternoon Mr. Holmes." and Sherlock acknowledged each woman with a nod and a smile.

When they were some distance away, Dr. Watson turned to him and asked "Sherlock do you know thos...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A redneck is in his trailer park bragging to his friends about his recent trip to New York.

He says, "I was walkin' down the street, and saw this place called a sex shop. I was curious so I went in and the place was loaded with rubber women!"

One of the redneck women speaks up. "Did they have rubber dudes?"

The country bumpkin thinks for a moment, then says "Ya know, I ain't ...

Old couple walking around the park... - Honey, tell me how much do you love me.

\- Do you see all those clouds in the sky?
\- While yes, of course.

\- Let's go home, cuz it's going to rain.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was walking in a park when a young lady approached him.

She exclaimed, "I know you — you're the father of one of my kids!" The gears started turning as the man tried to recollect where he met her, "Oh are you that chick I fucked in Atlanta City in that orgy in that seedy hotel while I was on a business trip? I think you were the one that kept asking to b...

A woman in a park called 911. When the police officer arrived at the scene, he saw two men, standing on their hands, dashing towards a line painted on the ground. The police officer was livid at the woman having wasted his time.

"This ain't a scene," he said, "it's a goddamn arms race."

I was walking in the park the other day, when

I suddenly saw the girl of my dreams. Our eyes locked, there was a spark between us and she instantly went weak at the knees and fell before me.

As we lay on the grass making love, I thought to myself. These stun guns are well worth the money.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm walking thru Central Park and a guy says to me: "5 bucks, you can talk to my ducks"

"Ducks can't talk" says I.

"5 bucks, you can talk to them, I promise"

"You know what, I have nothing to do, here's 5 bucks"

I walk to the first duck "Hey duckie, how was your day?"

"Oh, you know, the usual, in and out of puddles all day"

"HOLY SHIT, They do tal...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Imagine if they made an amusement park called Sex Flags

It would be a fucking roller-coaster

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is it dangerous to walk in a dog park at night?

Because you can’t see shit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The other day I went for a jog in the park and began my routine of running laps around the pond.

On my first lap I noticed a girl in a wheelchair crying. I approached her and asked why she was crying. She told me "I'm crying because I've never been hugged!" Feeling sympathetic, I hugged her and she said "Thank you! I feel so much better!" as her tears subsided.

I continued jogging and as...

What is South Park's creator, Matt Stone, favorite drink?

An ice cold KilKenny

A man is having a walk in a park and sees a woman from behind.

The woman has a miraculous booty.

So the man decides to follow the woman just so he can look more on her fine ass.

After 20 min the woman notices the man and turns around.

"Why are you following me", she asks the man.

The man looks at her and replies: "Now...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met a beautiful girl down at the park today

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we wound up having sex right then and there!

Gosh I love my new taser

I was watching an old man feeding birds at the park when I thought to myself...

"i wonder how long he's been dead for..?"

I was walking through the park and seen two blondes

I was walking through the park and seen two blondes. One was digging a hole and the other was filling it in. I asked what was going on and they said there's usually three of us but the one who plants the tree in on the sick

A man walks into a bar, and...

...asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says, "Sure, but only if you can tell me a multi-level meta joke." So the guy says, "A man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says, 'Sure, but only if you can tell me a meta joke.' So the guy says, 'A man wal...

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

A husband and his wife walking in the park

and noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.


"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.


"Honey," replied the husband, "I don't even know that woman!"

I was walking my two dogs in the park yesterday

A man approached me and asked “are they jack russels?”

I said “nah they’re mine”

Crime in multi-storey car parks?

Thats wrong on so many different levels.

An old man is on the park walking

When he sees an elderly lady on a bench. He decides to take a chance and sits down and introduces himself. After some small talk, the man tells her he is a widower. She acts surprised and says she is as well. Four times over.

" all four husbands died while with you? How horrible, how did they...

What's the difference between an art student and a park bench?

A bench can support a family.

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.

It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

A stranger came up to me in the park and said “what a lovely dog you have...”

“Thanks! He’s interbred” I said

Then a duck walked up beside us and said “do you know who else is interbred?”

A man was walking through the park..

As he is walking down the trail, he notices a tennis ball in the grass. He looks around, doesn't see anybody it might belong to, so he picks it up and puts it in his pocket to take home, thinking the neighbor's dog might enjoy it. After leaving the park to walk home, he comes to a crosswalk. While w...

I took my son the park to play when we stumbled across two dogs mating.....

My son being the adorable curious little guy he is stopped stared and asked me

“what are them doggies doing daddy?”

Now me being a modern father wanted to enlighten my boy with real world facts and information....... however also being an easily embarrassed stumbling fool of a man I bl...

An old man is sitting on a park bench

Next to him is a large salt shaker and a bag filled with a bunch of bananas. Periodically the old man takes out a banana, carefully peals it, salts it with the shaker, grimaces, then throws it away in a nearby trashcan.

A woman observes him do this with several bananas and after a while final...

Sat on a park bench wondering why a frisbee appears larger and larger the closer it gets..

Then it hit me

I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped Rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement

He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."

A priest and a rabbi are walking through the park

when they see a group of kids on the playground.

The priest turns to the rabbi and says menacingly “Hey, should we go screw those kids?”

The rabbi looks at him quizzically and asks, “out of what?”

Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench

One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.

I got in a fight with a guy at the park because he was hogging the playground equipment.

He took a swing.

I asked my friend if she wanted to do yoga in the park?

"In this heat?" She said, "Namaste at home"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Walking in park] Date: "Impress me" Me: "I can talk to animals" Date: "Prove it"

Me [to duck]: "Hello you fucking duck"

I was sitting at a park one day just watching the children play.

A mother came up to me and said, "So, which one is yours?"

I looked over the playground and said, "You know, I haven't decided yet."

There have been no major protests against former Park Geun-hye's imprisonment.

No Free Park-ing in South Korea.

Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.

One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:

"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the hol...

An Irishmen is frantically looking for a car park...

He's running late for his work meeting and is looking for a park in a busy carpark. He looks at the heavens and says
"Father, I know I've been a bad catholic, but please just grant me a bloody car park and I'll do right by You again, I'll be a better man, and more importantly I'll be a better Chr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was walking in the park when he notices an elderly man weeping on a park bench.

A guy was walking in the park when he notices an elderly man weeping on a park bench.

He walks up to him and asks “What’s the matter old timer?”

He says “Well I’ve just been married about three months now... she’s a young and beautiful little thing... 28 years old... she loves me. I g...