UPJOKE
induratetemperinuretoughencalcifyseasoncalluschangehardnessnormalizecallousannealcauterisesteelstrengthen

Harden Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.

The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.

The authorities put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

What do you call a hardened criminal from Crete?

Con-crete

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians

He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”

He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. Yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three hardened criminals were arrested last night.

They were all on Viagra.

What does Canada do with all their hardened and dangerous criminals?

They give them hockey jerseys and call them our National Hockey Team

So a cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway near my house...

Police advised citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a completely bald head and only one leg is invited to a Fancy Dress Party.

He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a Retired Plumber and a Battle Hardened Soldier have in common?

You don't know what shit they've been through.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shipment of Viagra was hijacked on its way to the depot.

The police are warning citizens to be on the look out for a gang of hardened criminals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING NEWS Thieves have allegedly broken into the laboratory at Pfizer to try and steal the new Covid-19 vaccine...

They apparently took a case of viagra instead. The police are looking for a group of hardened criminals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my friend that a prisoner on Viagra is a hardened criminal. She said something about that doesn't seem right.

I agreed, something is definitely afoot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five people have been found guilty of conspiracy to supply millions of pounds worth of counterfeit Viagra.

The judge described them as hardened criminals

What do nanomachines and masochists have in common?

they harden in response to physical trauma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The thief who stole viagra at the pharmacy...

He's really a *hardened* criminal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines....

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am ge...

Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Short) Dirty Joke

Police have issued a city-wide statement:

"Approximately an hour ago two thieves ran off with multiple pounds of Viagra"

They say to keep an eye out for two hardened criminals...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wounded soldier takes viagra by accident after thinking the pills were pain killers

He got battle-hardened by that experience

A Car full of bank robbers has crashed into a cement truck yesterday while evading police …

The police are now searching for hardened criminals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two criminals break into a drugstore and steal all the Viagra. The store owners call the police and they put out an alert.

An officer in the vicinity turns to his partner and says “Alright, we’re looking for two hardened criminals”

An Indian guy and girl meet on Tinder

They get to his place and start making out. The guy is not able to get it up so she goes down on him. After sometime she feels him harden enough so she whispers, “Are you Ready?”

He exclaims, “Wow how did you figure out my caste from blowing me?”

P.S: Reddy is a caste in India,

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bought a DIY dildo set so I could cast my girlfriend a dildo from my own manhood.

She didn't like it... Takes 24 hours to harden

Did you know Ghandi didn't wear shoes and often fasted?

Walking barefoot all the time hardened his feet, but hunger weakened his body and made his breath smell terrible.

In fact, you could say he was a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Morale issues

A furious battle was about to begin and the captain gathered his soldiers and his three lieutenants for a final prep talk.

The first lieutenant step forward and shouted "my name is Will because when I go into battle my will hardens and I want to put the enemy down!"

He receives a cheer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman finds a lamp and of course it contains a genie...

... which offers to give her only one wish as he is very much tired from his 10.000 years of imprisonment.

,,I want a million dollars!'' she screams excited.

The Genie nods. ,,It shall be as you wi-''

,,No!'' interrupts the woman. ,,Such a wish is selfish and petty. No, what I w...

How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod?

All they've got is Harden

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An armed gang intercepted and drove away a truckload of viagra pills.

Police are on the hunt for hardened criminals..

Transporting prisoners

Today in the UK twelve prisoners where being bused to another prison from HMP Stocken. Thay were in collision with a ready mix concrete truck, police are now looking for twelve hardened criminals

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a rough upbringing and all I know is crime, my latest job was a Viagra heist at the local pharmacy.

I'm a hardened criminal

What happened to the escaped convict who fell into a pool of concrete?

He became a hardened criminal.

You hear about the paddy wagon that collided with cement mixer Ed?

12 hardened criminals escaped.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that the first Viagra crate imported to Britain was stolen?

Police are searching for hardened criminals in possession of swollen goods

[OC] What do you call a felonious fingernail?

A hardened cuticle lol

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher asks her class for some examples of medicines tgey use at home

Little Kevin promptly raises his hands and says, "Tylenol! For headaches!"

The teacher says, "Very good, Kevin, anyone else?"

Little Lisa answers from the back, "Um, Ambien, my Mom tells me it helps her sleep...?"

The teacher smiles at her and says, "Good job, Lisa," then turns ...

Sudden realization moment

While speaking with my dad, he said to me "Gandhi fasted so long that his frame was rather frail, and when he ate the strangest fruit his breath was often stale, and he walked barefoot so hardened bottoms were his diagnosis."

Oh my God, I can't believe it...

He was a Super Callous Frag...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Armed robbers have recently stolen a semi trailer full of Viagra

The police had said to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals

Gandhi was a well-traveled man..

Unfortunately, the majority of these travels were taken on foot, causing his feet to build up an incredible amount of hardened skin

To make things worse, his minimalist diet (and eventually his age) led him to become very frail.

In light of this, he still offered a surplus of insight t...

While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.

Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

What do you call a drug dealer in a strip club

A hardened criminal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband is making jello for his wife...

Wife: "Has that jello hardened yet?"

Husband: "Yeah, it's as hard as my dick."

Wife: "Great! Pour me a glass!"

3 years ago during my first reservists training

I am from Singapore and all relatively healthy males need to serve the army for 2 years and 10 reservist cycles

During my first reservists, many of our combat boots start to fall apart due to the adhesive hardening up and breaking apart, thus many of us have to walk to the store to purchase ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

News, just in: Truck Stolen!

A lorry containing 150 pallets of Viagra was stolen last night. Police are searching the country for a gang of hardened criminals.

Ghandi is my role model

Everyone knows about Gandhi. Pacifist, role model of MLK, and arguably the most important man in the movement of Indian independence. Of course, aside from his upstanding character, he did have a multitude of physical flaws. As an Indian peasant, he rarely wore shoes because he was too poor to affor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Memory of Ronnie Corbett

Here's some of his best jokes

- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

- We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

- A man was maro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cadet in the Foreign Legion

A cadet in the Foreign Legion gets sent to a small outpost in the middle of the Arabian desert. There's a small group of hardened soldiers stationed there, along with a group of Bedouins who cook, clean, and tend the camels. On his first night he offhandedly asks what they do for women out there. "W...

The old man, the prince, and the fish.

Once upon a time, there was a prince of a certain land, who wanted to be a lowly fisherman when he grew up. But try as he could, he couldn't ever catch a single fish. He had tried many methods, including nets, spears, and traps, but all to no avail.

Furthermore, he was looked down upon by the...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.