On Mars, the rover begins a new day by opening its solar panel to charge up when there's sunlight...

But this time it hits something.

The scientists are puzzled. There was nothing there when it last went to sleep. Anxious, they use the last of its energy turning its camera around. It was an Earth feline.

Curiosity killed a cat

Sunlight

What does the doctor recommend you take if you have a Vitamin D deficiency?

Some sunlight

What does the doctor recommend you take if you have too much Vitamin D?

Some Sun-Lite

An elderly couple are about to have breakfast.

She looks out of the window and says: "Oh what a beautiful summer morning! The sun is shining, the birds are singing! Don't you find it beautiful, Herbert?"




"Yes, darling, beautiful."




"Do you remember the wild 70s, when we used to get naked and sit in the su...

What happens to Nitrogen when you put it in direct sunlight?

It becomes DAYTROGEN!

A man name Bob was taking his friend deer hunting for the first time...

He had hyped up the hunting trip all year, as they waited for deer season to arrive. The season starts and Bob drives his friend, Dave, to the land where Dave would kill his first deer.


They had the whole weekend, but after almost two days at it, they hadn't seen heads nor tails of the ...

A barbarian warrior is captured by the enemy

He was taken before the leader, and told that he had one opportunity for life: he must survive four trials by ordeal.

The first was to walk barefoot across a trench filled with hot coals.

The second, to drink a full quart of the most powerful spirit.

Third, he had to enter a ca...

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

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A little girl asks how she got her name.

Her mom says “Well when we were bringing you home from the hospital a rose petal landed on your face, so we named you rose. We named your brother ray because a beam of sunlight hit him on the way home from the hospital too.”

From the next room the third siblings says

“Hyrnagamadrgs!”...

A blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy in the train...

Four people are sitting in the passenger car of a train. A hot blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy. The train goes into a tunnel, there's total darkness for a brief moment, and all you can hear is a loud slap. As the train is leaving the tunnel, sunlight lights the scene up, and a confused french...

Veteran Wine Taster

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. He posted a sign at the entrance to the building... EXPERIENCED WINE TASTER NEEDED --POSITION STARTS IMMEDIATELY.

A retired veteran named "Ace," drunk and with a ragged dirty look a...

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Golfing Jesus

Jesus and two others are out playing 18 when they come up on a par three with a particularly tricky water hazard. The first gent tees off and not surprisingly he hits into the water, forcing a drop.

Jesus steps up to the tee with his usual swagger and addresses the ball. His robes move as flu...

The Rabbi and the Pope.

There’s one day every year, in the Vatican, when something gets a little bit strange and mysterious.

On that day, every year, the chief rabbi would walk his way into the Vatican, all the way to where the Pope sits on his throne.

He always has a linen bag with him. When he walked in fro...

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A young man is walking home from work

A young man is walking home from his job at a local software company. He worked late that night, and the sun had already fallen below the sky. The man enjoyed the two mile walk to work in the morning, but the cold of the night made the way back numb, rigid, and surreal. The man followed long, curvin...

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Green ping pong ball.

These was once a girl, Sara, whos third birthday was coming up, and as this was the first time she was old enough to really understand what was happening, her parents asked her what she wanted.
"I want a green ping pong ball!" Sara answered immediately and without a hint of uncertainty. The par...

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I spent $75 on a penis enlarger

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.
Instructions said, “Do not use in sunlight.”

Full size map

"And then came the grandest idea of all! We actually made a map of the country, on the scale of a mile to the mile!"

"Have you used it much?" I enquired.

"It has never been spread out, yet," said Mein Herr: "the farmers objected: they said it would cover the whole country, and shut out...

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Once, a man ordered a penis enlargement kit through a website

He was furious when he opened the packet which was delivered. All it had was a magnifying glass.

But he started laughing when he saw a note along with it: "Avoid using in direct sunlight."

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Be careful about what you buy online

If you buy stuff online, please check out the seller very carefully. One of my friends just lost $300 plus taxes on a penis enlarger.

The bastard sent him a magnifying glass and the only instruction came along with was "DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT".

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Roy Rogers and the mountain lion

Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight wh...

What's the difference between a ginger girl and a vampire?

One bursts into flames in the sunlight, and the other is a vampire.

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Meanwhile, in a different part of the Jingle....

...a lizard is walking along when he smells marijuana smoke. Having a good sense of smell, and not a stranger to the occasional toke, he follows it to the source and comes to the base of a truly mighty tree. High up in the branches is a monkey smoking a joint.

"Hey monkey" he yells.

T...

The Good Natured Hunter

Two old fellows are out hunting. The one with the gun sees a buck, broadside, and glistening in the sunlight. Just as he is about to take the shot they see a funeral procession going along a road in the distance. The fellow lowers his gun and tips his hat at the procession - and the deer runs off in...

Why is Robert Pattison so pale?

There's no sunlight in the closet.

Motivational Story

One Day A Fisherman got up very early in the Morning.
There was not enough Sunlight to get into the Sea.
He saw a Pack of Stones...
To Pass Time he started throwing the Stone into the Sea.
While having the last stone in the Hand,
The Sun came up then he saw that the Stone was a Diamo...

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Murphy...

...had had a very rough life. He was orphaned at the age of four, and was physically abused at every foster home he lived in. When he made it to high school, he was determined to study hard and make something of himself. But he was a sickly boy, and missed so much school that he didn't graduate.<...

A businessman went to a golf club.

A businessman went to a golf club he frequented every weekend. When he tried to hire a caddy, the manager told him that they no longer had any to hire.

"Well then," said the man, "What am I supposed to do without a caddy?"

The manager politely informed him that all of the caddies had b...

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The Blue Pigeon

So... In Arizona they are having a huge problem with pigeons. Pigeons everywhere. In the sky, on the sidewalks, breaking skyscraper windows, shitting everywhere... generally causing a major issue. It got to the point that the Governor called a State of Emergency to combat the problem.
One day th...

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