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What do you call cum flavoured candy?

A condom-mint

I made some dill flavoured bread yesterday

I used the juice from a jar of dill pickles. The issue is I made far too much mix. I tried to give it to my friends and family but none of them wanted any of my left over used dill dough!

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At the end of school term, a teacher gives her students candy of different flavours

And each flavour has it's own unique colour,
Blueberry-dark blue
Strawberry-red
Etc.

And the teacher decides to have a joke, she gets out a new flavour that no-one tried yet, honey flavoured, and no-one in the class knew what it was.

So the teacher gives a hint saying "The fl...

I had a really weird dream last night. I was floating on an ocean of orange flavoured fizzy drink, then Queen music started to play. I found myself wondering;

Is this the real life? Is this just fanta sea?

A man walks into a bar and asks for helicopter flavour crisps.

The barman says "sorry, we only do plain"

If an ice cream shop had 69 flavours. It would be called a ...

... nice cream shop.

I walked into the store and asked "do you have any helicopter flavoured chips?"

The cashier says "no , we just have plain".

The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour of ice cream dedicated to the president of the United States

They call it the Im-peached orange.

They say it is good, perhaps the greatest in the history of mixed fruit ice creams.

In order to put a bit of flavour in my vegan curry I put ginger in it

.

The neighbours bloody loved that cat but my curry was bang on!

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A coffin thief's dying request to his son

So a coffin thief is on his death bed and his son asks if there is anything he'd like his son to do.

He says I've spent my life stealing coffins and unfortunately, I've earned a very bad reputation along the way. However, he wants people to remember him in good words. He dies shortly thereaft...

How does the flavour get in beer?

It hops in!

Who’s your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

I tried Wookie curry for the first time last night

The flavour was alright but the meat was a bit chewy.

If life were an ice cream flavour

It’d be rocky road.

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A flavor explosion

To spice up Fajitas with flavor on top.

I picked up a bottle of Frank's Extra Hot.

My payment for daring this flavourful ocean.

Is me on a throne with an anal explosion.

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A couple get given some brand new flavoured condoms to use...

They get home after enjoying some alcoholic beverages and decide to play a game.

The husband says to his wife "how about I put one of these new condoms on, you give it a bit of a suck and try and guess the flavour?".

The wife nodded in agreement.

They take off their clothes, j...

What’s a pilot’s favourite flavour of chips?

Plane.

Crack flavoured pringles

once you pop, you really can’t stop

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Peanut butter and Jelly flavoured apples

A man is walking by a fruit stand and sees a sign for "Peanut Butter and Jelly flavoured Apples" so out of curiosity he asks the fruit vendor for a sample.

The man bites in to the Apple.

"Wow that tastes just like peanut butter, but you said it tastes like peanut butter AND jelly."...

An aging farmer decided it was time for his youngest son to start pulling his weight around the farm.

His older, strong-armed and favoured son, Basil worked hard every day, getting up extra early every morning to milk the cow before dutifully doing the rest of his chores.

The farmers delicious milk became very popular around the area with neighbours often walking miles in for a glass and some...

I DON'T HAVE AN INTERESTING TITLE

A young man (YM) walks into a pharmacy, greets the owner and go straight to where the condoms are stored. After 10 minutes the owner notice that the young man is still there and decide to go and see if he can help him. The owner sees that he seems a bit lost and ask if he need some advice.

YM...

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

A man returns home with flavoured condoms

like strawberry, chocolate etc...
He tells his wife "lets try them in a special way. we gonna turn off the lights and you will have to guess the flavour we are using"
His wife is a little astonished but she is like "yeah why not, might be fun" so they turn off the lights and start. the wife sa...

A baker once gave me the secret to dill flavoured bread

"You really gotta knead that dill dough"

My recipe for vodka-flavoured brats never caught on.

It was the Absolut wurst.

Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.

- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
- Gorgonzola!
- Wait, it is not on yet.

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A teacher gave her kindergarten class various lifesavers.

The kids started identifying the taste by the colour. So one day, the teacher gave all of the kids honey lifesavers, and told them to guess what flavour they were. She gave them a hint: "It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One girl spit it out and cried "Oh my god! They're asshole...

I think drinks taste better in planes

It really elevates the flavour

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Flavoured Condoms: A joke from a 77 year old man I know

A man comes home with a box of flavoured condoms and says to his wife,

"We should play a game where I go in the bedroom, turn off the light, and I'll put one of these condoms on. Then you can come in and try guess the flavour!"

The wife excitedly agrees, waits a minute, then follows he...

A man walks into a bar...

"Hi! Please may I have some helicopter flavoured chips!"

"Sorry, we've only got plane."

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Lifesavers, get a hole lot more outta life

A teacher gave each of her students a packet of Lifesavers candy and had them all identify the flavours by colour.

Red = cherry
Yellow = lemon
Green = lime
Orange = orange

Finally, all the class were stuck on the last lifesaver flavour, the translucent Honey flavoured lifesa...

I was thinking of inventing some chilli flavoured sun cream.

But for now I've put it on the back burner.

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My mate tried some Walkers mystery flavour crisps last night and swore they tasted like his wife's pussy,

He thought it was his imagination but everyone in the pub said he was right!

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Sensory Perception....

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.
She brought in a variety of sweets and said, “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The pupils easily identified the sweets flavoured of apple, lemon, strawb...

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Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Lollies

Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermione stop into Bertie Bott's shop one day. Bertie says, "I've been working on a new product called Every Flavour Lollies and I'm giving out free samples. And they have an extra surprise feature. Which flavour would you like to try?"

Ron gets a big smile and says, ...

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Every Flavour of Ice Cream

Heard this joke from my dad when I was 13. One of my favourites.

A guy walks into an ice cream store that claims to have every ice cream flavour. The guy wants to test the store and see if they really do have every flavour. He asks the server "do you have strawberry apple." The server repl...

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What does a woman and a cigarette have in common?

The flavour gets stronger the closer you get to the butt.

Unpopular opinion: Fetus Deletus is a tasteless joke

Unlike abortions, which are packed with flavour. Merry Christmas.

What’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

I asked Alexa, what’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

Dark soy sauce is used in Chinese cooking to add colour and flavour to dishes. Light is an electromagnetic radiation within a certain portion of the electro magnetic spectrum.

Thanks Alexa - you’re not technically w...

Two snails talk to each other. After some time one of them says:"I'm going to the grocery store, should I bring you something?"

the other one says: "Yes, please, I would like an ice cream"


The snail makes his way to the store, he returns after two days and says: " Sorry I forgot to ask you which flavour you want."

A man is frantically looking around when his wife walks into the room.

She asks, "what's wrong?"

"The reddit flavour text says there's a bar somewhere in this joke, and I plan on finding it!"

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A man walks into a bar...

...he approaches the barman and asks for a whiskey and coke.

"Take this apple."

"I don't want an apple. I want a JD and coke."

"Trust me, try the apple."

The man takes a bite, and exclaims "Christ! This tastes like Jack Daniels!"

"Yup. Turn it around."

"Wow!...

A quantum physicist and his friend go out for ice cream.

"What's your favourite flavour?" asks the friend.

"Charm," replies the physicist.

His friend looks at him.

"Why is it that whenever I ask you a question," begins the friend, "your answer is always strange?"

"Well it's strange *now*," the physicist protests, "shouldn't hav...

If I worked at an Indian restaurant I wouldn't ingratiate myself with the boss in order to influence menu choices.

I don't think it's right to curry favour for curry flavour.

A man went in for an interview...

A man went in for an interview for a job as a sales man. The interview went quite well, but the trouble was that he kept winking.

The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we are looking for, the fact that you keep winking could put a lot of our potential customers off."...

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A man walks into a bar and is given an apple

A man walks into a bar and asks for a rum and coke, the barman looks at him and slaps an apple onto the bar. The man is perplexed and asks why there is an apple, the barman tells the man to take a bite out of the apple. The man bites into the apple and is amazed that it tastes just like rum ! The ba...

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After a long life married together, grandma and grandpa are bored with their sex life...

... but Grandpa comes up with a great idea!

he says: "Darling, things in bed have been the same for half a century. i think its time we try something new. so, ive been thinking about it, and i had a *realy* great idea!"

"Ohhh you!" replies grandma: "what do you have in mind?"

"...

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England: colour

America: color

England: flavour

America: Flavor

England: Labour

America: Labor

England: what the fuck are you doing?

America: getting rid of u

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A boy asks the ice cream truck man.

boy : "Do you have onion flavoured Ice cream ?"

man : " sorry, no I don't"

the boy says " ok" then walks away.

the next day the boy comes again " do you have onion flavored ice cream ? " asks the boy again.

the man replies " sorry, I don't have any"

the boy walks ...

A British man

A British man asks and American,

“Why don’t you spell colour, armour, or flavour the same way as we do?”

The American replied,

“We got rid of u in 1776.”

A winery is looking for a taster and so the vintner puts an ad out in the paper.

The next day, a man arrives at the office. He has greasy hair and a five o'clock shadow, he's wearing a filthy jacket and torn jeans, he obviously hasn't had a shower since Christ was crucified, and he smells strongly of stale tobacco smoke and cheap beer. The vintner sees the man's obviously a ho...

Dinner with Girlfriends parents..

Ambitious boyfriend visits a chemist store to buy some condoms for the evening..

The store owner recommends him some new flavoured and textured codoms and the guy talks at length with him on the evolution of condoms and finally buys a pack of six..

Upon reaching his girlfriends place i...

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Robert Plant, Paul McCartney, and Mick Jagger convene once a year to discuss all the great foods they've found travelling the globe on tour.

Robert is the first to excited reveal his 'big find'. He takes out a little pie tray from a brown paper bag and places it on the table.

"It's a pastry of some kind from Tanzania. It's akin to what we call a quiche, but uses yak cheese and quail eggs instead!"

"Fascinating" says Paul, w...

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Onion Icecream

One day, a boy visits an ice cream shop. The shopkeeper welcomes him, and the boy says: "Do you guys have onion flavoured ice cream?"

The shop keeper replies: "No, sorry, we do not"

This goes on for a month or so, until the shop keeper decides to make some onion icecream for the kid. I...

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Honey.

A kindergarten class is learning about colours through the taste of various flavours of candy. The teacher tells all of the students to close their eyes as she places the first flavour in each one of their hands. After everyone has one, she permits them to taste it and gives them hints as to what th...

Why didn't the physicist like his cheesecake?

Because the quark had a strange flavour

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