What should you do if you are addicted to seaweed?

Sea-kelp

If you smoke seaweed on the beach...

...do you experience high tide?

A young man was shipwrecked on a remote island.

Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection . Now, completely without any happiness, he started to lose his sanity. One morning, as he is lying on the beach,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

What should you do if you’re addicted to seaweed?

Sea kelp

I’m on a new seaweed diet

I sea weed, I smoke it

What did the fish say to the seaweed?

May I kelp you?

This is a bad seaweed joke.

Sorry, I just couldn't kelp myself.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.


The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.


The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. T...

What line convinced the seaweed to receive therapy?

"Stop it, get some kelp"

What do you call it when you do papercrafts with seaweed?

Norigami.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japan has been hit by another tsunami. Tokyo is now covered in fish and seaweed

One newspaper described the situation as delicious.

I have this weird compulsion to stare at seaweed

I desperately need to see kelp

With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw

Why does some sushi have the rice on the inside of the seaweed wrap?

That's just how it rolls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

What kind of cannabis does a mermaid smoke?

Seaweed!

Why did the beach fail a drug test?

Because of the seaweed

My stoner friend is on the 'seaweed' diet...

He sees weed, then smokes it in the parking lot at Red Lobster

What does the drug addicted, sea faring geologist do?

Smoke seaweed, does crystal math and sails on the *high* seas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened when the mathematician put seaweed on her boobs?

Algae-bra!

Poseidon, Zeus, and Hades sit down for a drink.

They know that, because of those pesky humans, it will be their last meeting in a long time. Zeus is attempting to combat climate change, Poseidon is dealing with rampant pollution and rising sea levels, and Hades needs to update his infrastructure to deal with the massive influx of souls after WW3....

How did the fish get high?

He’s got a connection for really good seaweed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an Englishman, a Frenchmen and a Japanese man sitting at a bar.

They were all in good spirits, complimenting each others countries and their achievements. But they also pointed out the strange customs too.

It was the Englishman and the Frenchman who spoke first about Japan. They said, "Japan is such a fine country which has provided the world with so ma...

What type of marijuana do fish smoke?

Seaweed.......,

I'll sea myself out

An idea for a TV series

It's all about a young Irishman who makes his living collecting seaweed and herbs along the shores of Galway Bay, and his adventures as he travels to all the local town markets to sell them.

Working title: "Duffy the Samphire Purveyor"

What’s a mermaid’s favorite drug?

Seaweed

What's a blind pothead's favorite herb?

Seaweed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship goes down at sea and two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.

The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.

The man eventually comes to the realization that he will never be rescued. Sadly he beg...

What did the stoner ask the ocean?

How much for a gram of seaweed?

"I've found that I'd scream the exact same way If a piece of seaweed touches my leg or if a shark were trying to bite me."

- Kevin James

How do fish get high? (I'm so sorry)

SEAWEED!!



(*forgive me*)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
<...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.