What did the seaweed say whilst drowning?

Keeeelp!

What should you do if you’re addicted to seaweed?

Sea kelp

What should you do if you are addicted to seaweed?

Sea-kelp

What do porpoises use to get high?

Seaweed.

A young man was shipwrecked on a remote island.

Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection . Now, completely without any happiness, he started to lose his sanity. One morning, as he is lying on the beach,...

If you smoke seaweed on the beach...

...do you experience high tide?

Poor seaweed

Wanted to read, but nori, no write.

I’m on a new seaweed diet

I sea weed, I smoke it

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An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

What did the fish say to the seaweed?

May I kelp you?

This is a bad seaweed joke.

Sorry, I just couldn't kelp myself.

I have this weird compulsion to stare at seaweed

I desperately need to see kelp

What do you call it when you do papercrafts with seaweed?

Norigami.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.


The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.


The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. T...

With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw

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Japan has been hit by another tsunami. Tokyo is now covered in fish and seaweed

One newspaper described the situation as delicious.

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I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

What kind of cannabis does a mermaid smoke?

Seaweed!

Why did the beach fail a drug test?

Because of the seaweed

Why does some sushi have the rice on the inside of the seaweed wrap?

That's just how it rolls.

My stoner friend is on the 'seaweed' diet...

He sees weed, then smokes it in the parking lot at Red Lobster

My friend and I saw a fish swimming erratically at the beach.

"It's high," my friend said, laughing to himself. "On what?" I asked.
"Seaweed"

What does the drug addicted, sea faring geologist do?

Smoke seaweed, does crystal math and sails on the *high* seas.

Poseidon, Zeus, and Hades sit down for a drink.

They know that, because of those pesky humans, it will be their last meeting in a long time. Zeus is attempting to combat climate change, Poseidon is dealing with rampant pollution and rising sea levels, and Hades needs to update his infrastructure to deal with the massive influx of souls after WW3....

Why didn’t the cop let the fish get off the hook?

Because it got caught with seaweed

How do fish get high? (I'm so sorry)

SEAWEED!!



(*forgive me*)

How did the fish get high?

He’s got a connection for really good seaweed.

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There was an Englishman, a Frenchmen and a Japanese man sitting at a bar.

They were all in good spirits, complimenting each others countries and their achievements. But they also pointed out the strange customs too.

It was the Englishman and the Frenchman who spoke first about Japan. They said, "Japan is such a fine country which has provided the world with so ma...

What type of marijuana do fish smoke?

Seaweed.......,

I'll sea myself out

An idea for a TV series

It's all about a young Irishman who makes his living collecting seaweed and herbs along the shores of Galway Bay, and his adventures as he travels to all the local town markets to sell them.

Working title: "Duffy the Samphire Purveyor"

"I've found that I'd scream the exact same way If a piece of seaweed touches my leg or if a shark were trying to bite me."

- Kevin James

What’s a mermaid’s favorite drug?

Seaweed

What's a blind pothead's favorite herb?

Seaweed

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A ship goes down at sea and two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.

The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.

The man eventually comes to the realization that he will never be rescued. Sadly he beg...

why were the merpeople acting funny

they legalized seaweed

What did the stoner ask the ocean?

How much for a gram of seaweed?

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
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