I saw a rainbow flag covered in seaweed.


I’m addicted to seaweed.

I need to sea kelp urgently

My math teacher grew seaweed on his wife's undergarments.

He really was fond of algae-bra.

How can you tell when seaweed is in trouble?

It yells "kelp!"

What should you do if you are addicted to seaweed?


What did the seaweed say whilst drowning?


A young man was shipwrecked on a remote island.

Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection . Now, completely without any happiness, he started to lose his sanity. One morning, as he is lying on the beach,...

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An Englishman, an American, and a Japanese are doing white water rafting...

...when all of a sudden, they spot a huge drop to a waterfall they never knew was there. They are moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom... Suddenly a genie appears.

The genie explains that he is the spirit of the waterfall, and he is of limited power. He cannot prevent th...

What did the fish say to the seaweed?

May I kelp you?

If you smoke seaweed on the beach...

...do you experience high tide?

This is a bad seaweed joke.

Sorry, I just couldn't kelp myself.

I have this weird compulsion to stare at seaweed

I desperately need to see kelp

I’m on a new seaweed diet

I sea weed, I smoke it

What line convinced the seaweed to receive therapy?

"Stop it, get some kelp"

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Japan has been hit by another tsunami. Tokyo is now covered in fish and seaweed

One newspaper described the situation as delicious.

What do you call it when you do papercrafts with seaweed?


With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw

What do porpoises use to get high?


My stoner friend is on the 'seaweed' diet...

He sees weed, then smokes it in the parking lot at Red Lobster

Why does some sushi have the rice on the inside of the seaweed wrap?

That's just how it rolls.

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I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

What kind of cannabis does a mermaid smoke?


Why did the beach fail a drug test?

Because of the seaweed

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.

The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.

The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. T...

How did the fish get high?

He’s got a connection for really good seaweed.

How do fish get high? (I'm so sorry)


(*forgive me*)

What does the drug addicted, sea faring geologist do?

Smoke seaweed, does crystal math and sails on the *high* seas.

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There was an Englishman, a Frenchmen and a Japanese man sitting at a bar.

They were all in good spirits, complimenting each others countries and their achievements. But they also pointed out the strange customs too.

It was the Englishman and the Frenchman who spoke first about Japan. They said, "Japan is such a fine country which has provided the world with so ma...

Why didn’t the cop let the fish get off the hook?

Because it got caught with seaweed

Why did the fish get kicked out of its school?

Because it was caught with seaweed.


An idea for a TV series

It's all about a young Irishman who makes his living collecting seaweed and herbs along the shores of Galway Bay, and his adventures as he travels to all the local town markets to sell them.

Working title: "Duffy the Samphire Purveyor"

What’s a mermaid’s favorite drug?


What's a blind pothead's favorite herb?


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A ship goes down at sea and two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.

The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.

The man eventually comes to the realization that he will never be rescued. Sadly he beg...

why were the merpeople acting funny

they legalized seaweed

What did the stoner ask the ocean?

How much for a gram of seaweed?

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.

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