Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Neil Armstrong and his team were training for moon expedition at a desert and met an old Native American

The native American asked : Can you do me a favour?

Neil Armstrong : Of course, what do you want?

Native : Please pass this important message to our holy spirits living on the moon

The native American started uttering the message in his tribal language and asked Neil Armstrong t...

What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?

I guess you had to be there

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child)

Eclipse it.

I don't believe that the Moon Landing ever happened.

I mean, come on. The Moon is huge; if it had landed, it would've squished all of the astronauts.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a black man on the moon?

An astronaut, you racist bastard.

What do you call an anti-vaxxer trapped on the moon?

A problem.


What do you call 10 anti-vaxxers trapped on the moon?

A bigger problem.


What do you call all the anti-vaxxers in the world trapped on the moon?

Problem solved.

One blond to another: which is further away, London or the moon? The other: helloo isn’t it obvious?

You can’t even see London from here

What do you call somebody who is in love with the moon?

A lunartic

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three conspiracy theorists are sitting at a bar.

“Man, I can’t believe NASA thinks we’d eat up that moon landing bullshit,” one of them says.

“I know, right?” says another. “Everyone knows deep down that it was fake.”

“The moon is way too far away for anybody to realistically land on!” the third one interjects. “If they could do it, ...

If you look at the moon tonight it should look really smooth.

It just waxed last night.

Why hasn’t there ever been a vegan to the Moon?

Because there’s nobody there to whom they could tell they’re vegan.

Did you know that Solar Radiation has turned the American Flags on the Moon White?

Great... Now people will think France has been there

The American flag that was planted on the moon has turned white due to solar radiation.

Now future historians will think the French got there first.

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and the moon?

You actually have to put in some effort to see the moon's backside.

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

The Earth-Moon joke.

I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on the moon?

Cause if he chose SpaceY, it would have landed on a 14 year old boy.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The bastard!"

Scientists have discovered water and ice on moon.

Now all we need is some quality liquor and we are set.

What would happen if you stack elephants on each other up to the moon?

You would have a bunch of angry elephants on top of each other.

A friend said the moon landing was faked so I stopped talking to him.

What kind of idiot still believes in the moon

Did you know the Moon is more useful than the Sun?

We need the light more at night.

Did you hear about the restraunt that's opened up on the moon?

Service is stellar and the food is out of this world but theres no atmosphere..

They say you can use a colander to look at the moon...

I tried using one but it just strained my eyes.

What is the name of the phenomenon where the Sun is between the Earth and the Moon?

Apocalypse

If the United States got the moon for winning the space race, what did the Soviet Union recieve for second place?

A constellation prize.

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into buildings.

How does a barber cut the moon’s hair?

E-clipse it!

Two blondes are walking and one asks, “ which is closer, the moon or Florida?” And the other responds, “duh...

... can you see Florida?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Barbara Walters is interviewing Neil Armstrong in 2010 about him being the first man on the moon.

Barbara Walters (BW) says to Neil Armstrong (NA) "It's a great honor to interview you Mr. Armstrong. (NA) replies, "Happy to be here". Then (BW) asks him "As a young journalist hearing you speak those famous words for the first time". "One small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind", "I had to a...

Astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours...

So they decided to call it a day

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?

Because it's a little meteor.

What’s longest purple thing on earth you can see from the moon?

The Grape Wall of China

Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France

Business don't last very long on the moon.

They tend to wax and wane over time.

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

how long does it take for the moon to spin around the earth?

a moonth

Why is the moon so grumpy?

It's just going through one of its phases

This Thanksgiving’s super moon is a “Beaver Moon”...

After it’s waxing phase it will be a “Brazilian Moon”.

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

The Moon landings were staged...

... specifically, they had three stages, which were discarded in sequence as the rocket ascended to space to save on mass.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

Did you guys hear about the creation of the moon?

It was a world-shattering event for those who experienced it.

What do you call a Spanish chicken on the moon?

Apollo

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer.

He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.

They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.

What's older Jimmy, the sun or the moon?

Jimmy: Well duh, the moon; because it's allowed to go out at night.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say Uranus has 27 moons...

I beg to differ, I think it has two moons, a crater, and a wormhole.

Why are restaurants on the moon always so mediocre?

There's never any atmosphere.

The moon may not be made of cheese

but I bet it tastes out of this world

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My penis will go to the moon

Not because it is easy, but because it is hard.

Nasa decided to put a random object on all of Saturn's moons

So now there's a tack on Titan.

"Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star."

So I netflix and aim for the girl's collar bones.

What happens to a house on a full moon?

It becomes a warehouse!

Why didn't they make today a national holiday to signify the first moon landing?

Because everyone hates moon days.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In Japanese, they don't say "moon." They say "tsuki,"

which literally translates to "moon," and I think that's how language works.

The moon landings were faked…

But the director was such a perfectionist that he demanded they be filmed on location.

Why haven’t there been any black men on the moon?

There aren’t any white women there

There are two kinds of countries

Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.

Once a man went to a rocket station and asked for ticket to the moon.

The attendant said, " Sorry sir, the moon is full just now."

Why does no one trust the man on the moon?

He has a dark side.

The moon landing was staged

The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.

Would you believe there are people that think there's oceans on the moon?

What a load of lunacy.

Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.

They're all fake

What happened when the cow jumped over the moon?

Udder destruction.

I'm sorry, I'll see myself out.

What do you call a tick that lives on the moon?

A lunatic.

The sky was dark, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.

The sky was dark, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.
Her hair was brown, her eyes were blue, I knew just what, she wanted to do.
So with my hand, I did my best, I ran my hand across her chest.
Her body was good, her hair was fine, I ran my hand across her spine, I felt a s...

What do you get if you send an anime fan to one of Saturn’s moons?

“Otaku on Titan”

My girlfriend asked me what the difference between a moon-roof and a sun-roof is.

I told her it's night and day.

What would America do if Russia painted the moon red?

Paint Coca Cola over it in white.