First Woman on the Moon:

"Houston, we have a problem"

What?

"Never mind"

What's the problem?

"Nothing"

Please tell us

"I'm fine"

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Landing on the Moon

In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.


‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.


‘We...

3 astronauts flew to the moon. They couldn't land.

It was a full moon.

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

If there's one thing the moon landing did it made household names out of 3 incredible, brave men

Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and...the other guy.

The moon landing was obviously fake.

Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Good food, no atmosphere.

Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins were invited to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

Buzz got to enter the White House and meet with the president, but Mike had to spend the entire visit driving in circles around the White House.

I told my girlfriend I loved her to the Moon and back.

Luckily, I was boarding Apollo 11.

What do you call a bug on the moon?

A luna tick

What did the spaceship say when it landed on the moon?

I Apollogize!

What would have Buzz Aldrin, the second man to get to the moon, said when he reached there?

Neil before me.

How do you know the moon is going Broke?

Because its down to its last quarter

Trump wants to go to the moon within the next 5 years.

If everyone donates a dollar, we can shoot him up today.

How did Luke Skywalker get around the forest moon of Endor?

Ewoked.

What do they call confectioner's sugar on the moons of Jupiter?

Io cane powder

Why is the moon so grumpy?

It's just going through one of its phases...

Why did NASA fly to the Moon?

It's too far to walk

For the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, they're building a restaurant up there.

The food is good, but there's no atmosphere.

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?

I guess you had to be there

I hear a nightclub on the moon closed today

Lack of atmosphere

Why will the Moon replace YouTube

It has lots of big craters

This joke brought to you by my girlfriend, you wouldn't know her, she goes to a different school .

During a conversation a friend brings up his theory about how the moon landings were faked. I give him a concerned look.

I say “you believe in the moon?”

Did you know that Solar Radiation has turned the American Flags on the Moon White?

Great... Now people will think France has been there

I cant believe people think the moon landing is real...

It's still in the sky. How could it have landed?

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child)

Eclipse it.

A colony on the moon would be a pretty cool thing.

Especially on the dark side.

I don't believe that the Moon Landing ever happened.

I mean, come on. The Moon is huge; if it had landed, it would've squished all of the astronauts.

If anyone in the North East U.S. gets a chance to look at the moon tonight

It's completely out of this world.

All the American flags left on the moon have faded to white.

Now they're French flags.

Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?

He isn’t a mourning person

Should use this moon stone on my Jigglypuff?

I can't decide, it is such a Tuff decision

June 7th, 2019, the day the moon became a part of Mars

Thanks POTUS.

What do you call somebody who is in love with the moon?

A lunartic

What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One walked on the moon, and the other

F&cked little boys

What do the moon landing, JFK, and dinosaurs have in common?

they were all shot from above

Two blondes are walking and one asks, “ which is closer, the moon or Florida?” And the other responds, “duh...

... can you see Florida?”

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What do you call a black man on the moon?

An astronaut, ya racist.

America cheated going to the moon

Did you know Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin cheated going to the moon?

They took a buzz cut.

If you look at the moon tonight it should look really smooth.

It just waxed last night.

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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The bastard!"

Why hasn’t there ever been a vegan to the Moon?

Because there’s nobody there to whom they could tell they’re vegan.

One blond to another: which is further away, London or the moon? The other: helloo isn’t it obvious?

You can’t even see London from here

Did you know? All eight planets can fit in between the earth and the moon?

That's 5 CVS tickets long!

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Three conspiracy theorists are sitting at a bar.

“Man, I can’t believe NASA thinks we’d eat up that moon landing bullshit,” one of them says.

“I know, right?” says another. “Everyone knows deep down that it was fake.”

“The moon is way too far away for anybody to realistically land on!” the third one interjects. “If they could do it, ...

Did you know the Moon is more useful than the Sun?

We need the light more at night.

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on the moon?

Cause if he chose SpaceY, it would have landed on a 14 year old boy.

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and the moon?

You actually have to put in some effort to see the moon's backside.

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.

They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.

A friend said the moon landing was faked so I stopped talking to him.

What kind of idiot still believes in the moon

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

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Barbara Walters is interviewing Neil Armstrong in 2010 about him being the first man on the moon.

Barbara Walters (BW) says to Neil Armstrong (NA) "It's a great honor to interview you Mr. Armstrong. (NA) replies, "Happy to be here". Then (BW) asks him "As a young journalist hearing you speak those famous words for the first time". "One small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind", "I had to a...

Did you hear about the restraunt that's opened up on the moon?

Service is stellar and the food is out of this world but theres no atmosphere..

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?

Because it's a little meteor.

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into buildings.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

What would happen if you stack elephants on each other up to the moon?

You would have a bunch of angry elephants on top of each other.

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A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

...

If the United States got the moon for winning the space race, what did the Soviet Union recieve for second place?

A constellation prize.

The Earth-Moon joke.

I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

They say you can use a colander to look at the moon...

I tried using one but it just strained my eyes.

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer.

He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

Scientists have discovered water and ice on moon.

Now all we need is some quality liquor and we are set.

Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France

What do you call someone who thinks that the moon is winking at him?

A lunatic

Astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours...

So they decided to call it a day

The Moon landings were staged...

... specifically, they had three stages, which were discarded in sequence as the rocket ascended to space to save on mass.

What do you call a Spanish chicken on the moon?

Apollo

Business don't last very long on the moon.

They tend to wax and wane over time.

Why are restaurants on the moon always so mediocre?

There's never any atmosphere.

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