"The moon is waning. Do you think it's sad?"

Nah, it's just going through a phase.

Astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours

So they called it a day

How does the moon cut its hair?

Eclipse it.

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Did you hear they found a pushpin on the largest moon of Saturn?

Thats right,
A tac on Titan

I’m Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three reditt astronauts, American, Russian and Chinese go the moon on separate missions arriving at same time, what is one common thing they all say upon landing

"My tits are jacked"

I have a friend who was obsessed with the moon.

Lunar cycles, werewolf lore, eclipse dates, he knew all about them and then some. The really strange part was he focused solely on the moon in this way, no other part of space.

Made him easy to shop for though. Werewolf movies, moon pies, he'd love them just for being tangentially connected t...

Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd.

Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.

Did you hear that the CIA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon landings?

He was such a perfectionist, he made them film on location.

I’m currently obsessed with the Moon

Although I think it’s just a phase

Some aliens in a flying saucer offered to fly me to the moon

But they wouldn't let us land because the moon was full.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore

When you suddenly squeal 'cause you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!

Rumor has it that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin decided to team up with NASA to fake the moon landing together, but to make it look as realistic as possible, they urged NASA to film on location.

Compliments of Neil De Grasse Tyson

Two blonds are sitting on a park bench at night looking at the moon...

One leans to the other and says "Which do you think is closer: Florida or the moon?"

The other blond says "Obviously the moon. You can't see Florida."

What do you call fans of the moon?

Lunatics

What do you call a mad insect on the moon?

A Lunatic

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Ladies, if he's willing to give you the Moon and the Stars....

The least you can do is sacrifice Uranus.

What's the moon's favorite gum?

Orbit.

How do you know when the moon is going broke?

When it's down to its last quarter.

Pete Townshend and Keith Moon were arrested last night after releasing 1000 pugs from a cosmetic company’s testing facility.

The Who let the dogs out.

SpaceX have developed a new type of rocket that can fly to the moon in record-breaking time.

It's a regular rocket, with "GME" written on it.

Congratulations America. 51 years ago you landed on the moon!!!

Now you can’t even go to Canada.

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What do you call a black person on the moon?

An astronaut you racist bastard

Why does the moon raise and lower the tides over and over again?

It has to make shore

If you start the Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd and the passion of the Christ at the same time the scenes don’t match up at all

It turns out Jesus was more of a nine inch nails guy

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In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon

The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus

The moon is basically a walmart sun

it reflects the behavior of the original product, but it just isn't the same

The Moon

There's a new restaurant on the moon. Great food, but no atmosphere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hear NASA wants to put the DNA of 6.7 million species on the Moon.

That's a pretty big cum shot if you ask me.

Erectile Dysfunction

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for a consultation with an traditional healer, who was well known to have a very good naturopathic cure for erectile dysfunction!

As he despised western medicine, believing the conspiracy theo...

On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant. It didn’t last very long.

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

Did you hear that Keith Moon, Peter Townshend, Roger Daltrey and John Entwistle

Broke into a puppy mill and stole confiscated all the animals?

The Who let the dogs out.

Some astronauts wanted to have a New Year's party on the moon

But they didn't planet in time

Is it a solar or lunar eclipse where the sun passes in front of the moon?

Neither. That would be the apoca-clipse.

I asked my Chinese friend if he saw the beautiful moon last night

He said, "no, it was waning."

A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?”

Her neighbor replies, ”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.”

She says Well, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On my last day of high school I mooned my teacher

Now she’s suing me for sexual hairy-assment

In 1959 Nasa were preparing for the Moon Landing

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.


One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "...

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

I really doubt Canada will invest significantly in space exploration, but I’ll believe it if they...

...show me the moon, eh!

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about where they would go if they were astronauts.

The brunette says "the Moon. The Redhead says "Mars". The Blond says "The Sun." When the other two girls say she can't go to the sun as she'd get incinerated, she replies with "I'd go at night, duh!"

Two farmers are standing in a corn field looking up at a full moon. The first farmer exclaims: "what a clear night! Hey! What do you think is closer; the moon or Australia?"

The second farmer turns to the first. "What a stupid question. Can you SEE Australia?"

How is it possible for people to believe the moon landing never happened?

Come on! It's not rocket science!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On October 31st, we will have a full moon, and the 7th planet from the sun will be its brightest...

So when someone sees the moon that day, they will likely see Uranus too...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lower

A man and his new wife head to the honey moon suite to consumate the marriage.

His new bride lays naked on the bed.

The man is a bit nervous as he is a virgin, retreats to the bathroom and calls a friend. He asks, What should I do?

The friend replies; “Go back in there put your ...

What does the moon do when it needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.




Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early.

This Halloween will have a full moon, only happens every 400 years...

It’s gonna be lit!!

My son identifies as a crescent moon.

I hope it's just a phase.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Landing on the Moon

In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.


‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.


‘We...

Under Kennedy, America went to the moon...

Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.



Much love from Toronto, stay safe!

I met a group of crazy people in a moon worshiping cult yesterday.

They were Lunatics.

These two drunks are arguing if the thing in the sky is the sun or the moon.

They can’t figure it out so they ask a passerby.

“Hey man we’re having an argument. Is the thing in the sky the sun or the moon?”

“I dunno man I ain’t from this neighborhood.”

What did the peanut say to the moon?

Nothing.. Peanuts don’t speak..



My 4 year old just told me this joke and I can’t stop laughing..

What do anti-vaxxers do at Covid-19 funerals?

Stare at the ceiling.
_____________
**Thank you** /u/JustNick4 for giving this joke the extremely desirable **Evil Cackle Award**. I've never won an Evil Cackle Award before, so as you can imagine, I'm over the moon. I'm going to put it in the candy bowl every Halloween for the neighbor kids ...

Two astronauts are on a mission around the moon.

Astronaut 1: We've just lost line of sight with the Earth, perfectly on schedule. We won't be able to contact ground control for the next six hours. Doesn't it scare you? That we're completely cut off from the Earth? That if something goes wrong now, we can't get help?

Astronaut 2: Not at all...

What's the difference between Covid and the Moon?

I'm not over the moon.

Got stopped by police last night. They asked me if I had a police record

Yes, walking on the moon from 1979

Did you hear that NASA found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon...

"Well" he said, "it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door.

Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."

"And he won?" I said.

"Well, no" he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped do...

What do you call Dwayne Johnson on the moon?

A moon rock

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

Did you hear about the cow that jumped over the moon?

Her calves are probably really strong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

Why do werewolves howl at the full moon?

It's right after a waxing phase

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

Why do wolves howl at the full moon

Because it hurts. Owwww ow ow owwwwwww

Why does Earth only have one moon?

We’re moonagamous.

I wonder if the Earth . . .

Makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

How often should you put an orange slice in your beer?

Once, in a Blue Moon.

What do you call a body of water on the moon?

Lunacy.

Did you know that on the way to the Moon the Apollo 11 crew heard rock music coming from outside?

Mission Control confirmed they were passing through the Van Halen belts.

Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!

Kin Jung Un’s Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun


Kim Jung Un: Then I’ll go at night!!


Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!

What's grey, has four legs, howls at the moon, and eats cement?

A wolf. I threw in the cement to make it hard.

Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer.

Thereisnospacebar.

An English man, Scottish man and Irish man go to the moon...

Once they get there the English man finds an apple, and the other two bet that he cannot throw it back to earth, he tries and completes his dare. When he gets back to earth he sees a little boy sitting on the side of the road crying. “Why are you crying little boy” asks the English man. “An apple ju...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson decide to go camping.

They pack their camping gear into the car and drive into the countryside. After a long drive and a light dinner they pitch their tent, climb inside, and are soon fast asleep in their sleeping bags.

In the middle of the night Sherlock shakes Watson awake. He points to the full moon and says, "...

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

When I die

I’m going to get put in a rocket and be launched into the moon. That way my descendants can look at the crash site and see the impact I’ve made.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When the new school year started, the history teacher was very excited because there were three Native American boys in her class.

She was beside herself with excitement. She asked the first boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he is from and how he knows this.

The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest. He takes his fist and hits his chest, and says in a booming voice "I am a Cherokee. My father ...

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

AnAstronautarrivesonthemoonbase

Hesays"let'sgetadrink.wheredoyouallhangout?"Theothersrespond"Sorry,wedon'thaveaspacebar".

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Everyone knows what Neil Armstrong said as he stepped onto the moon, but few people know what he said as he boarded the lander to take off- "Good luck Mr. Kowalski."

Years later when a biographer asked him about it, Armstrong told him about a time he heard his neighbors having a huge fight.

Mrs. Kowalski was really tearing into her husband, Neil could hear her yelling from clear across his yard. Curious, he snuck closer to the window of their house just ...

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

On day four of Creation, God was busy putting up all the celestial bodies.

He made the fertile Earth, and its moon, and went around conjuring up all the different planets of the solar system. He made Saturn and looked upon it. As he examined it, he was taken aback. He realized that it was very, very good.

He decided he liked it, so he put a ring on it.

What would we call a war on one of saterns moons.....

ATTACK ON TITAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! *PLAYS ANIME MUSIC*

What do Michael Jackson and USA have in common?

They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.

My friends believe that a full moon gives supernatural powers

but I think they're just lunartics

First woman on the Moon.

"Houston, we have a problem."


What?


"Never mind"


What's the problem?


"Nothing"


Please tell us?


"You know what the problem is."

Why are moon parties so damn boring?

Cuz there is no atmosphere!

So the Apollo missions found insects on the moon.

Lunatics

A very fine looking lady coming out of the washroom approached the bartender, smiling as she came closer to him.

When she came up to him she started to bite her lips in a very seductive manner and signalled him to come closer with her hands. The excited bartender was over the moon. She started to run her hands across his hair and caress his face. He was confused but also very turned on. Then she became even mo...

The moon landing was staged

The rocket they used had multiple stages

What’s the difference between science and religion?

Science flies you to the moon while religion flies you into buildings.

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