Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, but no atmosphere

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Landing on the Moon

In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.


‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.


‘We...

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

The moon landing was obviously fake.

Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

Trump wants to go to the moon within the next 5 years.

If everyone donates a dollar, we can shoot him up today.

Why do moon rocks taste better than earth rocks?

Because they're meteor.

Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?

Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.

(Made up for my kids today)
#dadjoke #sorry

Why is the moon so grumpy?

It's just going through one of its phases...

So the Apollo missions found insects on the moon.

Lunatics

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What would you call a black man walking on the moon?

An astronaut, you racist

Have you heard the joke about the moon?

It’s out of this world.

My friend told me that they made a telescope so strong that it could see water on the moon!

I told him that was just Lunacy.

He then told me they spotted a flea on the moon,

I told him he was a Lunatic.

What do you call someone who turns into a building at the sight of the full moon?

A Werehouse

Dad, does the moon provide light and heat to support all life on Earth through the process of Nuclear fusion?

No sun.

What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes?

I guess you had to be there.

The moon landing was fake

I mean it's still up in the sky

Elon Musk launched a cow to the moon. It landed so hard that a quarter of the moon got annihilated.

Moo.

Scientists have found crazed bugs on the moon.

Lunar ticks

Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?

Really good acid

When Trump said "We're going to put a man on the face of the moon" last night, he meant he wants his Space Force to laser-etch his face onto the moon

Get ready for Moont Rushmore

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Two friends are sitting out, under a full moon

One turns into a wolf, and the other one says "Holy shit, you're a wolf!"

And he replies "Yes, I am a were."

How do you know the moon is going Broke?

Because its down to its last quarter

Did you hear they built a nightclub on the moon?

It's a far out location, but it lacks atmosphere.

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion, in to buildings.

When does the moon shine the brightest?

When the tides in Alabama are still.

If there's a new moon

Then where does the old one go?

3 astronauts flew to the moon. They couldn't land.

It was a full moon.

What would have Buzz Aldrin, the second man to get to the moon, said when he reached there?

Neil before me.

What do you call a bug on the moon?

A luna tick

My wife just gave birth and she’s over the moon! I,on the other hand, plan to sue the surgeon who did my vasectomy.

Not once did he mention that a mixed race baby was a possible side effect!

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What is it called when the moon is masturbating?

A wanking crescent.

How did Luke Skywalker get around the forest moon of Endor?

Ewoked.

If there's one thing the moon landing did it made household names out of 3 incredible, brave men

Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and...the other guy.

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Master Po, why is kung fu so hard?

Grasshopper, have you seen the peace of the sunrise through the morning mists?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the patience of the crane as it stands still in the pond until a fish swims by?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper,...

First woman on the moon:

“Houston, we have a problem.”
What?
“Never mind”
What’s the problem?
“Nothing”
Please tell us?
“You know what the problem is.”

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child)

Eclipse it.

Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins were invited to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

Buzz got to enter the White House and meet with the president, but Mike had to spend the entire visit driving in circles around the White House.

What do they call confectioner's sugar on the moons of Jupiter?

Io cane powder

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A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

...

I told my girlfriend I loved her to the Moon and back.

Luckily, I was boarding Apollo 11.

What did the spaceship say when it landed on the moon?

I Apollogize!

Why did NASA fly to the Moon?

It's too far to walk

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Have I ever dipped my testicles into a beer?

Once, in a Blue Moon.

For the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, they're building a restaurant up there.

The food is good, but there's no atmosphere.

Couldn't astronauts just bring thousands of chip bags to the moon with them?

They get both air and chips.

Why will the Moon replace YouTube

It has lots of big craters

This joke brought to you by my girlfriend, you wouldn't know her, she goes to a different school .

Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?

He isn’t a mourning person

What do you call somebody who is in love with the moon?

A lunartic

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

This is the only joke I know. Spooktober appropriate.

A cemetery caretaker is feeling ill after a long day's work and decides to head into town to get some medicine before going to bed.

It is still pretty light out and the drug store is only a few miles from his house on the graveyard property, so he decides the walk might do him some good. ...

A colony on the moon would be a pretty cool thing.

Especially on the dark side.

Two blondes are walking and one asks, “ which is closer, the moon or Florida?” And the other responds, “duh...

... can you see Florida?”

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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The bastard!"

A man was talking to a vampire at 11 PM

Man: so you disintegrate when you see the sun?

Vampire: yes.

Man: then how do tou survive in the moonlight?

Vampire: what?

Man: the moon is just reflecting off of the sun.

Vampire: ...


And that children, is why vampires don't exist.

Should use this moon stone on my Jigglypuff?

I can't decide, it is such a Tuff decision

Did you know the Moon is more useful than the Sun?

We need the light more at night.

I cant believe people think the moon landing is real...

It's still in the sky. How could it have landed?

Two guys in a lunatic asylum

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum… and one night, they decide they don’t like living in an asylum any more. They decide they’re going to escape! So, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light st...

During a conversation a friend brings up his theory about how the moon landings were faked. I give him a concerned look.

I say “you believe in the moon?”

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

If anyone in the North East U.S. gets a chance to look at the moon tonight

It's completely out of this world.

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

What do the moon landing, JFK, and dinosaurs have in common?

they were all shot from above

I don't believe that the Moon Landing ever happened.

I mean, come on. The Moon is huge; if it had landed, it would've squished all of the astronauts.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated.

"What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. Afte...

One blond to another: which is further away, London or the moon? The other: helloo isn’t it obvious?

You can’t even see London from here

Astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours...

So they decided to call it a day

Super Mario Odyssey is a gigantic game.

I've been playing for many moons.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

If you look at the moon tonight it should look really smooth.

It just waxed last night.

America cheated going to the moon

Did you know Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin cheated going to the moon?

They took a buzz cut.

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A young man is walking home from his job at a local software company

He worked late that night, and the sun had already fallen below the sky. The man enjoyed the two mile walk to work in the morning, but the cold of the night made the way back numb, rigid, and surreal. The man followed long, curving roads through the dark pine forests, illuminated by cold sunlight re...

I was once bitten by a rabid female deer.

Now, every time there's a full moon, I turn into a weredoe.

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on the moon?

Cause if he chose SpaceY, it would have landed on a 14 year old boy.

Did you hear about the restraunt that's opened up on the moon?

Service is stellar and the food is out of this world but theres no atmosphere..

Why hasn’t there ever been a vegan to the Moon?

Because there’s nobody there to whom they could tell they’re vegan.

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ME: Goodnight bed, goodnight floor, goodnight-

CELLMATE: Hey asshole.

ME:

CELLMATE:

ME:

CELLMATE: You forgot the moon.

ME: Ahh yes, goodnight moon.

On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant.

It didn’t last very long.

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

Did you know? All eight planets can fit in between the earth and the moon?

That's 5 CVS tickets long!

I just made this up and I'm drunk, so by all means, make it better.

A new moon walks into a bar. Says "Bartender, whatever. It's all futile."
Bartender says, "Why the dark mood?"
Moon says, "It's probably just a phase."

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It's Halloween evening, and the door bell goes

I get up and answer the door expecting to see some cute kids dressed in appropriate outfits, you know witches, zombies etc etc. So I was quite unprepared for what I saw when I opened the door...a group of maybe 15 year olds just wearing their normal clothes. Tracksuits and baseball caps maybe 5 or 6...

A friend said the moon landing was faked so I stopped talking to him.

What kind of idiot still believes in the moon

The Earth-Moon joke.

I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

If the United States got the moon for winning the space race, what did the Soviet Union recieve for second place?

A constellation prize.

What's an astronaut's favorite board game?

Moonopoly.

Scientists have discovered water and ice on moon.

Now all we need is some quality liquor and we are set.

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